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Episode
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Transcripts

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Oh, Brother!" from Season 5, which aired on October 4, 2005.


Script[]

[In the streets.]

  • Timmy: (offscreen) AHHH!!!

[A panicked Timmy comes running into scene with his backpack. Cosmo and Wanda poof in.]

  • Timmy: (out of breath) COSMO! WANDA! TOOTIE ALERT! WE'RE AT TOOT-CON FOUR! YOU GOTTA HIDE ME!
  • Cosmo: Toot con four? That's one toot shy of disaster!

[Cosmo POOFS into a green blanket and drapes himself over Timmy. Wanda sighs and POOFS into a pink brick wall, blocking Timmy and Cosmo from view just as Tootie runs into scene, wearing her Cream Puff outfit, carrying "I love Timmy" paraphernalia.]

  • Tootie: Timmy? TIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY! (beat) That's weird. This pink wall has never shown up in any of my surveillance photos! (sinks) ...Oh well. I guess I'll just have to invite him to my special Cream Puffs pageant afterschool...

[Cosmo and Wanda poof back into fairy form.]

  • Timmy: Great. Now I've got to worry about Tootie before, during and after school.
  • Cosmo: If you ever get there.

[The school bus pulls away from the corner.]

  • Timmy: OH NO! Wait!!!!
  • Sanjay: (on the other side of the street) Oh no! Wait!!!!

[Suddenly, Sanjay's Stepbrother comes running into scene.]

  • Sanjay's Stepbrother: Sanjay! Let me give you a lift to school... (flips Sanjay on his shoulders) ...On my back, soldier!
  • Timmy: You have a big brother?
  • Sanjay: (He and his brother run past) Yes! He is my stepfather's son! And not only is he the greatest big brother ever but look...
  • Sanjay's Stepbrother: (producing drink) Juice box, little bro?
  • Sanjay: He comes with a cup holder!

[Timmy hangs his head sadly as they run off. Later, Timmy arrives to Dimmsdale Elementary School on a pink Wanda bicycle, while Cosmo is the bell. The kids around them eye Timmy.]

  • Timmy: This isn't exactly what I meant when I said I wished I had a ride to school.
  • Cosmo: Ring me, Timmy! I can man this bike up! (Timmy rings the bell)

[The kids around them laughs at Timmy. Meanwhile, Timmy, with Cosmo as a bookbag and Wanda as a lunchbox, comes upon A.J., who's been backed into a corner by Francis.]

  • Francis: OK, Brainiac. You ready to study for a geography test? Cuz I'm gonna spread pieces of your body all over the planet.
  • A.J.: My big brother wouldn't like that.
  • Francis: Shhya. Everybody knows you don't have a big brother.
  • A.J.: That's why I built one! (presses the button)

[Then, a locker opens revealing A.J.-5000, a metallic, silver robot, arrives and comes up to A.J. placing a metallic arm on A.J.'s shoulder. As Francis balls up his fist to strike, the robot zaps him.]

  • Francis: (being zapped repeatedly) Ow! (zaps) Ow! (zaps) Ow! (runs offscreen and slams right into Timmy as he pulls out a file) Turner, my records indicate you don't.

have a brother.

  • Timmy: Uh... yeah.
  • Francis: Then we have a winner. Time for a geography test! (grabs Timmy by the neck and yanks him offscreen)

[Later, in Timmy's Bedroom.]

  • Timmy: (beaten) Man, the guys are lucky they all have big brothers. If I had a big brother, he could give me rides to school, play catch with me, beat up Francis...
  • Cosmo: Donate a kidney, drive the getaway car, loan you bail money. (off their looks) I mean hypothetically.
  • Timmy: That settles it! I wish I had the perfect big brother! One who'd look out for me, take care of me and always have my best interests at heart!

[Cosmo poofs up popcorn and Wanda poofs up two movie theater chairs.]

  • Timmy: What are you doing?
  • Cosmo: Getting ready to enjoy the show!
  • Wanda: Everybody knows a wish that specific can only lead to disaster!

[Cosmo and Wanda poof with a text, "WALLY CLEAVER POOF!" When the dust clears, a tall, muscular, and perfect Tommy, appears.]

  • Tommy: Hey, Sport, I'm Tommy! How's my little brother? Wanna play catch? Need a ride to school? How about bail money?
  • Timmy: Awesome!
  • Mrs. Turner: (voiceover) Timmy! Time for dinner!
  • Tommy: Come on, Champ. Lemme give you a little brotherly advice: You gotta wash up before you chow down!
  • Timmy: Okay... brother!

[In the kitchen, Timmy and Tommy are sitting at the table.]

  • Mrs. Turner: (confused) I don't remember having another son. How old did you say you were?
  • Tommy: Eighteen... Mom.
  • Mrs. Turner: That can't be right, because that would make me... OLD!!! (calculates, then screams as she clutches her hair, which is suddenly grayer around the edges.)
  • Mr. Turner: (voiceover) Honey, I'm home! (enters, carrying flowers)
  • Mrs. Turner: Do you remember Tommy, our son? Our eighteen-year-old son?
  • Mr. Turner: (confused) Eighteen? But what's his face is ten! That means you're old! And I've forgotten eight wedding anniversaries! Be right back with more presents!
  • Mrs. Turner: Eight more presents? Works for me! Welcome home, son!

[Timmy and Tommy smile at each other. The next day, at school, Timmy and Tommy are on the playground, surrounded by kids, including Tootie, and Chester, A.J., and Sanjay.]

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