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The Fairly OddParents episode transcript
"The Big Scoop!"
Season №: 3
Episode №: 36B
Airdate: September 26, 2003
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents episode, "The Big Scoop!" from season 3, which aired on September 26, 2003.


Script

(Chester's House)

  • Bucky McBadbat: (whistles) Chester! You’re gonna be late.
  • Chester: (washing the dishes) Ah, just finishing my chores, Pop. Viola! Paper plates washed. (paper plate warps becomes crinkled up and thrown to the trash) Dishes done. (picks up and throws his pet possum threw the window) Living room's clean. (picks up his camera and pictures) And now I'm off to get A.J. so we can turn in our big story for the school paper. Bye, Pop. (walks out)
  • Bucky McBadbat: (on the toilet reading the news paper) Have a good day at school, son. (Chester opens the door and leaves) Man, we've got to get a chair in here.
  • (Scene changes to Chester walking at the sidewalk to A.J.'s house and rings his doorbell setting off an alarm)
  • Computer Voice: Security system activated. Girl scout, prepare to be vaporized (charging laser points at Chester) in 3, 2, 1.
  • Chester: Aah! Aah! A.J.! It's me, Chester!
  • Computer Voice: Identity confirmed, Chester. (big laser retracts back into the house)
  • Chester: Phew...
  • Computer Voice: Chester, (bigger charging laser points at Chester) prepare to be vaporized in 3, (A.J. opens the door and sees Chester about to get vaporized) 2, 1.
  • (A.J. pushes Chester out of the way and the bigger laser retracts back into the house)
  • A.J.: Sorry. Uh, my parents set that.
  • Chester: But your parents love me.
  • (School bus arrives)
  • A.J.: There's the bus. We don't wanna be late. I've printed out our barn brain, front page worthy story for the school newspaper.
  • Chester: Oh yeah. With your words and my pictures, we're gonna shake the foundation of the school to its core.
  • Chester and A.J.: Fight the power! (Chester and A.J. ran to the bus then the laser off-screen tried to blast Chester, but missed)
  • (Dimmsdale Elementary)
  • Mr. Birkenbake: I'm sorry, but you can't fight the power with a story like this.
  • A.J.: But... but, Mr. Birkenbake, back hair is a plague that's sweeping this school. (Chester shows a picture) The people need to know!
  • (full picture of Chester reacting to Mr. Birkenbake's back hair)
  • Mr. Birkenbake: (tears the picture) Not... about... mine. Look, little writing dudes...
  • (pieces of the picture falls in front of Chester and A.J.)
  • Mr. Birkenbake: ...It's a free world, and you can, like, write about anything you want, fine. I'm not saying back hair isn't an important and interesting story, fine.
  • Chester and A.J.: But...
  • Mr. Birkenbake: But that's exactly what I'm saying. If you don't find a better story, you and your hairless backs are, like, off the paper. Later.
  • (Chester and A.J. says nothing while moving to the next scene)
  • (The next day; Chester and A.J. walks right up to each other between their houses with Chester's pet possum on his head)
  • A.J.: Oh, man! (Chester's possum jumps out of Chester's head and takes off) If I get kicked off the paper, that'll be the first non-sporting club I've ever been kicked out of.
  • Chester: Daggummit! We can't let the first amendment down! It's the only one I know!
  • A.J.: Where are we gonna find a story that's not about Mr. Birkenbake's back hair by tomorrow?
  • (The bus shows up; Chester and A.J. walk in and sees Timmy wearing popular clothes)
  • A.J.: Timmy?
  • Chester: You look positively popular. Where'd you get all this stuff?
  • Timmy: Internet...Uh, inheritance? I inherited the internet. (as Chester and A.J. sit on the bus seats beside him) Ub-bub-bub. Seats taken. (and he shoves Chester and A.J. off the seat)
  • A.J.: By who?
  • Timmy: Trixie!
  • Chester: And where are we supposed to sit?
  • (at another part of the bus)
  • Elmer: (to Chester and A.J.) Hi, I'm Elmer. And this is my boil, Bob.
  • (Chester and A.J. cross their arms)
  • Chester: Inherited the internet? Is that even possible?
  • A.J.: No Chester, it's not. The internet's for everyone and no one man can own it. I'd know, I've tried!
  • Veronica: My eyes! My perfect blue eyes! (runs away blinded)
  • (Timmy showing his shiny teeth admiring Trixie; Chester and A.J. gets back on their seats after watching)
  • A.J.: Something unnaturally important is going on with Timmy.
  • Chester: And the first amendment gives us the right to violate his privacy and find out what it is... I think.
  • Chester and A.J.: To the permanent records!
  • (background swirls to the next scene at the Permanent Record Room)
  • Waxelplax: I'm sorry, boys, but I can't let you look at Timmy Turner's permanent records, no matter how quickly he became popular and traded up to better friends.
  • A.J.: Well, I'm sorry you feel that way.
  • (A.J. moves his eyes to Chester; Chester turns around and whistles; a tuna sandwich was thrown)
  • Waxelplax: Ooh! (follows the moving tuna sandwich)
  • (Chester and A.J. gives a thumbs up to each other and opens the door and sees the and sees the locked filing cabinet)
  • Chester: It's easy. (blocked by A.J.)
  • A.J.: Too easy. (pulls up his "Invisible Criss-Crossing Laser Highlighter Spray, sprays a smoke into the room which reveals that the entire room is protected by a laser grid)
  • Chester: Allow me. (licks his braces, and then uses them to deflect the lasers away from the filing cabinet)
  • A.J.: Thank you, corrective dentistry. (jumps above Chester and makes his way to the main filing cabinet)
  • (Scene goes to Principal Waxelplax catching up to the sandwich, revealing Elmer pulling it with a fishing rod)
  • Elmer: They gave me a quarter. Am I in trouble?
  • Waxelplax: (picks up the sandwich) Is this tuna?
  • Elmer: Yes.
  • Waxelplax: Then you're fine. (eats the sandwich)
  • (back to A.J. who made his way to the cabinet and pulls a thumps up to Chester to stop reflecting the laser grid; Chester turns around and sees the Principal eating the tuna)
  • Chester: Aah! (Waxelplax eating the tuna) She's eating the tuna! Thirty seconds!
  • (A.J. pulls up his laser pointer and slowly cuts the lock to the cabinet)
  • Chester: Ten seconds! (Waxelplax finishes the tuna) Hurry! The system is coming to stomp down the people's riding to the chute!
  • A.J.: (picks up Timmy's record) Got it!
  • (Waxelplax walks back to the Record Room; A.J. quickly pulls up his grabbing hook and swings near Chester and escaped; The Principal opens the door and notices the drawer to the filing cabinet has been left open)
  • Waxelplax: Oh my goodness! This is an outrage. I... (a cookie suddenly appears on a fishing rod) ...Yay, Cookie! (Waxelplax grabs ahold of the cookie and the line on the cookie then reels her up)
  • (Cafeteria)
  • (Chester and A.J. looking at Timmy's permanent record)
  • A.J.: Wow! Timmy's permanent record. Who knows what kind of dark secrets and hidden agendas we'll find in here.
  • Chester: (as the two look at each other) Let's do this!
  • (drinks their milk, crumbles it, and trows it off-screen; opens Timmy's records)
  • A.J.: Low grades? Health report? Look at all the cheese he ate in fourth grade!
  • Chester: No wonder he was constipated that entire year!
  • A.J.: And here's a photo from his last parent-teacher’s conference.
  • Chester: (grabs the photo) Holy food-stamps! Those aren't Timmy's parents!
  • A.J.: (sees picture of Cosmo and Wanda as Timmy's parents with Crocker looking suspicious) You're right! That guy with green hair looks WAY smarter than Timmy's dad.
  • Chester: (as A.J. picks up more photos) Here they are on a three-legged race. Picking him up from school.
  • A.J.: And here they are backstage with Siegfried and Roy!
  • Chester: No way! Those tickets are impossible to get! I know, I've tried.
  • A.J.: There's only one logical explanation. (grabs Chester by the shirt) Come on! (takes off)
  • (Popular Table)
  • A.J.: Timmy Turner, (Timmy turns his head) we know your secret!
  • (Man on violin stops playing after hearing A.J.)
  • Timmy: What?!
  • Chester: We know you've got rid of your real parents, and used the insurance to buy the internet, and these pink and green replacement parents! (points near Timmy) We're on to you!
  • (Timmy looking nervous and sees the popular kids speechless)
  • Veronica: (still blinded) Um, I still can't see, but those two kids sound really unpopular.
  • Timmy: Guys, I'm finally at the popular table. Can we do this later?
  • Chester: Ho-ho-ho-ho! You'd like that, wouldn't you? Is that all part of your scheme? Are you gonna get rid of us too? Hmm?
  • (The Bouncer's shadow walks near then shows him in person cracking his knuckles)
  • Bouncer: Actually, that would be my job.
  • (Chester and A.J. nervously smiles and gets thrown to a trash bin)
  • Chester: (raises his arm) WE WILL NOT BE SILENCED!
  • The Turner's House
  • (Timmy walks near his window; A.J. and Chester gets up from hiding through the bushes)
  • Chester: Do you hear anything?
  • A.J.: Shhh! He's talking!
  • (Chester puts part of A.J.'s communication headphone on his ear and listens to Timmy)
  • Timmy: Hey, about today, it seems like I've got on your nerves.
  • Chester: (scoffs) Yeah, I'd get on my parents’ nerves too if I'd had them bound gagged and stuffed in a bowling ball bag!
  • A.J.: Quiet! Get up there and find out what's happening!
  • Chester: Chester McBadbat, ace photographer on the case. (runs near a tree and climb up to the branch) I'm part squirrel.
  • A.J.: Go! There are lives at stake!
  • (Chester walks near Timmy's window listening to what he's saying)
  • Timmy: (shadow shown) So, I've made you a list of things I'll need for my party tonight at my mansion.
  • Chester: That fiend! He's using his parents' insurance money to fund some sort of fancy mansion party.
  • (magical dust appears, Chester quickly looks and sees the decorations)
  • Chester: Oh my gosh! (pulls up his camera) I... (tree branch breaks and Chester falls and pictures are taken of Chester as he falls to the tree)
  • A.J.: Did you get the shot?
  • Chester: (bruised up) Chester McBadbat, ace photographer, always gets a shot.
  • A.J.: Come on. Let's go run this by Mr. Birkenbake. (takes off)
  • Chester: (pulls up his hand) Chester McBadbat, ace photographer, is not part flying squirrel!
  • (A.J. knocks the door in Mr. Birkenbake's Van)
  • Birkenbake: Chester? A.J.? Do you, like, have any idea what time it is?
  • Chester: Investigative journalism has no curfew, man. [nervous look] And I don't have a watch.
  • A.J.: We're sorry to bother you, Mr. Birkenbake, but we have our story.
  • Chester: Yeah. Timmy Turner got rid of his parents, and he's using the insurance money to become more popular!
  • Birkenbake: Do you have any proof? Did you, like, talk to Timmy?
  • Chester and A.J.: (questionably stares at each other) Uhh...
  • Birkenbake: Boys, if you gonna destroy somebody's reputation, you have to be fair and get their side of the story too. And you have to do it by tomorrow, or you're off the paper. (closes his door)
  • A.J.: Fairness?!
  • Chester: This is just another way the man is keeping us down!
  • Birkenbake: (open his door) ‘A’ man, brother. ’A’ man.
  • (Timmy's house; Chester and A.J. with the other kids in school walk to Timmy's house)
  • A.J.: Okay, we get one statement from Timmy...
  • Chester: And then tomorrow, we expose him as the viscous pink-hatted scoundrel he is.
  • Timmy: (in his regular clothes) I want friends who like me for who I am, not for the stuff I have. I'm sorry I didn't figure that out earlier.
  • (Chester and A.J. smiles)
  • A.J.: Wow, he just dumped his popularity to be friends with us.
  • Chester: Big deal! He's still less popular parent get-a-rid-of-er...ver.
  • (car horn honks showing Timmy's parents drive through)
  • Mr. Turner: Timmy, we're back. And there's our son who never bounds and/or gags us.
  • Mrs. Turner: Or stuffs us into bowling ball bags. He's so good to us.
  • A.J.: Cool! His parents are still alive.
  • Chester: Ah great. Except now, Mr. Birkenbake's gonna kick us off the paper for sure.
  • (Dimmsdale Elementary; Mr. Birkenbake playing his banjo)
  • Birkenbake: So, you boys don't have a story.
  • A.J.: No, Mr. Birkenbake. Timmy's a good friend and didn't get rid of his parents. We didn't want to trash his reputation unfairly.
  • Chester: Oh yeah. When we trashed his reputation, we wanna have our facts straight.
  • Birkenbake: Which is why you get to stay on the paper.
  • Chester and A.J.: What?
  • Birkenbake: Little freedom fighters, you've just learned the most important lesson in journalism. "It is better to print a boring truthful story, than an exciting lie." Now, go get me a truthful story.
  • Chester: Awesome!
  • A.J.: And we promise, the next story we bring you will be both exciting, and the truth.
  • (Newsprint of Chester and A.J. for breaking into Timmy's permanent record)
  • (Chester and A.J. in detention)
  • A.J.: So, tell us more about how you gave us detention because you read the story we wrote about how we broke into the permanent records.
  • Chester: (pulls up his camera) That's exciting, and truthful. (takes a picture)
  • Waxelplax: NO TALKING!!
  • Chester: I will not be silenced!!
  • (a tuna fish sandwich with a fishing rod was thrown near Principal Waxelplax)
  • Waxelplax: Yay! (catches up to the tuna fish sandwich)
  • (The screen fades out.)
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