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The Fairly OddParents!
episode transcript
"That's Life!"
Season №: 3
Episode №: 21B
Airdate: November 8, 2002
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents! episode, "That's Life!" from Season 3, which aired on November 8, 2002.


Script[]

  • Timmy: (mouth full) Mmm! Man, this is the greatest pizza I've ever had in my whole life!
  • Wanda: Hey, how about throwing some of that our way, sport!
  • Cosmo: Yeah, I'm hungry.
  • Timmy: Um... (swallows) But, this is the last... really.... huge... almost circular piece.
  • Mrs. Turner: Honestly, Timmy, that's no way to take care of your pets! Just look at them! No wonder all your pets died... (beat) ...I... (beat) ...I mean, ran away while you were at Summer Camp! Pets need loving and nurturing to grow big and strong...
  • Cosmo and Wanda: Aaahh!
  • Mrs. Turner: ...just like my soon-to-be, award-winning garden! (SOBS) EVERYTHING I TOUCH DIES!

[SFX: MACHINE DRILLING]

  • Mr. Turner: Honey? Why are you sobbing uncontrollably on this lifeless patch of dirt and death?
  • Mrs. Turner: Because tomorrow is the big Dimmsdale Veg- Out and I wanted my garden to win first prize this year!
  • Timmy: It's okay, Mom, it's just a silly gardening contest! So, what if the Dinklebergs win again this year?
  • Mr. Turner: The Dinklebergs are in the contest?! My hated arch-enemies from over the fence? (uses a telescope from a submarine radar) Look at those animals! Wallowing in their perfection!! Their total superiority will be their downfall!! You can beat them, honey! It's important to me! I mean you! Besides, you're a natural gardener! These cherry tomatoes look scrumptious!
  • Mrs. Turner: (totally devastated) They're watermelons.
  • Mr. Turner: Neat!
  • Mrs. Turner: (sobs)
  • Timmy: Aw, so what if Mom loses to the Dinklebergs? They're kind of nice...
  • Mr. Turner: Well, if you love them so much why don't you just go live there!
  • Timmy: Well, they do have a pool. And a not-dead garden...
  • Mr. Turner and Mrs. Turner: (sobbing) Just leave us!!! You've said enough!
  • Timmy: Wow. Three hours and counting. I didn't mean to hurt their feelings that bad.
  • Mr. Turner and Mrs. Turner: (continues sobbing offscreen)
  • Wanda: Wow, your mom sure seems upset.
  • Timmy: No kidding. I wish I could make her stop crying!
  • Wanda: Well, Timmy, it sure would help if we knew what she was crying about.
  • Mrs. Turner: (offscreen) I'm so upset that I can't bring anything to life in my garden!
  • Timmy: Well, that was helpfully specific! I wish that everything in Mom's garden was full of life!

[Cosmo and Wanda poofs as angelic choir plays.]

  • Mrs. Turner: Honey, look! Our miracle tears of sorrow have brought my garden to life!
  • Wanda: Aww... That was a nice thing you did, Timmy.
  • Timmy: Yeah! My Mom's garden looks incredible! But that's me... I'm a giver.... give, give, give. That's all I do. Good night!

[SFX: SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

  • Timmy: Eddie! My long-lost gerbil that my Mom said ran away while I was at Summer Camp! You're back! It's a dream come true!! Somebody pinch me!! Too... much... pinching...
  • Eddie: (growls)
  • Cosmo: Timmy never let’s us hug his windpipe like that!
  • Timmy: Eddie! Where have you been all this time?
  • Eddie: (grunts)
  • Timmy: You’re like you haven’t eaten bathed, been in sun laid or gotten clumps of dirt out of your hair since you ran away.

[SFX: TEETH BANGING ON METAL]

  • Timmy: Well, I'm gonna be a much better pet owner this time! I'm not gonna just leave him like I did when I went to summer camp! Yup! No more random meaningless distractions for me!
  • A.J.: (offscreen) Hey, Timmy!
  • Chester: Wanna leave your house and watch me go get my braces tightened??
  • Timmy: Do I ever!
  • Cosmo: You know, once you get past the exposed brain and rotting flesh, he is kind of cuddly.
  • Eddie: (angry) RRRrrrrrrr....
  • Wanda: Uh, Dinkleberg’s pool?

[SFX: POOF]

  • Cosmo: Right!
  • Eddie: RrrrRRRR...
  • Timmy: (offscreen) Guys! I'm home!
  • Timmy: Hi, Cosmo! Hi, Wanda! Man, you shoulda seen Chester's mouth! It's totally...
  • Eddie: RRROOOOAAARRR!!!!!!!
  • Timmy: ...tight?
  • Cosmo: Aww... he missed you!
  • Timmy: Wow. He must still be angry about the whole Summer Camp thing. Well, I am NOT gonna let Eddie down again. In fact, I wish I could shrink down to Eddie's size and give him a big hug!

[SFX: ZAP]

  • Eddie: RRROOOOAAARRR!!!!!!!
  • Timmy: Eddie! Who wants a big hug? Too... much... hugging. I don't understand! Why is he so angry at me?
  • Cosmo: Maybe he thinks you buried him in that shoebox that says: "Here lies Eddie, the dead Gerbil"?
  • Timmy: OW! The Dead Gerbil? OW! But Mom told me he ran away!!
  • Wanda: Well, he was buried in Mom's dead garden, and you filled everything with life!
  • Timmy: How the heck did he die?
  • Eddie: (growls angrily)
  • Timmy: Wait! Dad was supposed to take care of him for me when I was at Summer Camp!! (echoing) Camp!... Camp!.... Camp!
  • Mr. Turner: Hmmm, let's see... what was I supposed to do while Timmy was away at Summer Camp? (echoing) Camp... Camp... alrighty... put up drapes to cancel out the echo. Okay. Loathe the Dinkleberg's. Did it! Feed the gerbil...
  • Mr. Turner: (offscreen) I mean bury the gerbil that was supposed to be fed while Timmy was at Summer Camp! (echoes) Camp... Camp...
  • Eddie: Daaad!
  • Timmy: Hey, where are you going?
  • Cosmo: I dunno... maybe there's a clue in that line of food pellets that reads "Get Dad"
  • Timmy: Oh no!
  • Mr. Turner: (offscreen) Honey! The Veg-Out judges are here!
  • Eddie: (growls angrily)
  • Timmy: Oh my gosh! Cosmo! Wanda! Don't let Eddie's totally justified rage ruin my Mom's chances of winning the Veg-Out!
  • Wanda: You got it, champ!
  • Mrs. Turner: Honey, where are you?? The judges are judging and the Dinklebergs are Dinkleberging!
  • Mr. Turner: On my way! Whoa! WOO! Whoaaa!!! Aliyoop!

[SFX: POOF]

  • Mr. Turner: And back flip! Cool! I stuck my dismount!
  • Timmy: I've got to get out of here! Dad's in trouble! But how! HOW! (beat) Oh, wait! I have thumbs! Thank you, evolution!
  • Mrs. Turner: And this is my casaba!
  • Mr. Turner: Would it affect your decision at all if I told you the Dinklebergs steal candy from children? It's true! And now I'll get my clearly doctored photos!
  • Timmy: Eddie no! (screaming at Mr. Turner) DAD! RUN! EDDIE'S BACK FROM THE DEAD AND HE WANTS TO KILL YOU!
  • Mr. Turner: (oblivious, looking around) Kill me? Why would he want to kill me? Your Mom's the one that forgot to feed him when you went to Summer Camp... Camp... Camp...
  • Eddie: Mom!
  • Timmy: OOOF! Oh great! He heard Dad pass the buck! Now he's after Mom!
  • Mrs. Turner: (to Judges) Try my hybrid zucchini-corn!
  • Eddie: (growls angrily)
  • Mrs. Turner: (gasps)
  • Eddie: (growls angrily)
  • Judge: Well, I think we know who the winner is! But just as a formality, we’ll need to see your yams.
  • Mrs. Turner: My yams! I should show them my yams!
  • Mr. Turner: Honey, I know you want to win, but doesn't that seem a little extreme?
  • Mrs. Turner: Now where did I put my yams... Ah! Here they are! Well, what they don't know won't hurt 'em. Or help the Dinklebergs!
  • Mr. Turner: (offscreen) Honey, Honey, where are you?
  • Mrs. Turner: I'm... uh... uncanning... uh... uncanning... how great my yams will be!
  • Timmy: Eddie! Please! People make mistakes! It’s not my Dad’s fault you’re gone! (beat) Well, it's mostly his fault... (beat) But it's mine too! I was your owner! I Should have taken better care of you! I’m sorry! I can't hang on anymore! Cosmo, get my Mom to safety!
  • Cosmo: You got it! I love this job!
  • Timmy: Perfect.
  • Wanda: Isn’t it cheating that your Mom’s using canned yams?
  • Timmy: Hey, somebody grew them!
  • Timmy and Wanda: OOOF!
  • Timmy: Eddie, you saved me!
  • Wanda: Oh, he loves you again!
  • Eddie: (grunts happily)

[SFX: CREAK and SNAP]

  • Timmy: I can fix that.
  • Judge: First prize goes to Mrs. Turner!
  • Mrs. Turner: (gasp) I can't believe it! First prize!!!
  • Mr. Turner: I did it! I beat the Dinklebergs! I mean, you beat the Dinklebergs! Which is like me beating the Dinklebergs in a woman's body!
  • Judge: And in addition to the ribbon, first prize includes this rare, priceless, Jupiter Tulip.
  • Mrs. Turner: EVERYTHING I TOUCH DIES!
  • Mr. Turner: Oh, Dinkleberg, aren't you going to come over and give my wife a congratulatory hand touch?
  • Wanda: Aw... You and Eddie are friends again!
  • Cosmo: Oh, great, one more mouth to not feed.
  • Timmy: Don't worry about it, Cosmo. I figured out that if I'm gonna have a pet, I have to take care of it! (realization) But I wonder what happened to my kitty, my bunny, my ferret, my ocelot, my puppy and my parrot Mom and Dad also said ran away while I was at Summer Camp?
  • Cosmo, Wanda, and Timmy: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!
  • Timmy: I gotta stop going to Summer Camp... Camp... Camp... Camp.

[The scene echoes and iris out.]

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