|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|Airdate:||July 15, 2014|
- [The episode begins in Dimmsdale Park. We see banners for an event called "Dimmsdale Days". Various booths can be seen.]
Chet Ubetcha: This is Chet Ubetcha reporting from Dimmsdale Days.
- [A booth for Paper Maché Pet Rocks is seen. The man working at the stall is selling a bag of the rocks to a customer.]
Chet Ubetcha: The annual festival where local residents try to turn a profit from their pathetic hobbies. In unrelated news, [Chet is behind a booth for Seashell Earmuffs] who wants to buy some seashell earmuffs made by a famous reporter? [Chet puts on a pair of the earmuffs.] I can hear the ocean! Oh, no, wait. That's a hermit crab with asthma!
- [A hermit crab pops out of Chet's ear. He is gasping for air rapidly and he is holding an inhaler. He puts the inhaler to his mouth and breaths with it.]
- [Another booth is seen, this time it's for "Mom's Banana Bread". Mrs. Turner is behind the stall selling a loaf to a customer. Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda are on a nearby tree, all transformed as squirrels.]
Timmy: I wonder how my mom is doing with her banana bread booth?
Cosmo: I can't hear you, Timmy. [Cosmo pulls a shrimp out of his ear.] There's a shrimp in my ear! It's not from the earmuffs, it's from the Cajun food stand! [A Cajun food booth is seen.] Thank goodness [Cosmo begins to dip the shrimp into his belly button.] there's cocktail sauce in my belly button! [Cosmo eats the shrimp.]
Wanda: Sport, I think something's wrong with your Mom's banana bread.
- [Various customers near the banana bread booth are burping yellow bubbles. Timmy jumps down from the tree, and transforms back into his normal self.]
Timmy: Woah, Mom. Why are customers burping up bubbles?
Mrs. Turner: Well, and this is just a theory. Perhaps it's because instead of using bananas in the recipe, [Mrs. Turner gets out a bottle of Banana Shampoo.] I used banana shampoo.
Timmy: Shampoo is poison! It could have terrible side-effects.
Mrs. Turner: But I use shampoo in everything! Except my homemade shampoo. I use bananas in that.
Sparky (off-screen): Spark Tarts!
- [A blue booth for "Spark Tarts" is seen on the right of the "Mom's Banana Bread" booth. Sparky is behind the booth.]
Sparky: Get your Spark Tarts!
Mrs. Turner: Oh-dear! You were right about shampoo having side-effects. I'm hearing the dog talk!
Timmy: Sparky, these are dog treats! You can't sell them to humans!
- [Sparky stuffs a Spark Tart into Timmy's mouth. Timmy chews it.]
Timmy: Mmm.... Oh yes you can! These are delicious! Hey, everyone, [A group of customers are shown to the viewer.} come get your Spark Tarts!
- [Many customers surround the Spark Tart booth. Some holding dollar bills.]
Female Customer: I'll buy one! [She hands Sparky a dollar bill.]
Elderly Female Customer: [She is holding a bag of Spark Tarts.] These are fantastic!
Male Customer: [He is also holding a bag of Spark Tarts] I love Spark Tarts!
- [Mr. Crocker is standing by a photo booth. He is holding the entrance curtain open.]
Crocker: Step into my photo booth and let me capture your magic, I mean your likeness in a fun photo!
- [A customer walks into the photo booth. Once she is inside, she begins to get scanned by a laser. Mr. Crocker peeps in through a window inside of the booth. The windows show the words "NO MAGIC" in pink text.]
Crocker: You're not a fairy! Get out!
Customer: Where's my photo?
- [Crocker throws the customer out of the booth.]
Crocker: I said get out!
- [The customer screams. Mr. Turner walks over to Crocker. He is holding a plate of Spark Tarts.]
Mr. Turner: Hey, Mr. Crackers. Can I get a picture of me and my new best friend, this plate of delicious Spark Tarts?
Crocker: Oh, sure. Do you want wallet size or- [Crocker kicks Mr. Turner away. The Spark Tarts get scattered everywhere.] GET OUT!
- [A Spark Tart lands on a stool in the photo booth. The laser scans it. Mr. Crocker looks at the same window as before. This time, it displays the text "MAGIC" in pink text, along with a ding.
Crocker: Wait a minute. There's fairy magic in this Spark Tart. I've got to take it back to The Crocker Cave for further analysis. And eventually to dunk it in milk! [Crocker dashes away. He is manically laughing, and looking at the Spark Tart.]
- [Fade to Crocker's House. We see Crocker in the Crocker Cave, and he is still manically laughing. A conveyor belt is seen in the middle of the Crocker Cave. Crocker begins typing something into a computer.]
Crocker: Now to if there's enough fairy magic in this treat to make a wish! What will I wish for? A space laser to annihilate all my enemies? No! I need a wish for something really useful. Like dental floss that won't snap between my teeth. [We see a close up of Crocker's teeth. They're all rotten and yellow. Snapped dental floss is seen all inside of them.] Ironically the only way to get the floss out is with [Crocker is holding a pouch, with a string of dental floss inside.] more floss! It's a vicious circle!
- [A beeping is heard from a nearby computer. Crocker looks at it.]
Computer: Analysis complete. Item contains only [The computer displays an image of the Spark Tart. The text "0.000001 MAGIC" is seen.] one millionth of the magic required to make a wish.
Crocker: Darn it! That means an order to make a wish. I'm gonna need how many treats? [Crocker pulls out a calculator.] Let's see. Carry the five, divide by four.
Computer: You need a million, you moron.
Crocker: I wanted to add it up myself, computer. Now, I just have to get a million Spark Tarts from Turner. But I can't approach him as me, so I'll need a uh, let me think.
Crocker: I would of gotten that one! I was going through the D words in my head.
- [Crocker maniacally laughs as he presses a red button. An entrance opens up through a wall in the cave. A rack of clothing comes out of it.]
Crocker: Let's see, [He pulls out a cloak.] The Grim Reaper? No, I'll wear that tonight and scare Mother during bathtime. [He tosses the cloak away.] Let's see what other costumes I have- hold the phone! [He pulls out a top hat and matching tuxedo.] Stereotypical 1920's rich guy, [He puts on the top hat.] that's perfect! Okay, let's get this show on the- um.
Crocker: I was getting to that! I was just on the R words!
- [Fade to The Turner's House. Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Sparky poof into Timmy's bedroom. Sparky is holding a stack of dollar bills.]
Timmy: Wow, Sparky, we really cleaned up selling your Spark Tarts.
Mr. Turner (off-screen): Oh, Timmy!
- [Cosmo and Wanda poof away.]
Mr. Turner: Can I borrow some money? I need to buy more [Mr. Turner takes Sparky's money off him.] Spark Tarts. [He hands the money to Timmy.] They're fantastic!
Timmy: Sorry, Dad. We're all out.
- [Mr. Turner snatches the money from Timmy.]
Mr. Turner: Then give me back my money, you swindler! [He leaves the room.]
Timmy: You know, Sparky. If we went into business together, we could really make a fortune with those Spark Tarts. Or at least make the money back that my Dad just took from us.
Sparky: I'm in. But Dimmsdale Days is over. Who are we gonna sell them to?
- [Crocker climbs up a ladder to Timmy's window. He is wearing a top hat, a monocle, and a tuxedo.]
Crocker: Hello, I'm a billionaire from the 1920's.who would like to buy a million Spark Tarts. I climbed this ladder cus rich people always climb a ladder to the top.
Timmy: I'm sorry, who are you?
Crocker: The name's Phil Therich. [He hands Timmy a card.] Here's my card.
- [We see a close-up of the card. It has a fancy yellow border on it. A picture of a diamond and a dollar sign are on the top-right corner of the card. The card reads; "Phil Therich. 1920's billionaire.".]
Timmy: Phil Therich. 1920's billionaire. Wow, a million Spark Tarts. Okay, they're a dollar each, so it'll cost ya' a million dollars, Mr. Therich.
Crocker: Who? Oh, yeah! Right. Okay, I'll be back for the Spark Tarts in 24 hours.
- [Crocker walks off the ladder, into midair. He falls onto the ground but his top hat stays in the air. His top hat then falls as well. Crocker screams.]
Timmy: Woo-hoo! Sparky, we're gonna be rich! Poof up your Spark Tarts!
Sparky: I can't poof them up, it's a special recipe. We have to bake them ourselves.
Timmy: What!? We have to work for a million dollars? That doesn't seem fair.
- [Cosmo and Wanda poof into the scene.]
Wanda: Don't worry, Timmy. We'll help. With the right attitude, we'll be done in no time!
- [Cut to several hours later. It is late at night.]
Timmy (off-screen): We're not done!
- [Cut to Timmy's bedroom. The entire room has been converted into a factory for Spark Tarts. A conveyor belt is seen, which starts near the door, and ends near the bed. Sparky is behind it, inspecting the Spark Tarts. Sparky is wearing an apron and a chef hat. There are shelves with a small amount of Spark Tarts on them. A table is in the middle of the room. Wanda is wearing a hairnet, and is rolling dough. Timmy is wearing a chef hat and is cutting out the Spark Tarts. A container for tart mix is seen next to the start of the conveyor belt. Cosmo flies by, wearing a hairnet.]
Wanda: Wow, do I hate baking these stupid Spark Tarts.
Timmy: We've been at this for hours, and we're nowhere close to making a million. Cosmo, how many have we done?
Timmy: Hundred or thousand?
Cosmo: Just thirty-seven. [Cosmo picks up a Spark Tart, and eats it.] Make that thirty-six. I just ate one. Ooh, these are good! [Cosmo picks up a huge pile of Spark Tarts, and eats them all in one gulp.] Okay, now we have nineteen. Don't worry, Timmy, I got a bunch of [Cosmo opens the door, and a group of "elves" are standing behind it.] magical elves to help us.
Jockey #2: We're not elves, we're jockeys.
Cosmo: I'm a baker, not a shrink. Don't tell me your problems. Now put on a hairnet and start baking!
- [The "elves" put on their hairnets, and walk into the factory.]
- [Cut to several hours later. Sparky is riding a fork lifter, which is full of Spark Tarts. He dumps them into a large crate. A screen on it reads "1,000,000".]
Sparky: We did it, everyone! A million Spark Tarts!
- [Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Sparky cheer. Then. they immediately stop.]
Timmy: Wait, what happened to them?
Mr. Turner: I ate them and they were delicious!
Timmy: You ate a million?
- [A now obese Mr. Turner is sitting on a lawn chair.]
Mr. Turner: Don't be ridiculous, Timmy. Counting the ones I ate at the fair, I'm only up to 999,999. I threw the rest at Dinkleberg's stupid face!
Timmy: Great, what are we gonna do? We've only got twelve hours to make a million more Spark Tarts and we don't have enough help!
Cosmo: No problem, Timmy. [Cosmo opens the door. A group of children are standing behind it.] I got more elves!
Child #2: We're not elves, we're first graders.
Cosmo: I'd believe that if I didn't know how deceptive elves can be.
- [The first graders put on hairnets, and walk over to the factory.]
- [Cut to the next day. Cosmo, Wanda, The Jockeys, and the First Graders are asleep. Timmy and Sparky are standing beside a full crate of Spark Tarts.]
Timmy: We did it! We made another million Spark Tarts, just in time. We're gonna be rich! [Timmy and Sparky high-five.]
Crocker (off-screen): Speaking of rich.
- [Crocker (still disguised as Phil Therich) is at Timmy's window again.]
Crocker: It is I; Phil Therich. I take it my Spark Tarts are ready?
Timmy: They're all yours, Mr. Therich. Just pay us a million dollars.
Crocker: Here you go, a million dollar bill. [He hands Timmy a red bill, with Mr. Crocker's head on it.] And it's a red one.
Timmy: Wait a minute. This bill has Mr. Crocker's face on it.
Crocker: That's right, Turner! [Crocker takes off his monocle.] It's me, cleverly disguised behind this monocle the whole time! [He picks up the crate of Spark Tarts.] And now that I have a million Spark Tarts, I can make a wish to annihilate you! [The weight of the Spark Tarts make the ladder collapse. Crocker screams. He then gulps.] I swallowed my monocle! [Crocker maniacally laughs, and puts the crate in the back of his truck. He then drives off.]
Timmy: I don't get it. Why does Mr. Crocker think he can make a wish with a million Spark Tarts?
Sparky: Well, and this is just a theory, it could be because of the secret ingredient in Spark Tarts is a pinch of fairy dust?
Timmy: What!? Then Mr. Crocker really can annihilate me!
- [Cosmo and Wanda are still sleeping.]
Timmy: Cosmo, Wanda! You gotta help me! Oh-no, they're still knocked out from baking all night!
- [Timmy gets out a hose, and squirts Cosmo and Wanda with it. They remain asleep.]
Wanda (sleep-talking): Cover your nose when you sneeze, Cosmo.
Cosmo (sleep-talking): Come on in, super model Tatyana. The water's great!
Timmy: Look's like we're on out own, Sparky.
- [Sparky is now asleep. Timmy squirts him with a hose. Sparky remains asleep.]
Sparky (sleep-talking): Cover your nose when you sneeze, super model Tatyana.
Timmy: How am I gonna stop Mr. Crocker? I'm on my own with no magic!
Mr. Turner (off-screen): Oh, Timmy!
- [Mr. Turner is obese, and still sitting on the lawn chair.]
Mr. Turner: Oh, I don't feel so good!
- [We see a close-up of the last Spark Tart in the large crate.]
Timmy (off-screen): That's it!
Timmy: My dad ate 999,999 Spark Tarts! If I can get him to eat one more, he'll have the magic I need to stop Mr. Crocker!
- [Timmy walks to the lawn.]
Mr. Turner: [groaning] Ohh. Oh, Timmy. I shouldn't of eaten so many delicious Spark Tarts!
Timmy: No, you shouldn't have. Now eat one more!
- [Timmy stuffs a Spark Tart into Mr. Turner's mouth, and he eats it. Mr. Turner begins to float.]
Mr. Turner: Whoa, I feel light as a feather!
- [Timmy catches Mr. Turner with a lasso.]
Timmy: C'mon. We gotta get to Mr. Crocker's house. No time to waste!
- [Timmy is running to Mr. Crocker's house. He is holding the lasso with Mr. Turner attached to it. Mr. Turner is still floating. Electricity is seen nearby.]
Mr. Turner (off-screen): Ow! I hit a power line!
Timmy (off-screen): Walk it out.
- [Fade back to The Crocker Cave. Crocker is pouring the contents of the crate of Spark Tarts into a machine. Once he is done, he throws away the crate. The machine begins to shred the Spark Tarts. The machine displays the numbers "999998".]
- [The numbers on the machine change to "999999".]
- [The numbers on the machine change to "1000000".]
Crocker: One million!
Computer: You've got magic.
- [The machine creates a wand.]
Crocker: Excellent! Now I can make a wish to annihilate Turner! Or I can get rid of that accursed dental floss. I tried using toothpicks, but those got stuck too.
- [We see a close-up of Crocker's teeth. Strings of dental floss and toothpicks are stuck inside of them.]
Crocker: Or I could wish for corn! No wait, that's what kicked off this flossing nightmare in the first place!
- [Timmy walks into the Crocker Cave. He is holding the lasso that Mr. Turner is attached to. Mr. Turner hits his face on the door.]
Mr. Turner: [groans]
Timmy: Suck it up!
Crocker: You're too late, Turner and that strange lifeless balloon that looks like your dad. I put the magic from those Spark Tarts into a wand!
- [Timmy pulls down Mr. Turner and grabs his leg.]
Timmy: Well I put the magic from those Spark Tarts into a wand of my own! [Timmy whacks Crocker with Mr. Turner.]
Crocker: You think you have the upper-hand, Turner. [Crocker runs to a table.] But I'm gonna turn the tables on you! [Crocker attempts to turn the table, but he struggles.] Those are heavy tables. Hmm, looks like I actually kicked the tables, instead. No matter. Now you have to take the long way around!
Timmy: That's it? That's all you got?
Crocker: No, [Crocker pulls a lever.] I also have a robot spider!
- [The robot spider's blood-curdling eyes are seen inside of a dark room.]
Mr. Turner: Wow, Timmy. You have a really weird relationship with your math teacher.
- [A giant robotic spider is standing in front of Mr. Turner and Timmy.]
Crocker: Get him!
Robotic Spider: I can't! I'm blocked by these tipped tables. [cries.]
Crocker: Oh well, I'll just have to use my magic wand to annihilate you! [Crocker uses the wand's magic to try and annihilate Timmy, but he misses. Timmy screams.]
Timmy: I wish you had no more magic! [He shakes Mr. Turner (who is acting as a wand).]
- [Crocker's wand disappears.]
Mr. Turner: I ate a million Spark Tarts, Timmy. You really shouldn't be shaking me! [Mr. Turner falls unconscious.]
Crocker: Curse you, Turner and your weird deflating dad balloon. I promise I'll find another way to destroy you! But first I need to tip these tables back to their upright position.
- [Fade back to The Turner's House. Timmy, Sparky, Cosmo, and Wanda are sitting on Timmy's bed.]
Timmy: Well, guys, everything's back to normal. And we don't have to worry about any more magic Spark Tarts!
- [Mrs. Turner floats by Timmy's window.]
Mrs. Turner: Hi, Timmy!
Timmy: Oh-no! Mom, did you eat a bunch of Spark Tarts?
- [Mrs. Turner's purse is caught on Mr. Turner's foot.]
Mrs. Turner: No, honey. My purse got caught on a hot air balloon.
- [Electricity is seen from nearby.]
Mrs. Turner: Ow, I hit a power line!
Timmy: Walk it out, mom!
- [Cut to Crocker in his bathroom. He is dressed up as the Grim Reaper, standing next to Dolores-Day Crocker, who is in a bathtub.]
Crocker: It's bath time, Mother.
- [The end title card appears, as the episode ends.]