Old Man and the C-/Transcript

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The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"Old Man and the C-"
Season	7
Episode	115A
Airdate	July 14, 2011
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Old Man and the C-" from Season 7, which aired on July 14, 2011.

Transcript

[Fade in on a stage. There is a drumroll]

Announcer: It's time to play Are You Brighter Than a 6th Grader? And now, here's your host, Wink Winkydink!

Wink Winkydink: Hello, America! Let's take attendance and see if tonight's contestant is in class! Mr. Timmy's Dad?

[Zip pan to Mr. Turner on a podium]

Mr. Turner: Here, Mr. Tinkerblink!

[Mrs. Turner and Timmy are in the audience]

Timmy: [to Cosmo and Wanda, goldfish] Guys, I'm really worried!

Cosmo: Why? The whole country is watching, and now everyone will see exactly how smart your father really is!

Timmy: That's what I'm worried about! [frets]

Wink: Here's your first question, Mr. Timmy's Dad: Who was the first president of the United States?

Mr. Turner: Sea cucumber! [a buzzer is heard, and an X appears onscreen]

Wink: Wow, that couldn't have been any more wrong! Who was the first man on the Moon?

Mr. Turner: Sea cucumber! [a buzzer sounds]

Wink: Wow, super wrong again! Third question: What kind of cucumber lives in the sea?

Mr. Turner: Neil Armstrong! [a buzzer sounds]

Wink: Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Timmy's Dad! It looks like you've missed every question! You're not brighter than a sixth grader at all!

[Wink puts a dunce cap on Mr. Turner, and the audience laughs at him, as do a hobo watching via a TV display, people watching via TVs on buildings, and people all over the world. Timmy blinks and slaps his face. Fade to the Turners leaving the TV studio. Mr. Turner twitches as he walks]

Mrs. Turner: Look on the bright side, dear. At least you got a lifetime supply of macaroni!

[A choir sings as a box of "macaroni without cheese" appears onscreen]

Timmy: Dad, I have a question.

Mr. Turner: Sea cucumber!

Timmy: No, Dad, my question is, how come you're not as bright as a sixth grader?

Mr. Turner: [sobs] Because I dropped out of school in the fifth grade!

Timmy: [skids to a stop] You can do that?

Mr. Turner: Timmy, I was young and naive. I thought I was too cool for school!

Timmy: Why'd you think that?

Mr. Turner: People told me.

[A flashback begins in which a young Mr. Turner in a school uniform is standing outside a school]

Melvin: Wow, Turner! You're too cool for school!

Mr. Turner: I am? [he puts grease on his head, puts on a leather jacket, slicks his hair back, and puts on sunglasses] I am! [leaves]

Melvin: [to a trash can] Wow, trash can! You're too cool for school!

[The flashback ends]

Mr. Turner: Since Melvin was a genius, I knew I had to heed his words.

Timmy: So what you're saying is, [tossing up the fairies' fishbowl] I can just stop going to school? [the fishbowl breaks offscreen]

Mrs. Turner: Definitely not, young man! [as Poof and Wanda flop on the ground] Honey, you may be a great husband and macaroni provider, but you have to set an example for your son. You know what you have to do, right?

Mr. Turner: Sea cucumber?

Mrs. Turner: No! First thing tomorrow, you're going back to finish school!

[Fade to Dimmsdale Elementary School. Timmy is sitting in Mr. Crocker's classroom]

Timmy: [to Cosmo and Wanda, pencils] I gotta say, guys, I may hate school.

Cosmo: But...?

Timmy: No, that was it.

Wanda: I thought you were going to say something about how proud you are that your dad's going back to finish his education.

Timmy: Yeah, I suppose I am kinda proud of my dad for going back to school. [the door opens offscreen]

Mr. Turner: [offscreen] Ooh! I'm glad to hear you tell your pencils that, son! [he is wearing a tight school uniform like the one in the flashback]

Timmy: Dad? You're in my class?

Mr. Turner: Well, this is the grade I was in when I dropped out, so this is where I'm starting again! [he seats himself and pushes his protruding belly under his desk, making cracks in it] It's like I never left!

Timmy: I'm proud of you, Dad.

Mr. Turner: Thanks, Timmy. That means more to me than anything.

Mr. Crocker: Hooray! Another Turner I can humiliate! Good thing I used Mother's medicine money to develop my dual F blaster!

[Crocker fires the blaster at the two Turners. Mr. Turner shouts and dodges one F, but the other one hits Timmy, pushing him into a wall]

Mr. Turner: Nice try, Mr. Crocker, but I'm going to finish school and make my son proud, even if it kills him! [a dazed and injured Timmy comes out of the wall] Walk it off, son. [putting a macaroni box in Timmy's face] Ooh, here, rub some macaroni on it. [Timmy and the box fall over; putting another macaroni box in place of an apple on Crocker's desk] And here's some for you, Mr. Crocker.

Crocker: Macaroni? For me? [his lip quivers] No one's ever given me anything that didn't require an antidote.

[The apple turns to pungent mush that eats through Crocker's desk]

Crocker: [sheds a tear] Thanks, Turner!

Timmy: Hey, I'm Turner!

Crocker: Not anymore! From now on, you're Becky! [gives Timmy a nametag labeled "Becky"] The name Turner belongs to my new favorite student: Timmy's dad!

[Zip pan to a school bell ringing. Boxes of macaroni are on Crocker's desk]

Mr. Turner: [reading a report in front of the class] "And that's why green eggs go well with ham!"

Crocker: [shedding a tear] Thought-provoking with a touch of pathos! [spasming] A!

[Zip pan to Mr. Turner reading another report]

Mr. Turner: "So, in conclusion, grandfather clocks are not made out of real grandfathers."

Crocker: I wish I'd known that a year ago.

[Zip pan to Crocker's grandfather in a grandfather clock, acting like one]

Crocker's Grandfather: Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick, eh... tock!

[Zip pan to a chalkboard with algebraic equations on it]

Mr. Turner: And so you can see, sticks and stones may break your bones, but names leave psychological wounds that never heal.

[Timmy's classmates cheer, confetti falls, and Timmy looks around. Wipe to the cafeteria. Timmy is walking to his friends' table]

Timmy: [to the fairies, food items] My dad may be the most popular student in class, but at least I still have my friends.

Mr. Turner: [to Chester, Sanjay, and Elmer] I can watch TV whenever I want, I don't have a bedtime, and I can drive!

Elmer: Becky, your dad gave us macaroni and told us how neat it is to be a grown-up!

Sanjay: He is too cool for school! [puts a photo of Mr. Turner in his wallet over one of Timmy]

Mr. Turner: You know what goes great with macaroni? Ice cream! My treat!

[Elmer jumps into Mr. Turner's arms, and they, Chester, Sanjay, and Timmy leave. Once everyone but Timmy is the Turners' car, the door closes, and Timmy runs into it]

Mr. Turner: Ooh, sorry, Becky. Looks like we're out of room. Why don't you walk through Rattlesnake Canyon and meet us there?

Melvin: [wearing a janitor outfit and holding a mop] Wow, Turner! You're still too cool for school!

Mr. Turner: I am? I am! [drives off, covering Timmy in smoke]

Timmy: [coughs] Oh, no! My dad's not falling for that old line again, is he?

[Cut to Mr. Turner putting on sunglasses and slicking his hair with grease. He, Sanjay, Elmer, and Chester are wearing leather jackets with "Too cool for school" on the backs. They spin around and point toward screaming lovestruck schoolgirls. Mr. Turner spins around and points toward screaming lovestruck sorority girls. A day passes]

Crocker: [taking class attendance] Turner! [frowns] Turner?

[Mr. Turner's seat is vacant. Timmy and the fairies look at it. Cut to Mr. Turner, Chester, Elmer, and Sanjay drinking ice cream sodas outside a parlor]

Sanjay: Skipping school with Timmy's hoodlum father sure is cool!

Mr. Turner: Yeah! Melvin the genius janitor was right!

Cop: Hey! You kids should be in school!

Mr. Turner: Geh! It's the fuzz! Beat it!

[The four of them zip away. Three days pass. They throw toilet paper on a house]

Mrs. Turner: Honey, you should be in school! And you just toilet-papered your own house!

Mr. Turner: [shouts] Crazy old Mrs. Turner saw us! Run! [they zip away]

[Timmy shows up using Cosmo as a scooter]

Mrs. Turner: Timmy, Mr. Crocker called. Your dad is flunking out of school! And we're out of toilet paper! I don't know what we're gonna do. Either I have to get a job or you have to get a job. [giving him a mop and a bucket] Which means you have to get a job. [taking toilet paper inside] Toilet paper isn't cheap, you know.

Cosmo: Crazy old Mrs. Turner has a point!

Timmy: Guys, I don't wanna get a job. Working's the only thing worse than learning. I gotta find a way to get my dad back in school.

[Fade to Crocker eating macaroni]

Crocker: Forget it, Becky! Your father was my star student... until he stopped comin' to class and broke my heart.

Timmy: I'm really sorry, Mr. Crocker, but there's gotta be some way my dad could still pass the fifth grade.

Crocker: Well, there is one way. He could take the Big Super Test.

[A book titled "Big Super Test" appears onscreen]

Crocker: But no one's ever survived that. Besides, I'd have to okay it, and I don't see why I should.

Timmy: I'll give you Dad's lifetime supply of macaroni!

Crocker: I'm no math whiz, but that would last... a lifetime! One Big Super Test coming up!

[Cut to Mr. Turner leaning on a jukebox]

Mr. Turner: A Big Super Test? [blows a raspberry] That's for nerds!

Mrs. Turner: Why is there a jukebox in my kitchen?

Timmy: Dad, listen to me! You went back to school to finish your education and make me proud!

Mr. Turner: [shouts] Education's for dweebs. [to Chester, Elmer, and Sanjay] Come on, guys! Let's go burn some rubber on crazy old Mrs. Turner's lawn!

Mrs. Turner: I'm right here!

[Cut to Mr. Turner in the car with his peers. He tries to back out of the driveway, but Timmy is in the way]

Timmy: Dad, don't you see? You're making the same mistake in school again! You say you wanna make me proud, but by the way you're behaving, I'm not proud of you at all.

Mr. Turner: You're... not... proud of me? [starts crying] Oh, Becky, you're right! What am I doing? I do wanna finish school and make you proud! But there's no way I could pass the Big Super Test now!

Timmy: Sure, there is. You only need a C− to pass. I'm sure we can do it! [Mr. Turner's nose runs, and he sniffles up the mucus]

Mr. Turner: We?

[A montage set to a soundalike of "Gonna Fly Now" begins. Mr. Turner runs and pulls Timmy in a wagon through a scrapyard while Timmy reads from the book Super Test Prep]

Mr. Turner: [as Timmy shows him pictures of shapes] Trapezoid... rhombus... parallelogram...

[Mr. Turner does one-arm push-ups while reading a book, and Timmy turns the pages]

Mr. Turner: [doing sit-ups while looking at the periodic table] Argon... manganese...

[A weightlifter strains himself to lift a barbell, and Mr. Turner strains himself to read a math textbook. In a meat locker, a boxer uses meat as a punching bag. A shivering Mr. Turner and Timmy are there]

Mr. Turner: [as Timmy points to places on a globe] Luxembourg... Swaziland...

[Mr. Turner runs up the dozens of steps to a library]

Timmy and Mr. Turner: Yeah! Woo-hoo! [high-five]

Timmy: Yeah!

Librarian: Shh!

[Timmy and his father twiddle their fingers against each other's. Cut to "Big Super Test" and "Tonight!" appearing on a blimp above the Dimmsdale Dimmadome]

Announcer: It's time for the Big Super Test! Please welcome your host, Wink Winkydink!

Wink: Hello! [as he is given a check for "loads of dough"] I'm Wink "I'll Host Anything for a Buck" Winkydink! Now let's meet our contestant—I mean, student—Mr. Timmy's Dad! [Elmer, Mrs. Turner, Timmy, Chester, and Sanjay cheer] Today we're playing to see if Mr. Timmy's Dad is smart enough to come back to school and finish the fifth grade! First question: What was the last state to join the Union?

Mr. Turner: [presses his buzzer] Hawaii.

Wink: Very good! Now, what's the square root of 49?

Mr. Turner: [presses the buzzer] 7!

Wink: Excellent! Next question!

Mr. Turner: [presses the buzzer] Lake Erie!

Wink: Hey! That's right!

Mr. Turner: [presses the buzzer] 165! [again] Abraham Lincoln! [again] The Louisiana Purchase! [again] Belgian waffles!

Wink: Wow! You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right!

Mr. Turner: Napoleon Bonaparte, Animal Farm, 3.14, Jupiter, the dish ran away with the spoon!

Wink: Hey, those questions aren't even on the test! Well done! [the audience cheers]

Crocker: I taught him everything he knows!

Wink: Timmy's dad, you've done so well, you've actually passed the fifth grade... and the sixth and the seventh, eighth, ninth... Let's put it this way: If you answer this last question correctly, you'll win your high school diploma!

Mr. Turner: [excitedly] Eeeeeh!

Wink: And I'll even throw in another lifetime supply of macaroni!

Crocker: Come on, Timmy's dad!

Wink: Okay, here it is: the final question!

[The lights in the stadium turn off]

Wink: What undersea vegetable would taste great in an undersea salad?

[Mr. Turner blinks, looks around, and trembles. Timmy and the fairies, goldfish, are nervous, as is Crocker, who is rubbing an empty bowl of macaroni]

Mr. Turner: [trying to think] Mmm... rrr... grr!

Timmy: Come on, Dad, think! You know this!

Mr. Turner: Uhh... uhh... [gasps] Ooh! [presses the buzzer] Sea cucumber!

Wink: Yes! That's correct!

[The audience cheers, fireworks explode, and the blimp flashes "Hurray!"]

Wink: Congratulations, Timmy's dad! [gives him a diploma] You've finished every grade of school and have graduated!

Timmy: [hugs his father] Congratulations, Dad! I'm so proud of you! You did it!

Mr. Turner: No, we did it! I couldn't have done it without you, son! Now let's go celebrate!

[Wipe to Mr. Turner and Timmy laughing as they toilet-paper their house. Mrs. Turner opens the door from the inside]

Mr. Turner: Geh! It's crazy old Mrs. Turner! Run! [he and Timmy zip away]

Melvin: You guys are too cool for school!

Mr. Turner: Oh, shut it, Melvin! [he and Timmy start attacking Melvin]

[Iris out. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]

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