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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Operation Dinkleberg" from Season 7, which aired on February 26, 2011.


Script[]

[Fade in on the Turners' house in the morning. Mr. Turner hums. A newspaper is thrown onto the front step, and he picks it up]

Mr. Turner: [gasps] What? Cloudy with a chance of rain? This can only be the work of...
Dinkleberg: Morning, Turner!
Mr. Turner: Dinkleberg...

[Cut to inside the house. Mr. Turner whistles. He is wearing a striped shirt and a polka dot tie]

Mrs. Turner: Honey, your tie doesn't match your shirt.
Mr. Turner: [looks] Geh! Dinkleberg strikes again!

[Cut to Mr. Turner trying to pour milk into a bowl of cereal]

Mr. Turner: We're out of milk! [throwing the milk carton] Dinkleberg has gone too far this time! [Mrs. Turner and Timmy watch the carton fly by]
Timmy: Think maybe you're overreacting a little? [Mr. Turner, wearing a hockey mask, holds up a chainsaw]
Mr. Turner: Why? Just because I'm cutting my bagel with a chainsaw? [cutting the following words into a row of cabinets with the chainsaw] Curse you, Dinkleberg!
Mrs. Turner: Honey, [pouring sawdust out of a cup] thanks for the extra fiber. But I don't know why you keep blaming Mr. Dinkleberg for everything. He's a perfectly nice neighbor.
Mr. Turner: Get away from your mother, Timmy. Dinkleberg's put a computer chip in her woman brain and turned her against us! [into her ear] Dinkleberg! I know you're listening! And as sure as I eat my breakfast in a hockey mask, you won't get away with this!
Timmy: Well, so much for having a normal childhood. Anyway, I'm gonna go to school.
Mr. Turner: [grabs Timmy and shouts] No, you're not! [gets on the table and presses a button that makes it rise and crush him and Timmy into the ceiling] Note to self: Install a hatch above hydraulic lift! [the chandelier on the ceiling falls]

[Cut to Mr. Turner entering a room and turning on screens and spotlights]

Timmy: Didn't this use to be my room?
Mr. Turner: Not anymore! Welcome to Operation Dinkleberg. [screens and control panels light up] For years, Dinkleberg has fooled everyone with his phony "good neighbor" act. Lending people cups of sugar, nursing those baby birds back to health, donating one of his kidneys to save my life... Ha! Like I'd really fall for that. Timmy, it's time to expose Dinkleberg for the monster he really is!
Timmy: Uh-huh. And how exactly are you gonna do that?
Mr. Turner: We, Timmy! We! We're going to do it. We'll watch that fiend 24/7 and catch him in an act of evil! Until then, you're not leaving my side. Except when I go to the bathroom to try out my new kidney. [zips away. Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof appear]
Timmy: Guys, what am I gonna do? If my dad's with me all the time, you can't grant my wishes. Ah! I'll have to do things for myself!
Mr. Turner: [offscreen] Geh! No toilet paper? Dinkleberg has struck again!
Wanda: Relax, sport. Your dad can't obsess about Mr. Dinkleberg forever.
Cosmo: Yeah! He's not that crazy. [the door opens offscreen]
Mr. Turner: Code red! Code red! [the fairies disappear] The chicken has left the henhouse!
Timmy: Is that spy talk for "Dinkleberg is on the move"?
Mr. Turner: No, it's spy talk for "my pants are down around my ankles". [pointing to a screen] Oh, no. Dinkleberg's heading into his evil lair. [moving a slider on a control panel] Switching to inside cameras. [the screen goes black] Eeh, I forgot. We don't have inside cameras. [gasps] Do you know what this means, Timmy?
Timmy: I hope that means you're gonna pull up your pants now.
Mr. Turner: There's no time! Besides, that's just what Dinkleberg would want me to do! We've gotta get a camera inside Dinkleberg's house. And you're just the girl to do it! [puts a girl wig on Timmy]

[Cut to Timmy, wearing a Cream Puff costume, taking a box of cookies to the Dinklebergs' house; via an earpiece in Timmy's ear]

Mr. Turner: Goldilocks, this is Papa Bear. Do you read me?
Timmy: Yes, Dad.
Mr. Turner: It's "Papa Bear"! And use the girl voice we practiced!
Timmy: [in a higher voice] Right, Dad!
Mr. Turner: Who is this?
Timmy: [in his normal voice] It's Timmy, Dad!
Mr. Turner: Call me "Papa Bear"! Now, remember the plan. Every cookie in that box has a tiny camera and a microphone in it. All you have to do is get Dinkleberg to buy those cookies. [Timmy knocks on the front door]
Dinkleberg: [opens the door] Well, hello, little Cream Puff girl!
Timmy: Uh, hi, Mr. Dinkleberg.
Mr. Turner: Girl voice!
Timmy: [in the girl voice] Would you like to buy a box of lemon creamy cookies?
Dinkleberg: [taking the box and paying him] Anything to help the Cream Puff girls. I'd give you a kidney, but I only have one left. [turns around, revealing bandages on his back, and goes back into the house]

[Cut to Timmy entering the surveillance room]

Mr. Turner: Look, Timmy! It's Dinkleberg's evil lair! [a screen shows Dinkleberg eating a cookie] Ooh, it's shaped like a small intestine, with meatloaf walls and corn on the floor!
Timmy: That is his small intestine. He ate the cookie! [a toilet is heard flushing]
Mr. Turner: We've lost contact. Do you know what this means?
Timmy: I can never unsee what I just saw?
Mr. Turner: No! It means you're going back in!

[Cut to Timmy, dressed as Santa Claus, tied to a hot air balloon. Mr. Turner lifts him toward the Dinklebergs' chimney with a rope]

Mr. Turner: Eeh, this Santa Claus plan is foolproof!
Timmy: But it's not even Christmas.
Mr. Turner: And it never will be if that villain Dinkleberg gets away with... whatever it is he's doing. [jerks the rope away. Timmy falls down the chimney]
Dinkleberg: Hey! Santa Claus! What brings you here in September?
Timmy: Uh...
Mr. Turner: [via the earpiece] Santa voice!
Timmy: [in a husky voice] Ho ho ho! I brought you a stuffed panda!
Dinkleberg: Whoa! [takes the panda] I wanted a kidney, but a stuffed panda with a camera jammed in its head is even better!
Timmy: Ho ho! Well, gotta go. [he is tugged to and into the chimney with a rope]

[Cut to Timmy and Mr. Turner entering the surveillance room on a lift]

Mr. Turner: Now we can finally see what that psychopath is up to! [the panda's head moves, and Dinkleberg appears on a screen]
Dinkleberg: [writing a letter] "Dear Santa, thank you for the panda bear, which I plan to give to a needy child."
Mr. Turner: Ooh, look at him! He's the embodiment of evil! I can't watch.
Timmy: Dad, get a grip. There is nothing evil about Mr. Dinkleberg.
Mr. Turner: [shouts] Dinkleberg's gotten to you too! He put a chip in your little girl brain just like he did to your mother! [through a megaphone, into Timmy's ear] You maniac! Give me back my son!
Mrs. Turner: [enters on a lift] Hi, boys. I brought you some lemonade.
Mr. Turner: [shouts] That's not lemonade! That's mind-control juice! [leaps forward and knocks the lemonade away with a karate chop] Must escape before I, too, fall under Dinkleberg's control! [jumps onto a control panel] To the escape chute! [presses a button that makes the ground below Mrs. Turner open up. She falls; jumping into the hole] Honey, cushion my fall! [lands offscreen]
Mrs. Turner: [offscreen] Ow!

[Fade to outside. The camera pans to the Dinklebergs' house]
[Cut to Dinkleberg sleeping on a couch in his living room]

Dinkleberg: Peace... [snores] harmony... [the cover of an air vent is unscrewed, and Mr. Turner, camouflaged as the room's floral wallpaper, enters through the vent]
Mr. Turner: The perfect disguise. Now to quietly look for signs of evil. [still not having pulled up his pants, he hops forward and steps on a dog's tail, making the dog yelp. He stumbles into a harp, gets a cuckoo clock stuck around his head, and hits a jukebox, making it play loud music. He hits the jukebox twice. It plays different music and then becomes silent. He peeks at Dinkleberg] Mmm, lemon creamies! [starts eating one and chokes] Cookie cam!
Dinkleberg: [wakes up] Turner! What a nice surprise. And may I say, that's a lovely floral ensemble you're wearing.
Mr. Turner: [shouts] Please don't do evil things to me! I'll give you back your kidney!
Dinkleberg: Don't be silly, Turner. That's yours to keep. How about a soothing cup of cocoa?
Mr. Turner: Well, [sitting in a chair] I do need something to wash down the tiny camera that's lodged in my throat.
Dinkleberg: Relax, Turner. Make yourself comfortable... 'cause you're never going home. [a photo of him with Richard Nixon moves to reveal a button. He presses the button, and the word evil appears above it and the chair traps Mr. Turner with cuffs] You were right about me all along, Turner. The truth is, I am evil.
Mr. Turner: Eeh, you mean I was right? Yay! No, wait. That's bad. Boo! Are you gonna take me to your small intestine–shaped lair?
Dinkleberg: You're already in it. [he pulls a switch that reveals intestine-like walls, and laughs evilly. A tank appears and is filled with water and piranhas] You see, Turner, I'm the leader of a secret organization known as MEAN: the Ministry of Evil and Abusive Neighbors.
Mr. Turner: So all these years, you really have been doing evil things to me?
Dinkleberg: That's right! Why, just today, I fooled you into thinking it would be cloudy with a chance of rain.

[In a flashback, Dinkleberg puts a sticker with the incorrect forecast on a newspaper and tosses it onto the Turners' front step]

Mr. Turner: [picks up the newspaper] Dinkleberg...

[Ripple transition to Mr. Turner's closet]

Dinkleberg: [narrating] Then I snuck into your closet and made all your ties clash!

[Dinkleberg takes the pin out of a grenade, tosses the grenade, and hides in a hamper. The grenade explodes, putting polka dots on all the ties. Mr. Turner whistles as he puts on a tie and goes offscreen]

Mr. Turner: Geh! Dinkleberg! [Dinkleberg cackles evilly]

[Ripple transition to the kitchen]

Dinkleberg: [narrating] Then, in an act of evil I'm especially proud of, I crept into your kitchen and made sure there was no milk for your cereal. [laughs] I mean— [laughs evilly]

[From outside a window, Dinkleberg fires a dart at the milk carton, making it leak, then laughs and leaves. Mr. Turner picks up the carton and screams. The flashback ends]

Mr. Turner: You monster! Do you have any idea what it's like to eat dry cereal on a cloudy day in a clashing tie? [Dinkleberg approaches him with a moving drill. Timmy and Poof see this on a screen in the surveillance room]
Poof: Poof poof!
Wanda: Oh, no! Timmy, your dad's in trouble!
Timmy: Whoa, I can't believe it. He was right about Dinkleberg all along! Now we've gotta risk everything, including our lives, to save him!
Dinkleberg: [brings the drill up to Mr. Turner's face] Do you know what this is, Turner?
Mr. Turner: Ooh! That's the lightweight cordless drill GDXK-7 with the patented comfy-grip handle!
Dinkleberg: That's right! And do you know what I'm going to do with this drill? Never let you borrow it!
Mr. Turner: Nooo! I love that drill! Oh, you're the most evil neighbor ever! [Dinkleberg laughs evilly. Timmy, in the Cream Puff disguise, appears beside the tank, and the fairies appear in it as goldfish] Goldilocks! Save me!
Timmy: You got it, Papa Bear!
Mr. Turner: Girl voice!
Timmy: [in the girl voice] Guys! [clears his throat; normally] Guys, I wish my dad was free! [the fairies raise their wands, then are eaten by the piranhas. A wand sinks to the bottom of the tank]
Mr. Turner: Timmy! Stop talking to Dinkleberg's piranhas and hit that button! [Dinkleberg presses a button that makes small orbs with spikes fly toward Timmy. Timmy runs and jumps away from the orbs, a few of which hit a wall and explode. He uses a merit badge sash to throw one of the orbs at the "evil" button. The orb explodes, and the chair releases Mr. Turner] You did it, son! Now we can defeat Dinkleberg together! [the orbs show their spikes] Eh... To the escape chute! I'll cushion your fall! I've got you! [hops away with Timmy's wig. Timmy looks displeased, then looks at Dinkleberg]
Timmy: Whoa, Mr. Dinkleberg! I can't believe you really are evil.
Dinkleberg: Oh, I'm not really evil, Timmy. I just knew how much it meant to your father to think I was evil.
Timmy: So you did all this just to make my dad happy?
Dinkleberg: That's right. I even shelled out thirty grand for this small intestine–shaped lair. [presses a button that makes the orbs disappear and the normal walls return. The piranhas spit out the fairies]
Timmy: Wow. You really are the best neighbor ever.
Dinkleberg: That's why Santa visits me in September. Just don't tell your dad I'm not evil. It would break his heart. Now, here. Take this new bike and a sack of cash. And buy your dad some suspenders.

[Cut to Timmy riding the bike out of the house]

Mr. Turner: Goldilocks! I'm so happy!
Timmy: 'Cause I'm safe at home?
Mr. Turner: Yes, yes, duh! But also because I was right about Dinkleberg being evil! But I don't think he's working alone. The real mastermind is our other neighbor, Old Lady Marinelli! And we're going to prove it!
Timmy: Come on, Dad. Mrs. Marinelli? She works with orphans.
Mr. Turner: [putting the wig on him] Girl voice! [Timmy sighs]

[Iris out. The end title card is shown]

Mr. Turner: [in voice-over] Dinkleberg!

[Fade to black]


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