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The Fairly OddParents episode transcript
"Where's the Wand?"
Season №: 0
Airdate: October 2, 1998
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents episode, "Where's the Wand?" from season 0, which aired on October 2, 1998.


Plot

(It starts at the Turner house, when the camera at the mailbox, then zooms in on the clock in the house)

  • Vicky: Where the heck are they!? (Looks at the window, angrily) Mr. and Mrs. Turner were supposed to be home 10 minutes ago.
  • (The car pulls up on the driveway)
  • Vicky: Finally!
  • (Mr. Turner opens the door)
  • Mr. Turner: Thanks for babysitting, Vicky.
  • (Mrs. Turner walks in)
  • Mrs. Turner: Sorry we're late.
  • Mr. Turner: The "Save the Sprinklers" foundation meeting ran a little long.
  • (the sprinklers on the Turner's heads squirting water around)
  • Vicky: (starry eyes) Oh, are you late? I hadn't noticed. (sprinklers splashing her face) What lovely hats!
  • Ms. Turner: Oh, isn't tonight the big costume dance at school?
  • Vicky: Oh, is it? (pulls dressing thing, then rolls it away, suddenly dressed as a fairy godmother) I wondered why I was wearing this!
  • Ms. Turner: She is a fairy godmother. Oh, how beautiful!
  • Mr. Turner: Still, it could use a bit of pizzaz, maybe something in our emergency costume supplies will come in handy. (Pulls out box) Heaven knows it helped me in the past.
  • Ms. Turner: Oh, by the way, how was Timmy this evening?
  • Vicky: Oh you know, the little twerp, I mean angel has been quietly in his room all night.
  • (scene cuts to Timmy's room, where there is a pirate ship)
  • Cosmo: Argh, matey! Argh! Have ye any last words before Greenbeard the pirate makes ye walk the plank?
  • Timmy: (Bored) Greenbeard?
  • Cosmo: (changes into his usual outfit) This pirate game was your idea, Timmy. Besides it's my favorite color. (changes back to pirate gear) Arrrgh!
  • Timmy: Oh brother. Ok, I'll give it a shot. Not so fast Greenbeard!
  • (Timmy jumps over Cosmo and breaks free of the ropes)
  • Timmy: (pulls out wooden sword) En garde! Hey, where's Wanda?
  • Cosmo: Oh you know how Wanda is Timmy, she's probably still getting dressed.
  • (Wanda poofs in with two eyepatches over both of her eyes)
  • Wanda: Well, how do I look? (Scared) Ahh! I can't see!
  • (Cosmo poofs away one eyepatch and hearts circle between them)
  • Cosmo: You only need one, snookie!
  • Wanda: (laughs) Thanks, sailor!
  • Cosmo: (laughs) Sailor! (Turns to Timmy, looking bored as he leans on a post) How are we doing so far, Timmy?
  • Timmy: Don't quit you day jobb! I knew it would be thrilling having my fairy god parents around the house.
  • Cosmo: Avast ye swab!
  • (Cosmo and Wanda have a swordfight with their wands against Timmy and his wooden sword until Wanda's wand gets thrown out the window)
  • Mrs. Turner: Have fun at the dance, Vicky!
  • (Wanda's wand lands in the box of costume supplies that Vicky holds as she exits the house)
  • Vicky: I will thanks to you! (walking away) Ughh...
  • Wanda: Oh my gosh, she's got my magic wand!
  • Cosmo: A magic wand in the wrong hands could mean total disaster, and Vicky's hands are the worst hands around.
  • Timmy: I know, I'll wish the wand back!
  • Wanda: It's not that simple. (Da Rules poofs up) I knew it, the finders-keepers law. Whoever holds the wand has complete control over it. We can't wish it back! As long as she has it, she has the power to grant her own wishes plus the wishes of others!
  • Timmy: Then we gota follow her to the dance and get it back ourselves! Cosmo quick (Timmy grabs Cosmo's collar) we need transportation.
  • (Cosmo holds his wand up to grant his wish; meanwhile at the dance, Vicky walks through the entrance)
  • Vicky: At least I found this fake wand in that dumb box. Now I'll win the contest for sure! (laughs)
  • (Timmy and the others arrive in the parking lot in a pumpkin carriage with Wanda as the driver and Cosmo as the horse pulling the pumpkin. When they stop, everything poofs away and they land on top of each other in a dizzy state)
  • Cosmo: Well, I thought it handled great!
  • Timmy: A pumpkin coach?
  • Cosmo: Best we can do with one wand.
  • Wanda: Besides, it worked for Cinderella!
  • Timmy: Yeah, but did I have to wear her dress? (Timmy gets up revealing a pink dress)
  • Wanda: Sorry, we couldn't break up the set! (giggles)
  • Timmy: Good thing this is a costume party. You two will fit right in. Cosmo, I wish I had another costume. Something manly?
  • (Cosmo poofs Timmy into a toilet)
  • Timmy: (spits out toilet paper) We gotta talk.
  • (scene skips to the school cafeteria; Vicky looks at the food table)
  • Vicky: Boy, talk about lame food. (Wanda, while Vicky's distracted tries to grab her wand) Two words: Guh-ross!
  • Boy in bear suit: I know, I wish it was all pizza and hot dogs!
  • (Wanda tries to reach for the wand, but it grants the boy's wish and buries them all in pizza and hot dogs)
  • Vicky: (spits out food) Alright! Who's the comedian? (Looks down and freaks out) Aaahh! My costume's stained! My beauty, diminished! I gotta wash this off! (runs away)
  • (a band named Der Rolling Hosen playing slow music with a tuba, accordion and a drum; the kids on the dance floor are being put to sleep, Vicky arrives)
  • Vicky: Ugh, what planet is this music from? (Timmy sneaks to Vicky and tries to grab the wand) Ugh, I wish they'd play some rock and roll.
  • (as Timmy goes to grab the wand, it grants Vicky's wish and changes the band)
  • Guitarist: Rock and roll!
  • (Timmy runs away as a crowd of girls runs over to the band and trample over Vicky)
  • Vicky: Ugh, freshmen.
  • (scene skips to Cosmo leaning on the lockers in the high school hallway)
  • Cosmo: Time to use the most powerful magical weapon in my arsenal: me! (laughs; Vicky walks by) Hey gorgeous! (Vicky walks right past; Cosmo laughs nervously and poofs in front of her as a hunky dude)
  • Cosmo: Hey gorgeous! (Vicky stops to look at him) Wanna dance?
  • Vicky: Oooh, me? (Eyes turn to hearts) I... I...
  • Cosmo: Come with me to the Cosmo... I-I mean Casbah. (Vicky faints) This magnetic charm I have is really a curse! Mission accomplished! (reaches for the wand)
  • Wanda: (angrily) Listen, Mr. Magic, I may not be as young as I used to be, but just remember you are still a married man!
  • Cosmo: (Wanda pulls on his ear) Ow! Yes dear, yes dear! But, y'know, the wand...
  • Vicky: (wakes up) Ugh, men.
  • (Wanda has her arms crossed)
  • Cosmo: I'm sorry, snookie. (turns back to normal) Please forgive me!
  • Wanda: I don't know.
  • Vicky: (In the bathroom) I gotta clean this thing up!
  • (Cosmo changes the rock and roll band to a beatnik band)
  • Horn player: A-one... a-two...
  • Vicky: This dance couldn't get any weirder! (goes into bathroom stall, takes off her dress and comes out in another outfit)
  • Cosmo: (to Wanda) May I have this dance?
  • (Cosmo flutters his eyes, and the two laugh and dance together)
  • Vicky: (trying to wash the stain off her dress) What's your problem, stain?
  • Speaker: Hey, you wacky adolescents! It's almost contest time!
  • Vicky: No! (runs out the bathroom, leaving her dress in the sink)
  • Cosmo: (holds Wanda's hands) Time for the big finish!
  • Wanda: Oh, I love the big finish!
  • (Cosmo spins Wanda around, knocking into Vicky and dropping the wand into the air)
  • Wanda: (laughs) Yeah! (Wanda's wand falls into her hand) Hello gorgeous!
  • Speaker: And now to announce the contest winners!
  • Vicky: Yikes!
  • Contest announcer: The first runners-up are (spotlight shines on Cosmo and Wanda) the two kids in the firefly costumes!
  • Cosmo and Wanda: Cool! (Cosmo holds the trophy) We'd like to thank the academy!
  • Contest announcer: And the winner is (Spotlight shines on Vicky) Vicky...
  • (Vicky looks happy and accepts the trophy)
  • Contest announcer: ...for the most revealing, and quite frankly, scariest costume!
  • Vicky: (looks down and realizes what she's wearing) Aaahhh! (her face turns red and tries to cover herself up) Somebody get me a costume!
  • (Vicky is turned into a toilet, which then flushes and spins her around into the water)
  • Timmy: Well, congratulations you two! Vicky really seemed to enjoy the dance!
  • Cosmo:Oh, I don't know, Timmy. I thought she looked a little flushed. Get it?
  • (Cosmo and Wanda laugh until the episode ends)
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