|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|"Nectar of the Odds"|
|Airdate:||September 13, 2002|
TIMMY'S LIVING ROOM
CLOSE ON A TV SCREEN
THREE ACTORS in cheesy plastic Alien CLUTCHULAC SUITS (see "Spaced Out") menace
a solitary shivering HUMAN.
TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.) The Evil Clutchulacs have invaded Earth. Who can stop them?
CHORUS: Crash Nebula! Crash Nebula!
A GUY in a big, cheesy plastic CRASH NEBULA SUITskates in. The lights come up and it's a whole ice Capades style show, complete with skating aliens, rockets, planets, etc.
CHORUS: On Ice!
TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.) That's right! This weekend, one night only at the Dimmsdale Dimm-a-Dome! REVEAL TIMMY, CHESTER AND AJ, watching TV. Camera pushes in on them as the announcer talks... This is important information they're absorbing.
TIMMY: This weekend?
CHESTER: One night only?
TV ANNOUNCER (V.O.): It's a once in a lifetime, skating spectacular!
AJ OH MY GOSH!
TV ANNOUNCER: It's...
TIMMY / CHESTER / AJ: CRASH NEBULA ON ICE!
AJ: We should order our tickets RIGHT NOW!!!
Timmy picks up the PHONE and starts dialing.
TIMMY: Guys, I'm on it. Consider it handled.
TV ANNOUNCER: Yes...there are thousands of tickets left for Crash Nebula on Ice!!
TIMMY: See? No problem!!
Chester and AJ head for the DOOR.
CHESTER: We believe you! Later, Timmy!
AJ: Get the tickets or we'll hate you forever!!!
The guys leave. Timmy hears the announcer again.
TV ANNOUNCER: This just in...I lied. The actual number of tickets left is three.
Timmy grabs the PHONE and starts dialing frantically. COSMO AND WANDA pop in next to him.
WANDA: Hey, Timmy! Whatcha doing?
SFX: Busy signal. Timmy hangs up.
COSMO: He's playing the dial and hang up game
TIMMY: Can't talk! Must dial!
SFX: Busy signal. Timmy pushes down on the receiver and dials again.
Cosmo is intrigued.
COSMO: And hang up! I wanna play!
SFX: Busy signal. Timmy hangs up and dials again. Cosmo is transfixed.
TIMMY: I told the guys I'd get tickets to Crash Nebula on Ice!
WANDA: The once in a life time, skating spectacular?
TIMMY: I've gotta get through!
SFX: It rings once.
WOMAN ANSWERS PHONE: Dimmsdale Dimm-a-dome!
COSMO: (re: The phone) And hang up!
Cosmo hangs up the phone.
Timmy dials again... Only to get a busy signal. He repeats dialing and hanging up over and over again.
COSMO:...dial... and hang up... Dial..
THE NEXT MORNING
Timmy, exhausted, his dialing finger broken, bent and bruised, continues
(albeit slowly) to dial through. It's busy, still.
COSMO: And hang up. (beat) It never gets boring!
DISSOLVE TO: EST. EXT.SCHOOL - LATER THAT DAY
DISSOLVE TO: INT. BOY'S BATHROOM
The place is dimly lit and ominous. Timmy is with Chester and AJ, who are pissed off. They approach a TOILET.
CHESTER: I can't believe you didn't get us tickets, Timmy!
AJ: We're gonna hate you forever.
TIMMY:(cocky) Don't worry, guys. There are plenty of tickets left! You just gotta know who to ask!
Timmy flushes the toilet. FRANCIS pops up from the bowl.
FRANCIS: Francis' Toilet of Tickets. How may I help you?
TIMMY: Three of your best seats for Crash Nebula On Ice?
FRANCIS: Fifteen hundred dollars.
TIMMY: Uh, meant three of your worst seats
FRANCIS: Fifteen hundred dollars.
TIMMY: What? But that's like...(Pause. He doesn't know.)
AJ: Five hundred bucks a seat.
TIMMY / CHESTER: I knew that./ Right.
TIMMY: We don't have that kind of money!
Francis shoves Timmy into Chester and AJ, knocking them over like bowling pins.
FRANCIS: That's for free.
Francis hits the flush handle again and swirls back down the toilet.
FRANCIS: Have a nice ticket-free day.
CHESTER: WE CAN'T MISS THAT SHOW! The announcer who lied said it's a skating spectacular!
TIMMY: Dude, relax. I will get us those tickets.
AJ: Oh really? Are you going to make three tickets appear by magic?
TIMMY:(smacks head) Duh!
INT. - TIMMY'S ROOM - LATER
Timmy stands next to Wanda. Cosmo still dials and hangs up.SFX: The line is busy
TIMMY: What do you mean I can't just make three tickets appear like magic?
"DA RULES" appear.
WANDA: Timmy, it's sold out! If we gave you three of the tickets, it means we'd be taking them away from somebody else who already has them!! (off Timmy's "I don't care" glare) And that would be stealing. (off his glare) Which is bad.
TIMMY Well, can't you just make three extra theater seats??
WANDA: That would violate the fire code!
TIMMY: I have to buy those tickets from Francis! I wish I had 1500 dollars.
WANDA: That's counterfeiting. (off glare)Which is bad.
TIMMY: Darn it!I'll have to do it the old fashioned way...
WANDA: Bad. How do most ten year olds make money?
TIMMY A lemonade stand... Which is BAD! There is no chance you would ever catch me doing anything as dorky as selling any stupid old - - THE NEXT DAY Timmy sits in front of a hastily created LEMONADE STAND that reads "LEMONADE 25 Cents."Cosmo and Wanda sit atop the sign as BIRDS. VARIOUS people walk by his stand, ignoring him.
TIMMY: Lemonade! 25 Cents! Lemonade 25 cents... Lemonade...
Finally, MOM walks by. She spots Timmy's glum expression and stops.
MOM: How's the lemonade business, Timmy?
TIMMY: Terrible. Nobody's buying any. I spent five to ten minutes making this stuff.
MOM: Well, I wouldn't want your self-esteem to be crushed.I'll be your first customer!
Mom plunks down a QUARTER and takes a sip. She turns GREEN... And does a massive spit take.
MOM: And your last!! This stuff you made yourself is horrible!! (takes quarter) Give me that back!
She walks down the street, stopping at a COMPETING LEMONADE STAND manned by VICKY.
VICKY: Hello, Mrs. Turner! Would you like to try some of Grandma Vicky's old style country lemonade?}
MOM: Sure! Anything to wash the taste of my son's foul lemonade out of my mouth! Vicky leans down... Vicky opens a TRAP DOOR in the ground where THREE KIDS are making lemonade. They look up and squint.
KID #1 The light...It burns!
KID #2 Have you come to rescue us?
Vicky grabs a GLASS OF LEMONADE and hands Mrs.Turner the glass.
VICKY: Here you go, Mrs. Turner!
Mom takes a sip. It's delicious!
MOM: Mmmm! It's delicious!! It's so much more tasty than that rank bile Timmy made!! More please!
ON TIMMY - who looks up to Cosmo and Wanda.
TIMMY: It's supposed to taste good, too?
COSMO: Capitalism can such be a cruel mistress. (off Wanda's glare) Not that I have one.
Wanda glares. Cosmo pulls out a PHONE.
COSMO: Let's play the dial and hang-up game!!!
THE TURNER KITCHEN - LATER
The place is a mess. Timmy has been trying various lemonade formulas.
Cosmo and Wanda hover nearby. Timmy mixes a batch.
TIMMY: Finally, I think I've found the secret ingredient that will make my lemonade so tasty, I'm sure to make fifteen hundred bucks
Timmy takes a sip. He spits it out - right onto Cosmo. Who spits it right back out.
TIMMY: Okay, cheese is not the secret ingredient.
QUICK CUTS OF TIMMY SPITTING OUT BAD LEMONADE
TIMMY: Taco sauce. (spits) Peas. (spits) Gravy. (spits) Chocolate laxative.
Timmy spits it out.
TIMMY: Darn it, I'm running out of ingredients! (the laxative hits)EEEP! Bathroom!!!
Timmy bolts into the bathroom.
WANDA: Well, you're not gonna find it in there! (to Cosmo)I don't understand why he doesn't just wish for sweeter lemonade?
COSMO: I can do that!
Cosmo takes off his SOCKS and dips them in Timmy's glass. It sparkles with magic.
WANDA: I said sweeter, not sweatier!
COSMO: Really? I thought you said "Dunk your sweaty socks in Timmy's lemonade!"
Timmy's hand reaches into frame and grabs the glass.
COSMO AND WANDA: Uh... Timmy..
Timmy sips it. It's great.
TIMMY: Mmmm! Hey! This is great! I wish I had a pitcher of this!!
Cosmo and Wanda each gesture to grant the wish, but before they can...<ZING!> A PITCHER appears. Cosmo and Wanda look at each other quizzically. They didn't do that. Cosmo shrugs and dips his socks in.
COSMO: The secret ingredient is feet!
Wanda looks nervously at the glass of Lemonade as we...
LEMONADE STAND - LATER
AJ and Chester each hold GLASSES of Lemonade. They taste the new formula.
Cosmo and Wanda watch as BIRDS.
TIMMY: So? What do you think?
AJ: Stupendous. (To Chester) That means great.
CHESTER: Duh. Show off. Sometimes I wish I was as smart as you think you are.
AJ turns his back to the boys to pour himself a cup as Chester's lemonade glass GLOWS. MAGIC circles around Chester's head. Chester's forehead swells up. He's extremely brilliant. He fashions a time-travel BELT from GRASS, a PAPER CLIP and GUM. He hits the button and starts to fade away.
CHESTER: I've just invented the time-travel belt!! If all goes well, I'll see you guys in the future!
Chester fades away and drops his cup. Timmy picks it up and looks at it quizzically.
TIMMY: Wow! He's smart and gone. (re: the cup) How'd that happen?
AJ turns around and takes a sip.
AJ: Who cares? This lemonade is so great I wish everybody knew about it!
Magic sparkles surround AJ. BANG! A VAN with a FLAT TIRE pulls to a stop right in front of the stand. Exhaust FUMES waft throughout the scene. The diminutive CHET UBETCHA jumps out of what we can now see is a TV NEWS VAN.
CHET UBETCHA:I'm Chet UBetcha saying We'll never get back to the studio in time.
Chet whips a out a TINY PLASTIC NEWS DESK.
CHET UBETCHA: This is Chet UBetcha saying: I'll do the news right from here.
A CAMERAMAN points to Chet.
CHET UBETCHA:Good afternoon Dimmsdale, I'm Chet UBetcha. A raging forest fire (cough, cough) - hang on a moment - (sips lemonade) This just in - Fire Shmire! This is the greatest lemonade ever!
VICKY'S LEMONADE STAND
She watches on a small TV as a CUSTOMER waits to be served.
CHET UBETCHA (ON TV)
Everyone within the sound of my voice has really got to taste this astounding lemonade made by Dimmsdale's own, Timmy Turner.
MAGIC SPARKLES surround Vicky's customers. They all bolt.
.TIMMY' LEMONADE STAND - DAY
Timmy and AJ are swamped with customers.A CUSTOMER drains his glass.
CUSTOMER: I wish I had more
(His glass refills itself)
CUSTOMER: Now, that's service!
TIMMY: So, how are we doing?
AJ: We're going to see Crash Nebula! We're going to see Crash Nebula!
Timmy looks at a massive PILE OF MONEY.
TIMMY:Dude, at this rate, we're gonna OWN Crash Nebula. You man the fort, I'm gonna get some more sweaty socks formy lemonade.
TIMMY: I mean make six more sweaty pitchers of...Look, a monkey!
AJ wheels around.
Timmy runs OS.
VICKY'S LEMONADE STAND
The price is now "One cent or best offer." A TUMBLEWEED blows across the screen. A LITTLE OLD LADY customer walks up.
LITTLE OLD LADY: Excuse me?
VICKY: (perking up) Yes?
LITTLE OLD LADY: Do you know where that other kid's stand is?With the good lemonade?
VICKY: That's it! Turner is going down!
The old lady exits. Vicky stomps off. A second later a head pops out of the trap door and looks around. Two of the kids run like hell.
KIDS: We're free! FREE!!!!
One last kid comes out of the stand. He holds his eyes from the light of the sun.
KID #3: Free! (beat) My eyes... can't see...
He trips and falls. The other two kids instantly return.
KID #3: Go on without me! KIDS OKAY!
They leave. Jeremy falls back into the hole.
KID #3: AAA!
Timmy opens the GARAGE DOOR. The LIGHT from outside hits Cosmo's face.
COSMO:My eyes! They burn! And they're green!
We see that Timmy has transformed the garage into a LEMONADE FACTORY. A BIG MACHINE smooshes LEMONS into a pitcher. They go down the CONVEYER to a SUGAR STATION then WATER is added. At the end, COSMO'S SOCKS get dipped into the pitcher. The pitcher barely sparkles. He dips them in a second pitcher. No sparkle at all.
TIMMY: Uh-oh. Your socks have lost that magical stink.
ON a clearly exhausted Cosmo, holding WEIGHTS and sitting on a STATIONARY BIKE.
WANDA: And that's bad, how?
Timmy pops his head into Scene. He claps twice...
TIMMY: Less talkie! More sweatie!
And Cosmo puts on TWO MORE SOCKS and starts pedaling like mad and lifting the weights. He starts sweating... And the socks start getting those little "stink" lines.
COSMO: I have dreams too, you know!
TIMMY (to Wanda) We should leave him to his work.
POOF! Wanda turns into your garden variety HOUSE CAT as she and Timmy exit. The camera follows them as they walk and talk. They pass a massive LINE OF PEOPLE, who are holding and drinking their lemonade.
TIMMY: Man, this was a great idea!I can't believe how fast we're making money!
Behind Timmy, a MAN, next to A BEATEN UP CAR, takes a sip of lemonade... And POOF! He's suddenly dressed like a VERY RICH GUY standing next to a FANCY ITALIAN SPORTS CAR.
WANDA: Yeah, but I can't help but think Cosmo's magic sweat might cause some sort of weird side effect!
TIMMY:I'm sure it's no big deal.
Timmy walks up to the stand where AJ is selling a glass to a LITTLE BOY who finishes his lemonade.
LITTLE KID:I wish my dog was here! He used to love lemonade.
A THREE LEGGED DOG runs up to him. He hugs it.
LITTLE KID: Speedy!
He lets the dog lap up some lemonade. As they walk away, the dog sees Wanda, as a cat, barks and POOF! It regrows its FOURTH LEG.
LITTLE KID: It's a miracle!
TIMMY: Did you see that? Cosmo's sweat made my lemonade magic!
TIMMY: What do you mean, bad? Anything that drinks Cosmo's sweat gets its wish granted! What's bad about that?
Speedy chases the Wanda cat around the corner of the house
TIMMY: I mean, besides that?
Dad and Mom stand on the lawn, each holding glasses of lemonade. Dad takes a great big sip.
TIMMY: Dad! No! Put that down!
DAD: Are you mad? It's tangy and refreshing!
Dad gestures at an OFFICE BUILDING in the distance.
DAD:Man, this is good! If only there was some way I wouldn't have to go back to work, I'd stay here all day and drink this lemon-icious concoction!
Suddenly, a gigantic Godzilla - sized LIZARD appears and eats the building whole.
DAD:Hey! That's my office! Cool!I'm unemployed! Which means we're broke! Come on, Honey, let's go frolic in impoverished denial!
Mom takes a sip and POOF! Dad becomes a shirtless FABIO.
On Timmy - who notices this.
TIMMY: Wow. My dad's ripped!
Timmy looks out and sees - a giant lizard stomping around, various space ships POOFING into the sky... buildings changing into flowers, the sun becoming the moon and becoming the sun again. Policemen turn into clowns... Etc.
TIMMY: Okay, Wanda was right. This is bad.
Wanda! I Need...
Wanda runs past, barely ahead of Speedy.
WANDA (panting as she runs) Little busy right now!
TIMMY: Oh man! Gotta find Cosmo...
Timmy runs in... Cosmo is exhausted, on the floor.
COSMO: Only... Enough body fluids to make one more glass...
TIMMY I wish all the lemonade I made was gone! You hear me? Gone!
COSMO: (too tired to do anything) Sleepy. Tired. Stinky.
The world is in chaos! MONSTERS walk the Earth. A giant BABY, holding a lemonade glass crawls through the scene. SUPER HEROES, carrying lemonade, fly through the scene.Suddenly CHET UBETCHA grows to 50 feet holding his lemonade.
CHET UBETCHA: This is Chet UBetcha saying "I'm the tallest newscaster alive!"
The Dog, now wearing a JET PACK, flies through the scene, chasing the Wanda cat.
TIMMY: Oh my gosh! Everybody's wishes are coming true! What am I gonna do?
Timmy sees one glass of Cosmofied lemonade on the table.
TIMMY: I'm gonna fight lemonade, with lemonade.
Timmy dramatically grabs the cup, just as the giant lizard rips open the top of
Timmy takes a sip.POOF! The lizard pops down to the size of an iguana and lands on the cup.The lizard takes a sip from the cup. POOF!It's gigantic again!
Timmy takes another sip.POOF!The lizard turns back into an iguana...
Wearing a MUZZLE.
TIMMY: Gotta watch that.
TIMMY'S FRONT YARD
Timmy wades through the crowd, sipping and wishing.SIP!
TIMMY: I wish that was gone!
A monster disappears. SIP!The flying saucers vanish.
TIMMY: I wish they were back on their planet!
An OFFICER walks by, carrying Francis in cuffs.
OFFICER: You know scalping's illegal. Those tickets belong to the world.
SIP! Chet shrinks down to size.
CHET UBETCHA: I'm Chet UBetcha and I am shrinking.
TIMMY: I'm running out of lemonade!Just enough for one last wish... that everything was back to normal and nobody remembered any of this!
SIP!BIG POOF! Everything is finally back to normal.AJ walks up, carrying a massive STACK OF CASH.
AJ: Timmy! I don't know how I got it, but look! A big stack of cash!
TIMMYMore than enough for our tickets!Cool! And by this time tomorrow, we'll be ringside at Crash Nebula!
AJ: On Ice!
They hi-five and AJ leaves. Timmy, holding the stack of cash, smiles.
TIMMY: Hmmm. There's a little sip left. All's well that ends well.
A HAND snatches the lemonade.
VICKY: There you are, Twerp! Let's have a sip of this stuff that everybody says is so great!
TIMMY: Vicky, no!
SIP! The money POOFS out of Timmy's hand and into Vicky's.
VICKY: What a coincidence! I was just thinking about this! See ya, Twerp!
Timmy hangs his head as we...
TIMMY'S ROOM - LATE
A still depressed Timmy sits as Cosmo is back to playing the "Dial and Hang up" game. He dials...
SFX: It's busy.
COSMO: And hang up! Wee!!!
WANDA: Cheer up, Sweetie!I'm sure Chester and AJ will understand!
TIMMY: What?That I lost the money for the tickets and now we can't go to Crash Nebula?
SFX: It's busy.
COSMO: And hang up! Wee!
SFX: RING RING!
WOMAN ANSWERS PHONE: Dimmsdale Dimm-a-dome!
COSMO: A person! Darn it!
Timmy grabs the phone.
TIMMY: GIVE ME THAT!!! (into phone) Uh... is there any chance you had three scalped tickets returned for Crash Nebula on Ice?
WOMAN ANSWERS PHONE: As a matter of fact, yes! And Because they smell like a toilet, we've reduced the price to $20!
TIMMY: YES! Thank you, Karma!
Cosmo reaches for the phone...
COSMO: And hang up!
POOF! Wanda covers Cosmo's hand with an OVEN MITT. He can't pick up the phone.
DIMM-A-DOME - THE NEXT NIGHT
PUSH IN ON a cheering stadium.
DIMM-A-DOME TICKET - SAME TIME
The spectacular is happening. Timmy and AJ are in the front row.
CHORUS: Crash Nebula! On Ice! Crash Nebula!
ON TIMMY, AND AJ
AJ: Way to go, Timmy!
TIMMY:(to Cosmo and Wanda) Man! After going through all that, I actually got the tickets the right way.
Chester blinks in next to them, with his still gigantic head.
CHESTER: I've come from the future to warn you all that...
TIMMY: Uh... Guys?
Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands and POOF! Chester's head deflates to normal size...
CHESTER:...warn you all... that... That... Hey! That's Crash Nebula!
EVERYBODY: ON ICE!