Wink Winkydink: Who was the first president of the United States?
Mr. Turner: Sea Cucumber!
Wink Winkydink: Wow that couldn't have been anymore wrong! Who was the first man on the moon?
Mr. Turner: Sea Cucumber!
Wink Winkydink: Wow, super wrong again! Third question: what kind of cucumber lives in the sea?
Mr. Turner: Neil Armstrong!

Timmy: How come you're not as bright as a sixth grader?
Mr. Turner: Because...I dropped out of school in the fifth grade!
Timmy: [with wide eyes] You can do that?

Timmy: I gotta say guys, I may hate school...
Cosmo: But?
Timmy: No, that was it.

Mr. Crocker: Hooray! Another Turner I can humiliate! Good thing I used mother's medicine money to develop my dual F blaster!
[Mr. Crocker fires his blaster but Mr. Turner ducks and the F only hits Timmy]
Mr. Turner: Nice try, Mr. Crocker. But I'm gonna finish school and make my son proud, even if it kills him!

Mr. Crocker: [after Mr. Turner gives him macaroni] Thanks Turner!
Timmy: Hey, I'm Turner!
Mr. Crocker: Not anymore! From now on you're Becky. [gives Timmy a 'Becky' nametag] The name Turner belongs my new favorite student, Timmy's Dad!

Mr. Turner: I can watch TV whenever I want. I don't have a bedtime. And I can drive!
Elmer: [to Timmy] Becky, your dad gave us macaroni and told us how neat it is to be a grown up!

Mrs. Turner: [to Mr. Turner] Honey, you should be in school! And you just toilet papered your own house!
Mr. Turner: Aaah! Crazy old Mrs. Turner saw us! Run!

Mrs. Turner: Why is there a jukebox in my kitchen?

Mr. Turner: [to Chester, Elmer and Sanjay] Let's go burn some rubber on crazy old Mrs. Turner lawn!
Mrs. Turner: I'm right here!

Melvin: You guys are too cool for school!
Mr. Turner: Oh shut up, Melvin!

Mr. Turner: Thanks Timmy, it means a lot to me.

Mr. Turner: As you can see, sticks and stones break bones but words make psychological scars that never heal!

Melvin: Turner, you're too cool for school!

Cosmo: Crazy old Mrs. Turner is right!

Mr. Crocker: I taught him everything he knows!

Melvin: Turner, you're still too cool for school!

Crocker: Go Timmy's dad!

Mr. Turner: Aaah!!! It's the crazy old Mrs. Turner! Run!

Melvin: Wow, trash can, you're still too cool for school.

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