The Big Bash/Transcript

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The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"The Big Bash"
Season	5
Episode	68B
Airdate	February 18, 2005
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "The Big Bash" from Season 5, which aired on February 18, 2005.

Script

[The episode begins at Turner Residence at night, where Timmy snores loudly offscreen.]

• Cosmo: (whispers offscreen) Timmy? Are you asleep?

[Timmy continued to snore as he is asleep, sprawled out on his back. Cosmo and Wanda float over him, looking excited. Cosmo holds a large pink envelope.]

• Cosmo: (voiceover, whispers) Timmy? (still whispering) Timmy? (poofs up a huge rock and roll stage with speakers, then through speakers) ARE YOU SLEEPING?!?!?!?

[Timmy snaps out of his bed, freaked out. The rock and roll set up disappears.]

• Wanda: Timmy! You're awake! We have great news!
• Timmy: There's no rule against me wishing away your vocal chords, is there?
• Wanda: NO! WE'VE FINALLY BEEN INVITED TO A PARTY AT CUPID'S!
• Timmy: And I care about this why?
• Wanda: Because Cupid's parties are legendary in Fairy World! Everybody who's anybody gets invited!
• Cosmo: But apparently somebody who's anybody said no, because we got invited anyway! Come on!

[Cosmo and Wanda POOF! Through Fairy World, Cupid's Mansion is seen as fairies party inside.]

• Timmy: Okay...

[Timmy, Wanda and Cosmo accept glasses of red punch from Cupid as all guests, children, and godparents laugh and chat.]

• Timmy: This is the fluffiest house I've ever been in.
• Cosmo: I know! It made the cover of Gnome and Gardens last month!
• Cupid: Friends, Fairies, Godkids: Welcome! As always: I have an announcement! This year, my party is a MAGICAL MYSTERY SCAVENGER HUNT THROUGH TIME AND SPACE!

[POOF! Lists appear in all the kids' hands.]

• Cupid: You've all been chosen due to your skills, abilities, fashion sense and imaginations. The godparent and godchild team who brings me the most items on the list wins 30 seconds of rule free wishes!
• Wanda: I didn't know cupid could grant rule free wishes!
• Cosmo: Are you kidding? If he can get away with wearing a diaper in public, he can do anything!
• Timmy: (looks at the list and reads) The biggest egg ever laid? What Napoleon has under his vest? Container 07-9-B? HA! With you guys by my side, this is gonna be a snap! We're the best team ever!
• Remy: Don't be so sure, Turner.

[From out of the crowd steps, Remy and Timmy stare at each other, eyes narrowed.]

• Timmy: Remy Buxaplenty! You got invited, too?
• Juandissimo: Yes. For I, Juandissimo Maximo, can always be found where the beautiful fairies float. Speaking of which... (looks at Wanda) Ah. Wanda. You are as beautiful as your husband is wimpy.
• Remy: Turner, I know we've had our differences, but I wanted to wish you the best of luck...
• Timmy: Um, thanks Remy.
• Remy: With the rest of your loser life!!! Because after I win this contest, I'm going to use those rule-free wishes to get rid of your Godparents!
• Cosmo: Ha! He wishes! You and Remy will never be able to out scavenger hunt me, Wanda and Timmy!
• Juandissimo: So sure of yourself, are you? Let us make it more interesting. Perhaps, a bet? For the beautiful hand of your beautiful wife?
• Cosmo: No way!
• Juandissimo: ...and this shiny nickel? (holds up a shiny nickel)
• Cosmo: So... shiny... so worth five cents... YOU'RE ON!
• Cupid: Boys and girls and Godparents, start your time scooters!

[Cupid raises his wand and poofs up four Time Scooters next to each team of kids and godparents, including Remy and Timmy.]

• Remy: Time scooters are so middle class. Juandissimo? My Time Limo, please.

[Juandissimo dances and with a POOF, a Time Limo appears next to Remy.]

• Cupid: On your mark, get set... GO!
• Remy: I wish all the other contestants were asleep!!

[Juandissimo raises his wand and with "El-Snooze!", everybody falls asleep.]

• Remy: Oh, hurray! My rich and brilliant plan has worked! Every other contestant has been eliminated!

[Timmy, on his time scooter, rolls up to Remy wearing a Cosmo CD player and a Wanda headphone as he is in in his anti-magic bubble. Timmy takes off the headphones.]

• Timmy: Hey dude! What's up?
• Remy: Huh? You weren't listening to Cupid?
• Timmy: It's six-thirty. (takes earphones off) COME ON! LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED! (takes off with his time scooter)
• Remy: Follow that urchin! (leaps into the Time Limo and POOFS into the past)

[At the time where dinosaur still roams, Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda roar into scene on the scooter.]

• Wanda: (looks around nervously) Hmmm... the dinosaur age. Interesting first stop, Timmy.
• Timmy: Well, the first thing on Cupid's list is the Biggest Egg that's Ever Been Laid!

[The camera pulls out to reveal a nest of huge eggs that are right next to them.]

• Timmy: ...A dinosaur egg! HA! This is gonna be a snap!

[A big shadow falls over Timmy. They look up and see a T-Rex staring down at them. It roars and shows his teeth.]

• Wanda: Please be a plant eater. Please be a plant eater!
• Cosmo: Please be a Wanda eater! Please be a Wanda eater!
• Timmy: I wish this egg was at Cupid's house! (tosses Cosmo the egg, then jumps on the scooter and takes off)

[The T-rex chases them but just as it is about to catch them, they POOF! They are gone through a time portal, where they travel to the moon during the Apollo 15 mission in 1971. Timmy, wearing a spacesuit, Cosmo and Wanda poof onto the moon, right near the lunar module. The moon buggy is parked a few feet away.]

• Timmy: (examines the list) Okay... now, we need "Container 07-9-B" from the 1971 Apollo 15 mission to the moon.
• Wanda: How did you know that?
• Timmy: I copied it off of AJ's test once! It was the only question I got right! (bounces weightlessly toward the buggy as he sees the container next to it) Zero gravity rocks! Take that Remy Buxaplenty!
• Remy: (offscreen) Don't mind if I do!

[A designer-spacesuited Buxaplenty and Juandissimo pop up from behind the moon buggy carrying a silver container. Remy and Juandissimo hop into their time limo.]

• Juandissimo: And I willt a ke muy muy mucho care of Wanda, if you know what I mean.
• Wanda: Not really.
• Cosmo: Good!
• Timmy: Guys! Come! On! We're tied with Remy and we need to find... (reading the list) ...the world's largest banana! LET'S GO!

[They wave their wands and POOF! The scene cuts to the giant ape roaring from the 1933 Empire State building and is holding a huge banana. It swats at the biplanes that circles him. Cosmo and Timmy are in a Wanda biplane.]

• Wanda: Oh, great. How are we supposed to get it away from him?
• Timmy: Are you kidding? It's 1933.With this amazing wood and steel technology, nothing can stop us!

[Suddenly, Remy rises into scene beside them flying a very modern Juandissimo helicopter.]

• Remy: Don't worry your silly little, soon to be fairy-less head about that.

[Juandissimo as a helicopter opens the side door, revealing Starlet.]

• Remy: This looks like a job for... the magic of money! (hands Starlet a million dollar check and she smiles big)
• Starlet: (winks at the giant ape and he immediately exchanges his banana for her) Sure! I'll ape sit your pal for you! So, what do you wanna do? See a movie? Have some dinner?

[The Ape roars, grabs a passing blimp, and leaps away with Starlet screaming]

• Remy: (to Juandissimo) Remind me to put a stop on that check.

[POOF! Remy, Juandissimo and the banana are gone. On Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda, As the Time Limo roars through scene.]

• Juandissimo: I will see you soon, my darling!
• Wanda: What is he talking about?
• Cosmo: Nice ego. How do you know he's not talking to me? Can't I be somebody's darling?

[The plane lands on 34th street - where the Time Scooter is parked. Wanda transforms into a helmet, Cosmo a backpack.]

• Timmy: Rats! Remy's beating me! We've gotta get to 15th century Ireland! And we're going to have to be crafty... remember... Leprechauns hate to lose their pot of gold!

[At the 15th Century Ireland, the Leprechaun instantly hands Timmy a pot.]

• Leprechaun: Here ya go, laddie! A Pot of Irish Gold! (does a little jig and "O' POOF!" a little "IRISH GOLD" pot appears)
• Timmy: Wow! That was easy!
• Leprechaun: Tis the least I can do for Cosmo here. (to Wanda) Sorry to hear about you two.
• Wanda: What are you talking about?
• Leprechaun: Ye don't know? Well then, I'll give ye a little limerick about it!

[Cosmo waves the Leprechaun off, but it's no good. He starts reading the limerick as Wanda gets more and more furious.]

• Leprechaun: They say that ol' Cosmo was dense! For wagering his wife for five cents! If she knows, she'll be mad; If she's gone, he'll be sad... (looks at Wanda's fury) I'm betting the pain is intense!! (disappears)
• Wanda: YOU BET ME FOR A NICKEL?!?!
• Cosmo: He challenged my manhood, what little of it I have! Besides, it was a shiny nickel! Doesn't that count for anything?
• Timmy: COME ON! We don't have time for this! To 18th century France! (grabs Cosmo and Wanda, revs up the scooter and zooms out)

[With "LE POOF", the scene is now at 18th century France. The camera pushes into Napoleon's mansion.]

• Cosmo: (voiceover) I can't believe we're in Napoleon's house!

[In Napoleon's living room, Napoleon poses for a portrait with his hand in vest, while the artist behind the easel paints him. Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda are around a corner.]

• Wanda: (steamed) I can't believe you bet me for a nickel!
• Timmy: And I can't believe you're still talking about this! Look, if we get whatever Napoleon has under his vest, Cosmo gets his Nickel AND gets to keep Wanda.
• Wanda: Oh, hurray for me.

[On Napoleon and the artist]

• Artist: Monsieur Napoleon, you may - how you say - take a break.

[Napoleon relaxes and pulls a Danish out of his vest.]

• Timmy: A Danish?
• Cosmo: You know, I always wondered what he had under there.

[The Artist stands up from behind his easel, revealing Remy as he dashes at Napoleon, grabs the pastry and runs out.]

• Napoleon: Sacre bleu! My pastry! She is gone! We must invade Denmark and obtain a fresh one! (runs out)
• Wanda: OH NO! Remy has three things and there's only one thing left!
• Timmy: Then we have to get that last item! If we tie, we might not have won, but we didn't lose either, right?
• Cosmo: (shaking Timmy) Remy can't win, Timmy! He just can't! I love that nickel! I mean Wanda! PLEASE, YOU CAN'T LOSE!
• Timmy: And we won't! [POOF! Wanda makes the Time Scooter appear.] To 17th century Peru!

[Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda portal in on the time scooter to an Ancient Peru, where an ancient Peruvian Pyramid stands in front of them. Remy's Time Limo is already there next to the pyramid.]

• Timmy: You guys! Look! Remy and his rich boy Time Limo beat us here!
• Cosmo: They may be faster but we are getting better time mileage.
• Timmy: C'mon! We gotta get in there and find the (he reads from the list) "Grande Treasure of the Peruvian Pyramid" before Remy does.

[They run inside the pyramid and enter a huge antechamber, where Remy and Juandissimo are examining a giant diamond, ruby, and emerald that sit on three little pedestals on an alatar. in front of a giant Peruvian statue.]

• Remy: Which one? Which one is the grand treasure of the Peruvian pyramid?
• Juandissimo: It could be any of them.So, let us take them all!

[Timmy rushes forward but before he can get there, Remy swipes all three gems off the altar.]

• Remy: I win, Turner. Hahahaha!
• Juandissimo: And Cosmo "Hahaha!' to you as well. (to Wanda) I look forward to standing atop a wedding cake with you. [They poof out]
• Timmy: Huh, that's weird.
• Wanda: What's weird? That I'm not strangling Cosmo right now?
• Timmy: Well, yes. That, and the fact that in every movie I've ever seen with ancient pyramids and treasures, as soon as you steal the stuff, a bunch of boobytraps go off.
• Cosmo: Well, I'm a boob, and Wanda might explode. Does that mean anything?
• Timmy: (looks around) No. But I'll tell you what it DOES mean. They didn't get the real treasure after all!

(picks up one of the "pedestals" and brushes some dust off it, but then the earth starts to quake and his eyes light up) YAY! BOOBY TRAPS!WE FOUND THE REAL TREASURE! (beat; then) I MEAN, OH NO! BOOBY TRAPS! RUN!!!

[Timmy looks where Cosmo and Wanda are pointing behind him. The giant Peruvian statue tips forward at him. Timmy runs for the doors as spears fly out of holes in the walls.]

• Timmy: AHHHH!!!

[They all hop on the scooter and rip out of scene just as the statue comes crashing down. Moments later in Cupid's kitchen, Cupid goes over Remy's items as Juandissimo watches. Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda poof in.]

• Timmy: Oh no! We're too late!
• Remy: Turner, just in time to see me give Cupid the final item on the list, the Grande Treasure of the Peruvian Pyramid.

[Juandissimo winks at Wanda and sprays some breath spray as Remy pulls out the gemstones.]

• Juandissimo: (to Wanda) Would you mind naming our children after me?
• Remy: I'll take my rule free wishes now!
• Cupid: Shiny. Like a nickel. But not what I wanted.
• Remy: What!?!
• Timmy: Actually, I think he wants this!
• Cupid: (holds out the "pedestal" and wipes off some dirt, revealing a can of coffee. He takes it and lifts the lid.) One hundred percent pure Peruvian coffee beans. YAY!
• Timmy: And here's a dinosaur egg. And a pot of Irish gold!
• Remy: But I got the moon container, banana and Danish. That means we're tied!
• Timmy: So who wins?
• Cupid: (busy cooking up the items) I DID! And with this Irish Gold... (opens the Irish pot of gold revealing a pot of potatoes)
• Timmy: Potatoes?!?

[Cupid juggles all the ingredients. He pops open Container 07-9-B that has a tang-like powder, which he starts mixing up.]

• Cupid: That's right! To make golden hash browns! I'm gonna make the best hash brown, dinosaur omelet, banana, coffee and orange Astrodrink brunch ever!
• Remy: Hold on a moment. Was this a scavenger hunt or did we just do your grocery shopping?
• Cupid: A little of both. Mostly the shopping part. You don't expect me to do my own shopping, do you?

[Remy and Timmy stare at each other, then both at Cupid, then at each other again and then nod.]

• Timmy: Truce?
• Remy: Truce.

[Remy and Timmy nod to their godparents, who poof in Napoleon, the T- Rex, giant ape, a giant Peruvian statue, two astronauts driving the moon buggy, and the Leprechaun.]

• Remy and Timmy: Get him!!!!!!!!

[As they all chase Cupid away, a giant Peruvian statue rolls out of the building, the Moon buggy shoots lasers.]

• Cupid: AGH!!! You are all off my list!
• Timmy: How do you like your eggs, Remy old buddy?
• Remy: Over easy, Timmy, old bean. Care for a glass of Astrodrink?
• Timmy: Don't mind if I do.

[On Cosmo, Wanda, and Juandissimo.]

• Cosmo: Heh! So nobody won, so nobody lost, which means I'm not in trouble, right?
• Wanda: Let me answer that with a Limerick. (clears throat; pulls out paper) Two fairies got an idea in their head. That a bet could decide who I'd wed. While they battled their bout; Their big secret got out... (shows them the paper)
• Juandissimo: "and now both of those morons are dead."
• Cosmo: Truce?
• Juandissimo: A very sexy truce.
• Cosmo and Juandissimo: RUN!!!!!! (they ran offscreen)
• Cosmo: (reaches into scene and grabs the Nickel) MINE!

[The scene iris out.]