Mr. Crocker: Take your time finishing your test, class. Except you, Turner! You get ten seconds! Ten, nine... [Timmy writes hurriedly and his pencil breaks. The tip hits Sanjay and gets stuck in the ceiling]
Timmy: Oh, no! My pencil broke!
Cosmo: [as a pencil] No problem, Timmy. We can finish your test for you! [writes on the test]
Wanda: [as a pencil] Cosmo, you can't take Timmy's test. That's cheating.
Cosmo: Not if you don't know the answers. Look! I made a scary clown with crab hands!
Wanda: Now you're gonna make him fail. Besides, [adding shoes to the drawing] clowns have big shoes like this. [she and Cosmo laugh as they draw]
Crocker: Time's up! Pencils down! [the fairies continue drawing] Well, Turner, since your gravity-defying writing implements insist on disobeying me, I'll lock them away in my drawer of open flames and mouse traps. [the fairies scream as he drops them into the drawer. Mouse traps snap]
Cosmo: [looking at a pencil broken by a mouse trap] Looks like they broke him, Wanda. You people are monsters!
Crocker: A scary clown with crab hands? Turner! Why can't you be more like AJ here? He never draws pictures, and his pencils don't float. He's my bestest student.
AJ: That's "best student", Mr. Crocker.
Crocker: See how smart he is? [to AJ] Don't cross me in public again.
AJ: I cloned you an apple. [does so]
Crocker: See? He's amazing! Watch this! AJ, build me a time machine out of paper clips and yarn! [tosses AJ paper clips and yarn. AJ does as he said and presses the time machine] AJ, build me a time machine out of paper clips and yarn! [tosses him paper clips and yarn and has a realization] It worked! AJ, take the rest of the school year off!
AJ: Woo-hoo!
Future AJ: [appears] I'm you from the future! Whatever you do, don't clone an apple!
AJ: It's too late! [the future AJ screams and disappears. AJ runs away screaming]
Crocker: See you next year, AJ! Stay cool!
Timmy: Man, AJ's so lucky. He gets the rest of the year off. I wish I were the teacher's pet. [Poof, an eraser, giggles and turns Timmy into a guinea pig] Whoa, I'm a guinea pig. Poof, I didn't mean an actual pet. I— [the school bell rings, and cheering kids run out of the classroom]
Crocker: A cute little guinea pig. AJ must have made you out of paper clips and yarn. [grabs Timmy] Oh, I'm gonna take you home and pet you and feed you yummy treats...
Timmy: Maybe this isn't so bad.
Crocker: ...and then subject you to diabolical experiments! [Timmy frets; pulling a cord from the ceiling] To the Crocker Cave! [a giant mallet labeled "F" smashes Timmy's seat] Whoops. Wrong lever. That's the F mallet. [pulls a cord that opens the floor below him. He laughs as he falls into the Crocker Cave, bounces off a platform, and crashes offscreen. Several caged animals are in the cave] Welcome to the Crocker Cave, my doomed little friend. I'm going to use the DNA of these lab animals to genetically transform myself into the perfect [spasming]fairy-hunting creature! I'll have the nose of a bloodhound to sniff out fairies! The wings of a bumblebee to swoop down on... fairies! The armor of an armadillo to shield me from the magic of... fairies! The cheek pouches of a chipmunk to hold my captured fairies! And the fluffy hair of a Persian cat. The hair won't help me catch fairies! But it'll make me a real chick magnet. But before I subject myself to a potentially deadly experiment, I'll need to test it out on a guinea pig. That's where you come in. [doing the following] Now to hook you up to my machine, which will suck the DNA from all these animals. I named it Mother, after the person who sucked the life outta me!
Timmy: Wait! You can't do this!
Crocker: Oh, well, what do you know? A guinea pig that sounds like Timmy Turner. Now I'm gonna enjoy this even more! [cut to the classroom]
Wanda: Cosmo, the coast is clear. [they turn back to normal]
Cosmo: Not only that, but everyone's gone.
Wanda: Poof, where's Timmy?
Poof: [turns back to normal; gesturing] Poof poof! Poof poof-poof poof! Poof poof!
Cosmo: Oh, no! He says Canada's being attacked by space oysters!
Wanda: Cosmo, he said he turned Timmy into a guinea pig and Mr. Crocker took him to his lab.
Cosmo: Canada, you're on your own. We have to save Timmy right away! Hey, look, a time machine. What's this button do? [presses the time machine] What's this button do? [presses the time machine. Cut to the Crocker Cave]
Crocker: Hopefully, my experiment will work on you. Earlier I hooked Mother up to Mother, but she got a little too much bloodhound. [zip pan to convicts running away from a dog-like Mrs. Crocker and a prison warden]
Convict: That's one freaky bloodhound. [cut back to the Crocker Cave. Crocker pulls a switch on the machine from "normal" to "freaky-deaky". The machine zaps Timmy and turns him into an chimera with body parts from the animals]
Crocker: You lived! My turn! [he sets the switch to "normal", turning Timmy back into a guinea pig, then knocks Timmy away and connects himself to the machine, which zaps him and makes smoke. Timmy coughs and gasps, seeing Crocker is now a chimera] It worked! I'm a Persian bumble-chip-adillo-hound. Oh, I hope the pet store sells food for this. Now to rocket into action! [slowly flies and bumps into a cage holding a peacock. He looks at his wings] Note to self: Next time, go with eagle wings.
Timmy: Cosmo, Wanda! Help!
Cosmo: [presses the time machine] What's this button do? [presses the time machine] What's this button do?
Wanda: [grabs Cosmo by the ear] Cosmo, we have to rescue Timmy. [she and Poof poof themselves and Cosmo to Timmy]
Timmy: Guys, Mr. Crocker turned himself into a fairy-catching monster! He's gonna capture every fairy in town!
Cosmo: Put a sock in it, guinea pig! We're looking for Timmy!
Wanda: Cosmo, that guinea pig is Timmy! [turns Timmy back to normal]
Timmy: We have to find Mr. Crocker before it's too late. You know where all the fairies in town live, right?
Wanda: Well, sure, we've got their addresses in our FairyBerrys. [looking at her FairyBerry's screen] The closest fairy is Juandissimo. We've gotta get to Remy Buxaplenty's house. [the fairies poof everyone away. Cut to Crocker flying down a sidewalk]
Crocker: This is totally awesome! I can fly! [bumps into a mailbox] Well, kind of. I have super stretchy chipmunk cheeks and a full head of cat hair! For the first time in my life, I don't feel like a freak! [sniffs] Hello. My keen bloodhound nose detects a nearby... fairy! [flies toward the Buxaplentys' mansion. Cut to inside the mansion]
Juandissimo: I so enjoy looking at myself in the mirror. It turns Juandissimo into... two Dissimos!
Crocker: [grabs Juandissimo] You're mine, muscle-boy! Now to stuff you in my chipmunk cheeks! [puts him in his mouth]
Juandissimo: ¡Ay caramba! I see this Persian bumble-chip-adillo-hound is a stranger to mouthwash!
Crocker: Success! Ha! Now to swoop off and catch another... fairy! [he tries to fly off but falls to the ground and bumps into a pillar; flying off] Curse you, teeny tiny bee wings! [Timmy and company appear in front of the mansion]
Timmy: We're too late! We have to warn the other fairies!
Cosmo: Let's split up. I'll take Timmy, Wanda, Poof, and Cosmo. [beat]
Timmy: Good plan. Let's go! [the fairies poof everyone away. Cut to a kid surfing on a wave in a bathtub]
Crocker: [coming out of a toilet] Aha! [grabs the kid's fairy godparent and puts him in his mouth. He is flushed down the toilet. The kid's surfboard disappears, and the wave collapses on him. Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof appear, then the fairies poof the four of them away. Zip pan to a kid fighting a dragon. Crocker, curled up like an armadillo, breaks in] Ha ha! [he puts the kid's godparent in his mouth and laughs as he rolls away. The dragon burns the kid. Timmy and company look at him, and the fairies poof the four of them away. Crocker laughs as he kidnaps three more fairies. He flies off, and Timmy and company appear behind him]
Timmy: There he is, guys! I wish Mr. Crocker was back to normal! [the fairies zap Crocker, whose armadillo shell deflects the magic bolts. The bolts hit the fairies and Timmy and blow them into a tree]
Wanda: Uh, Timmy, by any chance, is Mr. Crocker part armadillo?
Timmy: Aw, come on. Don't tell me armadillo armor really does shield him from fairy magic.
Cosmo: Okay, we won't tell you. [whistles]
Crocker: And now for phase two of my plan. I'm going to hook you fairies up to my DNA machine! [Timmy and company poof out of the tree]
Timmy: Oh, no! Mr. Crocker's gonna drain the fairies of their magic!
Wanda: We have to stop him, or he'll become a totally invincible super fairy!
Timmy: Our only chance is to beat Mr. Crocker back to his lab. We have to distract him and buy some time!
Cosmo: Well, he's part bloodhound, right? So I'll just poof into something no dog can resist! [poofs away. Cut to outside the Crockers' house. Cosmo appears as a fire hydrant]
Crocker: The fire hydrant! Oh, I can't resist. [lifts his leg toward Cosmo] Yay!
Cosmo: Uh-oh. Maybe I should have gone with a chew toy! [he screams as he hops away from Crocker. Cut to the Crocker Cave. Timmy, Poof, and Wanda appear]
Timmy: Time to do a little rewiring. [he breaks into Mother and removes some parts. Poof plugs something in]
Cosmo: [appears wearing bath towels] Well, the good news is, I bought us some time. The bad news is too horrible to talk about. [sucks his thumb. Crocker laughs offscreen]
Timmy: He's coming! Hide! [everyone hides inside the machine]
Crocker: And now to drain your fairy DNA and transform myself into the king of all fairies! Hmm. Not quite as ominous-sounding as I had hoped. How about... the biggest fairy ever? No, that's worse. Whatever. [drops the fairies into a cage]
Juandissimo: Oh, thank goodness we are out! It was like a port-a-potty with teeth in there!
Crocker: [connects the fairies to the machine] Say goodbye to your DNA, fairies! [he is connected to the machine. He looks at Timmy] Turner, what are you doing here?
Timmy: I'm turning you back to normal, Mr. Crocker! [spins the switch. The machine zaps Crocker and turns him into a cockroach]
Crocker: [screams] I'm a Crockeroach! [Timmy spins the switch, turning Crocker into a kangaroo. Crocker screams] I'm a Crockeroo! [a joey comes out of his pouch. Crocker is turned into a peacock and screams] I'm a Peacrocker! [his tail feathers show] Oh, actually, I kinda like this look. [the switch stops spinning at "normal", and Crocker turns back to normal]
Timmy: I did it! You're back to being plain ol' creepy Mr. Crocker. And now I'm gonna cut the fairies loose, and your lab animals too! [presses a button that releases the animals and the fairies]
Juandissimo: Fairies, animals, get him! Just stay away from the diaper bin that is his mouth! [the fairies and animals start attacking Crocker. Juandissimo brushes Crocker's teeth and pours mouthwash in his mouth]
Crocker: You made an enemy of me today, Turner. [a giraffe kicks him and he screams] And I'll have my revenge! [a bear slices him apart] But first I'm gonna pass out. [swoons] Mother.
Wanda: Timmy, your plan worked! Now all we need to do is find these animals a good home.
Cosmo: Leave that to me! [uses his wand. Fade to the Turners' house]
Mrs. Turner: Wow! Watching the Animal Channel on this high-definition TV is amazing. [the TV is surrounded by animals]
Mr. Turner: Eeh, I know! It's almost like I could reach out and [pokes a kangaroo] poke this kangaroo— [the kangaroo kicks him through the front door. Mrs. Turner and Timmy look at him] So realistic! [faints. Iris out on his legs. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]
