Ruled Out/Transcript

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The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"Ruled Out"
Season	3
Episode	21A
Airdate	November 8, 2002
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Ruled Out" from Season 3, which aired on November 8, 2002.

Script

[The episode begins with Timmy kicking the soccer ball against the front door of Turner Residence.]

• Timmy: Super soccer player Timmy Turner shoots... (kicks the soccer ball. Camera cuts to the door and ball bounces to the door and gets away) and scores!
• Mrs. Turner: Timmy, how many times do I have to tell you? No kicking against the door!
• Timmy: Aw, why not?
• Mrs. Turner: Because we care about your safety.
• Timmy: How could possibly be dangerous? (Kicking against the door again such as Mr. Turner opening the door to warn him.)
• Mr. Turner: Timmy, listen to your mo— (gets hit by a soccer ball in the face) Oh!

[Timmy gulps. Fade to the Turner household at night.]

• Timmy: (long paused) Mom, can I be excused?
• Mrs. Turner: Not until you eat all your spinach. (She eats the piece of turkey)
• Timmy: Aw, come on. All of it?
• Mr. Turner: You know, Timmy, ordinarily I'd side with you on this, but my brain's a little scrambled from random soccer accident!
• Mrs. Turner: Now eat. Everybody wants a healthy colon.

[Timmy eats all of his spinach in one bite. His face turns green as he looks sick. Fade to the living room where Timmy lands on the couch with a bounce. Cosmo and Wanda appear as pillows beside him.]

• Cosmo: What are we watching', sport?
• Timmy: The legend of the Dimmsdale Sewer Gator. It's violent and educational, but mostly violent. Yay, violence!
• Chet Ubetcha: Good evening, Dimmsdale. I'm Chet Ubetcha. What has 800 teeth and eats anything that moves? Well, it lives in our sewers and we have footage of it! Here it comes, the coolest, most violent footage ever!
• Timmy: Cool!

[The footage is cut off with an alarm blaring and cell bars appearing. The channel is changed to feature a man that resembles Mr. Rogers.]

• Mr. Rogers Guy: It's okay to feel sad sometimes.
• Timmy: Aah! Where'd the violence go?

[The TV now shows a humanoid flower cartoon bouncing from foot to foot. Mr. Turner pops up from behind the TV.]

• Mr. Turner: Darnedest thing, son. That random soccer accident jogged my memory and reminded me to set the child blocks on the TV to prevent you from watching any violent programming.

[Mr. and Mrs. Turner sit down.]

• Cosmo and Wanda: Oof!
• Timmy: But the Dimmsdale Sewer Gator is all my friends will be talking about tomorrow at school!
• Mrs. Turner: Well, now you can talk about your feelings. Right, dear?
• Mr. Turner: Who are you?
• Mrs. Turner: Timmy, it's just because…
• Timmy: You care.

[Cut to the Dimmsdale Elementary School playground.]

• A.J.: And then the gator ripped through those steel bars with one its 800 razor-sharp teeth.
• Chester: How about when we he used his tail to crush that truck? How cool was that?
• Timmy: Yeah, but how does that make you feel?
• A.J.: Child blocks?
• Timmy: Child blocks.

[All the kids on the playground start laughing at Timmy as he storms off. He approaches Cosmo and Wanda disguised a squirrels.]

• Timmy: Man, this stinks! Everybody's laughing at me because my parents care too much! "Brush your teeth, turn out the lights, bathe."

[Close up of Cosmo talking unintelligibly with his mouth full of nuts before panning over to Wanda.]

• Wanda: That's right, Cosmo. Timmy, it just means they love you.
• Timmy: Well, they're suffocating me! I don't want my parents care too much… I wish I had parents who could care less!

[Cosmo and Wanda share a look and lift their arms into the air. Cut to Mrs. Turner standing in the kitchen with magic swirling around her head. Timmy approaches while scowling.]

• Mrs. Turner: Timmy, are you hungry? A growing boy deserves something special, so I made--
• Timmy: (sighing) Broccoli? Squash? Spinach?
• Mrs. Turner: (laughing) Oh, I couldn't care less about foods that are good for you! Or your colon. Tonight we're having candy! And for desert, candy! (She tosses a giant candy cane to Timmy)
• Mr. Turner: (offscreen) Timmy! Come in here!
• Timmy: Aw, jeez…

[Timmy walks into the living room.]

• Mr. Turner: I bought a super-screen surround sound television set, equipped with every channel known to man. And several known to monkeys!
• Timmy: Awesome! That must have cost a lot.
• Mr. Turner: Ooh, you bet. I had saved that money to pay for your college education, but now I couldn't care less! How about a little Dimmsdale sewer gator?

[Timmy turns the TV on causing both him and Mr. Turner to jump as a gator appears onscreen and roars]

• Mr. Turner: It's violent!
• Timmy: It's educational!
• Both: But mostly violent! Yay, violence! (Laughing)

[Cut to the school's cafeteria where Timmy is sitting between Chester and AJ.]

• Timmy: What's for lunch?
• A.J.: Spinach. My parents want me to have a healthy colon!
• Timmy: That's weird, because my lunch is...(lifts lunch bag over his head and dumps out a pile of candy and a portable DVD player) candy and violence!
• Chester and A.J.: WHOA!

[Timmy waggles his eyebrows. Cut to the Turner's house where the Mr. Turner is sunbathing in an overgrown lawn.]

• Timmy: Hi Dad! Hey, aren't you supposed to be at work? Or wearing pants?

[Mr. Turner is revealed to only be in his shirt and underwear.]

• Mr. Turner: Pants are for squares! And I'm on vacation!
• Timmy: I wish I could be on vacation, but I have math homework.
• Mr. Turner: Ha! Studying's for squares. Like pants! Let's play frisbee instead.
• Timmy: But, I don't have a frisbee.
• Mr. Turner: We'll use your useless math book! Whee!

[The book flies through a window, shattering it, and lands in the living room where Mrs. Turner is blasting music and dancing.]

• Timmy: Mom, what are you doing?
• Mrs. Turner: Not cooking and not cleaning. Catch me! (She jumps towards Mr. Turner)
• Mr. Turner: Not catching! (Mrs. Turner grabs his arm and pulls him offscreen after her) Whoa! Look out for the stairs! (They both laugh as crashes are heard)

[Cosmo and Wanda appear.]

• Timmy: This is the BEST wish I had ever made! You've made my parents totally carefree! (He smiles)

[Two weeks later. Timmy is in the cafeteria again. His hair is messy, he has a five o'clock shadow, and flies are buzzing around him. Pan out to Chester and AJ plugging their noses.]

• Chester: Dude, you reek!
• Timmy: Stomach hurts, feel sick. But look, I got candy!

[Timmy lifts his arms and waves of body odor come off of him.]

• A.J: And B.O.!

[The flies all drop dead and AJ faints. All the other kids run away screaming. Cut to the Turner's house which has become completely overrun with grass and palm trees. A giraffe pokes its head up and runs away after smelling Timmy. Timmy pulls out a machete to cut his way towards his house which takes him until dark. Cut to inside Timmy's room where the house is shaking due to the loud music playing.]

• Mrs. Turner: Catch me!
• Mr. Turner: Not caring!
• Timmy: I can't concentrate. I'm going to fail my math test tomorrow for sure.
• Wanda: Oh who cares? What's math ever done for you?
• Timmy: Are you guys feeling okay? You're letting the fishbowl get awfully filthy.
• Cosmo: You bet! I'm swimming in my own toilet! (Farts) And I like it!

[The lights go out.]

• Timmy: Dad, the power's off!
• Mr. Turner: Electric bills are for squares! Like pants!

[Timmy heads downstairs.]

• Timmy: The lights still down work. I wish I had a candle. (A beat.) Hello?
• Cosmo: I’m sorry, did you mean us?

[There's a poof.]

• Timmy: A lit candle?
• Wanda: Oh, waah! Do you ever stop nagging?

[The candle is lit revealing that the house is absolutely filthy. Timmy runs back upstairs.]

• Timmy: Mom! Dad! Where are you? Hey, Dad's rotten teeth. He's gotta be close.

[Timmy follows the trail of teeth into a room and finds his parents sitting on a mattress and even grosser and dirtier than he is.]

• Mr. and Mrs. Turner: Hi Timmy!
• Timmy: What's the matter with you guys? You look gross! And this place is a pigsty!
• Mr. Turner: Hygiene is for squares. (His tooth falls out) Oh, well, there goes the last one.
• Timmy: (quietly) I got to I unwish this wish.
• Mrs. Turner: What was that?
• Timmy: Uh, I said, I'm hungry and need to feed my fish.

[Timmy runs off.]

• Mrs. Turner: Hmm. I'm hungry too!
• Mr. Turner: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
• Mr. and Mrs. Turner: Goldfish!
• Mrs. Turner: They're good for your colon!
• Mr. Turner: I don't care!

[Mr. Turner holds Cosmo and Wanda's fishbowl with them inside it in a pan over the stove.]

• Timmy: What are you guys doing?! Those are my fish! You can't eat them! They're, uh, dirty!
• Cosmo & Wanda: Hey!
• Timmy: And chatty!
• Mr. Turner: Alright! Alright! Yeesh!

[Mr. Turner walks offscreen. Flushing is heard and he walks back onscreen with the empty fishbowl. Timmy screams as the scene cuts to Cosmo and Wanda being flushed down the toilet.]

• Cosmo & Wanda: Wheeeeee!

[Timmy runs up to them.]

• Timmy: Guys! Guys! Change back to normal! Poof to Fairy World! Do something!
• Cosmo: No way, man! I'm swimming in a real toilet. And I like it!
• Cosmo & Wanda: Yay toilets! (They go down the drain)
• Timmy: Oh my gosh! When I wished for parents who couldn’t care less, it gave me godparents who couldn’t care less too! (He walks up to his parents) You flushed my goldfish?!
• Mr. Turner: Well, they're going to the sewer now--
• Mr. and Mrs. Turner: --not that we care!
• Timmy: But that's where the sewer gator's supposed to like
• Mrs. Turner: Oh, waah! Do you ever stop nagging?

[Timmy screams before grabbing the fishbowl and running off screen. He exits the house and jumps on the giraffe's back. Mr. and Mrs. Turner watch in disinterest before sparkles appear around them.]

• Mr. and Mrs. Turner: TIMMY!!!

[Cut to a busy highway.]

• Mrs. Turner: Timmy!
• Mr. Turner: Be careful!
• Timmy: Oh, now they care? Hey! Now they care! Because they love me! Right! (He puts the fishbowl on his head) Their concern for me is canceling out the magic! I’ve gotta make him care more! (He climbs up the giraffe's neck and jumps onto a streetlamp)
• Mrs. Turner: Get down from there!
• Timmy: NO!

[Mrs. Turner's lip is magically waxed.]

• Timmy: They're gonna kill me for not listening, but it's the only way to get them back to normal!
• Mr. Turner: Darn it, Timmy, you mind your parents!
• Timmy: Make me!

[Mr. Turner is magically shaved.]

• Timmy: It's working! Now to save Cosmo and Wanda!

[Timmy jumps gracefully from streetlamp to streetlamp over the highway, landing on a sumo wrestler.]

• Timmy: Thanks for having such a big, squishy belly!
• Mr. Turner: Timmy!
• Mrs. Turner: Say ‘excuse me’ when you jump out of a sumo wrestler’s stomach.
• Timmy: NO!

[Mrs. Turner's eyebrows are tweezed and her legs are shaved and Mr. Turner's hair is coifed and his mouth re-teethed.]

• Timmy: Awesome!

[Cut to the Dimmsdale Sewege Plant. Timmy runs towards it.]

• Mr. Turner: Guh! He's getting away! But we certainly shouldn't try to imitate his terribly dangerous stunt.
• Mrs. Turner: We can use this! (Lifts her arm revealing a large amount of hair. She pulls a braided rope out of it) My braided underarm hair rope!

[Mrs. Turner throws her rope onto one of the street lamps and grabs Mr. Turner. She swings them across the highway as Mr. Turner screams in terror. He faceplants on the ground as She lands on her feet on top of him before running offscreen. He quickly gets up and follows. Cut to the sewers.]

• Cosmo & Wanda: Whee!
• Timmy: Cosmo! Wanda! Where are you?

[Cosmo and Wanda smile as they go through the sewer. The sewer gator appears behind them and secret follows. Timmy runs up to them.]

• Timmy: Guys, in here! Jump in here!
• Wanda: Why?

[The sewer gator roars behind them.]

• Timmy: That's why!
• Wanda: I wish I cared more that our lives are in danger.

[Timmy screams and runs off. The gator looks down at Cosmo and Wanda before licking its lips and going after Timmy.]

• Wanda: Yawn.

[The gator grabs Timmy by his pants and shakes him around. Cosmo and Wanda play chess. Timmy is flung by the gator.]

• Timmy: Cosmo, Wanda, help!!!

[Sparkles appear around Wanda.]

• Wanda: Oh, no, Cosmo! He's going after Timmy!
• Cosmo: So? Oh, no! (Sparkles appear around him) He's going after Timmy, which I just remembered is bad! NOW I CARE!!!
• Wanda: ME TOO!!!

[They disappear in poofs of love and concern. Timmy lands in the water and screams as he's about to be eaten before the gator is lassoed around the mouth. Cosmo and Wanda appear in the fishbowl.]

• Timmy: Thanks, guys.
• Wanda: But, uh, we didn't do that.
• Cosmo: Not that we don't care!

[The scene pans out to show Mrs. Turner is who threw the lasso. Mr. Turner gets re-panted in time to leap at the gator. Mrs. Turner grabs and hugs Timmy.]

• Mrs. Turner: Honey, you're safe! And you reek!
• Mr. Turner: And when I'm done beating up this gator, you are in SO MUCH TROUBLE!!!
• Timmy: COOL!!!

[Cut to Timmy's room. He's locked up in a small cage with a striped prison uniform on.]

• Cosmo: Don't worry, sport. Only six more weeks of ultra, super, heavy-duty grounding!
• Timmy: If being strict means your parents love you, then these heavy iron chains and uncomfortably small cage must mean they love me a lot!

[Mr. and Mrs. Turner enter the room.]

• Mr. Turner: Time for a healthy colon.
• Mrs. Turner: And some nice TV.

[They give Timmy a bowl of spinach and a portable DVD player.]

• Mr. Rogers Guy: It's okay to feel sad.
• Timmy: Tell me about it.

[The episode irises out before irising back in.]

• Cosmo: This episode was brought to you by the society for healthy colons.
• Cosmo & Wanda: Yay, colons!

[The episode irises out again.]