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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Stupid Cupid" from Season 7, which aired on November 2, 2009.
Transcript[]
- [Fade in on Dimmsdale Elementary. Timmy is in the cafeteria and holding a tray with Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof as food items on it]
- Timmy: Great. The school romance dance is saturday night, and, as usual, I don't have a date. Well, at least none of my friends do either. [Chester, Elmer, and AJ are with Bride of Frankenstein–esque copies of themselves]
- AJ: Timmy, isn't it awesome? We all have dates for the romance dance. I created them in my lab. [Elmer's date hisses at Elmer]
- Cosmo: Yee! That was creepy.
- Timmy: Well, I bet Sanjay doesn't have a date. [sees a female lookalike of himself]
- Sanjay: Timmy, meet my date, Kimmy.
- Kimmy: [holding up a fishbowl] I have three goldfish. [Timmy walks past her]
- Wanda: That was even creepier.
- Timmy: That settles it. I'm going to ask Trixie to the dance. I mean, the worst she can do is say no, right? [cut to him standing behind Trixie] Will you go to the dance with me?
- Trixie: No. [pulls a lever that makes a boot kick Timmy out a window. Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda scream, and Timmy lands in a fish market dumpster. The fairies turn back to normal]
- Cosmo: [spits out a fish skeleton] Yay, fish sticks! Fish is brain food. I read that in... um, what am I talkin' about? [fade to Timmy's room]
- Wanda: Oh, no, I got another love letter from Juandissimo. He keeps sending me these smoochy notes with his photo [drops the photo] and a statue of himself made of beef jerky. [drops the statue in a waste bin]
- Cosmo: The nerve of that guy. I'd tell him to stop, but his Juan-jerkimo is muy caliente. That's Spanish for something. [takes a bite out of the statue]
- Timmy: Ugh. Love stinks. I wish there were some way to make Trixie fall for me. I wonder if she'd take cash.
- Wanda: Well, we'd like to help, sport, but you know the rules. [poofs up Da Rules] Our magic can't help you with love. [the book falls on Timmy]
- Timmy: But there is someone whose magic can help: that diaper dynamo of desire, Cupid. [fade to Cupid's mansion]
- Cupid: [tossing diapers into a suitcase] Diaper, swim diaper, formal diaper, casual diaper, weekend diaper, [Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof appear] party diaper, diaper cream, uninvited guests...
- Timmy: Cupid, I need a favor. [a diaper hits his face] Will you shoot one of your love arrows at a girl so she'll go to the dance with me? [a diaper hits his face]
- Cupid: Sorry, kid. Cupid is off the clock. I have been working my tushy off, and I need a vacation. So I'm going on the Fiesta del México cruise. Rrrau! That's Spanish for something. Well, toodles! [disappears with the suitcase]
- Cosmo: Don't worry, Timmy. I'm sure you'll think of something really irresponsible that'll totally backfire in the end.
- Timmy: Mmm... I know. We'll take Cupid's bow and arrows and shoot Trixie ourselves.
- Wanda: Hold on! Messing with Cupid's arrows is really risky. Besides, they're guarded by his love birds.
- Timmy: Like I'm really scared of some dinky love birds. [as he approaches the bow and arrows, big birds with sharp teeth drop down squawk at him]
- Cosmo: Fetch the jerky! [throws beef jerky that the birds go after]
- Timmy: [grabs the bow and arrows] Yes! Romance dance, here I come! [Cosmo and Wanda poof everyone away. Fade to the Turners' house] Okay, when Trixie gets hit by one of these love arrows, she's gonna fall for the first thing she sees. And that'll be me! [Cosmo appears wearing a diaper] Awesome, Cosmo! You knew I was gonnaing tok you to play Cupid, so you put on a diaper.
- Cosmo: Uhh... right. [Timmy gives him the bow]
- Wanda: Timmy, I'm telling you, this is a bad idea. If those arrows end up in the wrong butt, you could ruin somebody's life. [Cosmo fires an arrow, which ricochets and hits her in the buttock. She floats upside down and falls into the waste bin. She gets out and takes the photo of Juandissimo off her face] Juandissimo! I love you! In fact, I'm coming to you now! [kisses the photo and disappears]
- Cosmo: Oh, no! My life is ruined! On the bright side, maybe she'll bring back more jerky.
- Timmy: At least we know the arrows work. Let's go! [fade to outside the Tangs' mansion] Okay, when Trixie opens her door, you hit her with an arrow. [rings the doorbell. Trixie opens the door and Cosmo hits her on the head with an arrow. She faints] I meant shoot her with an arrow!
- Cosmo: What is it, now? [flies into a bush and gives Timmy a thumbs-up. Trixie gets up]
- Timmy: Hey, Trixie. Will you... [she pulls a lever that makes a boot knock him away. He screams and lands in the fish market dumpster. Cosmo fires an arrow that ricochets off the boot and a utility pole. Cut to the Turners' yard]
- Mr. Turner: [taking a rosebush out of the ground] Goodbye, hideous blight on my lawn! [the arrow hits him in the buttock] I mean, hello, love of my life! I'm going to call you Rosie, and you can call me... [hugging the bush] any time. Geh! Thorns! [cut to a Wanda shrine]
- Juandissimo: Ah, Wanda, so beautiful yet so unattainable. Some men would tire of this endless pursuit, but I live for the chase. [his shirt rips off and another appears in its place. Wanda appears] Wanda. What a surprise. I was just about to send you more Juan-jerkimo. Like my love for you, it is muy caliente. That is Spanish for something.
- Wanda: Ah, forget the jerky! Kiss me! [messily puts on lipstick]
- Juandissimo: Uh, wait a minute. This isn't how it works. I'm supposed to chase you, and you are supposed to run coquettishly away.
- Wanda: Pucker up, jerky boy!
- Juandissimo: You have Juan-jerkimo in your teeth. Eh, perhaps you should, uh, floss and brush first. [she swats away the toothbrush and floss in front of him] In the name of Erik Estrada, now you are scaring me! [zips away. Wanda howls and flies after him. Cut to a library. Trixie is reading at a table. Timmy is behind a bookshelf]
- Timmy: [into an earpiece] Cosmo, try to be more accurate.
- Cosmo: [in a bookshelf, aiming at Trixie's buttocks] You got it! Wait... what's accurate mean? [releasing the bow and arrow and picking up a dictionary] Is that Spanish for something? [the arrow ricochets and hits him]
- Poof: Ooh?
- Cosmo: [looking at his reflection in a window] Wow, you're gorgeous! Come to Papa! [flies into the window] Stop playing hard to get! [cut to Fairy World]
- Juandissimo: [flying away from Wanda] Please! Wanda! Can't we just be friends? Or distant pen pals? [Wanda catches him with a lasso and he screams] Leaping Lorenzo Lamas! [cut to outside the school. The bell rings and kids start leaving. Cosmo is on a tree branch and looking in a mirror]
- Cosmo: How do I love me? Let me count the ways. One, seven, avocado, Europe...
- Timmy: Cosmo, focus! I'm putting my picture all over the place so no matter where Trixie looks, she'll fall in love with me. [the door of the Turners' car hits him]
- Mrs. Turner: Hurry, Timmy! We have to stop your father from marrying a rosebush!
- Mr. Crocker: Turner! I heard about your weirdo dad, so I brought you an A to cheer you up. [he tears the paper in two, making the Alook like an F] Ha! You get an F for foolishly believing I'd give you an A! [Trixie is about to board a school bus]
- Timmy: Cosmo, there's Trixie! Shoot! [Cosmo fires absentmindedly. The arrow ricochets and hits Mrs. Turner]
- Mrs. Turner: Ooh! [Cosmo fires another arrow, which ricochets and hits Crocker, who screams] Why, Mr. Crocker, I love you, even if you are the most repulsive creature in the universe.
- Crocker: Let's go home to meet Mother! Just don't eat anything she feeds you. [they leave]
- Timmy: Okay, that's seriously a problem. But more importantly, Trixie's getting away, and we're down to one arrow! [Poof shoots Trixie as she stands on the steps of the bus. She turns and sees photos of Timmy attached to a tree]
- Trixie: Timmy! Wait, did I just say "Timmy"? [the bus starts moving]
- Timmy: [running after the bus and running into things] Trixie—ow!—will you—ow!—go to the—ooch!—romance dance—ah!—with me?
- Trixie: Yes! I love you, Timmy Turner!
- Timmy: This is the best day of— [he runs into a cactus, which falls on him. Fade to the school during the dance] Finally, I'm at the romance dance with the girl of my dreams.
- Cosmo: [as a punch bowl, looking in a mirror] Me too! And her name is Cosmo!
- Timmy: There she is. [Trixie enters and kids gasp. She looks at Timmy. He smiles and his tie spins. The two run toward each other and grab each other's hands]
- Trixie: This is so romantic. Kiss me.
- Timmy: You bet. Nothing could spoil this moment.
- Crocker: [into a microphone] Sorry to spoil this moment, but I have a special announcement to make about everyone's favorite teacher!
- AJ: Miss Connors?
- Crocker: No.
- Sanjay: Miss Davenport?
- Crocker: No.
- Kid: Mrs. Snickerpoodle?
- Crocker: Now you're just making up names! It's me, you dimwit! I'm getting married! I'd like you to meet my fiancée, Timmy Turner's mom! [Timmy babbles spastically]
- Mrs. Turner: Oh, Mr. Crocker, this is so exciting. I can't wait to marry you.
- Crocker: We can get hitched right outside! Thanks to a shady fly-by-night website, Mother is a justice of the peace!
- Mr. Turner: Say, Rosie, how about we make it a double wedding? [runs outside]
- Trixie: Come on, Timmy. Let's finally kiss and make this the greatest night of your life. [Timmy gulps. She leans toward his face with her lips puckered]
- Timmy: Ah! I can't let my parents marry Mr. Crocker and a rosebush! As much as I want to kiss you, I got to save my family. [grabs Cosmo and zips off. Cut to outside]
- Mrs. Crocker: Do you, Denzel, take Timmy's mom to be your wife? Hurry up and say, "I do" before she comes to her senses!
- Crocker: I do!
- Mrs. Crocker: And do you, Timmy's dad, take this dead rosebush to be your wife?
- Mr. Turner: [cries] I do!
- Mrs. Crocker: Do you, Timmy's mom, take Denzel to be your husband?
- Timmy: [running] Wait! [runs into multiple things and stops in front of a cactus] Ha ha! Psych! [runs into a trampoline that bounces him into the cactus, which then falls on him] Cosmo!
- Cosmo: You hold it right there, sweetness. The kid wants me. [turns back to normal]
- Timmy: This is outta control. I wish Cupid were here right now! [Cosmo grants the wish]
- Cupid: [trills and does the limbo] Hey, what's the big idea? I was just about to win the big cruise ship limbo contest.
- Timmy: I'm sorry, Cupid, but you've got to help me. I took your love arrows, and now my dad's going to marry a rosebush and mom's going to marry my crazy teacher.
- Cupid: What?! How dare you touch my stuff, mister? [taking the bow from Poof] Give it back! [he sees Cosmo, who looks at his diaper, which is labeled "Property of Cupid"] You can keep that. All right, I'll clean up your little mess. But it will cost you. Stand back while I fire my anti-love arrows! [he fires three anti-love arrows, one of which hits Mr. Turner]
- Mr. Turner: [to the rosebush] It's over. It's not you; it's me. But it's mostly you. [an anti-love arrow hits Cosmo]
- Cosmo: [to his reflection] We're through. It's not you; it's me. But it's mostly you. [cut to Juandissimo tied up with rope lights from the Wanda shrine]
- Juandissimo: Sweet mother of J.Lo! Wanda, you win. I surrender myself to your nutsy cuckoo love. In the name of Gloria Estefan and her entire Miami Sound Machine, do with me what you will! [an anti-love arrow hits Wanda]
- Wanda: Are you crazy? I'm a married woman! [hits him with a purse and disappears]
- Juandissimo: Now, that's my Wanda. [cut to Crocker, Mrs. Turner, and Mrs. Crocker]
- Mrs. Crocker: Where was I? Oh, yes. Do you, Timmy's mom, take Denzel to be your husband?
- Crocker: She does! She does!
- Timmy: Cupid, fire!
- Crocker: Pucker up, Timmy's mom! [leans to kiss her. Cupid shoots them with arrows]
- Mrs. Turner: Are you crazy? I'm a married woman! [she hits him with a purse and leaves, then comes back and does it again]
- Cupid: [to Timmy] You caused a lot of trouble, young man. And as your punishment, you're going to wash all my vacation diapers. [poofs a pile of diapers over him] I hope you learned your lesson. [puts on sunglasses] Rrrai! [disappears. An angry Trixie shows up. Timmy smiles at her, and she hits him with her purse and leaves. Fade to the house]
- Timmy: Man, I'm glad that's over with. My parents are still together, and everything's back to normal.
- Mr. Turner: [offscreen] Hey, Timmy! [Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof disappear] I'm taking your mother out to dinner. Wait'll you see the new outfit I bought her. [she enters wearing a dress made from rose stems]
- Mrs. Turner: I think there's a squirrel in here.
- Mr. Turner: You'll get used to it. [the squirrel attacks him. Iris out on Mrs. Turner's face. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]
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OY!C ★ 1 ★ 2 ★ 3 ★ 4 ★ 5 ★ 6 ★ 7 ★ 8 ★ 9 ★ 10 | ||
#01 Anti-Poof | #02 Add-a-Dad | #03 Squirrely Puffs |
#04 Mice Capades | #05 Formula For Disaster | #06 Bad Heir Day |
#07 Freaks & Greeks | #08 Fly Boy | #09 Temporary Fairy |
#10 Crocker Shocker | #11 Super Zero | #12 Dadbra-Cadabra |
#13 Timmy Turnip | #14 One Man Banned | #15 Frenemy Mine |
#16 Chicken Poofs | #17 Stupid Cupid | #18 Double-Oh Schnozmo! |
#19 Planet Poof | #20 The Boss Of Me | #21 He Poofs He Scores |
#22 Playdate of Doom | #23 Teacher's Pet | #24 Manic Mom-Day |
#25 Crocker of Gold | #26 Beach Blanket Bozos | #27 Poltergeeks |
#28 Old Man and the C- | #29 Balance of Flour | #30 Food Fight |
#31 Please Don't Feed The Turners | #32 Take and Fake | #33 Cosmo Rules |
#34 Lights Out | #35 Dad Overboard | #36 Farm Pit |
#37 Crock Talk | #38 Spellementary School | #39 Operation Dinkleberg |