Movie Magic/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Movie Magic" from Season 3, which aired on January 27, 2003.

Script[]

(Scene: The kids are entering the school bus. Timmy, Chester and A.J. are the last ones to enter, until...)

Bus Driver: (on the microphone) Announcing the arrival of Trixie Tang. Passengers, prepare for submission.

(Trixie enters the bus with hair in front of her face. She does a hair flip and opens her eyes. Timmy, Chester and A.J. look at her with smiles, with Timmy having pulsating hearts for eyes. Trixie then starts walking towards the back of the bus as the kids bow down to her.)

Kids: We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
Timmy: Hi, Trixie, I...
Trixie: Not worthy.

(Scene: Timmy has set himself up a "Talk to Timmy Turner Free!" stand. He freshens up his mouth and sees Trixie with a book walking up to the stand.)

Timmy: Hi, Trixie! Wanna talk... (Trixie walks away) ...to me?
Trixie: Still not worthy.

(Scene: Timmy, Chester and A.J. are sitting on a bench in the Dimmsdale Park with chili dogs. Timmy glares at Trixie and Veronica passing by the bench.)

Timmy: Hi, Trixie. Right day to be at the park, huh? (Trixie and Veronica don't respond to Timmy and keep walking) Darn it! (Chester grabs Timmy's chili dog and munches on it) There's gotta be a way to get Trixie to notice me. (Chester and A.J. raise their hands) Other than humiliating myself... (Chester and A.J. put their hands down)

(Cut to the Dimmadance Film Festival)

Chet Ubetcha: Hello, Dimmsdale, I'm here with award-winning actor and filmmaker, Sylvester Calzone, here for the annual Dimmadance Film Festival!
Sylvester Calzone: Thanks, Chet. (his upper suit rips open, revealing his chest. He quickly runs off-screen and comes back with the suit on) As you may or may not be aware, Dimmadance is where I punched down my first film critic. I got my big break by winning this: (shows a Dimmy statue, which is depicted as showing a golden woman holding a golden film with a podium that says "DIMMY" on it) the much-sought-after Dimmy award.
Crowd: Oooh!
Sylvester Calzone: It would legitimize me as a filmmaker and a critic puncher. (punches Chet Ubetcha off-screen)
Trixie: Oh my gosh, I totally love award-winning filmmakers and critic punchers!
Timmy: So, Trixie likes pretty punching filmmakers, eh? Guys, we're gonna make a movie!

(Scene: Outside view of Timmy's house, fade to inside when Timmy walks up to his father reading a newspaper saying "Dimmsdale Film Festival" on the front)

Timmy: Mom, dad, can I borrow your video camera?
Mr. Turner: No way, son! We're making a documentary called Stupid Questions Our Son Asks Us!

(Timmy's mom films Timmy. Cut to a view from the camera)

Timmy: (confused) Why would you want to make a movie like that?
Mrs. Turner: Oh, that's a great stupid question! (Timmy looks annoyed)
Mr. Turner: Yes! Ask some more! We're getting Dimmy-award-winning gold here! And Trixie will totally talk to us!

(Cut to Timmy's bedroom)

Wanda: Why don't you let us help make your movie, Timmy?
Timmy: It's a film competition. Da Rules say you can't help me win a competition!

(Da Rules poof up in front of Cosmo and Wanda)

Wanda: Nothing says we can't be your film equipment.
Cosmo: And then you can make your own cruddy film.

(Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands; ACTION! Cosmo and Wanda transform into a tape recorder with a mic and a film camera, respectively)

Timmy: Awesome! And together we'll make an awesome Dimmy-winning movie and Trixie'll totally go mental!
Cosmo and Wanda: (in unison) And...action!

(Transition: Film clapperboard that says "Timmy's Movie" and "Take #1". Fade to in front of Timmy's treehouse at evening. A few kids are seen standing in front of a sign that says...)

Veronica: (reading) Timmy Turner presents a sneak preview of the Greatest Movie Ever?
Trixie: Wow, just the fact that he might win a Dimmy makes me totally consider noticing him!

(Fade to inside of Timmy's treehouse. Wanda is shown as the film screen. Timmy walks up on stage)

Timmy: Trixie Tang... (the audience shows Trixie, Veronica, A.J., Chester, Elmer and Sanjay) and other kids I'm not trying to impress, I'm filmmaker Timmy Turner, and I present to you (jumps) the greatest movie ever made!

(Brief pause with crickets; Timmy lands and sits next to Trixie, staring at her. The lights dim. Cosmo as the film camera starts showing the film.) (The film counts down from 3 to 1; The Greatest Movie Ever!! begins with a stage hand, most likely Timmy, holding the title. Cue Sanjay and Elmer dressed as dinosaurs standing in a sandbox with a drawn volcano as the backdrop. They screech and attack each other until Doidle bites Sanjay's tail and drags him off)

Sanjay: (in tears) Oh, I am good! (he and Elmer smile at each other)

(The film cuts to two wooden swords in front of a drawn Gladiator-esque Coliseum backdrop. Sanjay and Elmer are shown poorly dressed as warriors holding wooden swords)

Elmer: We, who are about to die, salute you. (hits himself with the sword) Ow, my chest!
Sanjay: Don't be such a baby! (hits himself with the sword too) Ow, my chest!
A.J.: (sitting on a wooden chair with a drink, points with a plunger) Release the vicious man-eating lion!

(Cut to a cardboard box, where Chester busts open from it with hair done like a lion, a black nose and some whiskers. He roars, making Sanjay and Elmer scream and run away. Chester jumps in front of the backdrop and dances off-screen) (Fade to Timmy wearing a helmet inside a car, steering left and right as the car shakes. He presses something)

A.J.: (voice-over) You turned off your targeting computer. Something wrong?
Timmy: (on film) Yeah, (pan out to reveal that Chester and A.J. are jumping on Timmy's dad's car and Sanjay is pushing it as Timmy's dad angrily glares at Timmy) my dad's not happy about my friends jumping on the car.
Mr. Turner: (pulls out a video camera) More gold!

(a stage hand holds a "THE END" card as the film ends)

A.J.: It was a masterpiece!
Elmer: Yeah, and we did it all ourselves! I didn't even use a stunt boil!
Sanjay: It was most awesome!

(Timmy is surprised to find out that everyone but him, A.J., Chester, Elmer and Sanjay left the treehouse. A tumbleweed rolls around)

Cosmo: Your friends really seemed to like it.
Timmy: Well, duh, they were in it. But what did Trixie think? (notices a note left by Trixie for him and reads it) "You stink! Attached is a photo of my hand. Please talk to it!"

(The note is shown with the written message and a photo of Trixie's hand giving a thumbs down alongside a signature of her name)

Cosmo: I'm gonna say that's a thumbs down.
Wanda: Aw, Timmy... cheer up! You still got a chance!
Cosmo: Wow, she’s a tough critic. Are you gonna punch her?

SFX: <<THUNK!>>

Timmy: Tad and Chad present Hamlet? With Arnold Schwartzengerman?!? Trixie might have hated my film, but if Tad and Chad’s film stinks more than mine, I’ll still have a chance to win a Dimmie!
Arnold: To be...or not to be...
Arnold: ANNIHILATED!!!!

SFX: <<GUNFIRE>>

Arnold: YORICK!!! I'LL BE BACK!! WITH WEAPONS!!
Timmy: Wow... They must have hated it!
Crowd: YAAAYYYY!!!!
Timmy: They can't possibly cheer forever.
Crowd: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY!
Timmy: Well, I still have a chance to beat them in the competition, right?
Mr. Turner: Suh-weet! Did you get that? Tell me you got that!
Timmy: Tad and Chad's film kicks my film's butt! I've gotta make a better film!
Cosmo: What part of "magic," "fairy" and "godparents" are you not getting here?
Timmy: But... it's a competition!
Wanda: True, but if you just happened to go where cool action stuff was happening...
Timmy: And I brought my film equipment with me and just happened to catch something on film...
Cosmo: And if I just happened to tear this page out of the rule book that says we can’t help you…
Timmy: Then *I* would have shot a Dimmy-winning film! Come on! Let's make the greatest movie ever... FOR REAL!
Timmy: Wow, actual dinosaurs actually fighting! This is way cool!
Wanda: And there’s the comet that wipes them all out!
Cosmo: Uh, if the comet didn’t kill the dinosaurs, what did?
Timmy: How about…Sylvester Calzone?
Sylvester: Hey, species, I’m the extinction! AAAAHHH!

SFX: <<CHEERING>>

Gladiator: We who are about to die salute you! Wait, we’re about to die? Wait! Stop! Stop!
Cosmo: Hey, pretty exciting filmmaking, huh Timmy?
Timmy: Yeah... But it would be even more exciting if it had a Dimmy-winning celebrity like, like... Sylvester Calzone!
Sylvester: Hey! This isn't one of my three palatial estates that only a Dimmy-winning filmmaker could afford! And these aren't my pajamas! They still have sleeves!
Sylvester: That's more like it!
Emperor: Release the vicious, man-eating lion!
Sylvester: That I can punch!!
Sylvester: Ugh! Agh! Oof!
Z-Wing Pilot: Red leader! Red leader! I'm starting my attack run on the Death Ball!
Technician: You've turned off your targeting computer! Is something wrong?
Z-Wing Pilot: Yeah, there's a kid in here!
Timmy: Don’t look at the camera! Can I get a professional in here?
Sylvester: Hey! This isn't my incredibly sleek and stylish Italian sports car!! This is much roomier!

SFX: <<EXPLOSION>>

Timmy: Well, guys? Is that gonna kick Tad and Chad's movie or what?
Chester: But... you replaced me! With an actor with better teeth!
A.J.: And more hair.
Sanjay: And a well-oiled chest. What? Am I the only one who noticed? This is an outrage!!
Timmy: Yeah, but it’s better right?
A.J., Chester, Sanjay, and Elmer: (murmuring in agreement) Guess so. Yeah. Right?
Timmy: I mean, come on, guys, the first version stunk! Besides, we can be Trixie impressing, award-winning critic-punching winners with this!
Chester: Don't you mean YOU can?
Timmy: Um... Duh?
Timmy: Wow, they really seemed upset.
Wanda: Well, Timmy, they were proud of it and you cut them out of the film!
Cosmo: Just like a sleazy, Hollywood dirt ball! Congratulations, Timmy! You're finally a filmmaker!
Chet Ubetcha: Good evening, Dimmsdale. I'm Chet Ubetcha here at the Dimmadance Film Festival...!
Chet Ubetcha: And with only one award left, let's take a look at the last contestant!
A.J., Chester, Sanjay, and Elmer: (gasp with shock)
A.J.: Great scott, that's us!
Chester: You used the cruddy version we did!
Timmy: Well, I figured I could show a star-studded movie with amazing sound, color and music...
Timmy: But I'd rather show a cruddy, home-made movie with my pals!
Crowd: (roar of laughter)
Timmy: They're laughing? They're not supposed to be laughing! (to self) Well, this'll stop soon enough...
Crowd: (roar of laughter)
Timmy: WHY WON'T THEY STOP LAUGHING?!?
Sylvester: Not be a critic… but your film stunk!
Timmy: What are you, some kind of critic?
Sylvester: Kid’s got a point.

SFX: <<CRASH>>

Timmy: Oh, man, there goes the Dimmy.
Chet Ubetcha: And the Dimmy goes to… Timmy Turner! For best comedy!
Wanda: You won! Which is weird, because you weren't even entered in that category!
Cosmo: You were so bad, you were good!

SFX: <<PUNCHES>>

Sylvester: Huh! Come on, is that the best I got? Ow! Doh! You call that a punch?
A.J.: Timmy, you did it! You're an award-winning filmmaker!
Timmy: Yeah, but I couldn't have done it without you guys. I’ll never desert my friends again. Now excuse me while I desert you to talk to Trixie.
Timmy: Hi, Trixie! I'm a filmmaker! An award winning filmmaker! (beat: nothing) Want to see my award? That I got for my film? That won? Here? (to Chester and AJ) I don't understand! Why isn't she talking to me?
Trixie: Because - anonymous voice from nobody - you won for "comedy!" And everybody knows that "comedy" is the lowest form of entertainment! Next to animation!
Tad: Besides, we're still rich! We were only did this because we were bored!
Chad: Yeah! Come on, let's go be rock stars now!
Trixie: Oh my gosh! I just realized! I'm totally in love with Rock stars!
Timmy: (sighs)Ya think I'd have a shot if I was a rock star?
Mr. Turner: GOLD! We're already filming our sequel! Stupid questions our son asks other people!

SFX: <<PUNCH>>

Sylvester: Ooh, doh! Come on, is that the best I got? Ooh! Doh! What are you, a pansy?