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| Episode | Trivia | Appearances | Gallery | Transcript |
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| The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript | |
| "Odd, Odd West" | |
| Season №: | 3 |
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| Episode №: | 22B |
| Airdate: | November 30, 2002 |
| Transcript List | |
This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents! episode, "Odd, Odd West" from Season 3, which aired on November 30, 2002.
Script[]
[The episode begins with the car driving down the road, dodging tumbleweed as it makes a neigh noise. Timmy, wearing his Squirrely Scout uniform, sits in the passenger seat and hears another neigh sound.]
- Timmy: Dad? Should you whinny while you drive?
- Mr. Turner: Nope! And I probably shouldn't have replaced the steering wheel with horse reins either, but I'm too excited to care!! GIDDYAP! (whips the reins as he honks the car)
[On Cosmo and Wanda, disguised as a fuzzy dice-decoration, hanging from the rearview mirror.]
- Wanda: Your Dad sure is excited about taking you on this Squirrely Scouts field trip!
- Cosmo: I'm so excited I could throw up! Of course, it might be motion sickness...
- Timmy: (reveals a brochure for "Dimmsdale Flats!") He's dragging us to the place he went when he was a Squirrely Scout.
- Wanda: (reads) Dimmsdale Flats!!
- Cosmo: "Dimmsdale's Wild West Heritage..."OH MAN, I'm gonna hurl! (hurls offscreen)
- Mr. Turner: Pay no attention to those barfing dice, son. This is gonna be great! A scouting expedition in the old west! Just me and my son! [In the back of the car, Chester, A.J., Elmer, and Sanjay are crammed.] And all those other kids! We're here!!! Whoa, trusty steed!
[Dad pulls the reins, stopping the car as it screeches to a halt. All kids in seatbelts, instantly slap against their restraints.]
- Kids: WHOULFF!!!
[Later, Mr. Turner parks the car next to "Welcome to Dimmsdale Flats." sign and he runs out of the car.]
- Mr. Turner: (excitedly) The birthplace of Dimmsdale!! Dimmsdale Flats!! Broken, dusty, abandoned and empty! Just like I remember it! (points down the long, dusty street as tumbleweeds roll through) This street right here was home to each and every one of your forefathers!
- Sanjay: I have four fathers?
- Chester: I thought I was lucky to have one!! This is the greatest day of my life!!
- Mr. Turner: (runs up to the "Masked Stranger" sign that resembles Timmy, riding a horse) And this is the legendary masked stranger! Dimmsdale's handsome and enigmatic lone ranger of justice!
[On Timmy, Chester and A.J.]
- Timmy: Wow. This is even more boring than I thought it would be.
- A.J.: Maybe we'll get our "bored to death" badge.
[Timmy and Mr. Turner, with the rest of the scouts following, walk down the dusty road that was Dimmsdale Flat's Main Street. They pass an old library, an old jail, and stop in front of an old saloon.]
- Timmy: This place stinks! If I owned this place, I'd have torn it down and replaced it with a mini-mall by now...
- Mr. Turner: DON'T SAY THAT! They'd never tear down such a cherished childhood memory!
- Timmy: Then how do you explain that line of bulldozers from the "Tearing down your Childhood Memories" construction company?
[The camera trucks out to see a sign: reading "Coming soon - Dimmsdale Acres Mall" A line of bulldozers with the logo for "Tearing Down Your Most Cherished Childhood Memories Construction Co."]
- Mr. Turner: NOOOO!!! (faints in agony)
- A.J.: (blows a whistle) Our Scoutmaster has fallen!
- Sanjay: Squirrely Scouts... First aid!
[A.J., Chester and the gang instantly wrap Dad head to toe in gauze.]
- A.J.: Is that how the manual said to treat emotional pain?
- Sanjay: Nobody reads the manual.
- Doug Dimmadome: (enters) Howdy, partners!
- All Kids: DOUG DIMMADOME!
- Mr. Turner: (muffled) DOUG DIMMADOME?
- Doug Dimmadome: That's right, Doug Dimmadome! Billionaire, real estate tycoon, and destroyer of childhood dreams!
- Timmy: What are you doing here?
- Doug Dimmadome: Well, everybody knows when a deed is lost for 120 years, the land is up for grabs. And I'm gonna grab it, tear it to pieces and build me the world's largest mini-mall!
- Timmy: A Maxi-mini-mall?
- Doug Dimmadome: A Maxi-Mini-mall!
- All Kids: YAY!
- Mr. Turner: (sobbing terribly) Whaaaaa!!!!
- Timmy: (sees his dad in anguish, then to Doug Dimmadome) Not yay!
- Doug Dimmadome: Not yay?
- Timmy: Not yay! My Dad - your Scoutmaster -loves this place! And according to the Squirrely Scouts manual, a Squirrely Scout always stands up for his scoutmaster!!
- Sanjay: Is that in the manual?
- Timmy: Did you read the manual?
- Chester: Nobody reads the manual.
- Timmy: Then it's in the manual! We're gonna stand up for our rights!
- Doug Dimmadome: Well, I've got a great place for you to stand!
[Moments later, a cell door slams shut. Timmy and Mr. Turner are sitting in a jail cell, while the other Squirrely Scouts are jammed into another cell next to them.]
- Timmy: You're throwing us in JAIL?!?
- Doug Dimmadome: Don't think of it as jail. Think of it as a rustic day care center, with big iron bars! Adios! I got me a town to destroy!
[The lights go out. All the kids' eyes blink. A coyote howls. The kids shudder with fear.]
- Timmy: Guys! Relax! These bars don't just keep us in, they keep dangerous stuff out!
- Chester: (offscreen) Hey, why does this Jail Cell have a coyote-shaped, dog door?
- Sanjay: (offscreen) Because fate is cruel!
[A coyote starts attacking them.]
- Kids: AAAA!!!!
- Chester: I'm gonna get my eaten by a coyote badge! My four fathers are gonna be so proud!!
[Later, Mr. Turner, still wrapped in gauze, sobs, as Timmy tries to comfort him.]
- Timmy: It's okay, Dad. We'll figure out a way to save this place and your childhood memories!
[Mr. Turner, bound and gagged in gauze, turns into a corner and cries. Cosmo and Wanda, as rats run into Timmy. Mr. Turner, his back to Timmy, does not see. They hold a whispered conversation.]
- Wanda: You have a plan?
- Timmy: Yeah, but it's pretty complicated (puts out his hand) I wish I had the lost deed!
- Wanda: Timmy, we don't know where the deed is! We're fairies, not psychics.
- Cosmo: I can't even read my own mind. (thinks) Nope. Nuthin'
- Timmy: Well, can you make me a fake deed?
- Wanda: Sorry, Timmy.According to "DA RULES," that'd be falsifying documents.
- Cosmo: What are they gonna do? Throw him in jail? (beat: reading own mind) Still nothin'.
- Timmy: (looks at "Da Rules") Oh, great, YOU read the manual. Fine! I'll find the lost deed myself! I wish we were back in Dimmsdale Flats in the 1880's!
- Wanda: What about the rest of the Squirrely Scouts?
[SFX: Coyote Snarl. Then, louder.]
- Timmy: Aw, I'm sure they'll be fine.
- Chester: (voiceover) Nice puppy puppy...
- All Kids: (voiceover) AHHH!! AHH!!! AHH!!!
[Another coyote attack was heard as Cosmo and Wanda swing their wands and they poof themselves to Dimmsdale Flats in the 1880s. As it stood in the past, the tall, proud, old west and the Painted Saloon plays in the background. Painted.Saloon music plays in the background. POOF! Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda pop in, around the corner from the hut, unseen.]
- Timmy: Cool! I mean, "Tarnation!" We're in the old west! I mean the current west!!
- Wanda: And look!It's Chester and A.J.! Sort of!
[On the street, an ancestor of A.J., stands on a soapbox and behind him, the banner reads reads "THE FANTASTICAL MATHEMATICAL MACHINE!"]
- Ancestor of Chester: What in the name of hoot n' nanny do you call this contraption?
- Ancestor of A.J.: It's an amazing device of my own invention that's a'gonna revolutionize the way you all live.It's called... A home computer. (to horse) HYA!
[The horse starts to gallop. The Vacuum tubes hum and come to life. Several coils generate electricity. We follow it to an old-style typewriter that A.J. has wired.]
- Ancestor of A.J.: It'll do your homework, keep track of your stock portfolio and make your lives easier!
- Ancestor of Sanjay: How does one operate this marvelous device?
- Ancestor of A.J.: (pulls out a massive manual) All you have to do is read the manual!
- Ancestor of Chester: A manual?!?Readin's for lilly-livered, diaper-chomping yellow-bellies! Let's go over there and not read like real men!
[The kids start to walk away.]
- Vicky the Kid: (offscreen) AND STAY OUT!!!
[On the Saloon door, an ancestor of Elmer, goes flying through the doors and lands in the street.]
- Ancestor of Elmer: OOF!
[CUT TO: EXT. - AROUND THE CORNER FROM THE SALOON - SAME TIME ON TIMMY, COSMO AND WANDA]
- Timmy: That voice! It can't be!
[POOF! Cosmo and Wanda become barrels as Timmy peers out from behind them to see Vicky the Kid exiting the entrance to the saloon.]
- Vicky the Kid: Reach for the sky, Twerps! [They all do.] Now, touch your toes! [They all do.] Ha. I Never get tired of that. I plum reckon.
- All Ancestors of Kids: Head for the hills! It's Vicky The Kid!
[All the kids scatter. Both ancestors of A.J. and Chester run and hide behind the Cosmo and Wanda barrels with Timmy.]
- Timmy: Vicky the kid?