|
|
|
| Episode | Trivia | Appearances | Gallery | Transcript |
|---|
This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Truth Or Cosmoquences" from Season 4, which aired on February 15, 2005.
Script[]
[The episode begins with Timmy playing catch with himself by poofing from one place to another.]
- Timmy: Whoo! Playing catch with myself sure is thirsty business.
- Cosmo: So is salting your tongue, but that never stopped me! (salts his tongue)
[Wanda poofs up some lemonade. Upon this happening, Timmy takes the pitcher and begins guzzling the whole thing, causing his belly to visibly bloat.]
- Wanda: That's an awful lot of lemonade!
- Timmy: Don't worry. We Turners have bladders of steel. [He keeps guzzling his lemonade. An owl comes with a letter.]
- Owl: Ahem.
- Wanda: Oh, they always want a tip. (gives him a rat)
- Rat: (screams) Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
- Timmy: Wow. Watching owls carry mice away is thirsty work. (chugs some lemonade)
- Wanda: Ooh, it's from our high school reunion!
- Cosmo: Umm... (chews on the envelope) What invitation?
- Wanda: (pokes Cosmo on the stomach with her wand to spit the invitation out) Oh but Cosmo, our time at Carl Poofypants High was the best four years of my life.
- Cosmo: Yeah! And the worst ten years of mine! (shows photos from high school) Here I am. That's me being picked on by the football team. By Luther. And here's me being picked on by the cheerleaders. And Luther. And the math class. And Luther!
- Wanda: Cosmo, what are you worried about? A high school reunion is fun! You get to see all your old classmates you used to pal around with.
- Timmy: Yeah besides, it's not like they expected you to become a rich billionaire fairy mogul with a beautiful trophy wife.
- Cosmo: (laughs nervously) Ahaha right, a rich fairy mogul.
- Wanda: Cosmo... What did you tell them?
[The scene cuts to the High School hallway.]
- Cosmo: (to registration Fairies) Hello! I'm the very rich Cosmo, inventor of WandOS 2.0, the operating system of every magical item in Fairy World. And this is my dowdy secretary, Wanda. My faithful butler with big teeth and a cast iron bladder, Timmy. Along with my human trophy wife who's clearly not hypnotized, Britney Britney!
- Britney: I like soy milk.
- Cosmo: Uh... where do I sign in?
- Timmy: [Finishes the last of his lemonade jug] Ahhhhhh. And where do I go to use the bathroom?
- Wanda: I told you to go before we left.
- Timmy: No you didn't. You told me, "There is no way we’re dressing up like a butler and a secretary." just to cover for the lies Cosmo told people. Then Cosmo started to cry and you said "Oh, okay." And now we're here.
- Cosmo: Relax, Butler. We mingle, impress a few people with my false life, and we’re gone in fifteen minutes tops.
- Timmy: (Tries to open a door, but slams into it because it is just a wall] Ugh! What?! The doors are just painted on?!
- Wanda: You don't need doors in a fairy high school, we just poof from room to room! Doors are for chumps.
[They all poof to the main room]
- Timmy: Okay. I really have to go to the bathroom, but I'll be okay as long as I don't think about it. (notices the theme of the party is "A salute to running water")
- Cosmo: Well, this could be okay. Want some punch?
- Britney: I like puppies.
- Cosmo: Great! Go get us some, butler. And bring my trophy wife a puppy.
- Luthor: (voiceover) Cosmo, is that you?
- Luthor: Cosmo, you old son of a gun! You haven't changed a bit! Except for being a billionaire and everything.
- Cosmo: Uh, right. Uh, hi Luther. Have you met my wife... Britney Britney, who has clearly not been hypnotized into thinking that I'm Chip Skylark and that this is the Dimmsdale Music Awards?
- Britney Right, Chip!
- Cosmo: And of course, you remember Wanda. She's now my dowdy unmarried secretary!
- Luthor: Sure, I remember Wanda! Too bad you didn't marry Cosmo, huh? He's a billionaire, you know! It says so right here in his magazine. Cosmo! (he eyes Cosmo) Too bad you're already taken.
- Wanda: Yeah. Too bad.
- Luthor: (to Cosmo) I suppose you know why I'm here.
- Cosmo: Don't kill me! I'm rich!
- Luthor: Can I have a job? Surely a rich guy like you could use some security!
- Cosmo: Ha ha! You bought that?
- Cosmo: Oh my gosh! People really believe I'm super rich and super powerful!
- Wanda: Cosmo...
- Cosmo: You're hired! Now get rid of my dowdy personal secretary!
- Luthor: Come on, move it! Move it!
- Wanda: Ahhhh!
- Cosmo: And where's Britney's puppy!?
Timmy: (frantically) Finally, a bathroom! (Slams into it) I forgot! Doors are for chumps! Okay, I just won't think about it and I'll be fine.
[A number of various scenes are shown with water gushing from statues at the party, a party guest laughing a spilling yellow punch onto the ground, and a janitor fairy hosing down the spill with a water hose.]
Timmy: (Hands tucked firmly between his legs) Uh oh. I hope we don't stay long.....
[A splash, followed by a timecard that says "Two Hours Later" written in water. Cut to Timmy with crossed arms and legs looking very full.]
- Cosmo: ...and then I thought, "Yeah, you're dowdy, but what the heck, you're hired!!"
- Cheerleader #1: Oh Cosmo, why didn't we see how handsome and cool you were in high school?
- Luthor: Why did I beat you up every day?
- Cosmo: Because I wasn't rich?
- Cheerleader #2: HAHAHAHA! That's right!
[Timmy desperately runs up to Cosmo while he is talking to other fairies.]
- Timmy: Excuse me, Cosmo, I wish...
(Cosmo cuts Timmy off as everyone holds out a glass of punch)
- Cosmo: ...To server my friends and I more punch? Yes please, Timothy! (to Fairies) Ha, he thinks the doors are real...
[As other fairies laugh, Wanda is pouring punch from a big pitcher into glasses Timmy is holding as he stares in discomfort.]
- Wanda: Ohhh... I don't know how much longer I can keep up this charade!
- Timmy: Wanda, I don't mean to sound like you when you try to ruin my fun, but we should get outta here! Now! (begins to desperately dance back and forth) Lying is a bad idea, you know?!
[Wanda takes a sip of punch which then drips onto the floor and is hosed away by the janitor fairy in front of Timmy's eyes.]
- Timmy: And holding it in is bad for my kidneys!
- Wanda: And excuse me if I sound as short sighted as you always do (gestures with her hands and spills more punch in front of Timmy) when I say: come on, what else could possibly go wrong?
- Cosmo: And I also invented oxygen, which is why every time you inhale I get a quarter.
(Fairies gasp)
- Cosmo: Pay up.
- Juandissimo: (offscreen) Hello, Cosmo.
- Cosmo: Eek! Juandissimo? Wha... What are you doing here?
- Juandissimo: You perhaps forget the one year I was here as a handsome exchange student from Fairynando High School? Because I will never forget. That was the first time my beautiful eyeballs saw the fabulous Wanda. The first time my beautiful ears heard her. The first time my beautiful colon... Well, it's more of an inner beauty but you get the idea. And now I, and my beautiful body parts, wish to dance with her.
- Cosmo: Hey buddy, stay away from my wife!
- Crowd: WIFE?!?! (Gasp)
- Cosmo: Pay up!
- Juandissimo: Cosmo? Relax yourself. I would never try to come between you and your wife, the fantastic pop diva Britney Britney!
- Britney: Pickles!
- Cosmo: Eh heh.
- Juandissimo: But you cannot possibly care if I dance with your dowdy unmarried personal secretary, no?
- Wanda: No... he can't.
[Cosmo rushes up to Timmy who is laying down with his legs triple crossed and looking very uncomfortable.]
- Cosmo: What am I gonna do?! Juandissimo has Wanda!
- Timmy: (stands up, tosses the drinks aside, and begins to desperately dance) Quick! Let's go somewhere quiet to think! Like the boy's bathroom!
- Cosmo: No! I know what we need: a tall, cool glass of lemonade! (poofs a glass of punch into his hand and then chugs it as Timmy watches on in pain) Followed by a quick trip to the bathroom! (poofs away)
Timmy: (Falls onto his knees) Wait! Take me with you! (goes back to desperately holding himself)
- Cosmo: (Poofs back in with toilet paper stuck to his foot) Hahhh! Ah, that's better. But going to the bathroom is thirsty work.
[He poofs a large mug labeled "Big Glug" into his hand and begins to noisily drink it in front of Timmy. The water drips onto Timmy's head.]
- Timmy: No! Cosmo, you have to decide right now! What is more important: living a lie to impress fair weather friends, or your love for Wanda, the woman who's always loved you for who you really are!?
- Cosmo: Hmm. (takes a big jar of water out of his hat and begins noisily sipping it through a straw)
[Timmy passes out.]
- Cosmo: (poofs up his yearbook and looks through the signatures pages until he finds one that has a signature written by Wanda) "Cosmo, I will love you forever. Wanda." (gasps) Oh my gosh! Wanda wrote that! What do I do? What do I do? My choice is clear. There is no doubt what I should do!
- Britney: Hot tub.
- Cosmo: Then again...
- Juandissimo: Would you like to see my diploma of love?
- Cosmo: NO WAY! THAT IS IT!
- Juandissimo: Aaahhh! My beautiful colon!
- Timmy: (rushes up to Wanda in desperation) Wanda!
- Juandissimo: Ahhh!
[Juandissimo's remains are washed away by the janitor in front of Timmy.]
- Timmy: I wish....
- Cosmo: (interrupts Timmy) Ahem, can I have everybody's attention please?
- Luthor: QUIET! Cosmo, our hero, the greatest of us all, has something to say that will undoubtedly only make us respect and admire him and his money more!
- Cosmo: Thanks, Luther. Um. It's a funny story, actually. You see, I'm not really rich, or the inventor of WandOS.
[Timmy is shown dancing in extreme desperation as Wanda looks on in a disinterested manner.]
- Cosmo: Timothy isn't really my butler, he's my fairy godchild.
- Cosmo: And Britney Britney isn't my wife, she's just a hypnotized pop diva.
- Britney Britney: Kumquat.
- Cosmo: And Wanda, my dowdy unmarried secretary is the dowdy married woman I love. And married!
(Fairies gasp)
- Cosmo: Pay up!
- Cheerleader #1: I knew it. She DID marry an idiot.
- Wanda: Oh, Cosmo!
- Cosmo: Oh, dowdy!
- Timmy: Oh my bladder! I can't take this anymore! (rushes off screen with hands between his legs)
- Cosmo: Sorry, Britney, we're through.
- Britney Britney: Does that mean the show is over? Did I win? (picks up Juandissimo, smiling) I'd like to thank the academy.
- Juandissimo: And the academy would like to thank you back.
- Fairies: (Cosmo and Wanda kiss) Awwwww!!!
- Cosmo: Wait, you guys aren't mad?
- Luthor: Mad? Why would we be mad? You had the guts to say what nobody else here did. I have a secret, too! I'm not Luther, captain of the football team. I don't play football anymore. I'm Luther, Lord of the Dance!
- Cheerleader #1: This isn't my real hair.
- Irish Fairy: And I'm not a fairy. (speaks in an Irish accent) I'm a leprechaun.
- Mouse: And he's not an owl who eats mice.
- Owl: I eat leprechauns.
- Irish Fairy: Ahhhhh!
- Wanda: You see Cosmo, everybody wants to be liked for who they really are!
- Cosmo: Ha! I don't have to lie anymore! Phew, what a relief!
[Cosmo and Wanda both poof in glasses of punch and begin drinking them as Timmy passes by looking extremely relieved and satisfied.]
- Timmy: Speaking of relief, whatever you do, don't drink the punch!
[Cosmo and Wanda both look at the camera with horror shock as they stop drinking from their glasses.]