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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Temporary Fairy" from Season 7, which aired on September 29, 2009.


Transcript[]

[Fade in on the Turners' house at night. Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof are asleep in their fishbowl. Timmy's alarm clock strikes 5:01 a.m. Timmy hits a trash can with a baseball bat. The fairies poof out of the bowl and scream]
Wanda: Timmy, what are you doing up before noon on a Saturday?
Cosmo: Ah! He must not be the real Timmy! Impostor!
Timmy: I've been working on this list of extreme wishes all week, and I wanna get started as soon as possible.
Cosmo: [to Wanda] You go with the impostor. I'll stay here and look for the real Timmy.
Timmy: First up... I wish I was a Formula 500 race car driver in an atomic-powered super race car that can bend time and leave fiery skid marks in its wake! [Poof giggles, and Wanda grants the wish: Timmy and Poof are in a race car on a merry-go-round] A merry-go-round? Are you kidding me? This is so lame! [groans] Wish number two. I wish I could bounce across the moon! [Wanda grants the wish, changing the scene to Poof and Timmy bouncing]
Poof: Poof poof!
Timmy: Yay!
Poof: Poof!
Timmy: Yahoo!
Poof: Poof poof! [he and Timmy are in a rocket-themed bounce house]
Timmy: This isn't anything like the moon! Okay, let's try wish number three. I wish I could wrestle a giant, man-eating, fire-breathing squid! [he is poofed into a bathtub. He looks at Poof]
Poof: [holding up a toy squid] Poof poof!
Timmy: Great. I don't suppose he actually breathes fire!
Wanda: No, he squirts toothpaste so you can always practice good oral hygiene. [Poof uses the squid to spray Timmy's eyes with toothpaste]
Timmy: Ah! My eye is minty fresh! [he, Wanda, and Poof appear in his room] Wanda, what's up with you? Every time I wish for something awesome, you make it totally boring and not awesome!
Wanda: Oh, sorry, sport, but you've been making a lot of dangerous wishes lately, and I have to baby-proof them for Poof's sake.
Cosmo: [drills out of the floor] Timmy wasn't at the center of the earth, but I'll keep looking! [poofs into a Sherlock Holmes costume] Hang on, real Timmy!
Timmy: Wanda, is there any way around this baby-proofing stuff?
Cosmo: The real Timmy would know that every fairy comes with a guarantee! [magnifies a sticker on Wanda's foot]
Timmy: [reading the sticker] "If the godchild in question is in any way unhappy or dissatisfied with the services provided by his godparent, he can request a temporary fairy." I can?
Wanda: Well, technically, yes. But I know you love us so much, you'd never replace us with—
Timmy: I wish I had a temporary fairy! [Jorgen appears in an explosion that blows everyone away]
Jorgen: Temporary fairy at your service!
Timmy: [on a wall] Jorgen? [falls to the floor] You're my temporary fairy? Aren't there, like, a billion other fairies I can choose from? Or, like, one?
Jorgen: Nope. All the others have godkids, and now that all the lawsuits have been settled, I'm available!
Wanda: Timmy, you're making a mistake. There's a reason Jorgen doesn't have a full-time godchild!
Jorgen: Sadly, the nagging one speaks the truth. Most kids do not appreciate super atomic race cars, bouncing on the moon, [as Timmy's pupils grow bigger] or fire-breathing squids who eat people. I guess I am just tragically misunderstood.
Timmy: Not by me, you're not. Let's do this.
Jorgen: Hey hey! Just sign this contract—right below this clause that clears me of any responsibility should you be maimed, severed, charred, boiled, shaved, plucked, [it becomes night] disemboweled, juggled by monkeys, ripped apart, [it becomes day] given the measles, mutilated, frozen, or burned at the stake. [Timmy is shocked. The button on his hat falls off and rolls away]
Timmy: Sounds good to me! [signs the contract. It turns into the likeness of a skull and laughs evilly. Fade to the moon. A fiery object streaks by] Woo-hoo! I'm in a race car on the moon! [writes "Timmy was here" on the ground with the race car's flaming skid marks. A giant squid jumps toward him. They fight, and he ties its tentacles together] Ha ha! [the top of the squid's head breaks] Thanks to the moon's lack of gravity, I'm super strong! [throwing the squid off the moon] Ha ha! [the squid is hit by a meteor. Timmy and Jorgen fist-bump. Fade to Timmy's room, where the two appear]
Wanda: Oh, are you okay, sport? Did Jorgen hurt you? Is anything broken? [poofs into a doctor outfit] Lemme take a look.
Timmy: Wanda, I'm great! I just did three extreme wishes in a row! Jorgen's awesome!
Jorgen: Oh, you are just saying that because it is completely true.
Cosmo: [nails a "missing" poster of Timmy to a wall] There! [identical posters are all over the room] These posters will help in the search for Timmy!
Jorgen: You are an idiot. Seriously, there can't be anyone in the world less intelligent than you.
Mr. Turner: [offscreen] Oh, Timmy! [walks into the door] Ooh, trying to open the door with my mind didn't work.
Timmy: Uh-oh, it's my dad! Quick, hide! [Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof turn into goldfish. Jorgen turns into a rhinoceros]
Wanda: A rhino?!
Jorgen: What? It is manly.
Mr. Turner: [hugging Timmy] Just came to say good night, son. Ooh, love the rhino. It's much more manly than your embarrassingly unmanly fish. Geh! [grabs a poster] Oh, no. Timmy's missing? [letting go of Timmy] I'll find you, son! [Timmy falls to the floor. Mr. Turner runs into the door offscreen] Ooh, mind powers still not working.
Timmy: Well, good night. [lying on Jorgen] I love you.
Wanda: Aw, we love—
Timmy: Not you. I was talkin' to my temporary fairy.
Jorgen: Good night, Turner. See you first thing in the morning! [the light turns off. The alarm clock strikes 12:01 a.m., then Jorgen, in fairy form, beats a trash can] Ha ha! [Timmy screams and Jorgen grabs him] It's first thing in the morning! Time to start a brand-new day of super-charged, heavy-duty wishes!
Timmy: It's the middle of the night. Can't we just—
Jorgen: Go night skydiving on the eighth moon of Jupiter into the belly of the Galactorian space eel? Of course! [poofs himself and Timmy into space. Timmy looks down and sees a big monster with its mouth open. He screams. He and Jorgen start falling] And here is the best part. Instead of having a regular, namby-pamby baby parachute, you've got a rabid beaver on your back! [the beaver growls and tackles Timmy, who screams. Fade to a volcano]
Timmy: [doing the following] Snowboarding down an active volcano? Well, at least my feet are on the ground this time.
Jorgen: Only instead of a snowboard, you're riding on the belly of a hungry, two-headed crocodile! [Timmy faces the crocodile] Oh, and your hair is made of bacon! [most of Timmy's hair turns into bacon. The crocodiles lick their lips and pounce on Timmy, who screams. Wipe to Timmy running away screaming from green flamingos]
Timmy: Chased by a herd of green flamingos across a desert of flaming corn cobs?
Jorgen: [riding a camel] Yes! Everyone knows green flamingos are much meaner than the pink ones!
Timmy: [skids to a stop and pants] Time out. I need to catch my breath in this cave.
Jorgen: [chuckles] This is not a cave. [Timmy is in a mouth. He runs away screaming, and a worm-like monster roars and gives chase. Cut to the house]
Cosmo: Magical creatures, catch Timmy's scent, and let's track him down! Leprechauns, go! [a group of leprechauns leaves] Gnomes, [throws a dirty sock] fetch! [the gnomes dive after the sock] You ugly things, just leave. [a group of small monsters groans and leaves. Timmy and Jorgen appear in an explosion that blows Cosmo away]
Timmy: No more wishes! [dives under his bed] I just wanna stay under my bed for a while... and maybe have a snack.
Jorgen: Good idea. [a sandwich with a time bomb in it appears] How about a time bomb hoagie? [the sandwich blows up the bed] Better get some rest. I will poof you up a new bed... [poofs up a bed of nails under Timmy] of nails! [Timmy lands on the bed and screams in pain] See you tomorrow, godchild! [turns off the light. The alarm clock strikes 12:01, and Jorgen hollers and beats a trash can. Timmy screams and Jorgen grabs him] It's tomorrow, Turner! [laughs] You fall for that every time. Let's see... [makes him watch a slideshow showing the following] On deck for today, we have bungee jumping into the boiling sulfur pits of Uranus! Followed by diving into a pit of angry sea monsters, and then we will wrap it all up with a belly slide down a cheese grater into a pool of rubbing alcohol!
Slide Projector: This presentation will self-destruct in— [explodes on Timmy]
Timmy: That's it! I can't take it anymore! No more explosions, flames, or Galactorian eel bellies! You're fired!
Jorgen: Ha! You cannot fire me, Turner. Thanks to my team of lawyers, this contract, unlike you, is unbreakable. Read the fine print.
Timmy: [doing so] "This contract is binding for one year or until Timmy Turner totally explodes. Whichever comes first." I'm stuck with you for a year?!
Jorgen: Don't worry. You will explode way before that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to gunpowder my nose. [goes into the bathroom]
Cosmo: I found Timmy! [holding up the beaver] I recognized him by his teeth! He's been living in the wild like a savage. [the beaver growls] We'll have to teach him English again! Timmy, say "chimichanga". [the beaver attacks him]
Timmy: Wanda, you gotta help me! I wish Jorgen would just go away!
Wanda: Sorry, Timmy. But you signed a contract, and we're not your fairies right now. Jorgen is.
Timmy: No way! How do I get outta the contract?
Wanda: There's only one way out. You're going to have to wish for something too horrible for even Jorgen to handle.
Timmy: But he's not afraid of anything. What could possibly scare him off? [Poof blinks. Timmy smiles. A toilet flushes offscreen]
Jorgen: [kicks the bathroom door open] All right, Turner! Bathroom break is over! Time to roll! Speaking of rolls, I replaced your toilet paper with flaming sandpaper! [laughs maniacally]
Timmy: But we're gonna do things my way this time, and I say we namby-pamby baby things up. To the max.
Jorgen: Turner, you can't be serious.
Timmy: Oh, yes, I can. I'm your godkid, and you have to do what I say. I wish you were wearing nothing but a baby diaper! [Jorgen snaps his fingers, granting the wish]
Jorgen: Turner, this is too namby. I demand you wish for something else!
Timmy: Okay. I wish you were in a playpen wearing a pink bonnet! [the wish is granted]
Jorgen: [screams] Now, this is too pamby!
Timmy: I wish we were at Fairy World Stadium and you were sucking on a pacifier... and your image was on the jumbo view!
Jorgen: Wha? [appears in Fairy World and falls screaming into the stadium. A pacifier appears in his mouth, and he spits it out] Now, this is full-on namby-pamby baby stuff. Thank goodness there is no one here to see this. [Poof, Timmy, and Wanda appear]
Timmy: I wish the stadium was full of fairies! [eighty-one thousand fairies appear in the stands and laugh]
Cosmo: [laughs; to the beaver, who is gnawing on a log] It sure is great spending time with you again, Timmy. It's important you reintegrate into society. How's the log? [the beaver moves the log away from him and growls]
Jorgen: Stop laughing! Stop! Okay, Turner, you win. I'll rip up the contract. [does so] There! [grunts] I am no longer your temporary fairy. [cut to Timmy's room. Poof, Timmy, and Wanda appear]
Wanda: You did it, Timmy! You out-Jorgened Jorgen!
Poof: Poof poof!
Timmy: Wanda, I'm sorry I replaced you guys. I totally learned my lesson. You're the only fairies I'd ever want, no matter how much baby-proofing you do.
Wanda: Welcome back, Timmy. ["Love" appears onscreen] Now, how about another wish?
Timmy: You bet. I wish we were all on a super colossal water slide! [the wish is granted] Woo-hoo! [he and Poof slide down a small water slide in the backyard]
Wanda: Sorry, sport.
Timmy: Are you kidding? This is perfect. [hugs Poof. Cosmo and the beaver appear]
Cosmo: Well, real Timmy, if you don't like my wish-granting, why don't you find yourself a temporary fairy? [Jorgen appears in an explosion, blowing everyone away. Cosmo screams]
Jorgen: Did I hear someone say they need a temporary fairy? [the beaver growls and goes into his pants] Wah! Wah! Don't build a dam in there! I'm calling my lawyers!
Mr. Turner: [drills out of the ground] Well, Timmy's not at the center of the earth. Where are you, Timmy? [iris out on his face. Timmy sighs. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]


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