The "Good Old Days!"/Transcript

Episode	Trivia	Appearances	Gallery	Transcript

The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"The "Good Old Days!""
Season №:	5
Episode №:	74A
Airdate:	October 7, 2005
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents! episode, "The "Good Old Days!"" from Season 5, which aired on October 7, 2005.

Script

[The episode begins with Mr. Turner and Mrs. Turner standing gleefully by the front door as Timmy carries his fishbowl.]

• Mr. Turner: Oh, Timmy! You're never gonna believe this but...
• Timmy: You're going somewhere stupid and leaving me here with Vicky.
• Mr. Turner: Wrong! we're going somewhere stupid and leaving you here with my dad!

[Mr. Turner flings open the front door to reveal Pappy, a grizzled old man with a long beard, a cane, and a cranky expression on his weathered face.]

• Pappy: (cranky) Oh, I don't like the way things are now compared with how they used to be!
• Mrs. Turner: You remember Pappy. don't you, Timmy?

[Closes on Timmy. Then, the scene flashes back to nine years ago, Mr. Turner and Mrs. Turner are standing in the doorway, but still off to do something stupid. Pappy presides over a baby carriage containing an infant Timmy.]

• Mr. Turner: Bye, Pappy! We're going somewhere stupid!
• Mrs. Turner: Don't let Timmy suck on that pacifier too long or he'll get huge, horrible buck teeth!
• Pappy: (waves his cane in the air) Why does she talk to me like I'm some forgetful ol' - (beat) Eh? Where am I? This isn't my house!

[Closes on Timmy with the pacifier in his mouth, the scene goes back to the present day in the same living room.]

• Timmy: (serious) Yes, I remember Pappy!
• Mr. Turner: But now that Pappy's taking his remembering medicine, everything's cheaper! (beat) I mean better!
• Mrs. Turner: (leans down to Timmy, a twenty in her hand) Here's pizza money. Have a good time!
• Mr. Turner and Mrs. Turner: (heading for the door) Bye!! (slams the door)

[Timmy and Pappy stare at each other.]

• Timmy: So... uh...
• Pappy: I liked you better before, when ya didn't have those buck teeth! Let's get this over with, so I don't have to waste my night for another ten years.

[Close on Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda.]

• Wanda: Wow! Tough break getting stuck with the old grouch, Timmy!
• Timmy: (takes stock) Underwear not on heard... face not in toilet... This is already better than Vicky! And if I can get him to like me, he'll always want to baby sit, and I'll be rid of Vicky forever!

[Wanda and Cosmo poofs themselves out of the fishbowl and now floats above the fishbowl in fairy form.]

• Wanda: All you have to do to win Pappy over is find something you both have in common. Something you both like.
• Timmy: Hmmm. I'll start with the easy stuff, stuff everybody loves... like candy!
• Cosmo: Oooh, Timmy! Try hard candy! Old people love hard candy!

[Pappy holds a bag of hard candy and Timmy stands next to him.]

• Pappy: Mega Pucker Puss Sour Bomb, eh? What the -? Five cents?! In my day five cents would get you thirty

pounds of candy!

• Timmy: Oh come on, Pappy. They're awesome! But be careful. They're a little -
• Pappy: (pops a candy in his mouth) -sour! (his face begins to fold in on itself. His lips pucker and his eyes go wide and starts to sweat) Candy was better before! When it didn't make your face implode!
• Timmy: OK. Candy's out. But everybody loves music!

[Timmy loads a CD into the stereo player. Cosmo and Wanda poof themselves into the fishbowl]

• Timmy: Hey Pappy!
• Pappy: (snoring then wakes up) Eh?
• Timmy: Wanna listen to my new Chip Skylark CD with me?
• Pappy: Chip Skylark! (looks at CD while Timmy winks to his godparents) LIMBURGER CHEESE! The real Chip Skylark was around in MY day! This is his grandson, Chip Skylark the Third! You've been flimflammed by the banana oil salesman.
• Timmy: Wait! Everybody loves him!

[Timmy cranks the volume to Max and plays My Shiny Teeth and Me. The sound waves knocked Pappy clear across the room.]

• Pappy: AHHHHHHHHH! Christmas crackers!
• Cosmo: Good thing his adult diaper absorbed the impact!
• Timmy: (approaches the fishbowl) Maybe we should try pizza?

[In the kitchen, Pappy takes a bite of steaming hot pizza.]

• Pappy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

[Back in the living room, close on Timmy, with Cosmo and Wanda in their bowl.]

• Timmy: How 'bout -

[For each suggestion Timmy has, the montages shows Pappy's not so grand experience.]

• Timmy: Roller skates!

[Pappy does a header.]

• Timmy: Video games?
• Pappy: (gets all tangles up in the cords and tugs the TV after him as he tries to flee) AHHHHHH!

[SFX: <<CRASH!>>]

• Timmy: Comic books?

[Pappy rips a Crimson Chin comic in half.]

• Timmy: (growing more frantic) Trading cards? Bubble gum? Ice cream? Soda pop?

[The attempts to connect with Pappy lead to another crash, this one sending Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda flying.]

• Timmy: I can't believe nothing worked!

[Meanwhile, Pappy sits in a chair, reading.]

• Timmy: All right you salty old crab! You win! I'm going to go watch cartoons!
• Pappy: Huh? What's that? Cartoons, you say?
• Timmy: You wouldn't like 'em. They're new!

[Close on TV screen, the theme song for "Captain Green and the Eco Teens" plays as the screen shows title cards.

• Theme Song: Captain Green and the Eco Teens! Picking' up trash and recycling' things! Doing' our chores, hugging' a tree... Solving' problems NON-VIOLENTLYYYYYY!!
• Pappy: What the - ?!
• Timmy: Look! Just cuz it's new doesn't mean it's lame!
• Cartoon Kid: (on TV) Let's save the rainforest!
• Captain Green: (on TV) With an eco rap!
• Timmy: OK, that's lame!
• Captain Green: Ra-ra-rainforest! I said, ra-ra
• Pappy: (quickly turns to "The End of your Lifetime" Channel) Here's what you should be watching! OLD cartoons!

[On TV, the title card reveals "Poke Eye the Longshore Man".]

• Timmy: Poke Eye the Longshore Man?
• Pappy: He's a marble-mouthed ruffian who solves problems with his fists!
• Timmy: Why's he eating beets?
• Pappy: So, he can beat the Jiminy Crickets out of that villain!

[Timmy watches as Poke Eye eats the beats his fists turn into candy suckers.]

• Poke Eye: Gets a taste of me sucker punch, ya big palooka!

[The TV shakes violently as the cartoon unfolds.]

• Pappy: (as TV bounces around him) The generation that grew up on these started three wars, two police actions, and the National Hockey League!

[The TV explodes in front of them.]

• Timmy: Oh, my gosh. That was the most graphic-displaying-virtuous-yet-non-imitatable violence I've ever seen! Sweet!
• Pappy: And they get even better!
• Timmy: No...
• Pappy: Yup, those cartoons were great... but now that your fancy glowing' picture box has exploded, there's no way to enjoy them...
• Timmy: Don't be so sure!
• Cosmo: I'm on it!

[Cosmo poofs as the scene transitions to the old-cartoon style title card and reads: "Cosmo presents... POOF! A Timmy Turner All-Sound Wish!" Timmy, Pappy, and everything around them are now drawn in a black and white, old cartoon style. Cosmo and Wanda are mouse-like foxes.

• Timmy: Wow! I'm in an old cartoon! I was just going to wish for a new TV!
• Cosmo: Yeah! Why just wish for a new TV when you've got -
• Pappy: (voiceover) - talking animals!! (enters frame) Hoo-wee! I don't know what kind of new-fangled hoo-ha you used to make all this, but it's the bees knees! Everything talks! The sun!
• Cartoon Sun: (friendly) Don't stare at me too long. You'll go blind!
• Pappy: Even those foxes' magic wands!
• Cartoon Wands: (goofy-like laughs) Hee huah hua hua!

[Now alive, the wands jump away from Cosmo and Wanda and take off.]

• Cosmo: Come back! No one had a chance to say "what could possibly go wrong" yet!
• Wanda: (walks away) You go with Pappy. We'll catch up.
• Pappy: Come on, Timmy! Shake a leg!

[The hook of Pappy's cane drags Timmy OS. At 1930's Dimmsdale, Everything was bouncy as fire hydrants sings, trolley passengers run, and cars coming to life.]

[Reveal Timmy and Pappy, taking it all in.]

• Timmy: Man, this is great!!!

[While Pappy talks, he and Timmy experience what he describes, ending up in a wheelbarrow at a construction site.]

• Pappy: Ooh don't be fooled by the jollity and mirth! Old cartoons were a dangerous place! Easily distracted young men were put in charge of hoisting pianos. Safes, too. And if you didn't pay attention, you could easily wander into a construction site, inadvertently avoiding pile drivers, accidentally stepping onto an elevator... falling from dizzying heights, only to be saved by rising steel girders for reasons no one fully understands. Old people and children seemed drawn to danger, so we'll have to be extra careful!

[Their ride in an old wheelbarrow ends when they are tossed from it. A "Meanwhile" card show up. Cosmo and Wanda give chase to their wands.]

• Wanda: Cosmo! We've got to catch those wands!

[The scene cuts to a very, short Chester Ubetcha next to a tall microphone. During that time, Cosmo and Wanda keep chasing their wands, flipping a graph.]

• Chester Ubetcha: Good evening Mr. and Mrs. America and all the ships at sea. This is the very tall, on the radio, Chesta' Ubetcha live from the Stock Exchange. SWEET CUT OIL! It's the greatest depression in stock market history!

[Poor men with barrels as clothes are seen panicking about the greatest depression]

• Barrel Guy 1: We're busted!
• Barrel Guy 2: Broke!
• Barrel Guy 3: RUUUIIIINED!

[Meanwhile, Pappy's belly grumbles.]

• Pappy: I'm famished. What say we russle up some grub?
• Timmy: Oh yeah! Mom and Dad gave me dinner money. Uh, Pappy? If five cents will get us thirty pounds of candy, (close-up to Timmy's money) what will twenty bucks get us?
• Pappy: Oh! I'll tell you what it'll get us, Timmy!

[Pappy and Timmy are seen with fancy clothes and a bag of money]

• Pappy: THE GREATEST NIGHT OF OUR LIVES!!!!

[They ended up in a bar]

• Pappy: Sassparila's on the house!
• Saloon Patrons: (cheering)
• Saloon Keeper: Ladies and gentlemen, presenting the sing along stylings of Chippington Skylark and his Noah's Ark-istra!

[The band takes the stage and begins to make music out of animals.]

• Pappy: Come on, Timmy! Let's dance! (squishes his milkshake on his face and licks it while Timmy speaks)
• Timmy: But I don't know how to dance.
• Pappy: Ahh! Can ya wiggle your finger?
• Timmy: Yeah!
• Pappy: Then you know how to dance in an old cartoon! C'mon!
• Timmy: (finishes drink) Ahhhh!
• Chippington Skylark: (sings) Who's got a smile like a wild boar? Whose teeth cut chain at the hardware store? The girl who's rotten to the core? Icky Vicky! Doo-Boo-Be-Doop! Whose breath smells like a dog's behind? Who's cuddly as a porcupine? Who's a curse on all mankind? Icky Vicky! Doo-Boo-Be Doop! Who only comes out at night? Who gives ghosts and ghouls a fright? Who gave Dracula a bite? DO I EVEN HAVE TO SAY IT?!? Who's the meanest girl in town? Who turns smiles into frowns? The biggest dragon in Chinatown? Icky Vicky! Doo-Boo-Be-Doop!

[Everyone cheering. Back in the 1930s streets of Dimmsdale, Cosmo and Wanda as foxes run in.]

• Wanda: We have to find those wands!
• Cosmo: There they are!

[Close on The Wands.]

• Cartoon Wands: Hee-hyuh!

[The wands are at the top of the Dimpire State Building.]

• Cosmo: On top of the Dimpire State Building!
• Wanda: Quick! Up the fire escape!

[At a ceremony, an aviator receives a commendation from the Mayor and Chompy. Next to them is a handcuffed, giant gorilla.

• Aviator: And to those of you who said the "skyscraper climbing animal emergency response team was a waste of money," I say NUTS!

[Back at the saloon bar, Timmy and Pappy are finishing their big dance number.]

• Timmy: Twenty-three scoo!
• Pappy: Say, Timmy! Better keep these samolians under your cap, just in case something goes screwy. (places their dinner money beneath Timmy's top hat)
• Timmy: Come on, Pappy! What could possibly go wrong?

[A peg leg slams into scene as it is attached to Peg-Foot Vicky.]

• Ostriches: PEG FOOT VICKY?!? (hiding their head under the floor)
• Peg-Foot Vicky: Hey! Soda jerk!
• The Soda Jerk: P-p-Peg Foot Vicky!
• Peg-Foot Vicky: (to soda jerk) Who're the two swells at the end of the bar?
• The Soda Jerk: I dunno. But the old guy's spending money like there's no tomorrow!
• Peg-Foot Vicky: There won't be if I have anything to say about it! (spits into a nearby spittoon, which quickly combusts. She peg-walks her way to Pappy and grabs him) Let's go, Money Bags!
• Timmy: Come back, you cur!
• Peg-Foot Vicky: (pushing Timmy) Stay out of this, Shrimpy! You'll live longer! HA HA HA! (kicks Timmy, who ends up stuffed inside his top hat)
• Pappy: Help, Timmy! HEELLLP!

[Peg Foot Vicky drags Pappy out of the saloon.]

• Timmy: (inside hat) Without Cosmo and Wanda to help, I'll have to rely on my wits to save Pappy. (walking with the hat) Oh man, - Pappy's in trouble!

[At the railroad, Vicky, holds Pappy above the tracks.]

• Pappy: I'll never tell ya where the money is!
• Peg-Foot Vicky: Tell me! Or I'll tie you to the railroad tracks!

[Several cartoon villains also tied victims to the tracks.]

• The Old Cartoon Villain: Beat it, sister! We're working this side of the street!
• Peg-Foot Vicky: Grr!

[At the Sawmill, Vicky's got Pappy tied to a log that's on a conveyor belt heading toward a spinning buzz saw.]

• Peg-Foot Vicky: Then I'll SAW YOU IN HALF AT THE SAWMILL! AHHAHAHAHAHA!

[Pappy is screaming. The log moves incredibly slowly.]

• Peg-Foot Vicky: No wonder this place wasn't taken.
• Timmy: (still stuck inside the top hat, waddles up to the sawmill and kicks the door in) Unhand Pappy, you viper! Or face the fury of my wits!

[Vicky kicks at a loose floorboard, the other end of which springs up and sends Timmy flying. He slams into the roof.]

• Timmy: OOF! (falls back to the ground, landing on the lever controlling the buzz saw speed)

[His hat pops free and the money bags fall out. The buzz saw starts speeding up.]

• Pappy: AAHH!
• Peg-Foot Vicky: THE MONEY! (grabs the bag) Haha!
• Timmy: This kind of thing never happens to the Eco-Teens!

[Cosmo and Wanda reach the top of the building.]

• Cosmo: AHHA! Why did I let you tug me into this?
• Wanda: Just grab those wands! We have to find Timmy!
• Cosmo: Ah! Eh! (grabs wands) Got 'em!
• Aviator: Tally ho!

[The aviator's ammunition bounces off Cosmo's butt. Cosmo loses his balance and tumbles off the building, letting go of Wanda and the wands as he falls.]

• Cartoon Wands: Hee hyuh heh hya heh! (bounce into an open store awning)
• Cosmo and Wanda: (grab the wands, bounce into that same awning and are sprung clear across town) YAAAAAAAAAAAY!

[Back at the Sawmill.]

• Pappy: AAAHHH!
• Peg-Foot Vicky: So long, Sappy!
• Peg-Foot Vicky: And thanks for the dough!

[She exits as Timmy struggles with the lever, trying in vain to stop the conveyor belt. Cosmo and Wanda as foxes suddenly crashes through the roof, landing next to him.]

• Timmy: Cosmo! Wanda! I wish -
• Cosmo: Pappy was free?
• Wanda: Vicky was vanquished?
• Timmy: For a bag of nutritious beets!
• Cosmo and Wanda: (poof a bag of Poke Eye Brand Beets with confusion)

[Timmy eats the beets and goes through the transformation, his muscles each bulge and strengthen. Timmy easily pulls the lever and stops the buzz saw conveyor belt with only seconds to spare as the buzz saw continues to spin.]

• Pappy: Phew!

[Timmy lifts the entire log off the belt.]

• Pappy: Timmy! That was a tight spot! THANKS!
• Timmy: No problem! And now to take care of Vicky!
• Pappy: Wait! You can't hit girls in old cartoons!
• Timmy: Oh, good point. I wish Vicky was a boy!

[Cosmo and Wanda poofs and Vicky became a boy. Timmy smashes Vicky with a log. and then throws it away. Then, Timmy grabs Vicky's tongue.]

• Timmy: Good thing I'm wearing gloves!

[Timmy spins Vicky, tosses her to the ceiling, then lets her slam back into the floor.]

• Timmy: Now you get the taste of me hurricane hook!

[Timmy gives a great punch to Vicky, letting her go of the money, and it crashes into the still spinning buzzsaw. As the money is shredded, Vicky sails toward the buzzsaw and crashes again. Vicky runs past, the buzz saw now free and chasing after her, occasionally zapping her behind. Vicky runs outside the sawmill and over the town.]

• Peg-Foot Vicky: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! (looks at the Cartoon Sun) Ah! The sun! I'm blind!
• Cartoon Sun: I warned ya! Hyuk! Hyuk!
• Timmy: (aside, to Cosmo & Wanda) I wish we were back in the real world!
• Wands: (goofy laughing) You got it!

[Cosmo poofs them back as the text reads "SO LONG, FOLKS". Back at Turner's Residence, Mr. Turner and Mrs. Turner return from their night out.]

• Mr. Turner: Boy howdy! That Captain Green sure can rap!
• Mr. and Mrs. Turner: (rapping) Nu-nu-nutrition! Nu! Nu! Nutrition!
• Mrs. Turner: Timmy! Pappy! How was your evening?
• Pappy: Top shelf! I'll come back any time you need me!
• Timmy: AWESOME! No more Vicky!
• Pappy: Timmy's the greatest! He made everything like an old cartoon with some new-fangled hoosie what's-it!

[Mom and Dad look disturbed.]

• Pappy: And there were foxes with magic wands, a band that beat music out of animals and then I was kidnapped! But Timmy saved me... by eating vegetables!
• Mrs. Turner: Okay! Timmy? Say goodbye to Pappy... forever!
• Pappy: Well, Timmy. Looks like I won't be babysitting for a while. So, I guess there's only one thing left to do.
• Timmy: Wiggle our fingers?
• Pappy: YOUUU GOT IT!

[They dance. Timmy dances over to his goldfish bowl, where Cosmo and Wanda float.]

• Wanda: Well, sport! You didn't get rid of Vicky, but you did learn something very important.
• Timmy: Yeah! Just because something's really, really old doesn't mean it isn't cool.
• Cosmo: That's exactly how I feel about Wanda!
• Wanda: Awww! (realizes) Hey!

[Timmy takes his fishbowl and dances back to Pappy, as the scene iris out.]