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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Oh, Brother!" from Season 5, which aired on October 4, 2005.
Script[]
[In the streets.]
- Timmy: (offscreen) AHHH!!!
[A panicked Timmy comes running into scene with his backpack. Cosmo and Wanda poof in.]
- Timmy: (out of breath) COSMO! WANDA! TOOTIE ALERT! WE'RE AT TOOT-CON FOUR! YOU GOTTA HIDE ME!
- Cosmo: Toot con four? That's one toot shy of disaster!
[Cosmo POOFS into a green blanket and drapes himself over Timmy. Wanda sighs and POOFS into a pink brick wall, blocking Timmy and Cosmo from view just as Tootie runs into scene, wearing her Cream Puff outfit, carrying "I love Timmy" paraphernalia.]
- Tootie: Timmy? TIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYY! (beat) That's weird. This pink wall has never shown up in any of my surveillance photos! (sinks) ...Oh well. I guess I'll just have to invite him to my special Cream Puffs pageant afterschool...
[Cosmo and Wanda poof back into fairy form.]
- Timmy: Great. Now I've got to worry about Tootie before, during and after school.
- Cosmo: If you ever get there.
[The school bus pulls away from the corner.]
- Timmy: OH NO! Wait!!!!
- Sanjay: (on the other side of the street) Oh no! Wait!!!!
[Suddenly, Sanjay's Stepbrother comes running into scene.]
- Sanjay's Stepbrother: Sanjay! Let me give you a lift to school... (flips Sanjay on his shoulders) ...On my back, soldier!
- Timmy: You have a big brother?
- Sanjay: (He and his brother run past) Yes! He is my stepfather's son! And not only is he the greatest big brother ever but look...
- Sanjay's Stepbrother: (producing drink) Juice box, little bro?
- Sanjay: He comes with a cup holder!
[Timmy hangs his head sadly as they run off. Later, Timmy arrives to Dimmsdale Elementary School on a pink Wanda bicycle, while Cosmo is the bell. The kids around them eye Timmy.]
- Timmy: This isn't exactly what I meant when I said I wished I had a ride to school.
- Cosmo: Ring me, Timmy! I can man this bike up! (Timmy rings the bell)
[The kids around them laughs at Timmy. Meanwhile, Timmy, with Cosmo as a bookbag and Wanda as a lunchbox, comes upon A.J., who's been backed into a corner by Francis.]
- Francis: OK, Brainiac. You ready to study for a geography test? Cuz I'm gonna spread pieces of your body all over the planet.
- A.J.: My big brother wouldn't like that.
- Francis: Shhya. Everybody knows you don't have a big brother.
- A.J.: That's why I built one! (presses the button)
[Then, a locker opens revealing A.J.-5000, a metallic, silver robot, arrives and comes up to A.J. placing a metallic arm on A.J.'s shoulder. As Francis balls up his fist to strike, the robot zaps him.]
- Francis: (being zapped repeatedly) Ow! (zaps) Ow! (zaps) Ow! (runs offscreen and slams right into Timmy as he pulls out a file) Turner, my records indicate you don't.
have a brother.
- Timmy: Uh... yeah.
- Francis: Then we have a winner. Time for a geography test! (grabs Timmy by the neck and yanks him offscreen)
[Later, in Timmy's Bedroom.]
- Timmy: (beaten) Man, the guys are lucky they all have big brothers. If I had a big brother, he could give me rides to school, play catch with me, beat up Francis...
- Cosmo: Donate a kidney, drive the getaway car, loan you bail money. (off their looks) I mean hypothetically.
- Timmy: That settles it! I wish I had the perfect big brother! One who'd look out for me, take care of me and always have my best interests at heart!
[Cosmo poofs up popcorn and Wanda poofs up two movie theater chairs.]
- Timmy: What are you doing?
- Cosmo: Getting ready to enjoy the show!
- Wanda: Everybody knows a wish that specific can only lead to disaster!
[Cosmo and Wanda poof with a text, "WALLY CLEAVER POOF!" When the dust clears, a tall, muscular, and perfect Tommy, appears.]
- Tommy: Hey, Sport, I'm Tommy! How's my little brother? Wanna play catch? Need a ride to school? How about bail money?
- Timmy: Awesome!
- Mrs. Turner: (voiceover) Timmy! Time for dinner!
- Tommy: Come on, Champ. Lemme give you a little brotherly advice: You gotta wash up before you chow down!
- Timmy: Okay... brother!
[In the kitchen, Timmy and Tommy are sitting at the table.]
- Mrs. Turner: (confused) I don't remember having another son. How old did you say you were?
- Tommy: Eighteen... Mom.
- Mrs. Turner: That can't be right, because that would make me... OLD!!! (calculates, then screams as she clutches her hair, which is suddenly grayer around the edges.)
- Mr. Turner: (voiceover) Honey, I'm home! (enters, carrying flowers)
- Mrs. Turner: Do you remember Tommy, our son? Our eighteen-year-old son?
- Mr. Turner: (confused) Eighteen? But what's his face is ten! That means you're old! And I've forgotten eight wedding anniversaries! Be right back with more presents!
- Mrs. Turner: Eight more presents? Works for me! Welcome home, son!
[Timmy and Tommy smile at each other. The next day, at school, Timmy and Tommy are on the playground, surrounded by kids, including Tootie, and Chester, A.J., and Sanjay.]