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The Fairly OddParents episode transcript
"The Fairly OddParents! (episode)"
Season №: 0
Airdate: September 4, 1998
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents episode, "The Fairly OddParents! (episode)" from season 0, which aired on September 4, 1998.


[the Turner's house at night.]

  • Mr. Turner: Thanks for babysitting tonight, Vicky. Timmy just loves making new friends, don't you Timmy?
  • Vicky: No problem, Mr. Turner! I just love Timmy. [grabs Timmy] We're gonna be best pals. [hearts for eyes; angel halo appears on the top of her head] Right, Timmy?
  • Timmy: Oxygen...darkness...
  • Vicky: Have fun at the movies! Bye! [her loving smile changes to a nasty-looking scowl as she shuts the door] All right, squirt, three things: 1) Stay out of my way. 2) Go to bed early. 3) Do the dishes.
  • Timmy: Mom told you to do 'em!
  • Vicky: Oh yeah... well, you wouldn't want her to find this magazine, would you? [holds up a magazine titled "Chix"]
  • Timmy: That's not mine! Mom will never believe you.
  • Vicky: Ha! Oh, I wouldn't say that; it works great at my house! Just ask my little brother. [dials on the phone and a child screaming is heard on the receiver]
  • Timmy: OK, OK, I'll do it!
  • Vicky: [sitting down to watch TV] Excellent! And as your reward, how about I order pizza for us?
  • Timmy: OK, but no anchovies!

[About 15 minutes later, he crawls out of the kitchen and comes upon Vicky with an empty pizza box.]

  • Timmy: Hey, you ate all the pizza!
  • Vicky: Relax, runt. I saved you a piece. [holds up one with anchovies]

[Later, Timmy lies on his bed. Vicky drenches a bucket of water on him.]

  • Vicky: Good, you're awake. Wouldn't want you to miss your bedtime!
  • Timmy: But I'm not tired!
  • Vicky: Oh, we could watch your favorite television show - The World of Lip Gloss! It's on the Makeup Channel.
  • Timmy: That's your favorite show!
  • Vicky: Oh, so it is! [laughs evilly and leaves the room]
  • Timmy: Very funny! [slams door and gets out his Magic 9-Ball] Oh Magic 9-Ball, when will my parents get back from the movies? [reading answer] Titanic: Director's Cut?! They'll be there all night! Man, that's dumb!
  • [He throws the Magic 9-Ball at the wall, causing it to break open. A magic aura forms from the ball, then swirls into thin air, bringing forth the entrance of Cosmo and Wanda.]
  • Cosmo and Wanda: HEY TIMMY!
  • Cosmo: I'm Cosmo!
  • Wanda: I'm Wanda!
  • Both: And we're... YOUR FAIRY GODPARENTS!
  • Wanda: What do you think, Timmy?
  • Timmy: I think I'm calling the cops.
  • Wanda: Hold it, tiger! [a railway signal appear stopping Timmy] You can't tell anyone about us.
  • Cosmo: If you do, we'll just go away forever.
  • Timmy: Why?
  • Wanda: Well, that's what the rulebook says. [poofs up Da Rules and it lands on Timmy] Oops! Sorry.
  • Cosmo: There's lots of rules, Timmy.
  • Timmy: Why are you here?
  • Cosmo: We want to help you! We're magic! Ooh! Magic! Ooh!
  • Wanda: We grant wishes! [chuckles]
  • Vicky: [slams door open] What's going on in here?!
  • Timmy: Nothing.
  • Vicky: What's with the fish?
  • Timmy: Uh, those are my godfish-- goldfish!
  • Vicky: Fish are riddled with germs. I wouldn't want you getting sick. Maybe I should flush 'em!
  • Timmy: No!
  • Cosmo: Should we do something?
  • Wanda: Well, he's got to wish for it first!
  • Cosmo: Ooh, I hate that rule.
  • Wanda: I'm calling a union meeting.
  • Vicky: I want these disgusting creatures out of here [walks out of the room] or it's toilet time for the two of them! [exits and slams the door]
  • [Cosma and Wanda pop out of their fish disguises and back to their fairy form]
  • Wanda: [sarcastically] Sweet girl.
  • Cosmo: I love her fangs.
  • Timmy: You grant wishes, huh?
  • Cosmo: Sure do!
  • Wanda: And we love clients with [wave her arms wide and hits Cosmo off-screen by accident] creative imaginations!
  • Timmy: Then I wish for one thing: gelatin.

[quick cut to Vicky relaxing in the bathtub. The water turns into gelatin, much to her horror.]

  • Cosmo: You always were great with dessert! [he and Wanda giggle]
  • Timmy: Whipped cream! [the shower head squirts it on Vicky] Cherry! [a giant cherry lands on Vicky as she tries to sneak out of the tub] That's great! Can you make her into a giant chocolate shake?
  • Cosmo: Oooh, may I, Pookie?
  • Wanda: Of course, Stallion.

[Cosmo turns Vicky into a giant snake.]

  • Timmy: Aaaaahhhhh!
  • Wanda: He said "chocolate shake, not "chocolate snake!"
  • Cosmo: [Looking at his wand] I gotta get this thing fixed!

[the giant snake Vicky jumps and crashes through the bathroom walls and chase after Timmy]

  • Wanda: Timmy, wish for something!
  • Timmy: I wish she was a fly! [C&W turn her into one and give Timmy a flyswatter] Thank you.
  • Vicky: Aaaaahhhhh! [flies away and backs onto the freezer door]
  • Timmy: Frostbite!

[C&W come out of the freezer as polar bears and scare Vicky.]

  • Cosmo: Anything else, Timmy?
  • Timmy: Here's a wish list.
  • C&W: Ooooooh.
  • Vicky: [now back to normal] You can't do this to me! I'm the babysitter!
  • Wanda: [sits on Vicky, as a giant baby] Goo goo.
  • Cosmo: [as Groucho Marx] That's the first time the baby ever sat on the sitter!
  • Vicky: Help!
  • Cosmo: Sorry! The secret word was pie! [throws a pie in Vicky's face]

[Vicky screams and runs off, then stops and sees she's in a belly of a whale, actually a transformed Cosmo. She screams again and jumps out of him.]

  • Cosmo: Sorry, is it my breath?

[Vicky swims for her life and is suddenly turned into an astronaut. Cosmo and Wanda come zapping her in colored spaceships.]

  • Vicky: Yikes!
  • Wanda: [wearing a Darth Vader costume] The force is strong with this one!
  • Cosmo: [wearing the same] I am your father! I always wanted to say that.

[Vicky jumps into a crater to avoid their fire. When she climbs out, it has turned into a circus cannon that fires her, tied up, onto some train tracks.]

  • Timmy: [dressed like Snidely Whiplash] Well Vicky, any last words?
  • Cosmo: [as the train] Woo woo, baby, woo woo!
  • Timmy: Well?
  • Vicky: I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Stop, I'll do anything! [scene fades as if it were a dream] Anything!
  • Mr. Turner: Vicky? Vicky? Looks like you were having a bad dream. Maybe too much pizza?
  • Mrs. Turner: Why don't we drive you home now?
  • Vicky: Uh, sure.
  • Timmy: Oh, Vicky, remember you promised to hand-wash all my laundry? After all, mom, she did such a great job on the dishes.
  • Mrs. Turner: Of course, dear.
  • Vicky: LAUNDRY?! Why you little, uh-- [notices C&W in fishbowl] Laundry! Sure, I'll do your laundry! I don't know what's going on around here, but I'm gonna find out.
  • Timmy: See ya, Vicky! Hey mom, Vicky's the best friend ever! Can she babysit all the time?
  • Mrs. Turner: Of course, dear.
  • Cosmo: Looks like we'll be here a while!
  • Wanda: Well, at least we'll be clean! [they giggle and swim inside their castle]