|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|Airdate:||September 27, 2002|
Plot or Story
AT THE TURNER HOUSE...
Cosmo: She did it!
Timmy: No, she didn't, I did. I forgot I had to do a massive report on the American revolution! And it's due tomorrow!! I'll never get all the information I need to do the report in time!
Wanda: Don't worry, Timmy. All you have to do is apply yourself seriously!
Cosmo: Or you could do a talk show! Bring the founding fathers here and interview them!
Timmy: That's a great idea!
Wanda: That's a horrible idea!
Wanda: You can't just yank people out of their time periods! They might be doing something important!
Cosmo: Or they might be on the toilet! I say go for it!
Timmy: I'm with the light bulb fairy.
IN THE TREE HOUSE...
Cosmo: Live from Timmy's tree house, high above the backyard, in beautiful downtown Dimmsdale. It's time for the Timmy Turner show! And now... here's Timmy!!
The audience claps
Timmy: Thank you! Thank you! Let's say hello to my good friend Wanda.
Audience: WOO! WOO!
Wanda: Hi, Timmy!
Timmy: Hey, we have a great show for you tonight! Here to help me with my report are three of the founding fathers themselves. Please say hello to the father of our country, George Washington!
George Washington: Thank you! I... must... not... can't fight... MUST... CHOP... WOOD!!!
George Washington chops of Timmy's desk
Timmy: Hey! That's my desk!
George Washington: (Maniacally) MUST CHOP WOOD! HA! HA! HA! HA!
Benjamin Franklin: Let it go, kid. It started with the cherry tree and it's been chop-chop-chop ever since.
Timmy: Benjamin Franklin everybody! Statesman, inventor and the man who discovered electricity.
The audience claps
Benjamin Franklin: Thanks! I've discovered AH!
Benjamin Franklin: ...that it's great to be here.
Timmy: And last... but not least, the guy who wrote the declaration of independence, Thomas Jefferson!
Thomas Jefferson: Write on! Get it? Write! With a "W"?
Timmy: Not so easy, is it?
Thomas Jefferson: But I'm funny! Somebody keeps cutting my best lines from the declaration of independence!
George Washington: I don't see why the Declaration of Independence should need a joke about my wooden teeth!
Timmy: We'll be right back after this!
Wanda: Timmy, we need to wrap this up and get your "guests" back fast before we screw up time.
Timmy: Relax! Ask a few questions, get what I need for my report, do the vacuum cleaner salesman sketch and I'll get 'em back right away. Oh, man! They're gone!
Wanda: We better find them fast! Every second they're gone, the chance that history will change increases exponentially.
Timmy: I can't send them back until I get what I need for my report! Let's go!!
Cosmo: The Timmy Turner show will be right back after these messages!!!
The audience claps
Mr. Turner: Blast this TV! I can't see any of my 300 channels! Where's that repairman?
George Washington: This glowing box... so large and made of wood... I... I... AAH!
George Washington chops the TV with an ax
Mr. Turner: It's fixed! I should pay you! Hey! You're the guy on the money! Would you sign this?
George Washington: Who am I, John Hancock?
Benjamin Franklin: Hancock! That's funny, George.
Mrs. Turner: Honey, look! It's the guy on the nickel!
George Washington: Ha! Nickel! I'm on the dollar. I'm worth TWENTY OF YOU!
Mr. Turner: And that's the guy on the hundred! If I can't touch the money, can I at least touch him?!
Benjamin Franklin: Excuse me?!
Mrs. Turner: That's it! You know how your dad gets when he's around people who are on the money! Out! Out!
LATER IN THE TREE HOUSE...
Benjamin Franklin: And that's how I came up with the first fire department... OW!
Benjamin Franklin: ...and the library!
Timmy: Interesting! Or should I say, enlightening.
HA! HA! HA! HA!
Wanda: Timmy! We need to take a break. We gotta get these guys back to their time period!! They've been here too long already!
Timmy: Relax, Wanda! We're still okay! Besides, I think if history had changed, we'd have noticed now, right?
Then the vacuum turns into a broom
Then their car is turned into a carriage and their house is turned into an English house
Wanda: Oh no! Everything's turning... British!!!
Mr. Turner: Blimey, son! Look I'm touching a pound note!!
Mrs. Turner: I'll take that, love.
Timmy: Oh no! Because you guys were gone too long, America is still a British colony and devoid of electricity.
George Washington: Don't forget about taxation without representation.
Taxman: 'Ello! Taxman here! Wand tax. T-T-F-N!! Ta ta for now!! You know, if you add two X's, it would be, "tax! tax!"
Wanda: Oh no! Without our wands we can't use our magic to change everything back!
Timmy: I say. This is a bit of a sticky wicket. I mean... dude! This stinks and he's really really really Andy! Icky Vicky ewww ewwwwwww *throws slime apple bombs* Icky Vicky ewww ewwww Icky Timmy! NOW BAN ME!!!
George Washington: I cannot tell a lie. Kid, you messed up big time!
Cosmo: Hey, I've got an idea!! Why doesn't he take everybody back on the time scooter?
Timmy: Great idea, Cosmo! Hop on everybody!
WHEEE! YIPPEE! YAY!
WHIRR! WHIRR! WHIRR! KTTTZZZZKT!
Benedict Arnold: Now that Washington, Franklin and Jefferson have mysteriously vanished, I, Benedict Arnold, will be able to betray the American Revolution! Well hello, John Hancock! It is I, your longtime pal, George Washington! I brought you a present to sign! It's called the Declaration of Surrenderpendence.
John Hancock: "We the people of the United States... give up?"
Benedict Arnold: Come on, Hancock, sign it. Sign it really big!
John Hancock: I like signing things really big!
George Washington: Don't do it! I'm the real George Washington! Can't you see my white hair and the wooden teeth and the love of all things free?
Benedict Arnold: Hey! That's my line!
BIFF! BAM! KA-POW!
Timmy: Oh no! One of them is going to turn the future America into a yellow toothed, electricity-deprived rat hole!
Cosmo: Yeah! And the other is going to turn it into a brightly lit, democratically-run rat hole!
John Hancock: But, I can't tell which is which!
Timmy: Think, Timmy, think!
Cosmo: Here you go.
Timmy: OW! Thanks! I've got an idea!!
Benedict Arnold: A coat rack?
Timmy: Not just a coat rack! A beautifully carved, totally pristine, wonderfully lacquered, solid-oak, wooden coat rack!!
Benedict Arnold: So what?
George Washington: AAH! Must chop WOOD!
Other people: That's Washington.
Benedict Arnold: Darn it!
Other people: Benedict Arnold!
George Washington: I knew he was a traitor.
Timmy Turner: Yeah, the biggest traitor in Americans' history.
Benedict Arnold: And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that meddling kid!
Timmy: Well, all you guys gotta do is sign the Declaration of Independence and we can be on our way!
John Hancock: George Washington's fake teeth and the love of all things free broke my hand! Now we're one signature short!
Timmy: Give me that!
John Hancock: You call that a signature?
AT SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY...
Mr. Crocker: He doesn't look like Washington.
Chester: Sure I do! Can't you see my white hair, wooden teeth and the love of all things free?
Timmy: And you, Ben Franklin, invented the fire department and the electricity, didn't you?
A.J.: And the library! I invented that too!
Timmy: And if I had another friend, we'd talk about Thomas Jefferson!
Mr. Crocker: You know, Turner, some people would find this style of delivering a report imaginative and deserving of reward!
Mr. Crocker: Unfortunately, I am not one of those people! You failed!
Timmy: Well, what does he know?