[Fade in on the Turners' house in the morning. Someone rings the doorbell and knocks on the front door, waking up Timmy. Timmy opens the front door, revealing Doug Dimmadome wearing an outfit with colorful patterns]
Timmy: Doug Dimmadome?
Doug Dimmadome: Congratulations, Timmy Turner. You and your parents are the lucky winners of my First Family in Space contest. You're goin' on a genuine outer space adventure.
Timmy: That's weird. We never entered a First Family in Space contest.
Doug: I know; your name was randomly picked from a hat by a circus monkey. He also picked out my outfit. Here's the key.
[Doug gives Timmy the key. Timmy presses the key fob button. A rocket in the yard chirps like a car and a gangplank comes out of it]
Doug: Enjoy your space ride! [flies off with rockets on his boots]
Mrs. Turner: What's going on, Timmy?
Timmy: Uh, a monkey picked us to go to outer space.
Mrs. Turner: Oh, my goodness. We're going to outer space? [screams excitedly and faints]
Mr. Turner: Oh, my goodness. Timmy's holding a set of keys! Yeah! [faints]
Wanda: Sport, maybe you shouldn't take your family into space. Don't you remember? Dark Laser vowed to annihilate you after you blew up his Death Ball.
[A lawn sprinkler sprays on Mr. Turner. The fairies disappear and he gets up and spits out water]
Timmy: You know, I'm not so sure we should go into space just 'cause a circus monkey picked our name from a hat.
Mr. Turner: That's exactly why we should go! Monkeys are never wrong about space travel.
[Cut to the rocket flying toward the Sun]
Mr. Turner: Geh! We're heading for the Sun. We got a defective monkey! [panels on the rocket come off]
Mrs. Turner: We're breaking up! We need to jettison the extra weight.
Mr. Turner: Ehh, bowling balls, barbells, my suit of armor... Eh! Timmy's fish! [throws the fishbowl Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof are in out of the rocket]
Timmy: Ah! You couldn't have thrown out the barbells?
Mr. Turner: Eh, they're your mother's, Timmy. I can't even lift them.
[The rocket tilts and Mr. Turner is sent into the ceiling. The Turners scream. The rocket goes around the Sun. The Turners scream and the rocket flies into the Death Ball and crashes into a wall. The gangplank comes out and the Turners fall out of the rocket. Doug shows up]
Timmy: Doug Dimmadome? What are you doing here?
Doug: I ain't here. [in Dark Laser's voice] Because I'm not Doug Dimmadome.
Dark Laser: [tears off the Doug Dimmadome disguise] I am Dark Laser. And you, Timmy Turner, have fallen for the old "circus monkey picked your name from a hat to win a 'trip to space' contest" trick! [laughing] Space! Outer space!
Mrs. Turner: Timmy, aren't you going to introduce us to your scary friend?
Timmy: He's not my friend; he's an evil alien. He's out to get me 'cause I destroyed his Death Ball.
Dark Laser: Like, eleventeen times. Guards, lock them up.
[The Turners are thrown into a glass cage. The platform the cage and Dark Laser are on elevates to the entrance of an alien zoo]
Mrs. Turner: Ooh! Are you taking us to the zoo?
Dark Laser: No, I'm putting you in the zoo. You see, after your son destroyed my Death Ball, I built this alien zoo to raise money for repairs. You, Turners, will be my human exhibit. Not to mention my star attraction.
Timmy: You built a zoo? That's, like, the lamest plan ever.
Dark Laser: Lame? I don't think so. Because I also built... a mall! [laughs] It's another clever money-making scheme. I call it "the Death Mall on the Death Ball". It was built by my friend Saul last fall. He's tall. I should give him a call.
[The floor moves Dark Laser and the cage into the zoo. Inside, there are cages containing a monstrous caged flower, creatures that look like Sea Monkeys, and a monster that gets eaten by a plant]
Dark Laser: This is the hideously unpleasant habitat where you will live like caged animals. [gestures to an exhibit with an open house]
Mrs. Turner: It looks just like our house on Earth.
Dark Laser: Yes. But with a few horrifying additions. Like a meteor room with a big-screen TV!
Mr. and Mrs. Turner: Nooooo! [they look at each other]
Dark Laser: What? You don't find that terrifying? [Mr. and Mrs. Turner wink at each other]
Mr. Turner: Eeh, of course we do, Mr. Dark Laser. I just hope you don't give me a mini fridge full of cherry sodas. Oh, [Mrs. Turner starts crying] that would be unbearable.
Dark Laser: Really? Guards, bring in the mini fridge and cherry sodas! [dark troopers carry those; laughing] Mini fridge!
Mrs. Turner: I think I'm going to like living like a caged animal.
[Dark Laser makes the force field around the exhibit disappear and Mr. and Mrs. Turner run into the exhibit]
Dark Laser: Turner, I need 100 billion death dollars to repair my Death Ball. And once I get it, [dark troopers throw Timmy into the exhibit] I will annihilate you and your family. [he makes the force field reappear, then makes speakers come out of his suit] Ladies and gentlemen, the Death Ball Zoo is proud to present our brand-new human habitat! And there's a sale on Wookiee meat at the Slaughtery Barn. [laughing] Sale on... Wookiee meat!
[As aliens walk to the human exhibit, a ticket booth rises from the floor ahead of them. The aliens hold up money. A tote board reads "7 billion death dollars". Aliens approach the exhibit and one holds up a peanut in front of Timmy]
Dark Laser: Please don't feed the Turners. [destroys the peanut with a laser]
[The number on the tote board changes to 10 billion]
Timmy: Oh, no. Cosmo, Wanda, where are you?
[Cut to the fishbowl spinning through space. The fairies turn back to normal]
Wanda: Oh, no! It's the Death Ball! Cosmo, do you know what that means?
Cosmo: It means Doug Dimmadome was really Dark Laser in disguise and the contest was just a trick to capture Timmy. Duh!
Wanda: Wow, Cosmo. That's so not like you to figure that out.
Cosmo: You're right. That must mean I'm not really Cosmo! Oh! I better pull off this disguise! [pulls on his face] Wow. Whoever I am, I used a lotta glue.
Wanda: We have to get to the Death Ball! [poofs everyone there] Now to save Timmy! [beat] Wait a minute; we're in a mall?
Cosmo: Yeah! Ooh! And there's a sale at Dead Bath & Beyond!
Wanda: Cosmo, how can you think of shopping at a time like this? [beat] Whoa. There's a Doomingdale's. I'll meet you at Demon Marcus in ten minutes. Then we'll save Timmy. [everyone zips toward the mall]
[Cut to the zoo]
Dark Laser: My plan is working perfectly, Turner. People are paying me billions of death dollars just to see you and your parents suffer.
Mr. Turner: Honey, he's watching. Ham it up. [Mrs. Turner winks and gives a thumbs-up, and he sits in a recliner] Please, Mr. Dark Laser! I can't take much more of this! Whatever you do, don't give me a high-def premium sports package for my TV!
Mrs. Turner: And I beg you, don't give me a butler to serve me a Cobb salad! [cries] With ranch on the side!
Dark Laser: Guards, install the high-def sports package, and bring in a butler—with ranch on the side! [laughing] Ranch on the side! Cobb salad! Salad! Tomatoes! [a dark trooper installs the sports package and widens the TV]
Mr. Turner: Yes! Uh! Uh, I mean, nooooo! [a muscular, shirtless alien butler comes up to Mrs. Turner with a salad and ranch dressing]
Mrs. Turner: Hooray! I mean... [crying] whyyyyy?!
Dark Laser: [laughs] Turner, the screams of your parents are music to my ears. Come on, Flipsie! I'll buy you a ball at the toy stall at the Death Mall! [trills and leaves with Flipsie]
[The tote board number grows to 40 billion]
Timmy: Mom, Dad, we gotta get outta here! As soon as that tote board hits a hundred billion death dollars, he's gonna annihilate us!
Mr. Turner: Oh, Timmy, would a man who's gonna annihilate us really give me this can of fancy cashews? [he tosses up cashews, all of which miss his open mouth]
Timmy: Looks like I'm on my own. I'm gonna dig under this force field and get us outta here. [shovels and gets electrocuted] Stupid force field! [gets electrocuted]
[Aliens cheer and toss up money. The number grows to 50 billion. Cut to the mall. Wanda floats past a restaurant Cosmo is working at and has a realization]
Wanda: Cosmo, what are you doing? We said we'd meet ten minutes ago.
Cosmo: I got a job! I'm the fry cook here at Head on a Stick!
Wanda: Cosmo, that's gross!
Cosmo: I know. But I earned enough death dollars to take us all to the alien zoo! I hear everyone loves that place!
[Cut to aliens laughing at Timmy]
Timmy: I hate this place. And stop laughing at me!
[Timmy throws a rock, which bounces off the force field and knocks him into the tunnel he dug. He gets electrocuted and his clothes come off. He crawls out of the tunnel and gets electrocuted. The number grows to 60 billion]
Dark Laser: Well, Flipsie, it looks like the crowd is flipping over the Turner attraction. Hm, that gives me an idea. I'll use Turner's popularity to make the money I need even faster!
[Cut to Dark Laser on a stage]
Dark Laser: Welcome, everyone. Ha ha ha! We have a big show for you today starring everybody's favorite earthling, Timmy Turner! Ha ha! With special guest Orcatron, the boy-eating space whale.
[Orcatron jumps out of a pool. Timmy is holding onto it. It flips and poses for photos, then catches a screaming Timmy in its mouth and eats him. Aliens start cheering and applauding. Orcatron vomits up Timmy and several fish. The fairies are in the audience]
Cosmo: Man! There's nothing funnier than watching some stupid earthling get eaten by a space whale! Oh! Oh, Timmy would love this show!
[The tote board number grows to 100 billion and Dark Laser laughs. The fairies appear as aliens near Timmy, who is being held by two dark troopers]
Cosmo: Great show, Timmy. Can we get your autograph—you know, for Wanda? It's spelled C-O-S-R...
Dark Laser: [shoots the fairies away] No autographs! Congratulations, Turner. Your silly antics financed the final repairs of my Death Ball. As a reward, I will jettison you and your parents into the dark void of space!
[Timmy screams. One of the dark troopers holding him makes the force field disappear and both throw him into the exhibit. The first dark trooper makes the force field reappear]
Timmy: Mom, we gotta do something! Dark Laser's gonna blast us into space!
Mrs. Turner: Timmy, calm down. Why can't you just enjoy living in a space zoo with a green butler, like me?
Timmy: Cosmo, Wanda, you gotta poof us all home!
[The fairies fire their wands and rattle at the force field, which deflects the magic beams back at them]
Wanda: Sorry, sport. It looks like this force field is magic-proof. [Dark Laser laughs offscreen and the fairies disappear]
Dark Laser: And now to blow up the Turners! [as a button comes out of the floor] I had this button especially made for this occasion. Only myself and Turner's weight-lifting mother could possibly push it.
Timmy: Oh, no. We gotta do something fast!
Mr. Turner: [sleeping] Fancy... cashews...
[Dark Laser raises his finger to press the button and laughs. Timmy looks at his mother, whom the butler is fanning. Dark Laser laughs]
Timmy: I got it! Your magic can't reach me, but it can reach Dark Laser.
[As Dark Laser is about to press the button, Cosmo and Wanda turn him into a copy of Timmy]
Dark Laser: Spindly legs? Big teeth? Stupid pink hat? Oh, no! [climbs onto the pedestal the button is on and repeatedly tries to press the button]
Dark Trooper: Turner! He's escaped! [fires a beam from his staff that makes Dark Laser suspended in the air]
Dark Laser: [as the dark troopers carry him] Unhand me, fools. I'm Dark Laser. Flipsie, tell them who I am. [Flipsie flips and barks] That's cute, but it's not helping!
[A dark trooper makes the force field disappear. The fairies appear in the exhibit]
Timmy: Now, guys! Poof me and my parents outta here!
[The fairies do so. The dark troopers throw Dark Laser into the exhibit and reactivate the force field]
Dark Laser: No problem. I'll just escape through this tunnel. [dives into the tunnel and gets electrocuted]
[The Turners appear in the rocket and the fairies appear as dials]
Timmy: Let's go home. [starts flying the rocket] I wish all the aliens and zoo animals would go back to their home planets. [the fairies grant the wish] Oh, and you might as well turn Dark Laser back to normal.
[The rocket flies through the exhibit. Dark Laser, lying on a pool float, turns back to normal and sinks into the pool. Timmy shoots a reactor, then flies away as the Death Ball explodes. He and the fairies cheer and Dark Laser hits the windshield]
Dark Laser: Curse you, Turner! I'll make you pay! [slides off the windshield and laughs] It's not that funny.
Timmy: Uh, guys, one last wish?
Wanda: You got it, sport! One killer space whale coming right up! [Orcatron appears and catches Dark Laser in its mouth]
Space Whale: Tastes great! But could use a little ranch on the side.
