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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Twistory" from Season 2, which aired on September 27, 2002.
Transcript[]
- [Fade in on the Turners' house]
- Cosmo: Hey, Timmy! How was your day? [Timmy is angry] She did it! [makes Wanda appear with an arrow pointing to her that reads "She did it!"]
- Timmy: No, she didn't, I did. I forgot I had to do a massive report on the American Revolution! And it's due tomorrow! [typing on his computer] I'll never get all the information I need to do the report in time! [the computer shows a web page titled "History on the Net". A download progress bar appears and reaches 2 percent, then 2½ percent, and Timmy smiles. The bar goes back to 0 percent, and Timmy throws the computer through a wall]
- Wanda: Don't worry, Timmy. All you have to do is apply yourself seriously! [a light bulb appears above Cosmo's head]
- Cosmo: Or you could do a talk show! And bring the Founding Fathers here to interview them!
- Timmy: That's a great idea! [Wanda turns off the light bulb]
- Wanda: That's a horrible idea! You can't just yank people out of their time periods! They might be doing something important!
- Cosmo: Or they might just be on the toilet! I say go for it!
- Timmy: I'm with the light bulb fairy. [Cosmo smiles at Wanda, who uses her wand, changing the scene to a talk show. Cheering and applause are heard]
- Cosmo: Live! From Timmy's tree house, it's time for... The Timmy Turner Show! Join Timmy and his special guests as he tries to complete the big history report he blew off! And now... here's Timmy! [a stage curtain parts, revealing Timmy]
- Timmy: Thank you. Thank you. Hey, we have a great show for you tonight! Here to help me with my report are three of the Founding Fathers themselves... [Wanda makes George Washington, Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson appear] Please say hello to the father of our country, George Washington! [cheering and applause are heard]
- Washington: Thank you, thank you... [looking at Timmy's desk] I... Must... Not... Can't... Fight it... Must chop wood! [hits the desk with an axe]
- Timmy: Hey! That's my desk! Don't chop... [Washington chops it in half] my desk!
- Washington: Must chop wood! [runs off]
- Ben Franklin: [holding a kite with a key tied to its string] Let it go, lad... [gets electrocuted] He can't help himself. It started with the cherry tree and it's been chop chop chop ever since.
- Timmy: Benjamin Franklin, everybody! Statesman, inventor and the man who discovered electricity.
- Audience: [cheering and clapping] Woo-hoo!/Ben Franklin!
- Franklin: Thanks! [gets electrocuted] I've discovered it's great to be here!
- Timmy: And last but not least, the guy who wrote the Declaration of Independence, Thomas Jefferson!
- Audience: [cheering and clapping] Yay! Tom!
- Thomas Jefferson: Hey, write on! Get it? Write? With a W? I write? [a rimshot is heard. The audience is filled with chirping Cosmo crickets]
- Timmy: Not so easy, is it?
- Jefferson: But I'm funny! Somebody keeps cutting my best lines from the Declaration of Independence!
- Washington: I don't see why the Declaration of Independence should need a joke about my wooden teeth. [tries to move the axe toward his teeth]
- Timmy: [jumping onto the axe] We'll be right back, after this! [a title card reading "The Timmy Turner Show" fills the screen. The audience claps]
- Cosmo: Time travel arrangements for The Timmy Turner Show are made possible by Timmy's magical Time Scooter! [cut to Timmy being powdered by Wanda in a dressing room]
- Wanda: Timmy, we need to wrap this up and get your "guests" back fast before we screw up time—again.
- Timmy: Relax! I ask a few questions, get what I need for my report, do the vacuum cleaner salesman sketch and I'll get 'em back right away. [goes onstage] Oh, man! They're gone!
- Wanda: We better find them fast!
- Timmy: Let's go! [they hurry away]
- Cosmo: The Timmy Turner Show will be right back after these messages! [cut to the Turners' TV, which has static on the screen]
- Mr. Turner: Blast this TV! I can't see any of my 300 channels! Where is that repairman?
- Washington: This glowing box... so large and made of wood... [laughs maniacally and hits the top of the TV with the axe] Mommy! [the TV starts showing a football game]
- Mr. Turner: Hey! It's fixed! I should pay you! [looks back, then takes a dollar out of his shoe]
- Mrs. Turner: [offscreen] You know you're not allowed to touch the money, dear!
- Mr. Turner: Aw... [notices Washington on the dollar and shouts] Hey! You're the guy on the money! Will you sign this?
- Washington: Who am I, John Hancock?
- Franklin: Hancock! That's funny, George. [notices a lamp; grabbing one of its bulbs] Say, how do you get lightning into these small containers? [takes his hand away from the hot bulb] Ow! [grabs the bulb and takes his hand away] Ow! [again] Ow!
- Mrs. Turner: Honey! Look! [entering the room with Jefferson] It's the guy on the nickel!
- Washington: Ha! Nickel! I'm on the dollar. I'm worth twenty of you! Ha ha!
- Mr. Turner: Eeh! [pointing to Franklin] And that's the guy on the hundred! If I can't touch the money, can I at least touch him?
- Franklin: Excuse me?
- Mrs. Turner: [to Timmy] That's it! You know how your dad gets when he's around people who are on money! Out! Out! Out! [Timmy, Franklin, Washington and Jefferson leave. She takes the dollar]
- Mr. Turner: Aww... [fade to outside. On the talk show stage, Timmy writes as Franklin speaks]
- Franklin: ...and that's how I came up with the first fire department—[gets electrocuted] ow!—and the library!
- Timmy: Interesting! Or should I say... "enlightening"? [the audience laughs]
- Wanda: Timmy! We need to take a break. We gotta get these guys back to their time period! They've been here too long already!
- Timmy: Relax, Wanda! We're still okay! Besides, I think if history had changed, we'd have noticed now, right? [a vacuum cleaner turns into a broom, and a stage light turns into a candle; in a British accent] Roight? Roight? [normally] Uh, I mean, right? [he and the fairies see the family car turn into a horse-drawn carriage. The house becomes Tudor-style. A Big Ben appears beside it, and a British flag appears on the top. Timmy and the fairies get out of the tree house. The houses down the street have similarly changed]
- Wanda: Oh, no! Everything's turning... British!
- Mr. Turner: [offscreen, in a British accent] Ooh, [the fairies turn into a pot and cupboard] blimey, son! Look! I'm touchin' a pound note! [his smile reveals his crooked, yellow teeth. Mrs. Turner taps his shoulder]
- Mrs. Turner: [in a British accent] I'll take that, love.
- Mr. Turner: [gives her the pound] Oi... [they leave]
- Timmy: Oh, no! [the fairies turn back to normal; to the Founding Fathers] Because you guys were gone too long, America is still a British colony [the bulb in Franklin's hand turns into a candle] and devoid of electricity!
- Washington: Don't forget about taxation without representation.
- Timmy: Huh?
- Taxman: 'Ello 'ello! Taxman here! [takes the fairies' wands] Wand tax. [puts the wands under his hat and jumps onto his carriage] Ta-ta! [leaves]
- Wanda: [in a British accent] Oh, no! Without our wands, we can't use our magic to change everything back!
- Timmy: [in a British accent] I say. This is a bit of a sticky wicket. [the fairies look at each other; normally] I mean: Dude! This stinks!
- Washington: I cannot tell a lie. Kid, you messed up big time!
- Cosmo: Hey, that's my job! Gimme a second. I'll think of something. Wait for it. Wait for it. [Timmy holds the candle over Cosmo's head. A ding is heard] Ah! I got an idea! [he flies into the tree house, rides the time scooter out of it and falls to the ground] Why doesn't he take everybody back on the time scooter?
- Timmy: Great idea, Cosmo! Boy, there's three words I never thought I'd say in a row. [gets on the scooter] Hop on, everybody! [the fairies and the Founding Fathers get on the scooter, which then enters the time stream. Fade to Independence Hall in 1776]
- Continental Congress: Washington, Franklin and Jefferson are missing? / This is outrageous. / I wonder where Washington.../All I gotta do is unwind one of his kites./... invent something... [John Hancock writes on a parchment. Someone takes it away, and he becomes tense. He is given another one and continues writing]
- Benedict Arnold: [cackles] Now that Washington, Franklin and Jefferson have mysteriously vanished, just as they were about to do something really important, I, Benedict Arnold, will be able to betray the American Revolution! [he puts on a wig like Washington's and smiles with wooden teeth] Well, hello, John Hancock! It is I, your long-time pal, George Washington! [he is posed like Washington is in the picture behind him] See my white hair, wooden teeth and love of all things free? [lets a bird fly out of a cage] Anyway... I brought you a present! To sign! It's called "the Declaration of Surrenderpendence".
- John Hancock: [reading the document] "We the people of the United States... give up?" [writes on another parchment] Well, I don't know...
- Arnold: [angrily] C'mon Hancock, sign it. I mean... uh... sign it really big.
- Hancock: I like signing things really big! [takes the document and dips his pen in ink. Arnold waggles his eyebrows in anticipation. Hancock lowers his pen toward the signature line. The room rumbles. Timmy and company appear, and Washington spits his teeth at Hancock's hand, knocking the pen away] Ow! My hand! [the teeth fly back into Washington's mouth]
- Washington: Don't listen to him! I cannot tell a lie! I am the real George Washington! Can't you see my white hair and the wooden teeth and the love of all things free?
- Arnold: Hey! That's my line! [Washington raises his fists, and Arnold assumes a crane stance. The two start fighting]
- Timmy: Oh, no! One of them is gonna turn the future America into a yellow-toothed, electricity-deprived rat hole!
- Cosmo: Yeah! And the other is gonna turn it into a brightly lit, democratically run rat hole!
- Hancock: But I can't tell which is which!
- Timmy: Think, Timmy, think...
- Cosmo: [takes out the candle; holding it over Timmy's head] Here you go.
- Timmy: Thanks. [the candle drips wax on his head] Ow! [a ding is heard] I've got an idea! And wax burns! [he places a coat rack beside Washington and Arnold, who stop fighting and look at it]
- Arnold: A coat rack?
- Timmy: Not just a coat rack! A beautifully carved, totally pristine, wonderfully lacquered, solid oak, wooden coat rack!
- Arnold: So what?
- Washington: Oh... Oh, no... Must chop wood! [starts chopping the coat rack]
- Congress: That's Washington.
- Arnold: Darn it! [Jefferson takes off his wig and pokes his back with a pen, making him spit out his wooden teeth]
- Congress: Benedict Arnold?
- Washington: I knew he was a traitor!
- Timmy: Yeah, the biggest traitor in American history!
- Arnold: And I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for that meddling kid! [he is taken away. Cosmo holds the candle over Franklin's head. It drips on Franklin]
- Franklin: Ow! [a ding is heard] I've got an idea... We should do something nice for the pink-hatted lad!
- Jefferson: Hey! We could put him on the dollar! [Washington makes a disconcerted noise]
- Timmy: Well, all you guys gotta do is sign the Declaration of Independence and we can be on our way!
- Hancock: We can't! George Washington's fake teeth and love of all things free broke my hand! Now we're one signature short!
- Timmy: [looks at the Declaration] Give me that! [he takes Hancock's pen, signs the document and gives it to Hancock. The Founding Fathers look at it]
- Hancock: You call that a signature? [fade to outside the tree house. Timmy and the fairies appear via the scooter]
- Timmy: Awesome! We're not British! [a spotlight turns on] And we have electricity! [the fairies' wands appear in their hands]
- Mr. Turner: [offscreen] Uh. Blast this TV! [cut to the living room] I can't see any of my 300 channels! Where is that repairman?
- Repairman: Okay, I got it. [he hits the TV with an axe, and it shows the football game]
- Mr. Turner: Hey! You fixed it! I should pay you! [looks around and takes a dollar out of his shoe]
- Mrs. Turner: Ah ah ah!
- Mr. Turner: [sees her in front of him] Aw... [she gives the dollar to the repairman]
- Repairman: Hey! [to Timmy] You're the kid on the dollar! Hey, can I have your autograph?
- Timmy: What am I, John Hancock? [fade to Dimmsdale Elementary. Timmy is at Mr. Crocker's desk] Please welcome my first guest... [gesturing to Chester, who has a wig like Washington's and wooden teeth] George Washington!
- Mr. Crocker: He doesn't look like Washington.
- Chester: Sure, I do! Can't you see my white hair, wooden teeth and love of all things free?
- Timmy: [to AJ] And you, Ben Franklin, invented the fire department and discovered electricity, didn't you?
- AJ: And the library! I invented that too!
- Timmy: And if I had another friend, we'd talk about Thomas Jefferson!
- Crocker: You know, Turner, some people would find this style of delivering a report imaginative and deserving of reward!
- Timmy: Thanks!
- Crocker: Unfortunately, [writing on a paper] I am not one of those people! You failed! [gives him the paper and leaves. The paper is marked "F"]
- Timmy: I'm history. [iris out on his face. A cuckoo clock is heard as the end title card is shown. Fade to black]
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OY!C ★ 1 ★ 2 ★ 3 ★ 4 ★ 5 ★ 6 ★ 7 ★ 8 ★ 9 ★ 10 | ||
#01 Boys in the Band | #02 Hex Games | #03 Boy Toy |
#04 Inspection Detection | #05 Action Packed | #06 Smarty Pants |
#07 Super Bike | #08 A Mile In My Shoes | #09 Timvisible |
#10 That Old Black Magic | #11 Foul Balled | #12 The Boy Who Would Be Queen |
#13 Totally Spaced Out | #14 The Switch Glitch | #15 Mighty Mom and Dyno Dad |
#16 Knighty Knight | #17 Fairy Fairy Quite Contrary | #18 Nectar of the Odds |
#19 Hail To The Chief | #20 Twistory | #21 Fools Day Out |
#22 Deja Vu | #23 Information Stupor Highway | #24 Scary GodParents |