The Jerkinators!/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "The Jerkinators!" from Season 5, which aired on July 21, 2006.

Script[]

Prologue[]

(Opening shot: Iris in to a fire blazing the screen, which fades to reveal Jimmy, wearing a gas mask and using a burning device. He throws the second out of frame before raising his mask.)

Jimmy: There, my Interdimensional Portal update's done.

(Wide shot as he removes his masks; he has set up his Interdimensional Portal. Carl and Sheen sit on it.)

Jimmy: And I couldn't have done it without the help of my two best friends. (Close-up of Sheen; zoom out to frame Carl alongside.)

Sheen: Mmm...new portal smell.

Carl: Think the three of us will still be best friends when we're grown up? (Jimmy walks past.)

Jimmy: Sure, Carl. We are a team, like the Three Musketeers – (He puts the burner in a box.) – or Feldman, Kraus and McDipple .

Sheen: Yeah! We'll always - (stammers) Who are Feldman, Kraus and McDipple?

Jimmy: Inventors of open-air satellite communication.

Carl: (raising hand) I wanna be Feldman!

Sheen: No, way! (shakes him) How come you're always Feldman?!

Carl: I've never been Feldman!

Sheen: You're McDipple!

(They continue their argument with a round of annoyed growls under Jimmy's next line.)

Jimmy: Guys, guys! The point is, if we're best friends – (they stop growling.) – nothing's going to ever change that.

(Now Jimmy approaches a toolbox-esque panel with binoculars on it; he looks into it as Carl and Sheen join him.)

Jimmy: Now, let's see what our neighboring dimensions are up to.

(Carl and Sheen stand behind Jimmy on either side; cut to his binocular view on the start of the next line. Here, we see a trio of red sauce-like monsters standing in a desert dimension.)

Jimmy: (from o.s.) There are the Chili People of Ragis 5... (Scene changes to three Yolkians on Yolkis; one of them falls out of sight.) There are the Yolkians...

(Cut to frame Jimmy; as he leans away, the binoculars display a 2D view of a house.)

Jimmy: And hey, there's Timmy Turner!

(As he speaks, the view zooms in on the binoculars until we fully arrive what he saw: Timmy Turner, standing on his front doorstep. He walks down the walkway bouncing a basketball on one glove; close-up of him.)

Timmy: Ah, what a day. Tailor-made for hanging out with my good friends, all both of them. Chester, my man. What do you say you and I throw the old pill around?

Chester: Sorry, dude, it's Fridge Friday. My dad's making me move this refrigerator off the lawn to make room for our new outhouse I just built.

Bucky: (sings) Oh, the Camptown ladies sing this song...

Timmy: Well, Chester's out, but A.J. has a working indoor toilet. I'll bet he's free.

A.J.: (from inside) I'm not free, Timmy. Actually, Timmy, I'm free zing myself.

Timmy: What?

A.J.: I'm sick of being the only genius in town... (He breaks the certificate on the ground) ...so I'm placing myself in suspended animation until the 24th century, where, if I'm right, mankind will be so far advanced, I'll be welcomed like a long-lost brother.

Timmy: That's insane.

A.J.: Of course, you'd think that. (He puts on a future suit) You're so 21st century. Good-bye, primitive!

(A.J. pushes a button and Timmy files out screaming)

Wanda: Ah, don't worry, Timmy. You've got us.

Cosmo: Yeah, we're forced to hang out with you.

Timmy: Those guys are practically my only friends in this universe. You know what that means?

Wanda: You should be a better person?

Timmy: Nope.

Cosmo: You should play with Sanjay and Elmer?

Timmy: Nope. Time to try another universe! Next stop: Retroville and Cindy Vortex!

Cosmo: Nope. Oh wait. Sorry.

Jimmy: Cindy? He's coming to see Cindy! Excuse me, guys!

Sheen: Hey, Jimmy! Wait up!

Carl: Yeah, we want to watch the violence!

Jimmy and Timmy: (impact) Oof!

Timmy: Neutron? I was just coming to see Cindy.

Jimmy: Not if I see her first!

Timmy: What? HEY!

Jimmy: Give it up, Incisor Boy! Cindy likes me best!

Timmy: No way, Brainzilla! I'm Cindy's love puppet!

Jimmy: I'd love to stay and chat, but my flight's departing!

Timmy: Huh? I wish I had a jetpack, too!

Wanda: You know, he could've just wished himself to Cindy's first.

Cosmo: Yeah, he's not really that bright, is he?

Timmy: Yah Hoo!

Jimmy: Get out of here Turner

Jimmy and Timmy: UGH!

Cosmo: They're flying AND hitting each other! That looks like fun!

Cosmo: Oof!

Wanda: Hey, you're right! It is!

Jimmy: You're going down, Turner!

Timmy: You're going' down, Neutron!

Wanda: Actually, you're both going' down.

Jimmy and Timmy: Ahhh!

Jimmy and Timmy: Whoa-oa-oa-oa...

Jimmy and Timmy: (rolling to stop) Oof! Oof! Oof! Oof!

Butler: May I help you?

Jimmy and Timmy: (bruised and weak) Is Cindy home?

Butler: The Vortex family is on a spa retreat until next week. Good day.

Timmy: Um...so....want to hang out?

Jimmy: "HANG OUT"? ARE YOU NUTS!? HAVE YOU GONE COMPLETELY MENTAL? YOU WANNA HANG OUT WITH ME, THE TWO OF US, TOGETHER?

Timmy: Uh... maybe.

Jimmy: Okay sure.

Carl: That didn't work out the way we had hoped.

Sheen: Jimmy and Timmy are friends? Do you know what this means.... DO you!? (to camera) Do YOU?

Libby: Uh, why are you talking to me like that?

Part 1[]

Timmy: So, here's what I'm thinking'. We get in that Robo-Walking thing of yours, go out and crash into stuff!

Jimmy: Too dangerous. Hey, how about we break luminous compounds down into their base elements?

Timmy: I'm not sure what you just said, so I'm going to assume it's boring.

Jimmy: Look, let's compromise. Why don't we use my new portal to go up to Rigos-5...

Timmy: Yeah...

Jimmy: Find us some Jelly People…

Timmy: I like where this is going...

Jimmy: Then take scrapings from their flagella and bring them back for analysis!

Timmy: You had me, and you lost me.

Jimmy: Turner. Let's face it. You and I just aren't friends like me, Carl and Sheen. Maybe we're not meant to hang out.

Jimmy: Eustace Strytch! And he's coming this way!

Timmy: What the heck's a "Eustace Strytch"?

Cosmo: Oh! I know! I got it once from eating bad clams, but then I threw up and felt much better!

Jimmy: He's not an allergic reaction! He's the town's richest kid! He'd be a joke if he didn't pay a team of scientists to help him with his evil plans. Stay here!

Wanda: This'll be great! We can use this time to read and practice sharing!

Cosmo: You thinking' what I'm thinking'?

Timmy: Come on! He couldn't have gotten far! (Laughter)

Eustace: Being grounded for trying to smash Neutron made me want to be better. BETTER AT SMASHING NEUTRON!

Timmy: Whoo-hoo! I love the Robo-Walker! Let's start crashing into stuff!

Jimmy: Hold it right there Eustace!

Eustace: James, dear boy! So good to see you again!

Eustace: You remember my Tripod ship... and the FEAR IT CREATES?

Jimmy: I'm not afraid of your stupid ship.

Eustace: Oh? Well, how about NOW?!

Jimmy: My controls are frozen!

Eustace: Raise Goop Launcher!

Wanda: Oh no! Jimmy's in trouble!

Wanda: Timmy! Do something!

Timmy: I wish Neutron's controls worked again!

Jimmy: Thanks, Turner! (tough) Okay, Eustace... let's dance.

Carl: So, when we heard that Cindy was away, we realized you needed friends and fast.

Sheen: Yeah. So, we're here for you. Whether you want us here or not.

Libby: Well, thanks, you guys. But you really don't have to...

Carl: Sheen, look! Isn't that the Robo-Walker?

Sheen: They need our help! Come on!

Carl and Sheen: (Grunts, Gasps, Whistling, Chuckles, and Screams)

Jimmy: Okay, Timmy... just like we planned!

Timmy: Right! I wish the tripod ship was stuck in quicksand!

Jimmy: Setting phasers to Butt Whup!

Eustace: Oh! (impact) Oh dear! (impact) Blix, break my fall! (impact) Oh really!

Sheen: Don't worry, guys! We'll save you!

Timmy: Actually, Neutron and I pretty much have it covered.

Jimmy: Yeah, we're having a great time! Okay, Timmy, let him run, then we'll catch him and kick his butt some more!

Timmy: Sweet! (To Cosmo) I wish the quicksand was gone!

Jimmy and Timmy: (Laughter)

Carl: Wow. Jimmy doesn't need us at all.

Sheen: Yeah. It's like Timmy is Feldman and McDipple all wrapped up in one.

Carl: That makes him McFelddipple.

Sheen: I HATE YOU MCFELDDIPPLE!

Timmy: Wow! That was awesome! I can't believe you used science to transmute his gasoline into sugar water, deactivate his missiles and give him chicken pox!

Jimmy: Well, I can't believe you used Cosmo and Wanda to fill his cockpit with bees, turn his assistant into a pig...

Jimmy: ...and fill his shorts with hot fudge!

Eustace: I CAN STILL FEEL THE BURNS!

Jimmy: It was almost too easy.

Timmy: Wanna try something harder? Like battling some of my enemies? One of my super-powered enemies?

Jimmy: Sure! I've got a few minutes!

Timmy: (to Cosmo and Wanda) Cosmo? Wanda? Let's play.

Chester: Oh, sure. I might have had to ignore Timmy to build my pop a new place to poop, but I'm sure it's nothing that a little candy and flowers can't fix!

Jimmy: Man, that was awesome! Next time, we get to use the Porta-portal, right?

Timmy: You got it, new best friend!

Chester: New best friend... I'm being replaced. I'VE GOT TO FIND AJ!

A.J.: Well, goodbye 21st century...

A.J.: ...with your wars, pestilence, and frozen espresso drinks. When I wake, all of those horrible things will be a distant memory!

Chester: AJ! WAKE UP! TIMMY HAS A NEW FRIEND!

A.J.: Wow! I'm in the future already? And you're here too?

Chester: A-hem! Didn't you hear me? TIMMY HAS A NEW FRIEND!

A.J.: There's no Timmy in the 24th century! Unless... Society must have advanced so much that all of this familiar stuff is how my mind is processing it, so I can understand it! (re: His room) This room isn't actually my room, it's probably a room so advanced, my mind is processing the images, so it LOOKS like my room! Which means you're not actually Chester...

Chester: Ugh. COME ON!

Jimmy: I'll never understand how you're able to do that.

Timmy: And I'll never tell you! (re: their normal selves) But we can't be fighting crime like this! I wish I was...

Jimmy: CLEFT! THE BOY CHIN WONDER! With my faithful sidekicks...

Timmy: Ace and Clefto, the Chin Hounds!

Timmy: Dude, you gotta jazz it up.

Jimmy: Right! And I'd very much like to be...

Jimmy: Brain Boy! Super kid genius!

Timmy: Now you're talking! Come on! Let's go pound some super-villains! (He flies, Then) Oh, no. The Chin is hurt!

Nega-Chin: Surrender Cleft, Ace, Clefto, uh, what's your name again?

Jimmy: ...BRAIN BOY!

Nega-Chin: Brain Boy! You brought some sort of souped-up Nerd to fight me? Give it up wonder twits. Now that I possess this magical Staff of Nega-Magitude, and with my villainous cohorts by my side... nothing can stop me!

Jimmy: (to Timmy) Pfft. Magic.

Timmy: I know. What an idiot!

Timmy: Well, that was too easy, too.

Jimmy: I know. With my genius and your technology, defeating our regular enemies is child's play.

Timmy: It could get a little boring. (getting an idea) Hey, what if we made our own villain?

Jimmy: You mean invent a villain so dangerous and powerful that he's even challenging to us? (considers) I suppose it's possible...

Cosmo: (reading) "Yeah! What could possibly go wrong?"

Jimmy and Timmy: To the lab!

Jimmy: (stopping Cosmo and Wanda) AHP BAP BAP! This is a perfect chance to try out my porta-portal!

Timmy: Come on! Let's blow this place!

A.J.: (to Chester) What? 24th century Timmy is blowing me off? That means I'm even less popular now than I was back then!

Chester: I'm not going to sit here and lose my best friend to some fudge headed whippy dip! Come on!

Sheen: Jimmy! Open up!

Libby: All I'm saying is, if you guys think you're going to drag me along everywhere just because Neutron isn't hanging out with you, you've got another thing coming'!

Jimmy: Hey guys, 'scuse us.

Timmy: Step aside! Comin' thru!

Sheen: Jimmy! Small headed Timmy! Wait!

Jimmy: So, I think he should be humanoid.

Timmy: Sure! Can he have a tail?

Jimmy: We can talk about it.

Carl: Jimmy, it's us! Your best friends, Carl and Sh...

Sheen: He's making something with a tail and didn't even ask us to help.

Carl: I guess he's gotten tired of us.

Libby: May I go now?

Carl and* *Sheen: NO!

A.J.: Huh? I'm bulgy now? Is there no end to the surprises of the 24th century?

Sheen: Hey! I know you guys! You're Timmy's friends!

Chester: Not anymore! He's blowing us off for your friend, Jimmy!

Carl: And Jimmy blew us off for your friend, Timmy!

Sheen: I hate the new Jimmy-Timmy friendship! We have to do something to break them up!

Carl: But what? WHAT?!

Cindy: Oh, hey guys! I'm back early from vacation! Did I miss anything?

Sheen: Do you know what this means? DO you?! (to Camera) Do YOU?

Libby: Seriously. You've got to stop doing that.

Part 2[]

Libby: Cindy, you're back! (beat) Why are you back?

Cindy: Oh, my mom had an allergic reaction to her seaweed wrap. She'll be fine once the grotesque swelling subsides. (re: Chester and AJ) What are these two guys doing here?

A.J.: Greetings from the 21st century!

Chester: We followed Timmy into your universe! Your friend Jimmy must have zapped him with some sort of "forget who your friends are" ray because he's acting like we don't exist anymore!

Cindy: Timmy's in town?!

Sheen: Yeah! And now that he and Jimmy are best buds, it's like WE don't exist either!

Libby: And without Jimmy to keep them company, Needy and Needier have been sticking' to me like stink on a skunk.

Libby: So now that you're back, you can get Neutron and Turner fighting again so everything can go back to normal!

Cindy: Oh, you can bet they won't ignore me. I'm like catnip to those boys.

Sheen: (Gasp) They poop on you in a box?

Cindy: That's kitty litter, you idiot! (To Carl) Carl, give me your bag of Jimmy's hair!

Carl: What? I don't have any...

Carl: (embarrassed) That's not mine. (BEAT) That's not me.

Cindy: Don't worry. I'll have those guys clawing each other's eyes out for my attention in no time!

Jimmy: (voice-over) To make our ultimate bad guy, I started with the basics. I downloaded the classic physio-structure of evil from the top 10 best-selling video games...

Jimmy: ...added your tail....

Jimmy: ...now all we have to do is choose his powers and weaponry!

Timmy: I think he should have a mustache! Mustaches are evil!

Cosmo: Not everybody who has a mustache is evil!

Wanda: Your mother has a mustache.

Cosmo: You should give him a mustache.

Jimmy: Let's give him ultra-laser arm cannons; sonic disrupters, hard-light manipulators... what else?

Cosmo: The ability to fire pizza toppings from a tiny slot in his chest!

Wanda: Oh, and he should have real emotions! Actual wants and desires! And feelings!

Jimmy*, *Cosmo, and Timmy: (warm and fuzzy)

Cosmo: Awwwww... Feelings, yeah.

Jimmy: And a remote-operated Destructo Chip!

Cosmo: So, you can dispose of him when you're bored like you've been doing with all your other friends?

Jimmy: That's not true!

Timmy: What are you talking about?

Cosmo: Talk to the bulgy hand! Anyone who loses your interest gets tossed aside like yesterday's gold bullion!

Wanda: Well, why don't you make him adoptable? So, someone can give him a nice home when you're done playing with him?

Timmy: Oh, fine!

Timmy: There. He's adoptable. Are you both happy?

Cosmo: I'll never be happy until spreadable ham is available in a tube!

Jimmy: (Off-screen) It is.

Cosmo: Then I'm happy!

Jimmy: I have to say, Turner... I had my doubts about our friendship, but this is pretty great!

Timmy: Yeah! I wonder why we never thought of this before.

Cindy: Hi boys.

Jimmy: Hey Cindy.

Timmy: Hey Debbie.

Cindy: Whatcha working' on when you should be working' on who's going to be taking me to the Candy Bar?

Jimmy: (to Timmy) So anyway, how do you feel about solar powered knees?

Timmy: Sweet! Oooh, can his tail have a power?

Cindy: Um... Hello? It's me? Cindy? The girl you waged an interdimensional war over?!

Cindy: HEY! LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU! I WILL NOT BE IGNORED! I'M NOT BUDGING...

Cindy: WHOAAA!

Timmy: Wanna finish the rest of this someplace where we won't be interrupted? Like back in my dimension?

Jimmy: Works for me.

Cosmo: Hey Wanda! Stand over there and I'll take your picture!

Cindy: Whoa! (impact noise)

Libby: Couldn't break 'em up, huh?

Cindy: It's like I didn't even exist!

Wanda: AGH!

Cosmo: (voice-over) WEEEE! Now I'm really happy!

Jimmy: This shouldn't take long. We've already designed the villain...

Jimmy: All we have do is bring him to life! That's where you two come in!

Cosmo: Um, are you sure this isn't going to hurt?

Timmy: HIT IT!

Cosmo and Wanda: AGH!

Cosmo: You said that wouldn't hurt!

Jimmy: No, I didn't! I specifically ignored the question because I didn't think you'd like the answer!

Shirley: My sole purpose... to hunt you down... and to defeat you!

Timmy: Finally! A villain worthy of our talents!

Jimmy: Get ready, Timmy.

Shirley: (menacing) Yes. Get ready indeed...

Shirley* (CONT'D): HA! Got your nose! (beat; then) MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Timmy: What the heck?

Cosmo: HEY! YOU GIVE TIMMY BACK HIS NOSE!

Timmy: Where's he going?

Jimmy: We better follow him.

Cindy: Let me in, Neutron! Let me in!

Carl: Hey look! They're not in there! They're in here!

Jimmy: Wait! Come back here!

Timmy: Yeah! Come back and fight us!

Chester: They ditched us and went to Dimmsdale!

Cindy: What?! Well, they can't do that! Outta my way!

Libby: Don't leave me here with these two! I'm coming with!

Carl and Sheen: Libby! WAIT! Come back!

Chester: We should go, too.

A.J.: I feel like we just got here. Time moves differently in the 24th century!

Timmy: Got your nose? Got your nose? What kind of Villain plays "Got your nose?!?"

Cosmo: How horrible! How villainous! (Casual, to Timmy) How do you speak so well without a nose?

Jimmy: We must have been so busy giving him weapons and powers that we forgot to make him really evil!

Shirley: HA HA!

Timmy: Cool! A trap!

Shirley: And now for my next villainous act...

Shirley: MOO HAHAHAHAHA!

Jimmy: HEY! What did you do?

Shirley: I have made your shoes...

Shirley: MODERATELY FILTHY!

Shirley: MWAH HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Timmy: Hey, can we talk to you for a sec?

Shirley: MWHAHAHAHA!!! (catches self) Sure, what's up?

Timmy: You're a villain.

Shirley: Right.

Jimmy: Well, by definition, that means you have to do villainous things.

Shirley: Sure. Sure, got it.

Timmy: You have to actually fight us. You have to be a threat.

Shirley: You sure?

Timmy and Jimmy: Positive.

Shirley: Okee-dokie!

Jimmy and Timmy: (slam into tree - impact noises)

Cosmo: Hey! Timmy got his nose back!

Cindy: Timmy? Where are you?

Carl: Oh Jimmy!

A.J.: (calling out) Fuuuuuture boys! I bring you fascinating tales of the distant past!

Cindy: Oh, forget it. They're obviously avoiding us.

Libby: I don't get it, Cindy. What's the big deal?

Cindy: Don't you understand, Libby? I've been doubly rejected!

Libby: So? There'll be other boys.

Cindy: Oh please. When am I ever going to have a science genius and a sweet-but-clueless yutz fighting over me again?

A.J.: This must be a Quadra spherical atomic transducing booster rocket.

Chester: Dude, that's a soup can. I'm a sweet but clueless yutz, and even I know that.

Cindy: (sly) Perhaps I spoke too soon… (walking over) Hi, boys!

A.J.: Soup can?

Carl*/*Sheen: Hi, Libby.

Libby: Oh, Cindy's coming' back, you guys. (to Cindy) Cindy, tell them you're coming back! (to boys) I'm not friendless and needy!

Libby: Ahhh!

Shirley: (IMPACTS) Man, this is great!

Shirley: Come on. Come on! Smack me again!

Jimmy: No! We hit you, then you're supposed to hit back! Now let's try it again.

Timmy: Might I suggest the three woods?

Cosmo: Uh Ya, Uh Ya! YOU'RE TICKLING ME ON THE INSIDE!

Wanda: Do you really think this is a good idea? We gave him feelings, remember?

Timmy: Exactly, that's the point! We're trying to get him angry, so he'll be a better villain!

Jimmy: FORE!

[SFX: <<GOLF SWING>> then - SMACK!!!]

Shirley: (fading) Yeah, WHEEEEEE HA HA HA!!!

Timmy: Apparently, we're going to have to try harder.

Mp’s: ("harumph" Walla)

British Official: Will the right honorable...

SFX: <<SLAM!>>

British Official: I say!

Timmy: Tally ho!

Cosmo: HA HA HA HA HA!!

Shirley: Hi Timmy!

SFX: <<SLAM!>>

Shirley: <<UGH!>> Again! Again!

Jimmy: Oh, this is hopeless. Wanna go back to the treehouse and start from scratch?

Timmy: Totally.

Jimmy: Works for me.

Shirley: Hey. Hey, where you guys going?

Timmy: Uh... back to Dimmsdale?

Shirley: Can I come? We're still playing right?

Jimmy: Um, yeah! We're just takin' a break. In fact, why don't you meet us at the Dimmsdale mall in, say, an hour!

Timmy: Yeah! We'll continue our never-ending battle of good versus evil then!

Shirley: Awesome! MWA HA HA HA HA HA!! (brightly) See ya at the mall! You guys are the best!

Shirley: <<SIGHS DREAMILY>>

Cindy: (Giggles) You boys are both so funny! I don't know which one I like the most! (drops handkerchief) WHOOPSIE!

Chester: SHE'S MINE!

Chester and A.J.: BACK OFF!

A.J.: THE FUTURE GIRL'S MINE!

Libby: Wow. That didn't take long.

Libby: Can we establish three feet rule here?

A.J.: (gasp!) Are you the future of mall security?

Shirley*; I'm The Villain! Sworn enemy of Timmy and Jimmy! (then, brightly) They're meeting me here in an hour!

Cindy: HA! Fat chance! It's only a matter of time before Neutron and Turner toss you aside like they did us! (to Chester and AJ) Now which one of you boys wants to buy me a chocolate shake?

A.J.: I do!

Chester: I do! But I can't afford it.

A.J. and Chester: (FIGHT WALLA)

Shirley: You're wrong, you know! I'm not just Timmy and Jimmy's archenemy, I'm their arch-friend! You'll see! They'll be here!

Shirley: I know they're coming.

Shirley: (less sure) They'll be here. (BEAT) Any minute now. (BEAT) Any minute?

Shirley: Heart heavy... feelings hurt... (darkly) Must adapt. Replace sadness with rage.

Cosmo: Wow. I can't believe the sun came up, went down, came back up, then we had rain and snow and night again, all in one hour!

Jimmy: So, do we give this new villain ANY feelings?

Timmy: Yeah. But none of the froufrou ones. Just rage, fury and vengeance.

Shirley: YOU DITCHED ME! AND FOR THAT, YOU WILL PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE!

Timmy and Jimmy: Ahhh! AWESOME! Ahhh!

Cosmo and Wanda: Ahhh! NOT AWESOME! Ahhh!

Part 3[]

Shirley: You ditched me, treated me like dirt, then blew me off! Now face the fury of... (beat; calm) What's my name?

Jimmy: Huh. We never really got around to that.

Timmy: Yeah, it didn't seem important at the time.

Shirley: (sad) Your words...they sting...

Shirley: BUT NOT AS MUCH AS THESE WILL!

Wanda: RUN, YOU IDIOTS!

Cosmo: Idiots? PLURAL! As in not just me?! Alright! We should form a club! We could have jackets made and...

Cosmo*, *Wanda*, *Jimmy, and Timmy: (Scream)

[SFX: <<EXPLOSIONS>>]

Timmy: I think he's finally mad at us!

Jimmy: High five!

Timmy: So, what kind of fancy scientific attack vehicle would you like to battle in?

Jimmy: I was thinking something kind of like this.

Timmy: Cosmo? Wanda? Make it so!

Shirley: Oh, you have time to design a cool assault vehicle, but you can't give me a name.

Jimmy: "Adapting"?

Timmy: Bracelets? I don't remember giving him girlie weapon-deflecting jewelry!

Jimmy: That's because he's ADAPTING! You must have typed "ADAPTABLE" instead of "ADOPTABLE"!

Timmy: Well, you shoulda checked my spelling!

Roller Girl: La la la la la la la la.

Shirley: GIVE ME A NAME SO YOU CAN SCREAM IT IN TERROR!

Jimmy: Y-OKAY! Uh... Uh....Your name is... Shirley!

Shirley: "Shirley." I like it! It's manly and threatening! FACE THE WRATH OF SHIRLEY!

Timmy: (Can't hold in his laughter) That is the dumbest name ever! (Laughter)

Shirley: What? You gave me the dumbest name ever? (To Jimmy) You tricked me! RRRRRRAAGGH!!!

Jimmy: THANKS! (Impact) A LOT! (Impact) TURNER!

Jimmy: (Impacts) Shirley's not that stupid a name! We could have said "Heidi"! (Crunch)

Timmy: I wish Neutron was next to me!

Shirley: What the? HEY!

Jimmy: Wow! He's really angry!

Timmy: Yeah! He could really hurt us… (beat; smiles) Except for the fact that I'm going to wish us up some indestructible super suits!

Jimmy: Super suits with a force field, sweet.

Wanda: What if he adapts something that can beat a super suit?

Cosmo: I'm not worried! Why? Because we're...

Cosmo: (re: jackets) The Idiots!

All Four: (Impact, then screams)

Chester: Would you like my cherry, Cindy?

A.J.: No, take mine! Or whatever this really is in the 24th century...

Sheen: See? We don't need Jimmy and Timmy to have fun.

Carl: Yeah, we can have a nice relaxing lunch all by ourselves.

Kids: (Grunts)

Cindy: (angry) What's the big idea?! Can't you see we're eating?

Timmy: So? We're fighting a bad guy!

Jimmy: Yeah! I think this is a little more important!

Cindy: (Falling Scream)

Sheen: Was he this big a jerk in our universe?

Mayor of Dimmsdale: And in my 5th Term as your mayor, I will place Public Safety as my number one...

Jimmy and Timmy: (Scream)

[SFX: (IMPACTS)]

Jimmy: Wait!

Shirley: What!

Jimmy: Th-This is all a big misunderstanding! And to show you how sorry we feel, we've made dinner reservations at 8 for just the three of us!

Shirley: Really? Just the three of us? (suspicious) What's the name of the restaurant?

Timmy: Um... Uncle... PJ O'Pootertootles?

Shirley: Uncle Pete's Pajama Pavilion... Uncle Pickle's Sandwich Barn... (seethes) There is no Uncle PJ O'Pootertootles! (fury) YOU TRICKED ME AGAIN!

Timmy: I wish...

Shirley: YOU'RE DONE WISHING!

Jimmy and Timmy: (Screams and Impacts)

[SFX: <<BEES>>]

Jimmy: Well, he is getting better. This is a little more challenging than I had in mind!

Timmy: Yeah. Good thing we're wearing our super suits!

Jimmy and Timmy: (Yelps)

[SFX: CAR ALARM CHIRP CHIRP]

Timmy: Uh-oh.

Jimmy: Destructo chip?

Timmy: Destructo Chip.

[SFX: TICK TICK TICK TICK TICK!]

Shirley: I don't think so!

[SFX: KABOOM!]

Timmy and Jimmy: Ahhh!

Shirley: (Maniacal Laugh)

Timmy*, *Jimmy*, *Wanda, and Cosmo: Ahhh!

Shirley: (Laughs) You kids think you're so special. Well, how'd you like it if I took away what made you special. Like your genius.

Jimmy*: And how do you propose to do this... (Beat, Then He Drools)

Shirley: Einstein's theory of relativity states that energy equals mass times the square of the speed of light; the "P" in pneumonia is silent; and all-day suckers only last about 22.3 hours. I am a genius.

Jimmy: Thoughts getting cloudy... Logic ebbing away... sudden urge to make clamshell art... (Scream)

Jimmy: Ha! Nice try, Villain! But now I'm surrounded by lethal electronic components which I can use to make... (seeing something and gasp)

Jimmy: (excited) MONSTER TRUCK RALLY! (realizing) Oh no! My genius... it must be gone! (quizzical) But who cares! THE BIG TRUCK IS GONNA EAT THE LITTLE TRUCKS!

Wanda: Oh, no! The Villain sucked Jimmy's genius into his data banks! Now he's a villain and a genius!

Cosmo: Just like Dr. Phil!

Shirley: Yes! And once I take your wands, Timmy will be just an average kid who no one understands!

Cosmo: Somebody should write a song about that.

Timmy: I wish...

Shirley: That you had been kinder to me? That you hadn't ditched me? That I wasn't about to eat these wands and absorb their power?

Timmy: Mostly the last thing.

Jimmy: Hey Timmy! THE TRUCK-A-SAUR is fighting TREADINATOR! IT'S GONNA BE THE MOST AMAZ... (beat) Did he just eat those wands?

SFX: <<VILLAIN EATS THE WANDS>>

Shirley* : <<BELCH>> Sure did! Fairy power absorbed! (aside) Wow. That didn't sound nearly as dramatic as I thought it would. (to Cosmo and Wanda) You are magic no more!

Wanda: WAAAGH! WE'RE HUMANS!

Cosmo: Really? Does this hurt?

Wanda: OW! That would hurt even if we were still fairies!

Cosmo: I know!

Shirley: Now I... the Villain whose name isn't Shirley - am the ultimate combination of science and magic! NOTHING CAN STOP ME!

Timmy: Wait! Wait!! Look, I know we were jerks to you.

Jimmy: Yeah, we feel really bad!

Timmy: So why don't we all take a nice steam and talk out our problems.

Shirley: (tentative) Is this another trick?

Jimmy: Come on! Do your really think we'd be stupid enough to try and trick you again? M-Maybe, Turner would be?

Timmy: Hey!

Jimmy: What? I'm a genius.

Shirley: Well, okay.

Jimmy: See? Isn't this nice?

Shirley: Yes. The steam really cleans out my evil pores.

<SFX: DOOR SLAM!>

Shirley: (voice-over) Hey, what was that?

Shirley: (furious) I WILL DESTROY YOU!

Steam Guy: (FEARFUL TEETH CHATTERING)

Shirley: Not you. You enjoy yourself. (BEAT) Now where could they be?

Mailman: Uh, excuse me. Are you the villain whose name isn't Shirley?

Shirley: Yes.

Mailman: Letter for ya.

Shirley: (reading) "If you still want to chase us, we'll be in Retroville." Well, that was thoughtful. (bloodthirstily) I WILL DESTROY THEM THERE!

Cindy: Isn't this great, Libby? We're having a perfectly nice time without Turner OR Neutron!

Libby: I'm just glad Carl and Sheen are getting along with Timmy's friends so they can get their faces out of my face!

Carl: You guys are cool. AJ, you're like Jimmy without the goofy hair.

Sheen: Yeah! And Chester here knows everything there is about roadkill!

Chester: Now remember: "The meat is sweeter when it's flattened on the street!"

A.J.: As for me, I love that even though you're both from the future, I'm much smarter than both of you!

Timmy: Guys! Guys! We need your help! The villain we invented stole Jimmy's genius!

Jimmy: And depowered... (forgets Timmy's name) Name?

Timmy: Timmy.

Jimmy: ...and depowered Timmy!

Cindy: BEAT IT, you, guys!

Libby: Yeah, take a hike, chumps!

Timmy: No, we're serious! There's a crazed interdimensional villain on the rampage and we need your help!

Cindy: Uh, huh, yeah whatever. Not our problem.

Libby: See ya.

Carl: Deal with it.

Sheen: Yeah right, dude!

Timmy: That could have gone better.

Wanda: Well, I'm not surprised. You weren't very nice to them, you know.

Jimmy and Timmy: We weren't?

Cosmo: What did I tell ya? IDIOTS!

Shirley: Pardon me, have you seen...

Sam: Outta my way, freak boy!

Shirley: Ma'am, if I could just ask you...

Shirley: A moment of your time?

Shirley: (angry) WHERE ARE THE ONES CALLED JIMMY AND TIMMY?!

Hugh: Never heard of him! Nah, we don't have a son named Jimmy, if that's what you're thinking!

Shirley: Very well, if you won't bring them forth, I'll make them come to me!

Hugh: Hey look, honey, I've lost weight. And depth!

Shirley: Ah, this is better. Welcome to your new home! I call it Retrodimsdaleville. This is just like the place where I was born. But here, I make the rules.

Everyone: (Screams)

Shirley: Where are you guys going?

Sam: No where.

Hugh: We weren't trying to ditch you, if that's what you were thinking?

Judy: Yes, we were. You specifically said, "Let's ditch the Villain."

Shirley: You humans are all alike -- think you can bend a person's feelings, crumple them up when you're done with them. Well, how do YOU like being bent?

Judy: Ohhhhh!

Shirley: How do YOU like being crumpled up?

Corky Shimatzu: (crumpled) This is not super fantastic.

Shirley: Well, get used to it! You humans are going to be MY playthings for a change! Now let's see, what else of Jimmy and Timmy's will I take to play with?...

Shirley: I'll take this tree! Ooh, ooh, A school!

[SFX: <<BLASTS SCHOOL, CHILDREN WALLA>>]

Shirley: It's coming along nicely. But it still needs a little something.

[SFX: <<BLASTS TURNER HOME]

Mrs. Turner: Where's our house?

Mr. Turner: Termites? College Pranksters? Inter-Dimensional Super Villains?

[SFX: <<BLASTS THE TURNERS>>]

Timmy: Please! How many times do we have to say we're sorry!

Cindy: How many times have they said it so far?

A.J.: Five hundred and twelve.

Libby: That's a start.

[Kids: <<"What the heck?" Walla, THEN: "All right.">>]

Chester: What's going on!?

Shirley: Let's see... a swing set! I'll need one of those... (angry, as he sees Jimmy and Timmy) Hey! There you are!

Wanda: Everybody! Run away!

Timmy: (bravely) No. I'm tired of running.

Jimmy: Me too! Do what you want to us, Villain, but leave our friends alone!

Shirley: (disembodied voice) Oh, I'm not going to hurt them. They were the only ones who were nice to me. (furious; at Timmy and Jimmy) BUT YOU GUYS ARE COMING WITH ME! HA. HA. HA. HA. HA. SPEAK? YOU GUYS ARE KINDA CUTE WHEN YOU'RE THIS SMALL. HA HA HA!

Carl: What are you going to do with them?

Shirley: Give them a front row seat TO THE DESTRUCTION OF BOTH THEIR UNIVERSES! (Nice again) You guys have about two days to live. Enjoy yourselves! Have a blast! Oh, and here's a portal in case you want to save yourselves and hang with me.

Jimmy and Timmy: (Screams)

Shirley: (Laughter)

Wanda: Oh no! He's going to destroy everything!

Cosmo: I wanna go home!

A.J.: I want to go back to the 21st century where I'll still have 300 years to live.

Sheen: I want to go see the Monster Trucks! The big trucks is gonna eat the little trucks!

Chester: (reading a poster) Sorry dude that's three days from now. The Universe'll be gone by then.

Sheen: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Shirley: Whoops. Almost forgot. (Zaps Sign) HA HA HA HA HAAAAAH!

Part 4[]

Carl: What's happening?! What do we do?

Cosmo: Let's look at the angry clouds and say what we see! (pointing) Ooh, there's an angry pony!

Sheen: And ooh! There's a bunch of rabid bunnies!

A.J.: Those aren't clouds! That bad guy stole all our friends and buildings and now our universe is starting to fall apart!

A.J.: But I'm sure your future technology has something that can deal with this.

Libby: Hey! Short, shiny and delusional! You're not in the future! You never left the 21st century, got it?

A.J.: You mean this is actually happening? Ahhh!

Sheen: Hey! Hands off!

Cindy: Guys, relax! He left us this portal to his world...

Cindy: Let's just ask him nicely to stop this. I'm sure he'll say yes!

Shirley: No.

Cindy: What do you mean no?

Shirley: I mean no! I don't care if your universes are falling apart! (Hugs all eight) It's you guys I care about! (furious) AS LONG AS YOU NEVER BETRAY ME!!! (back to nice) Anyhoo: I'm off to terrorize your loved ones. Bye-EEE!

[Crowd: <What's going on? I'm scared! Why are we bendy? What's the deal?>]

Hugh: Well, I kind of like it! Look at me! I'm as limber as a school girl!

Mr. Turner: Did you know you have a mole on your ankle?

Judy: Do I know you?

Mr. Turner: Why don't you have a mole on your ankle?

Mrs. Turner: I demand to speak to the person in charge!

Shirley: You rang?

Hugh: Uh... Yes. We were all sort of hoping we could go home now!

Shirley: Well, I have good news and bad news. The bad news? Your worlds are falling apart even as we speak. But the good news is: YOU'RE ALL CONDEMNED TO LIVE OUT YOUR LIVES AS MY PLAYTHINGS!

Mrs. Turner and* *Mr. Turner: (Screams)

Hugh: Er, what exactly does that entail?

Hugh: Ahhh! The pain! (Beat) Hold on... I missed the heel. Ahhh!

Timmy: (inching down refrigerator) I can't believe this!

Timmy: He stuck us to his refrigerator like magnets? And then left?

Jimmy: (inching down refrigerator) We don't have much time. He could be back any... Uh, what's the word? Longer than a second, shorter than an hour? Ack?!

Timmy: Minute?

Jimmy: Yeah! Minute!

Timmy: So? Got any ideas?

Jimmy: Ah, just two. Monkeys make me laugh, and, uh, there's a bunch of stuff in my lab that could probably get us out of here.

Timmy: Or we could raid your lab for some stuff that can get us out of here!

Jimmy: Why didn't I think of that?

Timmy: 'Cuz I'm smarter than you!

Carl: Or, I suppose I could live here. I like my new trim figure!

Cindy: We're not living here! We just have to get The Villain to listen to reason!

Crocker: (Off-screen) WHY WON'T YOU LISTEN TO REASON!

Shirley: It's my universe. I DON'T HAVE TO! (back to the game) Crazy Teacher, crazy teacher.

Shirley* (cont'd): Dad, Dad, Mom, Mom. I win again!

Cindy: Uck, on second thought, we might want to start coming up with a plan.

Shirley: Oh, I'm bored. Time to play "Cards screaming in terror!"

Sheen: Look out! It's raining authority figures I don't respect!

All Captured Adults: (Scream)

Shirley: What else can I do to you people?

Mr. Turner: Oh, I know. You can throw Super Models at us.

Shirley: No... No... I was thinking... THIS!

Mr. Turner: Hey! Why can't I move!

Hugh: I don't know!

Hugh and Mr. Turner: (Grunts)

[SFX: <<DOMINO RALLY>>]

Shirley: Well, that was anti-climactic. Of course, I rule.

Cindy: It's horrible!

Libby: I know! He spelled rules with a "Z!" Waz up with that?

Cosmo: Hey! Look! It's Timmy and that kid I'm way smarter than!

Libby: Everybody hide. If they know we're here they'll just shove us aside like we're nothing, and then go save the Universe themselves.

Sheen: Yeah! You stupid Universe Saving Jerks!

Chester: Here they come. Just watch. Any minute now, they'll say something totally insulting and hurtful. (Jimmy and Timmy stand on Chester) ACK! I knew it.

Timmy: Aw, man! Because of us, he's probably hurting our friends and families right now!

Jimmy: I know. No matter what happens to us, we've got to fix this.

Cindy: Wow, they really do care.

Chester: We should have accepted their apology when they hit 500.

Mr. Turner, Hugh, and* *Sam: (Hugh noise, Dad, and Sam noise)

Timmy: Okay. He's distracted. Lets hit him with everything we've got!

Jimmy: Right! So... Uh, what do we got?

Timmy: I don't know! It's your lab!

Jimmy: Yeah! But I'm recently: What's the word, when you don't know stuff?

Timmy: Moronified?

Shirley: (clears his throat)

Timmy: Uh... Eat this villain!!!

SFX: <<BUBBLE SHOOTERS>>

Jimmy: Huh? Neat! Bubbles!

Timmy: Cosmo you idiot! I'm sorry force of habit. Jimmy you idiot! RUN!

Jimmy and Timmy: (Screams, then impacts)

Shirley: You're not getting away that easily. There's no place you can hide from me, here. And when I find you, you're fates are sealed.

Jimmy: Oh man! We're doomed!

Sheen: Hey there, tall, mean and crazy!

Carl: Hi, Monster Man!

Shirley: Hi guys! Can't talk! Looking to destroy Jimmy and Timmy! Call me!

Jimmy: Thanks for the save, but what are you guys doing here?

Libby: We heard you saying how sorry you were and we've decided to let you help us save our universes.

Timmy: Well, it won't be easy. Every time you throw something at him, he adapts!

Cindy: I've got an idea. Carl, turn around.

Carl: Why? (Yelp)

Cindy: Okay, look. We know he's big. We know he has super powers. And we know he has weapons.

Cosmo: And look, here's the sun! And he's smiling!

Cindy: What we have to do is trick The Villain into adapting away those three things! Agreed Jimmy?

Jimmy: You're all pretty and stuff...

Cindy: Close enough. (Giggles) He called me pretty.

[SFX: <<CELL PHONE RINGS>>]

Shirley: Hello? Sheen! What's that? Sure! I could take a little break from trying to get Jimmy and Timmy!

Shirley: OW!

A.J.: (Dribbling and Giggling)

Sheen: (Dribbling) CHECK OUT MY BIG AIR!

Shirley: OW!

Sheen: (Laughing) BIG AIR!

A.J.: You're too huge! We're kicking your flat, bendy butt!

Shirley: Huh? I'm adapting!

Shirley: PREPARE TO GET SERVED!

[SFX: <<CELL PHONE RINGS>>]

Shirley: 'Scuse me a sec, guys.

Shirley: Hello? Cindy! What's up girl!?! (beat) Brunch? I'm so there.

Cindy: Hi Villain! Come on in! I can't wait to talk about how much I hate Jimmy and Timmy with you!

[SFX: <<BEEEEEP!!!!>> ]

Libby: Oh. I'm going to have to ask you remove that arm cannon.

[SFX: <<BEEEEEEP!!!>>]

Libby: And that rocket launcher.

[SFX: <<BEEEEEP!!!>>]

Libby: Any other metal?

Shirley: Right, right. Sorry.

Carl: (voice-over) Help! Oh help! Jimmy and Timmy are being mean to me!

Shirley: (darkly) Brunch will have to wait.

Carl: (Whimpers)

Shirley: Carl! Show me where they are so I can smite them!

[SFX: <<VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!>>]

Jimmy: WAA-HOOO! I'm a Truckasaurus Rex!

Timmy: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO WAIT FOR CHESTER!

Shirley: Wait a minute. You lied to me?

Carl: Chester! Help!

Chester: Uh... having some problems here!

Cindy: CHESTER! HURRY UP!

Shirley: You all lied to me? I WARNED YOU!

All Kids: Ahhh!

Chester: NEAT, I mean, exactly as I planned it.

Shirley: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Shirley: (tangled in net) What? (Beat) WHY CAN'T I GET OUT!

Timmy: Cosmo and Wanda's powers don't work under a butterfly net, Bucket Head! Which means you're trapped!

Jimmy: WAAAAAHOOOOO!!!

Shirley: If I can't escape... because of magic...

Shirley: Then I... must adapt magic away...

Shirley: (COUGHS UP WANDS)

Wanda: We have our wands back!

Cosmo: Ew! Mine's all phlegmy!

Shirley: You think this is over? I'm still super strong!

Timmy: I wish he wasn't!

Shirley: AGGGGH! MY BACK!

Sam: There he is! Get him.

Hugh: He's powerless and trapped! Let's kick him while he's down!

Jimmy: WAIT! STOP!

Jimmy: Don't you... what's the word?

Timmy: Understand.

Jimmy: Understand? None of this was really the Villain's fault! We programmed him: Me and Tommy.

Timmy: Timmy.

Jimmy: Becky. We made him this way. It's us you should be mad at, and, and what was I saying?

Timmy: (to everyone) What we're really trying to say is... (to the Villain) We're sorry.

Shirley: Wow. (sniff sniff) Now I know I have a silicone-based heart circuit, because it's breaking.

A.J.: Uh, hello, Worlds? Disintegrating?

Timmy: (sotto to Cosmo and Wanda) Oh right! I wish everybody and everything was where it was supposed to be!

Shirley: Wait! What about me?

Jimmy: I think we can figure out something for you. As soon as somebody gives me my brains back!

Shirley: Prepare to taste THIS DELICIOUSLY EVIL PIZZA! With pepperoni!

Shirley: NOW... GET OUT!

Sheen and Chester: (running in terror) Ahhh!

Shirley: I love those crazy kids.

Timmy: (to the friends) Thanks, guys! We couldn't have done it without you.

Libby: He said it! He totally said it and I got it on tape!

Jimmy: (points to skull) Uh, aren't we forgetting something?

Timmy: Oh! Right!

Timmy: I wish Jimmy had his brains back.

Cindy: Uh... Timmy? Can you hold off on that for a second?

Cindy: Say it again.

Jimmy: You're smarter than me.

Cindy: Again.

Jimmy: You're smarter than me.

Cindy: No. Say IT again.

Jimmy: (Chuckle) Touch the pretty girl...

Cindy: Okay. Give him his brain back.

End Card*

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