Timmy: It's another great day, Sparky. A boy and his dog doing typical boy-and-his-dog stuff. [he is in a monster truck Sparky is driving. Sparky runs over a mailbox and a fire hydrant. A woman with a walker starts crossing the street]
Timmy: Yahoo!
Sparky: Woo-hoo-hoo! [the truck runs over the walker and the woman fires a rocket at the truck. Timmy screams as the truck swerves]
Timmy: I thought you said you could drive a stick.
Sparky: I said I could fetch a stick, not drive one. By the way, I got you something' for being' the world's best pet owner.
Timmy: Is it a T-shirt that says "World's Best Pet Owner"?
Sparky: No, it's some trick dice I got at a pawn shop.
Timmy: [takes the dice] Uh, thanks, Sparky.
Sparky: I got them 'cause getting you as an owner was the luckiest thing that's ever happened to me. Also, I like to cheat at Shatzee.
Mr. Crocker: [in a manhole] My fairy detector is picking up a new source of magic. Could it be... Turner's gotten another... [spasming]fairy?! And Mother mocked me for spending another spring break crouched in the sewer. This is huge! But not as huge as that monster truck bearing down on me! [the truck hits him] Gah! [groans] The only thing that could make this worse is a large sewer worm. [a big worm in the sewer drags him down] Gah! The fear!
[Fade to the Turners' house. The truck, which has the rocket, a mailbox, and a utility pole stuck in it, is outside]
Timmy: [to Cosmo and Wanda] Thanks for poofing up the monster truck, you guys. You can get rid of it now.
Wanda: No can do, sport, [glaring at Cosmo] because someone ruined our wands by putting them in the dishwasher.
Cosmo: It wasn't someone, Wanda. It was me. Besides, you said you wanted the dishes to sparkle.
Wanda: They're gonna do a lot more than sparkle!
[Cut to Mr. Turner opening the dishwasher. A plate and a spoon float out of it, come alive, and run off together]
Mr. Turner: Honey, the dish ran away with the spoon!
[Cut to Timmy's room]
Wanda: I ordered two new wands, but until they come in, we're going to have to get by without magic.
Cosmo: Ah, piece of cake, Wanda. Ooh, now I want a piece of cake! Can you poof me up one? No, you can't! Because someone put our wands in the dishwasher. Oh, right.
Timmy: You guys don't have magic?! [spasming] Doi! Doi! Doi! Doi! Doi! Doi! [falls over]
Cosmo: Don't worry. That would only be a problem if one of your arch enemies showed up. Like, let's say worst-case scenario, Mr. Crocker. [the doorbell rings and everyone looks out the window] Oh, look! Worst-case scenario showed up.
Crocker: [rings the doorbell] Cleverly disguised as an exterminator, I'll gain entry into Turner's house and find the source of the new magic. Now to suppress my deep-seated fear of bugs. [a moth lands on his nose] Gah! A moth! Run for your lives! [runs around. Mr. Turner opens the door and Crocker jumps into his arms] Hold me! I mean, hello! I'm an exterminator.
Mr. Turner: Ooh! You must be here for the haunted dishes.
Crocker: Boy, this conversation's gotten weird quick.
[Fade to Crocker in the living room. Sparky sniffs Crocker's buttocks, and the magic detector points in his direction. He moves to stay behind Crocker as Crocker looks behind himself. Crocker walks off and Sparky follows him. Timmy sees this from the kitchen and screams, then takes Sparky away as the magic detector points at him. Mr. Crocker looks behind himself]
Timmy: [takes Sparky to the kitchen] Sparky, Mr. Crocker is bad news. If he catches you, it's curtains. [takes Sparky up the stairs. The magic detector points to where Sparky had just been]
Crocker: Ooh! My fairy! I mean, termite detector's gone off!
Mr. Turner: Oh, we don't have termites. [leading Crocker to the basement] But we do have scorpions in the basement.
Crocker: Huh? What? Scorpions? Well, I'm outta here. [slips on a skateboard and tumbles into the basement]
[Cut to Crocker running out of the house screaming with scorpions on his body]
Timmy: [watching from his window] That was close, guys! When are you gonna get your new wands?
Cosmo: Oh, Fairy Express just delivered them. They were a little dirty, so I threw 'em in the washing machine.
[Cut to Mrs. Turner opening the washing machine. Colors jump out of it and become dancing clothes]
Mrs. Turner: So this is what happens when you mix whites with colors.
[Cut to Timmy's room]
Wanda: Cosmo, you didn't have to clean our wands. They were brand new!
Cosmo: Think about it, Wanda. You always wash new stuff before you use it. Would you put on new underwear without washing it first? [Poof screams as he and a pair of underwear run in the hallway] Speaking of underwear, there goes mine.
Wanda: And it's being chased by a spatula!
Cosmo: That's weird. Spatulas don't wear underwear. Except, of course, in Europe, where everything's weird.
Timmy: You guys better order new wands stat! Who knows when Mr. Crocker will come back?
[Cut to Sparky reading a newspaper in the living room. Crocker is in a bush outside]
Crocker: My fairy detector has pinpointed the source of the new magic in the Turner living room! Whatever it is must be blocked by that dog. [Sparky leaves. A fork feeds Mr. Turner spaghetti from a floating bowl]
Mr. Turner: Turns out I love having haunted kitchenware. If only the dish hadn't run away with the spoon, I could've had pudding.
Crocker: It's Turner's dad! Of course! There's no way that moron could have survived this long without being magic!
[Cut to Crocker ringing the doorbell. The door opens, revealing a floating Sparky. Crocker is wearing a suit and a fake mustache]
Crocker: Outta my way, ordinary dog! I'm after a magical middle-aged man!
Sparky: Whatever floats your boat, bra. [leaves. Mr. Turner comes to the door]
Crocker: Hello! I'm, uh... Denzelo Crockero, famous Italian burlap sack-a designer. How would you like to model my new man sack?
Mr. Turner: Ooh! Man sacks are all the rage! [jumps into a sack Crocker is holding that Crocker then tosses into his van] I love the feel of this burlap! It's like an itchy hug!
Crocker: Now to harvest your magic with my magic extractor! [jumps into the van. Shouting is heard as the van jumps around. The sack is thrown out of the van] No magic in you! That was the least productive thing I've done all month, and I spent spring break in a sewer.
[Fade to Timmy reading a magazine in his room]
Sparky: Timmy, can we go outside and play?
Timmy: It's not safe, Sparky. If Mr. Crocker tries something, Cosmo and Wanda can't protect us.
Sparky: Oh, come on, it'll be fun! The pants are outside playing with the gravy boat.
Cosmo: Now, that's a gravy stain just waiting to happen!
Timmy: Sorry, Sparky, but we've got to stay inside until the new wands come in. Let's all go get a snack! I think my mom bought a new box of cookies. [leaves]
Cosmo: [as he and Wanda leave] If it's new, you might wanna wash it first. [a horn honks offscreen and Sparky flies to the window. An "unsuspecting ice cream truck" pulls up]
Sparky: Ooh! Ice cream! [disappears. A kid knocks on the truck service window, which opens, revealing Crocker dressed as a vampire. He growls and kids scream and zip away]
Crocker: Sorry! The costume shop was out of ice cream man outfits, so I went with the next logical choice: vampire! Now to once and for all find out the source of the new magic in Turner's house.
Sparky: One cone, please!
Crocker: A talking dog with a twenty dollar bill? Wait a minute... I don't have change for a twenty!
Sparky: It's okay. I can eat twenty dollars' worth of ice cream. That's because I'm a fairy dog. [waves his tail at Crocker]
Crocker: [holding up a big ice cream cone] Here you go! [selling Sparky the cone] Tell your friends to come to Count Creamery for all their ice cream needs! [Sparky starts to leave] Wait! Did you say fairy dog? Of course! I knew something was weird.
Sparky: I'll tell you what's weird. Selling ice cream dressed as a vampire. Anyway, can I get an extra cone for my best friend, Timmy?
Crocker: You belong to Turner?! You're the source of the new magic! I mean, step right in and help yourself. The extra cone is in that burlap sack. [Sparky flies into the sack; picking it up] This is perfect! I may be too old to have fairy godparents, but I'm not too old to have my very own fairy dog! Not only are dogs man's best friend, but Mother's highly allergic! So it's a win-win! [laughs evilly and drives off]
[Fade to the house]
Timmy: Here's some cookies, Sparky! I tried to put them on a plate but it grabbed my dad's car keys and drove away.
Plate: [driving outside] Woo-hoo!
Timmy: Sparky? Where'd he go? [the fairies appear]
Cosmo: Haven't seen him. I've been busy making this high-tech wand out of a celery stick and this sock filled with gunpowder. Go ahead, Timmy, make a wish.
Timmy: Well, I... [Cosmo shakes the wand, which explodes on him]
Wanda: Well, unless you wished for Cosmo to blow up, I'd say that wand's a bust.
Timmy: Guys, I'm worried. Something tells me Mr. Crocker may have gotten Sparky.
Cosmo: Is it this note from Mr. Crocker that says, "I got Sparky"?
Timmy: Oh no! I gotta get to Mr. Crocker's!
Wanda: We'd come help but we have to stay and wait for our wands.
Crocker: Yeah, there's a seven dollar charge to pick them up ourselves.
Timmy: Don't worry, guys. I've got the perfect backup.
[Fade to black. Lightning strikes outside the Crockers' house, where lights are shining out the windows. In the Crocker Cave, Sparky is being hypnotized by spinning spirals]
Crocker: That's right, look at the spinning wheels. From now on, I am your owner. Not Timmy Turner.
Sparky: You are my owner. Not Timmy Turner.
Crocker: Excellent! What's your name, boy?
Sparky: Sparky.
Crocker: That's a dumb name. We need something hip and happening. Something that says "winner". From now on, your name is... Herman.
Sparky: Really? Herman? That's what you're going' with?
Crocker: It's Count Creamery! And I'm in the middle of hypnotizing a magic dog!
Mrs. Crocker: You brought a dog into the house? You know I'm highly allergic! [her nose runs and she sneezes] You're grounded! [dragging him away] Go to your room! [Sparky becomes angry, breaks free of his restraints, and flies up to her. She lets go of Mr. Crocker and sneezes. Sparky growls] Call off your beast, Denzel! [sneezes three times. Her face briefly swells up and she runs away screaming]
Crocker: That was fantastic! I can use this dog to destroy all of my worst enemies.
Sparky: I've only known you a short time, but I'm pretty sure you're your own worst enemy.
Crocker: You're very insightful, Herman. Moving on. I'll start by having you take down all the women who rejected me. Starting with Marcy Pendergrast, who wouldn't lend me her crayons in the first grade. Your happy life as a marginally successful paralegal is about to come to an end!
Timmy: Unhand my dog, you vampire! Wait, why are you dressed as a vampire?
Crocker: You're too late, Turner! I've hypnotized your dog, and now he's only loyal to me. Sic 'em, Herman!
Timmy: Herman? Really? That's what you went with? [Sparky growls at him] Come on, boy. It's me, Timmy.
Sparky: I don't know you. I belong to the weird vampire guy.
Crocker: It's Count Creamery!
Timmy: Don't you remember me, Sparky? Look, I have the trick dice you gave me. [tosses the dice to Sparky. He sniffs them and comes out of hypnosis]
Sparky: Timmy, it's you!
Timmy and Sparky: Shatzee! [they hug. Sparky licks Timmy]
Timmy: Nice try, Mr. Crocker. But Sparky is my dog and always will be. You're going to pay for trying' to take him away.
Crocker: I already paid four hundred to rent this ice cream truck and this stupid costume; I'm kind of tapped out.
Timmy: That's not the kind of pay I mean. [floating forks and knives enter] Get 'em, boys!
Crocker: Gah! Floating utensils! What's next? A spatula chasing underpants? [the pair of underpants screams and runs as the spatula hits it] Oh, what do you know? It is next. I was all over that! [the cutlery and plates fly toward him, and he screams and jumps through the roof. He runs away on a road]
Crocker: Gah! A plate driving a station wagon! Oddly, not the craziest part of my day. [screams]
Timmy: Let's go home, boy.
Sparky: Can we stop for ice cream first? The vampire dropped his wallet.
[Fade to the Turners' house]
Timmy: Good news, guys. I rescued Sparky from Crocker.
Wanda: We have good news, too, sport. While you were gone, our new wands were delivered. [the delivery box opens, revealing nothing inside] Where'd you put them, Cosmo?
Cosmo: Well, they were new. So of course I put them in the bathtub. [cut to Mr. Turner being chased by the bathtub]
Mr. Turner: [screams] Honey! You might want to call the plumber! This is what I get for shaving my legs in the tub!
