Mrs. Turner: [slices a potato with the sword] Yaksgiving. It's a traditional holiday in your grandparents' native country of Ustinkistan. Which is why I'm making rack of yak... that is, if your father ever catches it. [Mr. Turner struggles on the back of a leaping yak and falls off]
Mr. Turner: Maybe I should dress up like a girl yak.
Timmy: [sniffs a sausage] I don't get it. Why are we celebrating some weird holiday?
Mrs. Turner: Didn't we tell you the good news? Your Grandpa Vlad and Grandma Gladys Bladislapov are coming to celebrate it with us!
Mr. Turner: And they don't like me! Wait, that's actually bad news.
Timmy: I haven't seen Grandma Gladys and Grandpa Vlad in forever. I don't even remember what they look like.
Mrs. Turner: [bringing Timmy a family album] Here's a picture of them after they left Ustinkistan fifty years ago. They're standing in front of the fast-food restaurant they opened in Dimmsdale.
Timmy: Yak in the Box? What kind of weirdo would eat at a place like that? [cut to the Yak in the Box drive-through]
Mr. Crocker: Uh, I'll have a Yakky Meal with a side of weasel fries. And don't forget my yaktion figure! [cut to the kitchen. Mr. Turner is disguised as a yak]
Mr. Turner: Steady, Bessie. [as he tries to catch the real yak with a butterfly net, it jumps away, and his yak disguise falls on him. Goat hooves and bleats are heard]
Mrs. Turner: Oh! Why, it's the pitter-patter of goat hooves! That must mean your grandparents are here!
Timmy: [as the doorbell rings] This is awesome! [zip to the door] Grandparents always bring the coolest presents! [opens the door, revealing Vlad, Gladys, and a goat]
Grandma Gladys: Happy Yaksgiving, my little Timmy! [slapping him with a greasy fish] Ustinky!
Timmy: Why'd you slap me with a herring?
Grandpa Vlad: Yaksgiving custom. On Yaksmas, we slap you with a mackerel!
Gladys: We brought you special present.
Timmy: Oh, yeah! Lay it on me! [Gladys presents him a turnip] A turnip? Uh, I was kind of expecting a toy or cash, maybe.
Gladys: [to Mrs. Turner] Beloved daughter, we brought you bigger turnip!
Vlad: Vee also brought something for you, son-in-law we don't like! [tosses a bag to Mr. Turner]
Mr. Turner: Really? Thanks! [angry weasels come out of the bag] Ah! A sack of weasels! [they attack him, and he screams; to Mrs. Turner] I think your parents are finally warming up to me! [screams as the weasels continue attacking him]
Mrs. Turner: Oh, Timmy? Take those heavy steamer trunks up to your room.
Timmy: Grandma and Grandpa are staying with me?
Mrs. Turner: Of course, silly! We're not letting that goat sleep in our room!
Gladys: Come, Timmy! It is time to celebrate the six days of Yaksgiving! [Timmy's legs give out as he struggles to lift the trunks]
Timmy: Six days?
Choir: ♪ On the first day of Yaksgiving, we make Yaksgiving soup ♪[cut to Vlad and Gladys using the fishbowlCosmo, Wanda, and Poof are in to prepare turnip soup]
Cosmo: [slurps] Mmm, fish soup! So delicious!
Wanda: Cosmo, you're eating us!
Cosmo: Oh, no! I give me gas! [Vlad and Gladys notice him flatulate]
Choir: ♪ On the second day of Yaksgiving, we shave Yaksgiving backs ♪[cut to Vlad shaving Gladys's back in the bathroom. Timmy enters]
Timmy: Ah! [zips away]
Choir: ♪ On the third day of Yaksgiving, we drop Yaksgiving yak ♪[cut to Timmy walking out of the house. A yak falls on him]♪ On the fourth day of Yaksgiving, we drop another yak ♪[cut to Timmy running into the house]
Timmy: [peeks outside] Ahh... [a yak falls on him]
Choir: ♪ On the fifth day of Yaksgiving, we have a yak attack ♪[cut to the kitchen]
Timmy: Wait, did the choir just say, "yak attack"?
Choir: ♪ We did! ♪[Timmy screams as yaks stampede over him]♪ On the sixth day of Yaksgiving, we have Yaksgiving feast ♪[cut to the family at the dining room table]
Timmy: A feast? Thank you, choir! I haven't eaten in six days!
Vlad: Vell, then, you're in for a treat! There is a salad of thorny twigs and mayonnaise, piping-hot goat meal, pickled weasel feet, and, of course, stick bugs on a stick made of stick bugs! [Timmy takes a stick, and stick bugs spread to his body. He screams and rides away on the goat] Grandson has escaped! Release the bloodhounds! [bloodhounds run after Timmy. The goat bucks Timmy when it stops to eat a bush. It hears the dogs running after it and zips away. Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof appear by Timmy]
Timmy: Ah! I can't take it anymore! I wish my grandparents had never come to America in the first place!
Wanda: Are you sure, sport? A wish like that could change more things than you think. [the goat jumps a fence, and the dogs growl and look at Timmy]
Timmy: I'm positive. [as the dogs run toward him] I wish Grandpa Vlad and Grandma Gladys never left Ustinkistan! [the fairies grant the wish, making everyone disappear. The dogs sniff the ground where Timmy was and whine. Cut to a barren turnip field. Timmy appears in lederhosen] Where am I? And why is everything so bleak and barren?
Mr. Turner: [slapping him with a herring] Ustinky! What are you talking about? You are home, in bleak and barren Ustinkistan!
Mrs. Turner: Well, we are off to bleak and barren turnip mines.
Mr. Turner: Look! Your parents left me a present! [angry weasels come out of the present] Geh! A sack of weasels! [he stumbles offscreen as the weasels attack his face. Mrs. Turner follows]
Timmy: What the heck is going on around here? [the fairies appear looking slightly different; they have pointed ears and are wearing tunics]
Wanda: Well, since you wished your grandparents never went to America, you were born and grew up here, in Ustinkistan!
Timmy: Well, that explains what happened to me. What the heck happened to you?
Cosmo: This is what fairy godparents look like in Ustinkistan! [a giant turnip appears] Yay, turnips!
Timmy: [sighs] This isn't what I wanted. Well, whatever. I've still got magic fairy godparents, so I'll just turn everything back to normal. I wish my grandparents had gone to America fifty years ago! [Cosmo sprays turnips at him from his wand] Turnips?
Wanda: Sorry. Ustinkistan fairies can only grant wishes involving turnips.
Cosmo: Yay, more turnips! I was worried we'd run out! [dives into the turnips. It starts raining]
Timmy: Ah, it's raining. Let's go inside.
Wanda: Sorry, Timmy. This is Ustinkistan. Inside hasn't been invented yet. [it stops raining and becomes night. The fairies poof into pajamas]
Cosmo: Well, good night! See you in eleven months!
Timmy: Eleven months?
Wanda: Well, that's how long the nights last here.
Cosmo: Yay! Eleven months of night! This place rocks! [Timmy hears howling and dives behind a giant turnip]
Timmy: What's that?
Wanda: Those are the werewolves.
Cosmo: Yay, werewolves! This place rocks! Don't worry; they only hunt at night.
Mr. Turner: [running away from werewolves] Curse you, werewolves!
Timmy: Aw, man. I can't believe my grandparents love this place.
Vlad: [crying] I hate this place!
Timmy: Hey, Grandpa Vlad. Are you okay?
Vlad: [sniffles] I'm fine... for a man who lives in constant regret and abject misery. [holds up a carving]
Timmy: Hey, that's your Yak in the Box restaurant! You carved it out of a turnip!
Vlad: Fifty years ago today, my dream was to open restaurant in America.
Gladys: Vee were going to get on last boat ever to sail to United States: The Soggy Turnip.
Vlad: But then, as if by magic spell from selfish bucktooth boy, we didn't! [cries. Gladys leads him away]
Timmy: Guys, I totally ruined my grandpa's dream!
Cosmo: Yay! Selfish bucktooth boy rocks!
Timmy: No, selfish bucktooth boy doesn't rock! You guys got to help me turn back time so I can get him on the Soggy Turnip and let the world enjoy his yak burgers!
Wanda: Sorry, sport. [shooting turnips at him] We can only grant turnip wishes, remember?
Timmy: [spits a turnip out] Then I wish for a turnip time machine! [Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish] Ha! [grabs the carving] Here we go! Back to fifty years ago today! [he and the fairies use the time machine. They scream as they go through the time stream, then appear in the past. Timmy looks at the landscape] Oh, no. The time machine didn't work!
Wanda: Yes, it did. You're now fifty years in the past. Not much changes here in Ustinkistan. Look, here come your younger grandparents!
Gladys: [eats part of a burger] Vlad, your yak burgers are delicious.
Vlad: Sadly, people in Ustinkistan don't appreciate them. If only I could sell these in America, where people love the taste of yak.
Gladys: And the streets are paved with turnips.
Timmy: Grandma, Grandpa! I mean, people I've never met before! You can go to America! All you have to do is get on that boat! [the Soggy Turnip's horn blares]
Vlad: [to Gladys] He must be escaped mental patient. Quick, hit him with a rock.
Timmy: Look, [showing the carving] you made this! If you don't get on that boat, you'll never realize your dream of serving Americans cheap and convenient fast-food yak!
Vlad: The mentally deranged boy is right! Come, Gladys! Vee must get on Soggy Turnip!
Boat Announcer: All aboard the Soggy Turnip! [Timmy, Gladys, and Vlad run toward the boat. Its gangway rises off the pier, its turnip anchor rises from the ocean, and it departs]
Timmy: Oh, no! We're too late!
Vlad: I guess it's back to the turnip mines. [he and Gladys leave]
Timmy: Guys, I wish I had a turnip jet ski! [Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish. Vlad and Gladys get in the jet ski, and Timmy uses it to ride into a pool on the Soggy Turnip. Vlad and Gladys get off, and Timmy gives them a thumbs-up and rides away. The fairies appear in front of him] They're going to America. And that means everything should go back to the way it was before. [he and the fairies are poofed to his room] Awesome, I'm back home! In a place where there are no werewolves!
Cosmo: Well, if you want to believe that...
Gladys: [opening the door on the fairies] Timmy, Yaksgiving is over. We have come to say goodbye.
Vlad: Yes, is time for us to return to normal lives. [he and Gladys rip their clothes off, revealing jumpsuits]
Gladys: [in an American accent] How's our stock?
Vlad: [in an American accent] Up six points. We just made another million. [chuckles]
Timmy: Wait a minute. You guys are rich and modern? And rich?
Vlad: Oh, yes. Yak in the Box is a national fast-food chain. You're a good kid, Timmy. You know, you remind me of an escaped mental patient who once helped me realize my dream. [cut to the living room]
Gladys: Goodbye, beloved daughter. [slaps Mrs. Turner with a herring] Ustinky!
Vlad: And goodbye, son-in-law we still don't like. [slaps Mr. Turner with a herring]
Mr. Turner: I love you too! [Vlad and Gladys leave in a gold yak SUV]
Timmy: You know, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm really going to miss those guys.
Wanda: Well, sport, you can visit them any time. [cut to the Turners at the Yak in the Box drive-through]
Timmy: We'll take three yak burgers with weasel fries and chocolate turnip milkshakes. [Mr. Turner pulls up to the drive-through window]
Vlad: [giving Timmy a bag of food and a yak toy] And don't forget your yaktion figure. [Timmy pulls the toy's tail, making the toy moo]
Mr. Turner: Hey, where's my food? [he is given a bag with angry badgers in it] Geh! It's a sack of badgers! [as the badgers attack him offscreen] They finally love me! [iris out on Mrs. Turner. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]
