Fairly Odd Parents Wiki
Advertisement
Episode
IconSeven
Transcripts

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "One Man Banned" from Season 7, which aired on October 16, 2009.


Transcript[]

[Fade in on Dimmsdale Elementary. A sign in front of the school reads "School band auditions today!" Kids are practicing instruments in the auditorium]
Mr. Bickles: Kids, want to hear a sad little story?
Kids: No.
Mr. Bickles: I have no talent at all. But I do have a dream... to exploit your talent and take all the credit. Okay, now, show me your musical genius! [Elmer goes onstage and unveils Bob]
Bob: [clears his throat] ♪ Yaaah! ♪ [gets bigger] ♪ Yaaaaah! ♪
Mr. Bickles: Well, your boil's big, kid, but I'm not sure it's the next big thing. [Bob droops and Elmer frowns. A line of kids including Chester and Timmy is behind him]
Timmy: Boy, it'd be cool to be famous.
Chester: Yeah. Then you'd be a somebody instead of a nobody.
Timmy: But I am a somebody! [an auditioning kid hangs a coat on Timmy's nose as he runs by] Dude, I'm not a coatrack. I'm Timmy Turner, and I'm going to be a big musical star! [he zips to the front of the line, blowing the other kids and their instruments into the air. Instruments pile on the floor] I'm ready to share the musical genius I've never shown but always suspected I had.
Mr. Bickles: Well, rock me, Amadeus. What instrument do you play?
Timmy: Whatever I play, I guarantee it'll sound better than a boil. [Bob droops. Timmy plays a violin, making a grinding sound]
Kids: Boo! [the violin's strings break. A tomato is thrown at Timmy]
Mr. Bickles: [offscreen] Hideous! [Timmy plays discordant music on a piano and is hit with tomatoes] Ghastly! [Timmy makes a low, guttural noise with a tuba, and tomatoes fly into the tuba and hit him] Missing the boil now!
Timmy: Who brings tomatoes to school?
Mr. Bickles: You're a musical abomination! [fires a tomato at him] Next!
Timmy: [dodges the tomato] Hold on, Mr. Bickles! Gimme one more chance! [picks up a triangle] The triangle! Even I can play this. [he strikes the triangle, making a reverberating noise that makes his eyes crack and the auditorium collapse]
Mr. Bickles: Timmy Turner, take your talentless, tomato-tainted tushy outta here! [he and some kids launch tomatoes at Timmy. Wipe to Timmy on a school bus. Kids laugh at him. Cosmo, a lunchbox, licks up tomato paste dripping from Timmy's head]
Cosmo: Well, look on the bright side. Now you're a tomato! Get it? A tomato? Why doesn't anyone laugh?! [tomato paste drips on him]
Wanda: [as a backpack] Don't feel bad, sport. [poofs the tomatoes away] Not everyone is musically talented. [the bus passes by Mr. Crocker playing the flute with his nose, Sanjay playing the pungi as a snake charmer, and Vicky using four kids as a xylophone] I stand corrected. [the bus driver kicks Timmy out in front of his house]
Timmy: Uh, I'm going' home, [opens the front door] where no one has any musical talent whatsoever. [gasps. Mr. Turner, dressed as a beatnik, is playing bongos]
Mr. Turner: Guess what, son. My album Bingo Bongo just went platinum!
Timmy: Your bongo album?
Mr. Turner: Bingo!
Timmy: But I've never heard you play bongos in my life!
Mr. Turner: That's Because I never have to practice. I've got a natural gift. I have hits in every genre! My patriotic song "I Wanna Hold Your Freedom", my holiday song "Yuval the Red-Haired Mole Rat", mmm, and listen to my love song! [playing bongos] ♪ You are the wind beneath my bongos! ♪ Take it, triangle boy! [Timmy strikes the triangle. The house is crushed. Volcanoes rise from the ground and shoot lava onto the house. It rains frogs. The Turners rise from the lava, sitting on bongos] Boo! Your horrible music made it rain frogs! [falls off his bongo] Go to the smoldering ruins of what used to be your room! [cut to Timmy entering his room]
Timmy: This stinks! I'm tired of being a nobody!
Wanda: You're not a nobody, Timmy.
Cosmo: Look, Wanda, [hanging a coat on Timmy] a new coatrack! I can't wait to tell Timmy about it!
Timmy: I've had it! Cosmo, Wanda, I wish all Dimmsdale would love the sound of my triangle. [Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish, Timmy strikes the triangle, making a noise that repairs the house, makes the volcanoes recede, and rejuvenates plants]
Kid #1: Ahh... [flowers sprout from his ears. The noise reaches Chester]
Chester: Awesome! [the noise reaches Francis and the kid he is shaking money out of]
Kid #2: Cool!
Wanda: Timmy, everyone thinks your music is the best thing they've ever heard!
Crowd: Timmy! Timmy! Timmy!
Timmy: They're calling my name! Man, I'm not just talented. I'm famous! I'm somebody! [the fairies disappear as cheering fans of Timmy crowd the window, break into the house, and grab Timmy as fans pull on him and his clothes] A frenzied mob wants to tear me limb from limb! Doesn't get any better than this! [someone tears out some of his hair and someone else tears his shirt. He runs to the bathroom and shuts the door, leaving some fans' arms reaching inside. The fairies appear, and Wanda zaps some arms away with her wand]
Girls: Ow!
Wanda: Be careful, Timmy! [zaps more arms]
Girls: Ow!
Wanda: Fame does weird things to people! [zaps more arms]
Girls: Ow!
Wanda: [turns Timmy back to normal] It can make you go all squirrelly in the head!
Cosmo: Ooh! Ooh! I have a squirrel in my head, and I'm not even famous! Right, Zippy? [a squirrel comes out of his ear]
Zippy: Hee-hee!
Timmy: Don't worry, Wanda. I won't let being the biggest star in Dimmsdale go to my head. Cause now I want to be the biggest star in the whole country. I wish everyone in America would love my music! [the fairies grant the wish. Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof star in a music video like that of "Thriller". A music chart appears onscreen; Timmy Triangle is ranked number 50. Timmy and the fairies star in a music video like that of "Here It Goes Again". Timmy moves to number 23 on the chart. Timmy and the fairies appear in what looks like an iPod silhouette commercial. During a performance with a bearded Cosmo and Wanda playing electric guitars, Timmy smashes a triangle against the floor. Many albums later, Timmy has every spot on the chart. Cut to Timmy riding a limousine past cheering people. He has a grill on his tooth and is wearing Poof as a necklace]
Cosmo: Can we poof off the beards now? They're itchy.
Wanda: Timmy, now that you're famous all over America...
Tootie: [jumping onto the window] I love you, Timmy! [slides down]
Wanda: ...I think you might need a little guidance.
Cosmo: And I have just the guidebook: How to Go from a Coatrack to a Super-Famous Somebody! [reading] Step one: Wear shades all the time. [poofs' sunglasses onto Timmy]
Timmy: But it's dark in here.
Cosmo: Step two: Cut yourself off from everyone who tries to help you.
Wanda: Cosmo, this book isn't helpful at all.
Cosmo: Step three: Ignore the nagging bearded lady. [isolates Wanda by closing the partition behind Timmy's seat. It traps her beard, and she screams] Hey, nice bling.
Poof: Bling-bling! [cut to Mr. and Mrs. Turner sleeping in their dark bedroom. Their alarm clock strikes 7:00 and beeps, startling Mr. Turner, who smashes the clock]
Mrs. Turner: Honey, why is your alarm clock ringing in the middle of the night?
Mr. Turner: It's not the middle of the night. Timmy's gigantic mansion is blocking the sun! Ooh, it's cold living in my son's shadow. [cut to inside the mansion. Timmy is sitting on a throne of dollar bills]
Wanda: Timmy, I'm glad you're having fun, [Timmy is shown to be dressed like Elvis Presley] but don't you think fame's changed you just a little bit?
Timmy: [eats a banana sandwich] What makes you think Timmy's changed? Timmy's the same old' Timmy.
Cosmo: Step 28: Buy really expensive, totally useless stuff. [a gumball machine, a Ferris wheel, the Elephant Man's skeleton, and a submarine are in the room] Nailed it!
Timmy: This stuff's cool. But suddenly, it's not enough for Timmy. Timmy wants more, ya dig?
Cosmo: Wow! You jumped to step 41: Always want more! I'm so proud!
Wanda: What could you possibly want now?
Timmy: Timmy wants to be the biggest star in the whole world! He wishes he could play a gig in a stadium so huge, everybody on Earth can fit inside!
Wanda: That's crazy! No one in their right mind would grant that wish!
Cosmo: On it! [he poofs up a giant stadium, and everyone on Earth goes inside. People, many of whom are wearing triangular sunglasses and hats, cheer. The fairies are attending to Timmy in his dressing room] Ready for the biggest concert ever, Mr. Timmy Triangle?
Timmy: Quiet! Nothing can disrupt Timmy's intense focus! [there is a knock at the door]
Mr. and Mrs. Turner: [offscreen] Oh, Timmy! [the fairies turn into items on a coatrack. Mr. and Mrs. Turner break through the door]
Mr. Turner: Ooh, great digs, son. I had a dressing room like this when I was a superstar and the world was a planet, not just a gigantic stadium for you, [crying] but I'm not jealous at all!
Timmy: Mom, Dad, what are you doing here?
Mrs. Turner: Oh, we just came by to say how proud we are of you, Timmy.
Mr. Turner: Plus, I was hoping you'd sign my bongos.
Timmy: Timmy doesn't sign autographs.
Mr. Turner: But we're family!
Timmy: Timmy doesn't need a family. The triangle is my family now. Timmy said, "Good day."
Mr. Turner: Eeh, no, Timmy didn't.
Timmy: Well, Timmy meant to! [pushes his parents out of the room and slams the door shut]
Mr. Turner: So... is that a "no" on the bongos? [Timmy throws the bongos in his face]
Wanda: Timmy, you just slammed the door on your parents! That was terrible!
Cosmo: That wasn't terrible, that was step 95: Slam the door on your parents.
Wanda: This has gone too far! You're acting like a big, bratty fame monster! [Cosmo shows Timmy step 96, which is "fame monster"]
Timmy: If that's how you feel, maybe Timmy should just go solo! Wanda, you're fired!
Cosmo: That's telling' her, Timmy!
Timmy: You're fired too, Cosmo!
Cosmo: That's telling' me, Timmy! Hey, wait a minute. That's step 102: Make a tragic error in judgment, the full consequences of which you can't possibly see yet!
Wanda: Fine! Since we're fired, we'll just go and take our magic with us! [undoes the triangle wish]
Cosmo: And we're taking Zippy too! [Zippy yells incoherently. Cut to the stadium]
Mr. Bickles: People of the world, I give you Timmy Triangle! [Timmy rises from the stage]
Timmy: It's Timmy time! [slides to the front of the stage and strikes the triangle. People gasp, and their glasses crack. Floodlights crack, the Moon cracks and falls, and stars fall] Oops.
Crowd: Boo!
Timmy: Suddenly I see the full consequences of my tragic error in judgment!
Mr. Bickles: Good thing I had a back-up dream: to sell my tomatoes to the largest stadium crowd ever! [the crowd takes his tomatoes and starts throwing them at Timmy]
Crowd: Boo! [Timmy runs away but is hit by a trap door opened by Mr. Turner]
Mr. Turner: Hmm... This isn't the men's bathroom. [Timmy falls over] Ooh! [to Mrs. Turner] Look! Timmy's wearing a suit made of tomato paste!
Timmy: Mom, Dad! The entire population of Earth is going to tear me apart!
Mr. Turner: Not if someone talented and gorgeous distracts the crowd!
Timmy: You'd save me, even after I was such a jerk?
Mr. Turner: Oh, son, I'd never let anyone hurt you. [ducks to avoid tomatoes that then hit Timmy] And do you know why?
Timmy: Because... you love me?
Mr. Turner: Well, there's that. More importantly, because I crave fame even more than you do! [strips to a Prince costume] People of Earth—and Dinkleberg
Dinkleberg: Woo-hoo!
Mr. Turner: —get your bongo on! [plays bongos to rock music. The crowd cheers and tosses him up. The fairies appear behind Timmy]
Timmy: Guys, I'm sorry I treated you badly. Fame made me kind of nuts.
Zippy: Hee-hee!
Cosmo: Not that kind of nuts, Zippy.
Wanda: Just remember, Timmy, you're always a somebody to us.
Timmy: [hugging Wanda] Thanks, Wanda. [Poof giggles and hugs him] Well, I guess I'm done with the triangle forever.
Cosmo: What are you talking about? You're on step 103: Make an ill-conceived comeback!
Timmy: Sweet! [picks up the triangle]
Wanda: Timmy, no! [Timmy strikes the triangle, making the stadium collapse]
Cosmo: Step 104: Find a new home planet. Man, it's a good thing I saved this book! [iris out. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]


Advertisement