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|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|"The Fair Bears"|
|Airdate:||February 26, 2016|
- [The episode begins at Dimmsdale Elementary School. The school day has ended and two school buses are parked outside. The school students run outside and cheer.]
Timmy: School's out! [Timmy does a flip.] The nightmare's over!
Student: I'm never going back! [his voice echoes as he runs off into the forest.] Tell my story!
- [Chloe walks into the scene. She is carrying a red book.]
Chloe: Boy, this was a hectic day. I taught the kindergardeners mandarin-chinese, and created an experimental cure for male pattern baldness.
Timmy: You think you accomplished a lot? [Timmy pulls out his smartphone.] I found a new app that shows me what I look like with a beard. Check it! [Timmy's phone shows a loading screen. Then, it shows a picture of Timmy. The picture of Timmy suddenly grows a grey beard.] Ladies, get in line!
- Cosmo and Wanda poof next to Timmy and Chloe. They are disguised as green and pink birds, respectively.]
Cosmo: Hey, Timmy and Chloe! [Cosmo is holding a smartphone. A picture of Wanda is displayed on the phone.] Check out this new app. [The picture of Wanda suddenly grows a brown beard.] This is what Wanda looks like with a beard!
Wanda: Gentlemen, get in line!
Chloe: Oh, I know the perfect way to relax after a day of super-achieving. You guys are gonna love it! Cosmo and Wanda, poof us to my house.
Denzel Crocker: Chloe! [Crocker opens a window from the school building.] Thanks to your experimental baldness cure, [Crocker shows his newly grown blonde hair] I have hair! [Crocker also sticks his newly grown green webbed foot outside the window, which is a side-effect of Chloe's cure.] And oddly, webbed feet. But I'm okay with that!
- [Cosmo and Wanda wave their wands and poof themselves, Timmy, and Chloe to Chloe's bedroom.]
- [Cosmo, Wanda, and Timmy arrive in Chloe's bedroom. Cosmo and Wanda have changed back into their normal forms. Chloe opens her bedroom door with her foot, and brings in a plate of "cookies".]
Chloe: Let's start the fun with some healthy snacks! [Chloe places the plate of "cookies" onto a light-blue stool.
Timmy: [Timmy takes one of the "cookies" and takes a bite out it. Timmy begins to chew the "cookie". He immediately spits the "cookie" out.] Something terrible's happening in my mouth, this is not a cookie!
Chloe: [Chloe is holding an eaten "cookie".] It's better! It's a Tofookie. A cookie-like disk made with tofu and something called [Chloe pulls out a jar of Cricket Protein. The jar has a picture of a cricket on the front and the words, "Cricket Protein" in dark-green.] Cricket Protein.
Chloe: Now lets bump up the fun! [Chloe's pupils turn into a blue swirl] We're gonna watch the greatest television show ever made. [We see a poster for a show called "The Fair Bears". The poster has three bears riding down a rainbow, and it has the words "Fair Bears" on the top left corner. Chloe appears on the bottom-right corner of the screen.] The Fair Bears!
Timmy: That show is the worst. I thought it was cancelled. Why wasn't it cancelled?
Chloe: It was! [Chloe pulls out a box set of "The Fair Bears" from her drawers.] But I have all 26 seasons on DVD! [Chloe's face turns dark-red, her hair sets aflame, her eyes turn red, and green on the outside, and she has fangs in her mouth.] NEVER TOUCH THEM! [Chloe's face turn's back to normal. She is smiling, and her face is sparkling. Chloe giggles, as she walks over to her DVD player. She inserts a DVD into the DVD player.]
- [The T.V turns on, and the DVD begins to play. Rock music begins to play in the background. The words "Fair Bears" appear on the screen.]
- [Song "The Fair Bears Theme Song"]
- Happy Ray uses a magical flower to create a rainbow. the Fair Bears ride the rainbow]
The Fair Bears (on TV): ♪ Welcome to a world that's always fair. Get lots of wuv from friendly bears who care. Be happy, be fair. Be truthful, and share! We're the Fair Bears, and we're fair! ♪
Timmy: Stop telling me what to do, Fair Bears!
Fair Bear (on TV): ♪ So if your stressed or feeling blue, come play with us the whole day through. We're ready for fun. So how 'bout you? ♪
The Fair Bears (on TV): ♪ We're the Fair Bears, and we're fair! ♪
- [The song ends. Timmy and Wanda look at the T.V, slightly horrified with what they saw.]
Chloe: Ooh, I love watching the Fair Bears! [Chloe grabs Cosmo by his shirt. She begins to shake him.] This is how I relax!
Wanda: I don't want to hurt Chloe's feelings, but those Fair Bears make me wanna cough up my Tofookie. Know what I mean, sport? Sport? [Timmy has been replaced by a pillow that is wearing his pink hat. The real Timmy is trying to leave Chloe's room.] Oh, I don't think so! [Wanda waves her wand and poofs Timmy back to Chloe's couch.]
- [Chloe and Cosmo watch the "Fair Bears" with delight. Wanda is looking at Timmy. Timmy is sulking.]
Fair Bear (on TV): I'm Fair Bear, and I never cheat.
Chloe: Me neither, cus it's wrong.
Better Bear (on TV): I'm Better Bear, and I believe that no matter how good you are, you can always be better!
Chloe (whispering): That's what I tell everybody!
Timmy: What's with you!?
Happy Ray: And I'm Happy Ray! Be happy! [Happy Ray's tone of voice changes from happy to gruff] And that's an order.
Chloe: Sir, yes, sir.
Cosmo: I love the Fair Bears, but I'm not gonna lie guys, Happy Ray scares me a little. Guys?
- [Timmy has again been replaced with a pillow wearing his hat. Also, Wanda has been replaced with a circular dark-pink cushion wearing her crown. The real Timmy and Wanda are attempting to escape Chloe's bedroom.]
- [Cosmo waves his wand and poofs Timmy and Wanda back to Chloe's couch.]
Chloe: [Chloe is hugging her T.V.] Oooh, I love the Fair Bears so much! I wish they were real. Ooh, oh oh. I have fairies! They can be real! [Chloe jumps up into midair.] I wish the Fair Bears were real!
- [Cosmo waves his wand, ready to grant Chloe's wish.]
Timmy and Wanda: No!
- [A cloud of yellow smoke appears that reads "Real!". The Fair Bears are poofed into Chloe's bedroom. The Fair Bears are standing in Chloe's bedroom, looking confused.
Chloe: [Chloe dodges a beam of light. She gasps with delight, jumps up into the air, squeals, and claps her hands together.]
Fair Bear: Look, bear buddies. We're in a super fun new world!
Chloe: [Chloe hugs Fair Bear's neck.] I'm Chloe, and I brought you here because I love you. I love you so, much!
Cosmo: I'm Cosmo! [Cosmo pulls out his phone. A picture of Wanda with a beard is displayed on it.] Wanna see Wanda with a beard? [Cosmo's cheeks blush.] Sorry, I get flustered around celebrities.
Timmy: [Timmy scowls] I'm Timmy and I'm leaving.
Happy Ray: Wait. What's that expression on your face? It's like a smile, but it's upside down.
Chloe: Can you sign my DVDs? Here's my glitter pen. [Chloe's pupils turn into a blue swirl] Use it!
- [Fair Bear and Better Bear are grabbing Timmy's cheeks.]
The Fair Bears: We all love you! And we want to be your bear buddies!
Timmy: Oh, you want to be my buddies? Quit touching my face! Right, Wanda?
- [Wanda has been replaced by a circular dark-pink cushion, wearing her crown.]
Timmy: Get back here, woman!
- [Wanda is attempting to leave Chloe's bedroom. She groans as Timmy makes her return.]
Chloe: Um, time for some Fair Bear fun! Let's play the Fair Bear [Chloe shows the Fair Bears the box for the Fair Bears Board Game.] Board Game!
- [The Fair Bears cheer]
Fair Bear: Huzzah!
- [Cut to the Fair Bears board game. The board game is set up on Chloe's table. There are three tokens representing the Fair Bears; Fair Bear, Better Bear, and Happy Ray.]
Wanda (whispering): I'm already bored.
Timmy (whspering): Don't worry, I have a genius plan
Chloe: Hey Timmy, you can go first. Roll the Nice Dice! [Chloe is holding a set of dice. She tosses them to Timmy. He catches them, and rolls them. Timmy gets a two.]
Timmy: I roll two. One, [Timmy moves his Happy Ray token one space, then for the second move, Timmy moves his token straight to the end of the board game.] Two! I win, game over. Genius! We're out of here, Wanda.
- [The Fair Bears stare at the board game for a few seconds.]
Fair Bear: What was that, you just did?
Cosmo: It's called cheating! Timmy's an expert.
Fair Bear: But, it's not f- f- it's not fair!
- [Happy Ray is sweating, and Better Bear has tears in her eyes.]
Happy Ray: I have a funny feeling inside and it's not h-h-h-h-h-happy!
- [Wanda flies into the scene. She is holding a half-eaten Tofookie.]
Wanda: Did you eat a Tofookie? Cus those things will turn on ya.
- [Happy Ray is grabbing onto his vest.]
Better Bear (whispering): I'm very uncomfortable. Someone make it better!
Chloe: Okay! Let's all just take a bear-y big breath, and sing the song that helps us say bye-bye to bad feelings!
Chloe, Cosmo, and The Fair Bears: The Forgiveness Song!
- [Song: "The Forgiveness Song"]
- [A piano tune begins to play in the background. Timmy scowls and walks off. Chloe, Cosmo, and The Fair Bears jump in front of, and around Timmy.]
Chloe, Cosmo, and The Fair Bears: ♪ You gotta forgive and forget. You can't live with regret. Whether your [Fair Bear and Happy Ray pick up Timmy.] bear buddies or you just met! You gotta forgive and forget! ♪
Timmy: Stop it!
Chloe: Timmy... this may sound kinda harsh but your being a little bit of a bummer bear.
Timmy: Why does everything you say now have to have the word bear in it!?
Fair Bear: Wow, someone's a cranky bear.
Better Bear: I know what makes cranky bears feel better. Nap time!
Timmy: Right. Like I'm gonna take a nap. I'm almost a tween!
- [A mellow piano tune begins to play in the background. The Fair Bears walk over to Timmy. Their eyes are now purple, and are swirling.]
The Fair Bears: ♪ Put your sleepy head, on your sleepy bed, [Timmy's eyes are now purple and swirling, too.] and close your [Cosmo and Chloe's eyes are now also purple and swirling.] eyes and sleep... ♪
- [Timmy closes his eyes, causing the screen to turn black. Snoring is heard from off-screen. Timmy (whose eyes represent the viewers viewing point.) opens his eyes and yawns. He is now in Happy Holllow, the Fair Bears' home. Happy Hollow is filled with cupcakes, candy canes, a pot of honey, and even a chocolate waterfall. A castle, and a rainbow are seen. A unicorn flies past.]
Timmy: Where are we? This place looks like a unicorn ate a rainbow and threw it up!
Wanda: Or maybe it ate a Tofookie.
- [The Fair Bears' shadows are seen looming over Timmy and Wanda.]
Fair Bear: We're in Happy Hollow, where cranky bears come to wear the happy hat! [Fair Bear and Happy Ray are each holding a white hat with colored lights and a light bulb on top. They throw the "happy hats" to Timmy and Wanda.]
Timmy: Listen up, bonker bears. There's absolutely no way Wanda and I, are putting on these!
Happy Ray: Do it!
- [Timmy and Wanda put on the "happy hats". They both get an electric shock, and their skeletons can be seen. Timmy's pupils roll like a slot machine and stop on a heart. He begins to smile, but his lips are slightly wobbly. Wanda's pupils also roll and stop on a heart. Her lips are also wobbly. Wanda drops her wand, and the screen turns black when the star on her wand hits the screen. The screen fades back to the Carmichael Residence. Chloe and Cosmo are sleeping in Chloe's room. Timmy, Wanda, and The Fair Bears' shadows are seen in the room. They are holding hands and walking in a circle. They are also laughing.]
Chloe: Am I dreaming, or are you guys actually getting along?
Timmy: We're bear-y, bear-y good buddies now!
- [Wanda hugs Better Bear.]
Wanda: I wuv everyone!
Timmy: We wore the happy hats! With wires [Timmy hugs Happy Ray.] and blinking lights. I smelled smoke!
Chloe: Wait, I've seen every Fair Bears episode like a bazillion times, and I have never seen a happy hat.
Wanda: Who wants a hug?
Timmy: I do, [Timmy hugs Wanda.] I wuv hugs! The nice bears [Timmy, Wanda, and the Fair Bears all hug each other. Fair Bear and Better Bear are hugging Chloe.] changed my brain!
Chloe: I'm not sure I'm wuving this. [Chloe shoves away the bears.] You brainwashed my friends! I can't believe I'm saying this, but... put Timmy's brain back the way it was.
Better Bear: We just made him a better bear!
- [Timmy is hugging Chloe's T.V. Hearts appear next to him. He then proceeds to hug Cosmo.
Cosmo: Boundaries, Timmy. Your creeping me out.
Chloe: This is not cool! Turn my friends back to the way they were!
Fair Bear: Hey, Chloe. Your smile turned upside down. Maybe you should wear the [Fair Bear pulls out the happy hat.] happy hat too!
Chloe: Gah! [Chloe grabs Cosmo's shirt.] The Fair Bears are bonkers, Cosmo! [Chloe uses Cosmo as a shield.] Poof them away!
- [Cosmo pulls out his wand, but the star has been bitten.]
Cosmo: Sorry. I ate my wand in my sleep. I thought it was a Tofookie!
The Fair Bears: Get 'em! [The Fair Bears try to leap onto Cosmo and Chloe to catch them, but they jump out of the way.]
Chloe: Run! [Cosmo and Chloe run to Chloe's window.]
Cosmo: Don't worry! I hid a super secret spare wand in Timmy's room. [Cosmo points to a very large sign reading "Secret Spare Wand" with an arrow pointing to the left.] It should be easy to find because there are signs all over town [A shot of Dimmsdale is seen, with signs pointing to the wand everywhere.] pointing to where it is.
- [Chloe and Cosmo take Timmy and Wanda respectively, and run away.]
Happy Ray: Put them down! [Happy Ray bashes his giant magical flower on the floor. Smoke and stars are seen, and once it is cleared, the bears are now seen on trike and wearing helmets.]
- [Chloe and Cosmo are running to The Turner's House with Timmy and Wanda in their hands. There is a sign next to the house that reads "Spare Wand In Here!", with an arrow pointing to the right.]
Timmy: I wuv you!
- [The Fair Bears are on their trikes, on the pavement across Timmy, Chloe, Cosmo and Wanda.]
Fair Bear: Hey!
Fair Bear and Happy Ray: Let's sing The Safety Song!
- [Song: "The Safety Song"]
The Fair Bears: ♪ When you cross the street, always look both ways. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da, zinga-ba-ba-do-do-za-za-da. Zinga-ba-
- [The Fair Bears' song suddenly stops as an explosion shaped bubble appears that reads "WHAM!". The Fair Bears and their trikes are now completely flat. Cut to Crocker and his mother, Dolores-Day Crocker in their car. Crocker still has his blonde hair from earlier.]
Crocker: Mother! I told you not to drive right after your eye exam! You wanna go to prison again? Is that what you want!?
- [Dolores-Day Crocker's pupils are white. She is unable to see at all.]
Dolores: Denzel? Is that you?
- [A beeping is heard from off-screen.]
Crocker: My Fairy-Finder's on a frenzy! I'm gonna bang me some fairies! You get the car to the chop shop, before the po-po's take you to the pokey!
- [Crocker opens the car door, jumps out, and lands in a bush. He gets up and runs.]
- [Cut to Timmy's bedroom. There are multiple arrow-shaped signs in the room that all read "Wand". Chloe and Cosmo open the door and are dragging Timmy and Wanda into the room. They throw them in once they enter.]
Timmy and Wanda: ♪ Welcome to a world, that's always fair! Get wots of wuv, from friendly bears who care! ♪ [Timmy and Wanda hug each other, and then they hug Chloe and Cosmo.]
Chloe: I never thought I'd say this, but that song is [Chloe grabs Cosmo by the shirt] driving me coo-coo! [Chloe lets go of Cosmo's shirt.]
Cosmo: Relax. All I have to do is follow these signs to the spare wand! [Many different arrow-shaped signs that read "Wand" are shown all around the room.]
- [Wanda is hugging a pillow and twirling her finger around it, while humming The Fair Bears Theme Song. Cosmo is following the signs. Timmy is hugging the fan in his room. Cosmo, once again, is shown following the signs. Cosmo follows the signs to a spot in Timmy's room. Once Cosmo stops moving, he notices the wand in his sock.]
Cosmo: Hey! [We see a close-up of Cosmo's sock. The spare wand is inside of it.] Ha, what do ya know. It was in my sock the whole time! Never would of found it without the signs!
- [Happy Ray kicks the door down, squashing Cosmo, causing him to drop the wand. The Fair Bears walk into the room, but they're all beaten up. Happy Ray is covered in bruises and scratches. His vest is ripped. The smiley face on his vest in now frowning, and the hearts on his vest is broken. Also, some of his teeth are missing. Better Bear is also covered in bruises and scratches. She has a plaster cast on her left arm and forehead, and is holding a crutch on her right arm. Her shirt is ripped up, and she is missing one tooth. Fair Bear, like with the rest of the bears, is covered in bruises and scratches. His hair is ruffled up, he has a tire mark on his shirt, a bite mark on his right ear and bow tie, and has two missing teeth. All of the bears are looking at Chloe, angrily.]
Fair Bear: You've been a bear-y bad bear, Chloe.
Chloe: You call yourselves the Fair Bears, but there's nothing fair about forcing people to be like you. Your the ones that have been bear-y bad bears! Bad! Bad bears!
Happy Ray: You know, I've had just about enough fast from you, miss thing!
- [The Fair Bears slowly walk towards Chloe, but before they can harm her, Cosmo kicks them. An explosion shaped bubble that reads "POW!" appears. next to Cosmo's foot.
Cosmo: Cosmo saves the day!
- [Crocker kicks down the door, once again squashing Cosmo and Wanda. He walks in with a vacuum.
Crocker: My Fairy-Finder found fairies! Fork 'em over, folks!
Chloe: Fairies? Here? No! Wait... Yes! Yes, there are fairies! And they're right there! [Chloe points to The Fair Bears.]
The Fair Bears: Wait... What?
Timmy: [Timmy hugs Happy Ray's head.] They're not fairies. They're Fair Bears! And I wuv them!
- [Timmy lets go of Happy Ray, and skips over to Denzel Crocker. He begins to hug his leg.]
Crocker: Oh, lets see. Who should I believe? [We see a close-up of Timmy, who is still hugging Crocker's leg.] The boy who always lies, [The camera pans over to Chloe. She smiles.] or the girl who always tells the truth? Tough call. Fairies in the hole!
The Fair Bears: [Crocker uses his vacuum to suck the Fair Bears.] No... fair!.. [The Fair Bears use their claws to grip onto the floorboards, but are still sucked in. Various other items are seen being sucked in, such as a Crimson Chin action figure, a baseball, a baseball bat, a toy rocket, Cosmo and Wanda's Fishbowl, and a picture of The Mayor of Dimmsdale. The Fair Bears are seen inside the vacuum, after being sucked in.]
Crocker: [Crocker shoves the vacuum outside the door.] If the po-po's ask, I was never here. [Crocker slams the door shut. Cosmo and Wanda's face are stuck on the back. They then fall off. They get back up, and Cosmo picks up his wand.]
Chloe: I wish Wanda and Timmy were back to normal. Hurry, before Timmy hugs me again!
- [Cosmo waves his wand. A cloud of smoke appears, and the words "BACK TO NORMAL POOF!" are seen inside of it. Wanda's pupils poof back to normal. Then Timmy's pupils poof back to normal. Timmy is still unawaringly hugging Chloe. Chloe smiles, and Timmy immediately stops hugging her.]
TImmy: Eww! Girl cooties! [Timmy rubs himself.]