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Transcripts

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "The Terrible Twosome" from Season 9, which aired on June 1, 2013.


Script[]

  • [Fade in on the Turners' house. Timmy opens the door to his room]
  • Timmy: Ahh! Aw, man. [the room is messy and chewed up] Sparky, did you chew up my stuff?
  • Sparky: Wasn't me. I've been painting. [he is making a still life painting of a bowl with random objects in it] The ladies love artists.
  • Timmy: So if you didn't chew my stuff, who did? [Poof appears, roars, and flies toward Timmy and Sparky. The two scream and zip away. Poof chews up the painting, then chases the two around like Pac-Man. The two hide in a pile of clothes]
  • Wanda: Sorry, Timmy. It's Poof. He's going through the terrible twos.
  • Cosmo: He also chewed up everything in the fishbowl. [the fishbowl castle falls over] Good thing we have tiny underwater castle insurance.
  • Timmy: What are the "terrible twos"?
  • Wanda: Oh, it's a stage in every fairy baby's development where they rebel against everything.
  • Cosmo: Fight the man, Poof!
  • Poof: [appears wearing a boxing glove] Poof poof! [punches Cosmo]
  • Cosmo: By "the man", I meant your mother— [bumps into a wall, making a basketball on a shelf fall off, bounce, and knock him into the moving ceiling fan. Poof laughs]
  • Wanda: The only thing that calms Poof down is laughing at Cosmo hurting himself. [Cosmo goes flying into a garbage can, hits a wall, and vibrates] Okay, now, that's funny. [Poof is chewing on the door] Poof, stop chewing! [Poof makes things in the room float up and fly around. Timmy and Sparky scream, and Wanda poofs up riot shields that protect the three of them]
  • Timmy: Wanda, make it stop!
  • Wanda: I can't. Magic doesn't work on the terrible twos. This is a job for Dr. Rip Studwell! [poofs in Rip Studwell, who hits Cosmo with a golf club]
  • Dr. Rip Studwell: Wanda, this better be important. I was right in the middle of surgery.
  • Wanda: You're holding a golf club!
  • Studwell: Yes, I was carving up the back nine at the Fairy Hills Golf Course. Ladies love doctors who golf.
  • Wanda: Dr. Studwell, you've gotta do something about my baby!
  • Studwell: He'll come outta the garbage can when he's good and ready.
  • Timmy: Not Cosmo. She's talking about Poof. He's going through the terrible twos. [Poof fires his rattle into the air]
  • Studwell: Well, I'm not a doctor, but...
  • Wanda: Yes, you are!
  • Studwell: Oh, right. Fortunately, the terrible twos only last 12 hours. However, Poof is in a vulnerable state, and he can be easily influenced. It would be disastrous if he were exposed to someone evil enough to turn him to the dark side. But... what are the odds of that happening?
  • [Cut to a crystal ball showing Poof]
  • Foop: At last! Now's my chance to turn my arch-nemesis, Poof, to the dark side forever! With him on my team, he'll no longer stop me from doing evil! [beat] Hmm. That would sound more ominous with an evil music sting. [plays an organ] Much better. I'm coming for you, Poof. Oops. Forgot my binky. [picks up a pacifier and sucks on it] Wow, that's soothing.
  • [Cut to Timmy's room. Poof is making things fly around]
  • Timmy: Dr. Studwell, you have to do something.
  • Studwell: You're right. I need to get outta here before something hits my handsome face. I'm getting new headshots done tomorrow.
  • Timmy: Headshots? You're a doctor!
  • Studwell: Yes, but I also play one on TV. Ladies love doctors who act. [disappears]
  • Poof: [offscreen] Poof poof! [Timmy, Wanda, and Sparky duck, and lasers melt the garbage can]
  • Cosmo: Yay! I'm free! [sees Poof shooting lasers from his eyes] Yah! I'm scared!
  • Wanda: That's it, Poof! You're in a time out! Go to your room!
  • Poof: Poof! Poof!
  • Wanda: How dare you use language like that, young man? [Poof makes thunderclouds appear, blows a hole in a wall, and leaves]
  • Cosmo: Wow, the weatherman was way off. He said there was only a 40% chance of Poof storming off today.
  • Wanda: Oh, my baby!
  • Timmy: Don't worry, Wanda. Poof will be fine. He just needs to blow off some steam.
  • Poof: [offscreen] Poof poof! [hot steam blows through the hole and hits Cosmo]
  • Cosmo: Gah! Hot steam! On the bright side, my shirt's not wrinkled.
  • [Cut to Dimmsdale Park. Poof destroys the park sign with lasers and enters]
  • Foop: Hello, Poof. I see you've finally discovered that being bad can be good.
  • Poof: [babbles angrily] Poof poof.
  • Foop: There's no need for salty language. Anyway, I've got a proposition for you. You and I team up and terrorize the universe! Think of it. Poof and Foop. Together we'll make... "Poop"!
  • Poof: Poof poof.
  • Foop: You're right. I heard it when I said it. Not a great name, I know. We'll call ourselves... "Brangelina"!
  • Poof: Poof poof!
  • Foop: "The Terrible Twosome"? Well, it'll do for now. Come with me, and I will train you in the ways of darkness! [sucks on the pacifier. He and Poof laugh evilly]
  • [Cut to a food cart in the park. Poof and Foop are hiding behind a tree]
  • Foop: Watch the master work, Poof. I've chosen an innocent test subject on which to demonstrate my evil craft.
  • Mr. Crocker: [walks up to the food cart] One churro, por favor.
  • Vendor: Here you go. [gives Crocker a churro. Crocker opens his mouth to eat the churro. Foop laughs evilly and turns the churro into a stick of dynamite with a lit fuse. The dynamite explodes and Crocker screams]
  • Crocker: Note to self: Bring Mother to the churro stand—pronto. [Poof and Foop laugh]
  • Foop: See what I did there? I took something sweet and made it evil! Now, you try. [Poof thinks, then turns the churro Foop is eating into a snake] Oh, look at that. A Burmese python. Very creative. [the snake eats him and falls to the ground] We'll pick this up in a few hours, when I come out the other end. We may have to call ourselves "Poop" again!
  • [Fade to Crocker walking in the park and seeing a box of chocolates in a baby carriage]
  • Crocker: What's this? Chocolates? There's nothing like stealing candy from a baby carriage! [he opens the box and the scorpions inside crawl on him] Gah! Scorpions! [running off] What the heck has happened to this park?! [Poof and Foop laugh]
  • Foop: That's one of my best tricks. Now, see if you can do it, Poof. [Poof poofs up a big box of chocolates] Oh. Giant chocolates. [a scorpion bursts from the box and stings him, and he screams and falls to the ground] You're a fast learner. And that's a fast-acting neurotoxin. We'll pick this up when I come out... of... the coma. [faints. The scorpion leaves]
  • [Fade to Crocker pedaling a swan boat]
  • Crocker: Must get out of the park alive! Must get out of the park alive! It's an aparkalypse!
  • Foop: All right, Poof. I'll let you take the lead this time.
  • Poof: [in a deep voice] Poof poof. [he zaps the swan boat and it starts pecking Crocker's head]
  • Foop: Not bad. Though frankly, I was expecting something a little more horrific. [Poof winks. A monster eats Crocker and the boat and slowly descends back into the river] That's weird. I was a little unnerved by that. Huh. Anyway, training's over. It's time to use our combined powers to... block out the sun! That will plunge the Earth into another ice age. Then, when the lifeless planet is a frozen wasteland... we'll build an adorable snowman and dress him with buttons made of licorice! Wait, what did I say?
  • Poof: Poof poof!
  • Foop: No, I know what I said. I mean, why did I say that? What's happening to me?
  • Poof: Poof poof.
  • Foop: Bite your tongue! I'm not getting nice! Now, how about we skip the whole ice age thing and I'll buy you a healthy fruit smoothie? [screams] I am nice! But why?! [Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Sparky appear]
  • Wanda: There's my baby! And he's with Foop, the most evil influence in the universe! [Poof babbles angrily and flies off]
  • Foop: Hello, Uncle Cosmo and Auntie Wanda. You're looking well. How about a heart-healthy smoothie on me? It's yummy in your tummy!
  • Timmy: Foop? What's wrong with you?
  • Foop: [cries] I don't know! Look! A cute little bunny! Yay! Dear me! I need a doctor! [Wanda poofs in Rip Studwell, who is now wearing gloves]
  • Studwell: This better be important.
  • Wanda: Did we interrupt an operation?
  • Studwell: No, you interrupted a close-up. I told you; I play a doctor on TV.
  • Timmy: Dr. Studwell, something's wrong with Foop.
  • Foop: Oh, joy! The calla lilies are in bloom! For the love of everything that's evil, help me!
  • Studwell: Foop is clearly suffering from the terrific twos. It's the anti-fairy version of the terrible twos. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm due in the E.R.
  • Timmy: Are you performing surgery?
  • Studwell: No, the E.R. is a trendy new singles club. Ladies love doctors who can buy them appetizers. [disappears]
  • Foop: Look! I have a jar of fireflies! It's one of my favorite things. Along with whiskers on kittens and warm woolen mittens. Which we're going to need soon, because Poof is going to freeze the planet.
  • Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Sparky: What?
  • Poof: Poof poof! [he is growing bigger and casting a growing shadow]
  • Wanda: Poof, stop blocking the Sun or there's no dessert for you! [people gasp as Poof grows so big that he blots out the Sun entirely. It starts snowing and Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Sparky shiver]
  • Timmy: We've gotta get somewhere warm to figure out how to stop Poof!
  • Foop: Oh, snowflakes that fall on my nose and eyelashes! That's another one of my favorite things! [shouts] Help! My tongue's stuck to a frozen post!
  • [Cut to the house. Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, Sparky, and Foop appear. Sparky shakes off snow that then falls on Cosmo]
  • Timmy: Guys... Dr. Studwell said the terrible twos aren't permanent. All we need to do is avoid freezing for the next ten hours!
  • Chet Ubetcha: [on Timmy's TV] This is Chet Ubetcha saying, we only have fifteen minutes before we all freeze! Scientists are mystified as to why this is happening. In unrelated news, a giant, purple baby is blocking the Sun.
  • Wanda: We've gotta get Poof back to normal. But our magic doesn't work on the terrible twos.
  • Timmy: We need to think!
  • Cosmo: Well, I do my best thinking in the can. [puts the garbage can over his body; walking] ♪ Free la lee la— ♪ [trips, rolls out of the room, and crashes offscreen. Timmy and Sparky laugh]
  • Timmy: That's it! Poof calms down when Cosmo hurts himself! We gotta get Cosmo up to Poof now!
  • [Cut to space. Ice starts to cover Earth. Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Sparky appear wearing spacesuits. Poof babbles angrily]
  • Timmy: We're running out of time! Cosmo, hurry! Make Poof laugh!
  • Cosmo: Okay. I've prepared a short monologue.
  • Timmy: Just do the trash can thing!
  • Cosmo: No, I'm not really into prop comedy. [reading from a card] I just flew in, and boy, are my arms tired. That's not a joke. It's really what happened. [Poof growls]
  • Foop: I brought some lemonade, Uncle Cosmo! I baked some heart-shaped sugar cookies to go with it! I despise what I've become! [Poof growls. Foop screams and tosses up the pitcher of lemonade and the cookies. The pitcher breaks through Cosmo's helmet and pours into it]
  • Cosmo: Ah! Lemonade stings my eyes! [spirals away screaming, flies into a satellite, and gets shocked. Poof giggles and shrinks a little]
  • Timmy: It's working! More lemonade! [Cosmo poofs up a pitcher that pours lemonade on his face. He spirals away screaming and gets hit by tiny asteroids. Poof laughs and shrinks more]
  • Cosmo: Oww! Meteor showers hurt. This is why I take meteor baths. Ba-dum-bum! That wasn't a joke. I really do that. [Poof laughs and shrinks to normal size, and Wanda hugs him. The ice around Earth breaks off]
  • Timmy: It worked! You did it, Cosmo!
  • Cosmo: Once again, my sophisticated brand of high-brow comedy has saved the day. [gets knocked away by an asteroid] I need a space ambulance!
  • [Fade to the house. Timmy and Sparky are tossing Poof between each other]
  • Wanda: Thank goodness the terrible twos are finally over. And Poof is back to his lovable, normal self.
  • Foop: I figured you gents must have worked up quite an appetite with your jocular horseplay. So I brought you a lovely tray of finger sandwiches with the crusts cut off. How much longer 'til this nightmare ends?!
  • [Cut to the park. The monster spits out Crocker, who screams and plows into the ground]
  • Crocker: Seriously, I have really got to bring Mother to this park.
  • [Iris out. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]


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