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Transparents!/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Transparents!" from Season 1, which aired on April 6, 2001.


Script[]

(The episode starts at Timmy's school, Mr. Crocker looks bored as the class presents what they brought for show and tell)

  • Francis: Well, Mr. Crocker, for show and tell I brung my dog: Mange.

(dog snarls and barks)

  • Francis: And this is what he eats: first graders. (takes out a jar of little kids stuffed inside) They keep his pelt shiny.

(the class gasps)

  • Timmy: I don't know about this, guys.
  • Wanda: (hops on the desk as a pencil) Oh don't be nervous, Timmy.
  • Cosmo: (hops beside her also as a pencil) You're going to have the best show-and-tell day ever! Trust us!
  • Timmy: Yeah, how many other kids have fairy godparents that can magically produce an extinct Pollywollyoptasaurus! (takes out the dinosaur from a box)
  • Cosmo: It was my idea!
  • Wanda: No, it was my idea!
  • Cosmo: Well, it was my idea to take your idea!

(the dinosaur spits at Timmy)

  • Cosmo: It was her idea!
  • Crocker: Thank you, Francis. That was riveting. (Holds up leg with Francis' dog biting on to it) Can you guess what letter "dog" starts with?
  • Francis: Uh...D?
  • Crocker: (hands him his report card) Right, congratulations. Timmy Turner, would you care to come up and bore us with whatever you dragged into school today?
  • Timmy: Fellow students, behold the glory of when the world was young, and when dinosaurs walked across Pangea!
  • Crocker: Behold! The letter that dinosaurs start with! (Holds Timmy's report card with "D" on it)
  • Chester: Dude, what's with the chicken?
  • Timmy: It's not a chicken, it's a...
  • Crocker: ...Pollywollyoptasaurus?!
  • Timmy: Yeah, what he said. Note the dinosaur-like jawbone, and the dinosaur-like tail. And look! A dinosaur-like belly...
  • Crocker: (while Timmy talks) A dinosaur? Extraordinary. No normal child can have accessed to that type of genetic technology. There's only one logical explanation.... FAIRY GODPARENTS!!!11!!1!!11!!!111!!

(The dinosaur spits at Crocker and the class laughs at him. Then the dinosaur jumps out of Timmy's hands, and he goes to run after it)

  • Crocker: (puts his foot in Timmy's face) That's alright, Mr. Turner, no harm done. I would, however, like to have a word with your fairy god-uh, I mean parents. Plain, ordinary, everyday, don't have magical powers parents first thing tomorrow!

(Later that night)

  • Timmy: (dialing his friends) Dudes, you gotta help me find my show and tell thing!
  • AJ: You mean the chicken?
  • Timmy: It wasn't a chicken, it was my, uh... uncle's dog in a Pollywollyoptasaurus suit and I gotta get it back!
  • Chester: We're on it! (Hangs up)
  • AJ: (after Timmy hangs up too) Doesn't anyone say goodbye anymore?
  • Wanda: We're really sorry about making show and tell day a mess, Timmy.
  • Cosmo: Yeah, c'mon! (Turns into a pinata) Hit me and make a mess out of me, that'll make you feel better!
  • Timmy: I'm gonna need a bat!

(Wanda makes a bat appear in Timmy's hands)

  • Cosmo: Yeah...(gets scared as Timmy gets ready to swing at him)
  • Timmy: (hesitates) Aw, I can't believe this! (Drops the bat) How am I gonna explain to my parents that I brought a dinosaur to school?
  • Cosmo: Well, I don't know! But knocking the candy out of me isn't gonna solve anything!
  • Wanda: Why don't we pretend we're your parents and talk to this Mr. Crocker guy for you?
  • Timmy: That's a great idea!
  • Cosmo: It was my idea!
  • Timmy: I wish you guys could pose as my parents!

(Wanda and Cosmo wave their wands and their bodies grow into average sized adults. Cosmo's crown falls off his head and he falls on to it)

  • Cosmo: Yippee! That hurt!
  • Timmy: No Cosmo, you're supposed to say ouch when you're hurt!
  • Cosmo: Oh. Yippee, that ouch!
  • Wanda: Wow, the plan's already falling apart. (Crown and wand disappear and stops floating)
  • Timmy: Where's the bat? (Marches back and forth with the bat on his shoulder) Welcome to the school of basic human training! If you're gonna be my human parents, you're gonna have to act as human as possible!
  • Cosmo: Okay! (Burps and farts) What's next?
  • Wanda: This! (Makes a fan appear and waves it at Cosmo)
  • Timmy: No Wanda, no magic! Humans can't do magic!

(Wanda makes the fan disappear)

  • Cosmo: (fast paced) Oh? What about those guys with the white tigers, huh? In Las Vegas, they have those sequin shorts, and they could do magic and... (Runs out of breath and falls over)
  • Timmy: (jumps on him) Breathe, birdbrain! You have lungs now! You have to breathe!
  • Wanda: You mean all the time?!

(Cosmo breathes)

  • Timmy: Ughh! You guys follow me, we'll work on some other human stuff.

(Cosmo and Wanda follow him only to walk into the walls next to the door)

  • Timmy: You have to use the door now! You can't just walk-through walls, you're solid now.
  • Cosmo: You mean all the time?!

(Scene changes to Wanda driving the car with Timmy and Cosmo sitting in the back)

  • Wanda: This human stuff is fun! We should have tried driving years ago!
  • Cosmo: Yeah! And look how many friends you're making!

(Timmy is terrified while the city is on fire, people are screaming, and the streets are destroyed behind them)

  • Timmy: Just worry about making friends with Crocker. Even though you haven't nailed down... (car stalls) being... (stalls) human... (stalls again) yet there's no reason for him to suspect that you're...
  • Crocker: ...fairy godparents!! (Talking into a tape recorder) After all the years of searching, I've finally found proof of the existence of fairy godparents!!

(AJ and Chester look into the classroom and hold a clock that cuckoos. They laugh and run away)

  • Crocker: (dives under his desk) Only magical creatures could've created that dinosaur! Now's my chance to wash the stench of "fairies-don't-exist" off me forever! Whether it was Harvard, New Baltimore Community College, or right here at Dimmsdale Elementary, I've always been the butt of many a cruel joke due to my so-called crackpot theories on the existence of fairy godparents!!

(Flashback to a teacher and Principal Waxelplax standing around a water cooler)

  • Teacher: Principal Waxelplax, how many crackpots, I mean, Crockers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
  • Waxelplax: I don't know.
  • Teacher: Who cares, Crocker's nuts! (They laugh, spot Crocker next to them and continue to laugh)

(Flashback ends)

  • Crocker: That will all change soon, but first I must prepare for the fairies! To the Crocker cave! (Turns on a small light in a phone booth) It may be just a phone booth inside the janitor's closet... (shuts hand in the door) Ouch! But after I capture Timmy's fairies and harness their magical powers for my own use... (hits his hand on the roof) Darn it! I'll get not only the proper equipment, but also the respect and... (Hits chest too hard) Ahh! Admiration that has so long... (Hits head on roof) Ahh! Eluded me! Mine will be a new world order!

(Scene changes to a fantasy of Crocker in a metal suit, taking over the world with Waxelplax and the teacher from his flashback standing before him)

  • Crocker: ...with I, Mr. Crocker, as the supreme magical ruler!
  • Waxelplax: Sorry about all the jokes about you- (gets blasted away by Crocker's staff)

(Fantasy ends)

  • Crocker: Then, only then- (hears a cuckoo sound) Where is that coming from?! (Takes out tracking device) Ha! Timmy Turner's fairy godparents will never be able to escape the ever-vigilant eye of my fairy finder!! Patent pending. (Tracker reveals a picture of Wanda driving) Aha! They're here! Any of my fairy-oriented traps are bound to expose them for the fairies they truly are! Fairies!! (Phone box falls over) Ouch! (Cuckoo sounds off-screen) You're next.

(Wanda drives through the parking lot)

  • Wanda: Where should I park?
  • Cosmo: Hmm, principal... teachers... ooh, fairies! Park there! Park in the fairy's space!
  • Crocker: (hiding in the bushes) If they park in the fairy's space, it'll be all the proof the world will need.
  • Wanda: Okay!
  • Timmy: (takes the wheel) No! It's a trap! (Car parks in the teacher's space) That was close.
  • Crocker: Ohh, that was so close!

(Meanwhile, the dinosaur runs down the corridor while AJ and Chester chase after it in hunting gear)

  • Crocker: (picks them up) Hey! What are you two small boys doing here this early?
  • Chester: Uh, learning?
  • AJ: We're trying to find Timmy's show and tell project.
  • Crocker: (drops them) Ah, yes. Timmy's "project". Well Timmy's parents and I are having a conference. Why don't you bring the "project" to me, and I'll give the "project" to him for you?
  • Chester: I don't know.
  • Crocker: And in return, I'll give you a seat of power in my new world order.
  • Chester: (shakes his hand) Done and done!

(In the next scene, Crocker sits waiting at his desk and Timmy enters the classroom. Cosmo and Wanda enter the room back-to-back with their arms linked together)

  • Cosmo: (whispering) I think we've finally gotten this walking thing down, Timmy!
  • Timmy: Just play it cool.
  • Crocker: At last, Timmy's god pare-I mean, parents. Mr. and Mrs. God-Turner! (Goes to shake their hand) It's a pleasure to meet you.
  • Wanda: Hi-yah! (Grabs his hand and throws him across the room) How's that for a human hello?
  • Cosmo: You're kung-social!
  • Timmy: Uh, sorry Mr. Crocker. Mom's a...
  • Crocker: A fairy?!
  • Timmy: No, no! I was gonna say enthusiastic about meeting an educator of your status! (Brushes him off)
  • Crocker: Oh, yes. Yes, of course. Oh, they're good. (Plugs in electric chair) I need only to get them to sit in my special electric fairy detector chair! If they survive, they're fairies! If they don't, I have tenure! (Puts his arm around Cosmo) May I offer you a chair?
  • Cosmo: Certainly! May I offer you a fish? (Drops a fish in Crocker's hand, it falls down and his slips on it and falls into the electric chair, electrocuting him and turning the fish into fish fingers) Ooh, neat! Fish sticks, I'm starved! (Eats one)
  • Crocker: I'll be right back, after I chip off the dead skin.
  • Timmy: I think he's suspicious, so be on your toes!

(Cosmo and Wanda stand on their toes, but fall forward on to their faces)

  • Timmy: I'm doomed.

(Meanwhile, Chester and AJ find the dinosaur eating out of a tipped over trashcan)

  • Chester: On three! Ready... three!

(They run around the corner)

  • Chester and AJ: Charge!!

(The dinosaur turns around and spits pellets at them)

  • AJ: Take cover!
  • Chester: (uses him as a shield) You said take cover.
  • AJ: It's getting away! (Runs after the dinosaurs until it enters the girls' bathroom)
  • Chester: Oh-no! The forbidden zone! You go in!
  • AJ: I'm not going in, you go in!
  • Chester: You go in!
  • AJ: I'm not going in, you go in!
  • Chester: You go in!

(Back at the classroom, Crocker is holding a tray of coffee)

  • Crocker: Coffee?
  • Cosmo: Why yes, it is!
  • Timmy: (whispers to Wanda) Take the cups!
  • Crocker: Can I offer you anything with them? Cream, sugar, magic?
  • Wanda: What was that last one?
  • Crocker: Sugar.

(Back to Chester and AJ, they're still arguing)

  • Chester: You go in!
  • AJ: No, you go in!
  • Chester: Look, let's both go in and get out before any girls show up.
  • AJ: Good plan! (Runs inside)
  • Chester: Sucker. (Gets dragged in by AJ) Ahh!

(Back to the classroom, Cosmo and Wanda are hyper on caffeine)

  • Cosmo: Wow, this coffee stuff is great! Coffee coffee coffee! (Jumping up and down) Great, ooh! Where do they get this stuff?
  • Crocker: Colombia.
  • Wanda: Oh, we should go there, it's the best, we can go there now! We- (stops jumping and grabs stomach) Whoa!
  • Timmy: What?
  • Wanda: Some sort of pressure in my lower tummy.
  • Crocker: You have to go to the bathroom now, don't you Mrs. Turn-parent? Follow me! (Walks to a line of doors) Here you go!
  • Wanda: Boys... girls... mystical creatures! Well... (goes to the mystical creature's door)
  • Timmy: Uh, mom?
  • Waxelplax: OH, good morning, Timmy!
  • Timmy: Uh oh! It's the principal!
  • Wanda: Of course, principals first!

(Waxelplax enters the mystical creature's room and Wanda follows her in. A crash sound from inside)

  • Crocker: New world order! New world order! (Grabs camera)
  • Wanda: Maybe I'm naive, but I don't think she's doin' it right.
  • Waxelplax: (hanging upside down in a trap inside a stall) Crocker!!
  • Crocker: Oh perfect...
  • Chester and AJ: (runs inside) We got it! We got it!
  • AJ: We got the, uh, dinosaur, Timmy! (Winks at him)
  • Crocker: Give it to me!
  • Timmy: Dude, you gotta give me the box!
  • Crocker: (moves Timmy out the way) Position of power. A seat on the throne. New world order!
  • Chester: Hmm. (Sees Timmy and throws the box to him)
  • Crocker: Hey!
  • Chester: Before school hours, you ain't the boss of me!
  • Crocker: (grabs box from Timmy) Give me that! Finally, after all the years of being mocked!

(Timmy whispers something in Cosmo and Wanda's ear and they take out their wands)

  • Crocker: (pokes Waxelplax) And all the years of "fairies don't exist!"

(Cosmo and Wanda's wands start to glow)

  • Crocker: With this I, Mr. Crocker, will prove once and for all that these two creatures are Timmy Turner's fairy godparents!! (Opens the box and Francis' dog pops out and bites Crocker's leg, then a cuckoo sound off-screen)

(The next scene shows Timmy, Crocker, Chester and AJ sitting in detention. Wanda and Cosmo pop up as flies next to Timmy)

  • Timmy: Gotta watch out for crockpot now, you guys. He's totally on to our secret!
  • Waxelplax: A week of detention for all of you! (Points to Timmy) You for faking your show and tell, (points to AJ and Chester) and you two for going into the girls' bathroom, (points to Crocker) and you for trapping me in a toilet paper cocoon and promising two small boys they could enslave the Earth! That's not right!
  • Crocker: (to Timmy) You may have outsmarted me this time, Turner, but I'm on to you. They can't keep me in detention forever!
  • Waxelplax: (drives into the fairy's space and falls into a trap) Crocker!!
  • Timmy: Or maybe they can!

(Episode ends with the screen going black and Cosmo bouncing up and down)

  • Cosmo: Coffee can, let's get coffee, huh? Who wants coffee?


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