[Fade in on a laptop showing the website TimmyTube]
Sparky: [in a video] Welcome back to Sparky's Internet Cooking Tips. I will now put the finishing touches on my crème brûlée! [his blowtorching the crème brûlée makes it explode; on the phone] Hello, French Food to Go? I'd like a crème brûlée. And some burn crème. [falls over. The video's view count grows to 10,334]
[Cut to another video]
Sparky: Welcome back to Sparky's Internet Waterskiing Tips. This is how you waterski with a squirrel. Wait... I eat squirrels! [jumping toward the squirrel] Yahoo! [lands in the water. His jet ski explodes offscreen; on the phone] Hello, French Food to Go? I'd like some squirrel Suzette... and some more burn crème. [the squirrel rises from the water. The video's view count grows to 1,005,940]
Timmy: I can't believe how many hits my TimmyTube videos are getting. Face it, I'm a brilliant director.
Cosmo: You're not the only one, Timmy. I made a super exciting video too. I call it Cosmo Watching Paint Dry.
[Cosmo makes the laptop show the video]
Cosmo: [in the video] Dry, stupid paint. Dry!
[Cosmo kicks the paint, making the wall it is on break and fall on him]
Cosmo: [in person] Do I know how to entertain the public or what? A million people "liked" watching paint dry.
Wanda: No, Cosmo, what the people "liked" was watching you get crushed by a wall.
Cosmo: Are you saying that the viewers take sick, twisted pleasure in watching me get horribly injured? [gasps] Then a star is born! [a wall breaks and falls on him] Please tell me someone was filming that!
[Fade to the Turners' kitchen. Mrs. Turner is crying]
Timmy: What's wrong, Mom? Are you picturing my future again?
Mrs. Turner: Not this time, Timmy. I made a "How to Make the Perfect Pancake" video for MomTube and it only got two views. One dislike from your father and another viewer who said it cured his insomnia! [cries]
Timmy: It can't be that bad.
Mrs. Turner: [showing him a laptop] Look!
[The laptop is showing a video of Mrs. Turner cooking a pancake on the oven]
Mrs. Turner: Mmmm, don't these walnut pancakes look fluffy and delicious? The secret is adding big hearty walnuts! [she flips the pancake and it crushes the oven]
Timmy: Mom, those aren't walnuts. They're lug nuts from the tires of Dad's car!
[Cut to Mr. Turner driving on a bridge. One of the car's wheels comes off, overturning the car. Mr. Turner screams as he falls off the bridge]
Mr. Turner: [offscreen] Yay, sick day!
[Cut back to the kitchen]
Mrs. Turner: I'm a failure as a cook, a mother, and most importantly, a cheesy online celebrity! [continues crying]
Timmy: Mom, it's not too late. Just make another video!
Wanda: [as a pepper shaker] I don't know about that, Timmy. Her last one was a real stinker. She just got another "dislike" from Poof!
Poof: [as a sugar bowl] Mm!
Cosmo: [as a salt shaker] There goes her coveted "sugar bowl with a face" demographic.
Timmy: I feel bad for my mom. Ah, what if we help her out with a little magic? I wish my mom would make a video that everybody likes.
[Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish, changing the scene to a video on a laptop]
Mrs. Turner: Mmmm, my pancakes are fluffy and delicious! [a shuriken is thrown at her pancake, and ninjas come out of hiding] And they also make awesome ninja throwing stars. [throwing pancakes] Hi-ya! [one pancake hits a ninja, knocking him down. She does a beckoning sign at the remaining ninjas, who run toward her; defeating the ninjas] Karate chop! Moo goo gai pan! Hiiii-ya! Ooh! Eeh! Karate! [the video's view count grows to 20,167]
[Cut to Mrs. Turner and Timmy in the living room. Mrs. Turner has the laptop]
Timmy: Congratulations, Mom! You're a cheesy internet star! You even got "likes" from the ninjas. [the ninjas briefly come out of hiding and give thumbs-ups]
Mrs. Turner: And to think your father mocked my first video. He must feel terrible.
[Cut to Mr. Turner's hospital room]
Mr. Turner: [in bandages and casts] Ooh! I feel great! The pancakes are lug nut–free, I don't have to go to work, and I'm watching my favorite viral video! [laughs as he watches Cosmo Watching Paint Dry] Oh, he's a comedy genius! Nurse! Pancakes! [a nurse throws a pancake into his mouth, and he eats it]
[Cut back to the living room]
Mrs. Turner: Not only am I an internet star, but the CIA has recruited me for a top secret ninja mission. Did you know that Uzbekistan is a real place and not just a comedy word? Hi-ya! [spins around so that she is now in a ninja outfit] Yah! [flips into a convertible and drives off]
Cosmo: [to Timmy] I'll tell you what's a great comedy word! [makes a terrified scream] Watch me use it in context! [he poofs up a beehive that falls around his head, and he screams and flies into a wall, making it break and fall on him] You know how they tell actors to break a leg? Well, I just did. Please tell me somebody filmed that!
Timmy: This is awesome, Wanda! I haven't seen my mom this happy in a long time.
Wanda: I'm worried, Timmy. Posting all this magic online could cause trouble. Somebody who's suspicious that you have fairies could be watching.
Timmy: What kinda loser would spend the whole day on the internet trolling for magical creatures?
Mr. Crocker: I can't take you outta the tub now, Mother. I'm trolling for magical creatures! That woman drives me up a tree. Unlike my new hairless cat, [putting his hand on its head] who I found up a tree. Gah! Gross! It's like a petting an old man! Not that I've done that. [the cat gets on his back and starts kneading it] Ooh, that's the stuff, Fluffy. To the right. I'm gonna change your name to Girlfriend. Focus, Crocker. [using a keyboard] There's gotta be magical creatures somewhere on the internet. [watches Cosmo Watching Paint Dry] Oh, a floating weirdo with wings and a magic wand getting flattened by a wall. Once again, no sign of magic. [watching Mrs. Turner's latest video] Nothing unusual there. Most stay-at-home moms are ninjas... Wait a minute! No mere mortal can make a pancake that fluffy! Turner's mom is a magical creature! But what kind? All right. [looking through Magic Creatures: An Illustrated Guide] Unibrowcorn. Hobogoblin. Gah! Of course! She's a Breakfast Troll! How have I never noticed that before? She's a dead ringer! I'll capture her and drain her of her magic. But how?
Mrs. Crocker: [offscreen] Denzel, I'm pruning!
Crocker: Get off my back!
Girlfriend: Ow!
Crocker: Not you, Girlfriend. I'm talking about the Loch Ness Mother. Wait! I know how to catch Turner's mom! I'll send her a coupon for pancake batter, then capture her when she goes to buy it at the market. But there are two markets in Dimmsdale that she could go to. So I'll bulldoze the one where the checker called me ma'am! [laughs as he gets in a bulldozer and drives off]
[Fade to Cosmo in a fish costume]
Cosmo: Yoo-hoo, hungry bears! I'm a juicy salmon! [bears growl at him] Not the face! I'm a celebrity. [the bears tackle him]
[Cut to a laptop showing this scene as a video]
Cosmo: [offscreen] Not the costume! It's rented!
Timmy: [looking at the laptop] Wow, Cosmo. [looks toward the fishbowl the fairies are in] This is your most popular video ever!
Cosmo: Lots of sick, twisted people out there, Timmy. But luckily, as a fairy, I'm indestructible. Ooh, what's that white light? [turns upside down. Timmy looks at him]
Mrs. Turner: Timmy, I think we're gonna have to flush the fish with the green eyes down the toilet. You know, the stupid one.
Timmy: No, Mom. He's just resting. He was mauled by bears!
Mrs. Turner: Neat! Anyway, I'm going to the store for more pancake batter. I just got a coupon in the mail. [the coupon is for Mrs. Crockerworth Pancake Mix] You know, it's funny—the mailman looked just like that Mr. Crocker from school. Except he had a naked cat on his hump.
[Fade to Savemore, a store. Crocker laughs. He is in a syrup bottle costume]
Crocker: I knew this giant bottle of syrup costume would come in handy one day. Now to wait for the elusive Breakfast Troll to show up and catch it with my butterfly net. [Mrs. Turner enters and customers crowd her]
Customer #1: Are you the ninja pancake mom?
Mrs. Turner: Why, yes!
Customer #2: Will you sign our pancakes? [on his stack of pancakes, she writes: "Keep Being Awesome! Ninja Pancake Mom." The customers cheer and leave]
Mrs. Turner: Now that I'm famous, I'm better than other people! Oh... [starts approaching Crocker] there's the pancake batter.
Crocker: [catches her with the net] Gotcha! Your magic is mine!
Mrs. Turner: [chuckles] You must be a deranged fan.
Timmy: Guys, this is awesome. My mom's totally happy thanks to my wish. I finally did something that can't possibly backfire.
Wanda: Uh, [showing him a laptop] Timmy? [the laptop is showing a video showing Mrs. Turner in a glass cage in the Crocker Cave]
Timmy: You couldn't give me a second to enjoy that.
Crocker: [in the video] Welcome to Crocker-Tube! As you can see, I've imprisoned this Breakfast Troll in my Troll Booth. I'm gonna zap her with ten thousand volts of electricity and steal her magic! [to Mrs. Turner] Slight side effect: You'll be completely vaporized!
Mrs. Turner: [becomes surprised] Well, that's the price of fame. I heard the same thing almost happened to teenage singing sensation Chip Skylark.
Cosmo: This is unbelievable!
Timmy: I know! We gotta save my mom!
Cosmo: No, I mean, I read all the fan magazines and never knew Chip Skylark was a Breakfast Troll!
[Cut to the Crocker Cave. Crocker pants as he pedals a stationary bicycle that powers the Troll Booth]
Crocker: Note to self: no more bicycle-powered gadgets. On the bright side, I'm gonna zap the troll and have buns of steel. It's a win-win! [Wanda, Timmy, and Cosmo appear outside the window]
Timmy: Oh, no, the meter's rising. Guys, you gotta poof Mom outta there! [the fairies raise their wands, which go limp]
Wanda: Ah! Crocker must have insulated his cave with butterfly nets so fairy magic doesn't work. Timmy, you'll have to go in there and rescue your mom yourself.
Timmy: What? No way, Crocker will annihilate me! And give me an F in English.
Cosmo: Then I'll have to come up with another plan! [the house wall breaks and falls on him] My plan worked! [Timmy runs inside]
Wanda: You can do it, sport!
Timmy: You're right! I can do anything I put my mind to. [Crocker scoops him up with a net] Yikes!
Crocker: I've been expecting you, Turner. That's why I put in this Bunsen burner! Or should I say... Bunsen Turner?
Timmy: That doesn't make any sense.
Crocker: Duh, you're right. I shoulda said "Turner burner". Oh, that's no good either. Would you mind changing your name to Timmy Bunsen? Oh, never mind! I'm just gonna destroy you anyway!
Mrs. Turner: Stop right there, Mr. Crazy Fan! I might be better than everyone, but don't take it out on my son! [spinning into her ninja outfit] Hi-yah! I'm gonna go all Momma Ninja on your hump! [breaks the booth and jumps forward]
Crocker: Sic her, Girlfriend! [Girlfriend coughs up a fur ball] No, no. Don't get sick! And how can you get a fur ball when you don't have fur?
Mrs. Turner: Hi-ya! [kicks Crocker] Hi-ya! [kicks and punches him] Hi-ya! Hi-ya! [Crocker falls on the floor] Hi-ya! [puts her foot on his head]
Timmy: That was awesome, Mom!
Mrs. Turner: Thanks, Timmy! Now I have to get to the store before this coupon expires. Quick, let's take the bulldozer that's parked outside! [jumping off with Timmy] Hi-yah! [Crocker screams as a broken wall falls on him] Oopsie! [leaves in the bulldozer. Girlfriend winks at the screen]
[Truck out to reveal that this is in a video on TimmyTube Timmy is watching in his room. The video's view count grows to "a gazillion"]
Timmy: [to the fairies] Thanks to Mr. Crocker's weird hairless cat and her hidden video camera, this is the biggest viral sensation ever!
Mrs. Turner: [entering the room with her eyes closed] Well, Timmy, I'm done with being an internet star. [the fairies turn into goldfish] If my fame puts you in danger, I don't want any part of it. Your health and safety are my top priority. Here's your breakfast. Bagels with locks.
Timmy: Mom, these are padlocks!
Mrs. Turner: Oh, dear. I've really gotta read those recipes more carefully.
[Iris out on the bagel in Mrs. Turner's hand]
Mr. Turner: [as a nurse drags him] Geh! No, please don't make me leave your hospital! Please! I love your pancakes! And your bedpan! All of your pan things!
