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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Timmy TV" from Season 5, which aired on May 13, 2005.
Script[]
Good evening, Dimmsdale. I'm Chet Ubetcha.
Welcome to "Chet Ubetcha's Lifestyles of the rich and wasteful.
Tonight, we are going to see how famous people better than you live their lives,
Including pop diva Britney Britney-
So rich and famous, she swims in the tears of her many male fans.
We love you, Britney Britney.
Next, Chip Skylark- So famous, he gets his aerobic workouts
With the help of his fans.
We love you, Chip Skylark!
Money, getting on tv, Trixie Tang chasing you-
Wouldn't being famous be the coolest, you guys?
Oh, it is the coolest.
Just look at my super-cool shades.
All us stars have them.
What are you talking about? You're not a star.
Yes, I am.
In fact, we're all stars.
Aah!
[Whistles]
Wait a second. Call me crazy-
What?
There's no secret that could be discovered by an impromptu trip to Fairy World.
[Ding]
I think you two are hiding something.
I want to go to Fairy World right now.
Uh...uh... Uhh...
What's the matter?
Uh, Timmy, it's just, you usually give us a little notice when you want to go to Fairy World.
It's not very polite to just drop in.
And when has being polite ever mattered to me?
Yeah. The only time you see the words "Timmy" and "polite" in the same sentence is if the word "isn't" is between them.
I wish we were in Fairy World right this second.
Look. It's Timmy.
Cosmo is so cute.
Wanda is fatter in person.
Hey, what's going on?
Why is everybody staring at us?
We love you, Timmy!
We love your pink hat.
Hey, do the impolite thing.
What are you talking about?
Hey, he's doing the impolite thing.
Who loves Cosmo?
[Cricket chirps]
Timmy: "Timmy TV, "weeknights at "?
What's "Timmy TV"?
Oh, nothing-
Just our highest-rated reality show.
But now that turner knows he's on tv,
Our success will be over...
And it's all your faults.
Right-our faults, Mr. Sparklefield.
Our bad, Mr. Sparklefield.
You're fired.
Aah! Aah!
This is a disaster.
It might not be.
Stop the presses.
Well, now that turner knows everything, we can strongly suggest he make a few changes to his life, so that "Timmy TV" is the smash ingest smash hit ever.
Now get me a meeting with Fairy World's number-one star.
I'm Fairy World's number-one tv star?
This is awesome.
Cosmo: My fans, my wonderful fans,
I love you.
[Cricket chirping]
Oh, I'm getting a glaring ovation.
See, Timmy, the studio has been secretly broadcasting your charming, screwball life to all of Fairy World.
For how long?
Ever since they canceled "Leave It to Binky."
Didn't you notice the cameras everywhere?
Hmm, now that you mention it, no...
But who cares? Fame totally rocks.
[Cricket chirps]
And now I'm off to my first power lunch.
Well, timothy, enjoying the fame now that you're a star?
Aah! Aah!
Hey, what's not to like?
Wanda: Uh, Simon, about Timmy knowing-
It's not his fault. It's ours.
No worries, my dear, but seeing as the cat is out of the bag, I feel if Timmy is willing to make a few little changes to the show, you could all be famous beyond your wildest dreams.
Please! Please don't take my character out of the show, Mr. Sparklefield.
I have so many adoring fans.
[Cricket chirps]
Don't worry, Cosmo.
I'm the star, and I would never let that happen.
Now, where do I sign?
Right here, actually.
Shouldn't you read that?
Ha! Read?
The only time you see the words "Timmy" and "read" in the same sentence is if the word "doesn't" is in the middle.
The private studio pool is yours to use anytime, Timmy.
Brilliant, Simon.
Now, about those changes to your life-
You'll need a catchphrase,
Something you say all the time, like, uh, "What could possibly go wrong?"
We also want to change the color of your hat to purple.
But the pink hat is my thing.
Oh, this is what I was worried about.
Don't you want him to just be himself?
Nag, nag, nag.
No wonder you're the third least popular character on the show.
The fans, they still love me, though, right?
[Ding]
Aah!
Got to tell you, big "T," Purple would make you way more famous.
What could possibly go wrong?
♪ Give him a purple hat ♪
♪ He'll wear it
♪ Give him ice cream
♪ He won't share it ♪
♪ He's Timmy
♪ He's just like you and me
♪ Except he's got fairies
♪ He's got teeth the size of minivans ♪
♪ There's no end to his shenanigans ♪
♪ He's Timmy, he's just like you and me ♪
♪ Except he's got fairies
♪ He's got fairies ♪
♪ He's a kid who's irresistible ♪
♪ Life with him is unpredictable ♪
♪ He's Timmy, he's just like you and me ♪
♪ Except he's got fairies
[Audience laughs]
[Audience laughs]
Timmy, honey,
I'm going to make you a nice, big breakfast.
Gee, mom, that sounds-
Timmy: Uh, what could possibly go wrong?
[Audience laughs]
I'd just love to know what's so funny about pancakes and eggs.
[Audience laughs]
Aah! Aah!
Aah!
Ha! What could possibly go wrong?
[Audience laughs]
Well, fix yourself a bowl of cereal, then, smarty pants, and for being so rude, you're grounded for a week.
Big "T," what are you doing?
Grounded for a week does not an exciting reality show make.
What are you talking about?
I got grounded because I did exactly what you said to do.
You're right.
Maybe we'll replace mom with someone a little less shrill.
Find out if Florence Henderson is available.
You can't do that.
Sure, we can... With a little of this and a little of this.
Timmy, since you're not grounded after all, how about some snacks?
Thanks, Mrs. Brady- I mean, mom.
Wow. Your mom sure is a lot less shrill.
[Audience laughs]
Hey, I'm funny.
[Audience laughs]
Oh, I love mom as a blonde.
But what's with the braceface and the bald kid?
Simon: sorry to interrupt, big "T," but the audience loves your new mom, so we're going to keep making changes.
This is it.
Good-bye, Wanda. Good-bye, Timmy.
A.J. And Chester got to go.
Well, it's about time.
What are you talking about?
They're my best friends. I happen to like them.
But as our research clearly shows, your fans don't.
Now meet your wacky new sidekicks.
Ee! Ee! Ee! Ee!
Aah!
Yaah!
Help!
Yaah!
Ooh, honey, have you done something new with your hair, face, and body?
Aah!
Aah! Aah!
Get Timmy's friends off my head!
[Audience laughing]
All: We love "Timmy TV"!
Ha ha ha!
I knew the audience would love those adorable chimps.
Can this show get any more massive?
Impossible.
Unthinkable.
Wrong answer. You're fired.
Aah! Aah!
As you can see, chimps score huge with the audience, but Wanda and Cosmo, I'm afraid, do not.
What? Don't tell me you're thinking of getting rid of Cosmo and Wanda.
You can't just separate us.
And yet, I can.
Big "T" here is under contract, remember?
Wow. The only time you see the words "Timmy" and "contract" together is if you see the phrase...
You can get rid of my hat, my mom, and my best friends, but you can't get rid of my godparents.
Oh, did you hear that?
He really loves us.
I mean, who else is gonna poof up ice cream for me all the time?
Tough toenails, big "T".
You're the one who wanted to be famous.
Fame has a price.
Besides, if I let you walk, where am I going to get a crazy, wacky new star to fill your shoes?
What if I could find someone crazier and wackier to fill my shoes?
Finally, it's done!
My new and improved ultra fairy detector.
With it, I can't help but find fairy godparents!
And make a delicious fruit smoothie.
[Audience laughs]
What's that? Laughter from nowhere?
It's an obvious sign that either invisible people have finally come to recognize my unique brand of comic genius or, more likely, fairy godparents!
Eek!
All: Fairy godparents!
[Cheering]
What did I tell you, Simon?
Is Crocker a giant hit, or what?
You're a natural, my little executive producer.
"Crocker TV" is the biggest show we've ever had, and your episode idea where he gets eaten by a herd of wildebeest is great.
Wanda, Cosmo, no hard feelings.
When he's off the show, can I have his part, please?
Please, please?
What could possibly go wrong?
Lots of things.
Never let your mom be your manager.
You've got an audition.
Try and look cute.
Wait a minute. Mom?
I don't know any of you kids.
Florence: You're in my spot!
Mrs. Turner: She is so shrill.