Vicky's Best Friend/Transcript

Episode	Trivia	Appearances	Gallery	Transcript

The Fairly OddParents: Fairly Odder episode transcript
"Vicky's Best Friend"
Episode	4
Airdate	March 31, 2022
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents: Fairly Odder episode "Vicky's Best Friend", which aired on March 31, 2022.

Script

(Cut to the Turner’s house)

Viv: (Laughs) Ok, what’s your favorite part of Hamilton?

Wanda: Ooh, ooh, I just love when…

Cosmo: Oh for the love of Lin Manuel Miranda, will you two stop loving Lin Manuel Miranda for one second?

Viv: It’s the first question I asked her.

Cosmo: Well I wanna talk about something more manly.

Cosmo: Like Wicked!

(Cosmo poofs into the Wicked Witch)

Cosmo: It's a musical about a new girl, finding her place,

Cosmo: even though she's a little different from everyone else.

Viv: Hey, it sounds like me.

Cosmo: Oh, please.

Cosmo: You wish you had Idina Menzel's range!

Roy: Viv, I need you to make a wish so I can make one for myself right now.

Viv: Oh, just brush your teeth, Roy!

Roy: Ugh, but brushing my teeth takes like 20 whole seconds.

Viv: Wow, I wish you knew that's not enough time to brush your teeth.

Wanda: Kind of a waste, dear.

Viv: Come on, that obviously wasn't a real wish.

Roy: Well I wish that my teeth were brushed.

Roy: Two minutes brushed.

Wanda: Okay, back to you, dear.

Wanda: What were you gonna wish for?

Viv: Cosmo just gave me a wickedly good idea.

Cosmo: You wanna be green too? Coming right up!

Viv: No, no, no, no!

Viv: Like the new girl in "Wicked",

Viv: I want a musical number after school tomorrow that gives people an opportunity to see me another way.

Viv: To see me shine!

(Cosmo poofs and skips to after school and the After School Song)

♪ It's after school ♪

♪ It's after school ♪

Roy: (spoken) what are you two doing here?

Ty and Rachel: (singing slightly) We never miss a show!

♪ It's after school, baby anything can happen ♪

♪ After school! ♪

♪ It's after school, and we're dancing' and we're clapping' ♪

(ensemble claps)

♪ You can go from a loser to a king ♪

♪ Yes, you can! ♪

♪ Be a star, bada-boom ya bada bing! ♪

♪ That's Italian! ♪

♪ Tell the world who you are, go on and sing! ♪

♪ There's the new girl now! ♪

(Viv stands in front of the ensemble, smiling and about to sing. )

(Rachel begins singing again)

♪ That was your chance! ♪

♪ You lost your wasted moment! ♪

♪ Don't dance, your voice is sure to be stolen ♪

♪ You can't let anybody go and steal your spotlight, Viv ♪

♪ Cause it is my light, Viv ♪

Roy: Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom!

Rachel: What?

Rachel: Was blastoma the wrong word choice?

Roy: How about you let the girl sing?

Rachel: 'Kay.

Viv: (singing) I guess I'm not your typical--

Vicky: SHUT UP!

(The whole ensemble scatters)

Vicky: Quit dancing! Quit prancing!

Vicky: And when did you all find the time to rehearse this musical monstrosity?

Viv: We're just doing an after-school musical, and I was just about to--

(Viv puts her hand on Vicky's shoulder. Everyone gasps)

Vicky: You just struck a teacher during school hours?

Viv: I gently touched you, and besides, it's not school hours anymore--

(Vicky heads over to a giant clock with a crank and turns it backwards. The clock goes backwards with it.)

Vicky: School hours. That's a detention.

Roy: Uh, Vicky, I don't think my stepsister--

Vicky: That's Miss Vicky to you, and it's also a detention.

Roy: On what grounds?

Vicky: For annoying me.

Vicky: For sticking up for other people.

Vicky: And for being popular during school hours!

Zina: He can't help being popular and handsome and sniffable and yummy!

(Vicky turns and hisses at Zina. Zina puts on a pair of sunglasses and speedwalks away.)

Zina: I'm gonna lay low for two weeks.

Viv: Two weeks?

Zina: That's how long it takes for her to forget.

Vicky: That's right.

Vicky: Now the rest of you, scat!

Vicky: I'll see you two in detention.

(Vicky puts her arms up in the air and laughs evilly while leaving)

Viv: Ugh, why is she so mean?

Roy: That's just Vicky.

Roy: She's wicked through and through.

Cosmo: Roy's right.

Cosmo: Vicky's been evil ever since I can remember.

Cosmo: Which, to be fair, is only about two minutes ago.

Cosmo: Hey look, a balloon!

Wanda: Well I remember how she was the meanest babysitter your cousin Timmy ever had.

Cosmo: (offscreen) Weeeee!

Wanda: Cosmo! Stop trying to jump on that balloon!

Viv: Hey.

Viv: I think Vicky dropped her phone.

Roy: I bet her password is 666.

Viv: This is never gonna--

Viv: Oh wow, it worked.

Roy: See? Evil!

Roy: You know, I heard Vicky once bought an iguana just so she could yell at it all day.

Roy: Who yells at an iguana?

Viv: According to this, no one has ever called her.

Viv: Her calendar's just months and months of "breakfast alone", "lunch alone", "tennis alone", "yell at iguana alone"--

Viv: Called that one.

Viv: "Dinner with a friend, JK alone, ha ha ha, oh God, I'm so lonely".

Viv: I think I know why Vicky's so evil.

Roy: Me too.

Roy: She was born that way.

Viv: No.

Viv: Not having any friends can make you lonely, can make you sad, and then it can make you so angry you take it all out on the world.

Roy: Nate Buxaplenty doesn't have any friends either.

Roy: He's a little annoying, but he's not evil.

Viv: That's cause he's rich.

Viv: He spends time literally talking to money.

Nate Buxaplenty: Hello Mister Jackson. Mister Franklin. Ulysses, old bean!

Nate Buxaplenty: What marvelous mischief shall we get into today?

Viv: I'll bet if I wished Vicky had a best friend, she'd be a lot nicer to everyone. Thereby proving she's not evil.

Roy: Let's make this interesting, foolish stepsister of mine.

Roy: If I prove Vicky's evil to the core, you'll have to wear a shirt that says "Roy Was Right" on picture day.

Viv: I'll take that action.

Viv: And look forward to seeing you in a "Viv Was Right" shirt.

Viv: Wanda, Cosmo?

Wanda: Hey, sorry.

Wanda: I got a Cosmo and a balloon thing going on here.

Viv: I wish the next person Vicky sees becomes her best friend.

Wanda: Alakazoo, alakazam!

Wanda: Whoever Vicky sees next will be her best, uh, fram.

Roy: What?

Viv: Fram?

Wanda: I've been granting wishes for 10,000 years. I'm trying to spice things up, geez.

Viv: Did it work?

Vicky: (offscreen) Hey!

Vicky: Did any of you twerps see my ph-- favorite person Viv!

Viv: Oh, no.

(Vicky gives Viv a hug)

Vicky: We're gonna be best frams.

Vicky: See this bracelet? It means our friendship is eternal!

(Vicky slaps the bracelet onto Viv.)

Vicky: Let's go paint mugs together!

(Vicky squeals and drags Viv away)

Cosmo: Weeee! I regret nothing!

(Viv and Roy enter the Turner Residence)

Roy: I'm telling you, Vicky's evil to the co--

Viv & Roy: Woah!

(Ty and Rachel are dressed like a duck and a swan. Ty has a sword and Rachel has a wand)

Ty: What're you doing here?

Rachel: We don't have to explain ourselves to you.

Ty: We thought you'd be in detention for hours with that awful teacher.

(Vicky appears in the doorway)

Vicky: Awful lucky teacher!

Vicky: Cause she's got a new bestie!

(Vicky runs over and puts her arm around Viv)

(Ty and Rachel both yelp before backing out of the room slowly, not turning their backs on Vicky)

Vicky: Sorry I scared your parents. Oh!

Vicky: Let's bake them a cake!

Viv: You know, I probably have too much homework

Vicky: Well then homework is officially canceled until further notice.

Viv: Well, well, well.

Viv: Isn't that nice?

Roy: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Roy: I just want to make sure.

Roy: Is homework canceled for everyone, or just Viv?

Vicky: Why, everyone, silly!

Vicky: It's so nice out, and recent studies call into question the efficacy of homework assignments for children under 16.

Dougie: We heard homework was cancelled!

Hopper: In accordance with recent studies.

Mateo: Is it true?

Vicky: It sure is, boys.

Vicky: Now go play some sportzball!

Hopper: There's a brand new sportzball court just down the street!

Todd: And I just got a new sportzball ball!

Roy's Boy's: SPORTZBALL!

(Roy's Boy's exit, Roy following)

Roy: Okay.

Roy: Okay. Okay.

Vicky: Are you ready for a whole week of nonstop best friend fun?

Viv: Sure!

Vicky: Race you to Dimmsdale's historically inaccurate Paris Town!

Vicky: I've got the perfect bike.

(Vicky squeals before running out of the Turner Residence)

Viv: Wanda, Cosmo.

(Cosmo and Wanda poof in wearing the same outfits as Rachel and Ty)

Cosmo: We don't have to explain ourselves to you.

Viv: Okay, I wish to get through the next week as quickly as possible.

Wanda: You mean like a montage?

Viv: Hmmm...

(Viv and Vicky have a montage including tandem biking in Dimmsdale's Paris Town, sharing lunch, playing volleyball, giving students cupcakes, turning the crank on the school clock to end the day early, and singing karaoke.)

Students: (chanting) Vicky! Vicky! Vicky! Vicky!

Vicky: My darlings.

Vicky: In honor of my one week friend-aversary with Viv, all tests are officially canceled for the rest of the year!

Students: (cheering)

Vicky: Now go home and watch streaming TV!

Student: Thanks, Viv!

Student: Thanks Viv.

Viv: You're welcome! Just doing my job.

Roy: Dougie let me borrow his iguana.

Roy: Gonna beg Vicky to yell at it and prove she's evil.

Viv: Nice try, but you're gonna look great in that "Viv Was Right" t... shirt...

(Viv passes out into her bowl of After School Cereal)

Roy: Viv!

(Roy pulls Viv out of the cereal)

Viv: Was right!

(Viv passes out into the cereal again)

Roy: You guys buying Vicky's whole nice person act?

Cosmo: Not at all!

Wanda: Vicky does seem like she's changed. Maybe she really was just lonely?

Cosmo: Then yes! Yes at all!

Cosmo: I don't know. Someone tell me what to think!

Wanda: You might have to wear that shirt after all, kiddo.

Roy: I have a week until picture day. I know she's still evil. I can prove it if I can get close to her.

Cosmo: You wanna be her best friend?

Roy: That's a great idea!

Wanda: Or you could just leave well enough alone.

Roy: You mean Diana Van Wellenough?

Roy: I haven't talked to her since she dumped me at camp two years ago. I cannot be leaving her more alone!

Wanda: Who's Diana Van Wellenough?

Roy: The one that got away. Now can I make my wish or not?

Cosmo: Sure!

Roy: I wish I was Vicky's best friend.

(Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish. Vicky poofs to Roy's side in a completely different outfit than she had been in earlier)

Vicky: Hey bestie.

Roy: Woah!

(Vicky takes the friendship bracelet off of Viv)

Vicky: See this bracelet? It means our friendship is eternal.

(Vicky slaps the bracelet onto Roy. Viv wakes up and lifts her head out of the cereal.)

Viv: Not right now Vicky. I'm tired.

Vicky: Bad news, Viv. You're old news. I've got a new bestie, and his name is--

Roy's Boys: ROY!

(Vicky turns to the boys and roars)

Vicky: Roy's my best friend now, go find another boy!

Nate Buxaplenty: Ahoy, ahoy, boys.

Roy's Boys: Hey Nate.

Nate Buxaplenty: I'll cut to the chase.

Nate Buxaplenty: My family owns four yachts, two schooners and a Cold War era submarine, but there is one ship upon which I have never sailed.

Nate Buxaplenty: Friendship.

Nate Buxaplenty: I say, friend-ship.

Nate Buxaplenty: Anywho, it appears you boys are adrift at sea. Care to drop anchor in Port Buxaplenty?

Vicky: Are you ready for a whole week of nonstop best friend fun?

Roy: Uh...

Viv: Uh, quick sibling moment, please hold.

Viv: What are you doing?

Roy: I know Vicky's still an iguana yelling, never sleeping evil person.

Roy: And now I can get close enough to her to prove it.

Roy: It's time to shine, Iguana Menzel.

Vicky: (clearing throat) I said, are you ready for a whole week of nonstop best friend fun?

Roy: Schyeah I am!

Vicky: Haha! Woo!

Viv: Wanda, Cosmo.

Cosmo: Present!

Viv: I wish for Roy to get through the next week as quickly as possible.

Wanda: One quick montage coming up!

(Roy and Vicky begin a montage where they participate in activities and Roy tries to get Vicky to yell at Iguana Menzel.)

(Roy and Vicky tandem bike with Iguana Menzel in a basket.)

Roy: Iguana?

(Vicky gently pats Iguana Menzel.)

Roy: Dang it!

(Vicky and Roy sing karaoke. Roy brings Iguana Menzel to Vicky, who gently serenades her with "She'll Be Coming Round The Mountain")

(Vicky and Roy have a pillow fight wearing helmets that Roy interrupts to show her Iguana Menzel. Vicky gently places her on a pillow and gives her a cup of tea before resuming the pillow fight, which Ty and Rachel do as well in the background)

Nate Buxaplenty: [chuckling] And then I says to Olivia Rodrigo, says I,

Nate Buxaplenty: "You, my dear, may be able to hit high Cs, but can you sail high seas?"

Nate Buxaplenty: [laughs]

Roy's Boys: [laugh awkwardly along with him]

[Nate's phone rings in his pocket, which he takes out and answers.]

Nate Buxaplenty: Yes, Dad. They loved the joke!

Nate Buxaplenty: Please thank the writing staff for me.

[Nate pulls the phone away from his ear and covers the speaker.]

Nate Buxaplenty: I have to take this.

Viv: Roy's Boy's!

Roy's Boys: [shush Viv in unison]

Dougie: We're not boys anymore, we're mates. We're "Nate's Mates".

Viv: Okay, have you mates seen Roy? I haven't--

Roy's Boys: [shush Viv in unison again]

Mateo: Nate pays us good money not to talk about Roy.

Hopper: Yeah, my mom's college loans are almost paid off because of Nate.

Hopper: Oh, why'd she major in poetry!

Nate Buxaplenty: Ahoy ahoy, mates!

Nate Buxaplenty: Daddy Buxaplenty has the fancy sportsball court reserved. Every man to his pony!

Dougie: Read this. Don't tell Nate.

Viv: "Dear Roy's sister or something..."

Viv: They had time to burn the edges of this but not learn my name?

Viv: "Roy's taking a nap in Miss Vicky's classroom. Signed, Dougie."

Viv: "P.S. Don't let Roy text Diana Van Wellenough. He does that when he's stressed."

Viv: "P.P.S. you stepped in dog poop."

[Viv checks under her shoe]

Viv: What the-- how'd he...

[Viv goes into Vicky's classroom and finds Roy passed out in a bowl of After School Instant Ribs]

Viv: Roy!

Roy: Diana come back!

Roy: Oh it's just you.

Viv: Okay, you can dream about Diana Van Wellenough all you want, but don't text her.

Roy: [gasps] You talked to my boys?

Viv: Yes, that's how I found you! Asleep in your After School Instant Ribs.

Roy: I got lost in the sauce, I guess.

Roy: Look, you gotta get out of here, Viv. Vicky'll freak if she sees me talking to another person!

Viv: No she won't! Vicky is nice now.

Viv: Just admit to me that you were wrong, unfriend her, and tell me your T-shirt size for picture day.

Roy: No, she's evil, and I'll prove it.

Roy: After I take another rib nap. I so sleepy.

Viv: Oh, been there, bro. Let's get you cleaned up.

Viv: I'm sure there are paper towels in the supply closet.

[Viv walks into the supply closet]

Roy: Why do I keep thinking instant ribs will taste good?

[Viv accidentally pulls the paper towel dispenser and opens a secret door.]

Roy: [sniffing] Hey Viv, did you step in dog poop?

Viv: Uh, Roy...

[Roy runs over to Viv. She stares forwards while he talks to her from the side]

Roy: What is it, Viv?

Roy: Is there something you wanna show me, Viv?

Roy: Why aren't you looking at me, Viv?

Roy: Viv?

[Viv turns Roy's head so he can look at the Fairy Conspiracy Wall. It is covered in screencaps from the original series, drawings of crowns and wands, and a piece of paper that says TIMMY TURNER. On a corkboard to the side is several pieces of paper asserting hatred of Timmy.]

Vicky: [from behind] I see you've found my fairy wall.

Viv & Roy: Ah!

Vicky: [sniffing] Did one of you step in dog poop?

[Viv shrugs while Roy points at her]

Vicky: Isn't it amazing?

Viv: This wall? It's actually pretty disturbing--

Vicky: I know, right? I wish I could take credit for it, but I found this on my first day as a new teacher at Dimmsdale Junior High.

Viv: So wait. If you didn't do this...

Roy: Who did?

Vicky: This here is the work of a teacher who came before me-- Mister Crocker.

Vicky: Here's a picture he drew of himself, isn't he talented?!

Vicky: He's currently confined at the Dimmsdale Psychiatric Hospital and,

Vicky: I'm in love with him.

Viv: Wow, okay. This is a lot to take in.

Vicky: Here, I'll flash back for you.

Vicky: And while I do you can change into these.

[Vicky hands Viv a pair of bunny slippers]

Viv: In case of poo-mergency? Well hot dang!

Vicky: [clears throat] It was my first day as a teacher.

[Vicky's flashback begins. She's sobbing in the supply closet with an ugly bob.]

Vicky: I'd messed up an internet tutorial on how to cut your own hair and went into the supply closet to cry in peace.

Past Vicky: The Internet is a lie!

Vicky: I pulled the paper towel rolls to dry my tears... and saw the wall.

[Flashback briefly ends]

Vicky: At first I thought the whole thing was a bunch of hooba-stank.

Vicky: But then, I started to hooba-think.

[Flashback resumes. Past Vicky is sitting on the floor of the Crocker Cave eating After School Closet Pancakes.]

Vicky: If you have no friends, you spend a lot of time alone eating After School Closet Pancakes.

Vicky: And, as it turns out, getting taken in by conspiracy theories.

Vicky: One day, I saw a familiar name out of the corner of my eye.

Vicky & Past Vicky: [in unison] Timmy Turner.

[Flashback ends]

Vicky: Anyway, I started thinking about all this weird stuff that happened when I babysat that twerp!

Vicky: Like one time I swear, I turned into a snake--

Viv: [awkwardly laughing] Cool story girl but, we should probably skedaddle--

Vicky: Wait a second.

Vicky: Vivian Turner.

Vicky: Isn't Timmy Turner your cousin?

Viv: Uh, is he my cousin? Let's take a minute and think about that.

Viv: I mean, is he my dad's brother's son? Yes, but-- okay, now you're just writing my name on the crazy wall.

[Vicky writes Viv's name on below Timmy's]

Vicky: One step closer to finding fairies my darling Crocker.

Roy: Uhh, question for ya bestie.

Roy: Why exactly do you want to find fairies?

Roy: [laughing nervously] They're probably not even real!

Vicky: If I can prove that fairies exist, then Mister Crocker will be released from DPH and we can finally be together.

Viv: Aww, that's actually kinda sweet.

Vicky: And then we can make all the fairies do any evil stuff we want.

Viv: And there it is.

Roy: So, wait. You're evil?

Roy: [to Viv] Get ready to tell me your 'Roy Was Right' T-shirt size.

Vicky: Yes, I'm evil to my core.

Viv: [quietly] Small.

[Viv takes Roy by the wrist and tries to leave with him. Vicky slowly goes after them.]

Viv: Well, we have learned a lot today, which is appropriate cause duh, school, but we thinks it's time for us to leave and visit two of our friends who--

Roy: Are definitely not fairies.

[Vicky grabs Roy by the other wrist]

Vicky: [whining] Why are you trying to leave?

Vicky: Is it because I showed you my fairy conspiracy wall and revealed I was evil and then farted?

Roy: Pfft, no! I mean, you know, the fart didn't help, but this is a total coincidence.

[Viv tries to tug Roy away. Vicky tugs him back.]

Vicky: Looks like we've found ourselves in a good old fashioned "Tug of Roy".

Nate Buxaplenty: Oh! Line up, my mates. Nothing to reward a hot day's work like cold hard cash.

[Mateo starts sniffing]

Hopper: What is it, mate?

Mateo: [whispers in Hopper's ear]

Hopper: Roy's in trouble? You smell his sweat? And also dog poop?

Nate Buxaplenty: Do mine ears deceive me, or do I detect talk of Roy?

Nate Buxaplenty: A quick but essential reminder that you're Nate's Mates.

Hopper: We're not mates. We're boys! Roy's Boys!

Hopper: Let's go!

Roy's Boys: [chanting in unison] Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy! Roy!

Nate Buxaplenty: No, no wait! I'll pay you double! Triple!

Nate Buxaplenty: Is it because I cheated during fancy sportsball and then farted?

Nate Buxaplenty: Come back!

Roy: Save me, Viv! I need my arms!

Roy: I'm a hugger!

Vicky: [in a demonic slowed down voice] The Roy is mine!

[Viv starts slipping and losing the Tug of Roy when a hand clamps on to Roy's wrist, pushing her out of the way as all of Roy's Boys start tugging]

Roy: [in a slowed down distorted voice] Boys?

Viv: [in a slowed down distorted voice] What the--?

Roy's Boys: [chanting in a slowed down distorted voice] Roy! Roy! Roy!

Viv: [in a slowed down distorted voice] Stop chanting and pull!

Vicky: [in a slowed down distorted voice] Good luck! Friendship can never conquer EVIL!

Vicky: [laughs evilly]

[Viv puts her hands on top of Mateo's and starts to pull again. Roy is pulled out of Vicky's arms and she goes backwards]

Vicky: Ah!

Vicky: I'm melting!

Vicky: I mean not really but like emotionally!

Roy: Cosmo, Wanda!

[Cosmo and Wanda poof into a pair of Vicky's bunny slippers]

Cosmo: Roy, I got a great joke. What do you get--

Wanda: Let me stop you right there. What's your wish, sport?

Roy: I wish that Vicky and I were no longer best friends and that she would never ever be any kind of friends with Viv or me ever again.

Wanda: Done!

Dougie: We thought we lost you back there Roy.

Roy: I mean, it was just two girls pulling out my arms but, you did save the day.

Roy: Let's hug-- if it's okay with Nate.

Todd: Nate means nothing to us. And you...

Mateo: You mean everything.

Viv: I'll just... let you boys do your thing.

[Viv tries to leave the classroom and is greeted by Nate]

Nate Buxaplenty: Ahoy ahoy, there, Viv!

[Viv immediately closes the door again]

Viv: Or I'll stay here.

Roy: I can't believe you boys came back.

Dougie: We'll always be your boys.

Todd & Mateo: Yeah. Yeah.

Roy: Boys who hug?

Roy's Boys: Boys who hug!

[Roy and his boys have a group hug. Zina enters the classroom]

Zina: That was the longest two weeks of my life. I promise I will never leave you again, bestie.

[Vicky throws the supply closet door open.]

Vicky: How'd you twerps get in my classroom?

Zina: See you in two weeks.

[Zina leaves the room]

Nate Buxaplenty: [offscreen] Ahoy ahoy, Zina!

Vicky: And why do you have my slippers?!

[Vicky picks up Cosmo and Wanda]

Vicky: And why am I dressed like Roy?!

Vicky: I don't know what's going on here, but it must be the work of FAIRIES!

Vicky: I'll get you, my fairies, and your little wands too!

[Vicky throws Cosmo and Wanda into the Crocker Cave, where they poof away]

Vicky: Now shoo.

[Vicky shoos the kids out of her classroom before going back into the supply closet and the Crocker Cave]

Vicky: Crocker, my love, I hope you're proud of me.

[Vicky begins writing Roy's name below Viv's]

Vicky: We're one step closer to getting you out of DPH and wishing our dreams into reality.

Vicky: A two bed, half bath condo with an air fryer in Rancho Cucamonga!

[Vicky turns the last syllable of Cucamonga into an evil laugh]

[Viv, wearing a Roy Was Right!!1! shirt, gets her picture taken for picture day]

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