|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|Airdate:||October 3, 2005|
Wanda: Timmy, why so thirsty?
Timmy: I've been training to win the big burp-off next week. So I got Cosmo to poof me up some fizzy juice!
Cosmo: All the nutrition of juice, and all the fun of fizz!
[After downing the drink in a matter of seconds, Timmy loudly burps at the empty bottle, making it magically grow wings and fly offscreen.]
Wanda: Cosmo, where is the fizz coming from?
Cosmo: Where it usually does--your cooking! [farts]
[All of a sudden, the front door is heard opening, making Cosmo and Wanda transform into bottle of fizzy juice to disguise themselves. Mrs. Turner enters the scene, holding several "FOR SALE not sold" signs.]
Mrs. Turner: Siggh... [grabs the transformed Cosmo fizzy drink and takes a swig, burping loudly after that and turning her hair into a bundle of fruits and then back]
Cosmo: Hehehe! That tickles!
Wanda: [to Timmy] Y'know, Timmy, when your mom sighs like that, it's because something is wrong. [farts]
Cosmo: Or it's because she knows a hunky bottle of soda when she sees one!
Timmy: Well, as long as there's food and fun for me in the house then it really doesn't concern me.
Wanda: [poofs her face into Timmy's face, giving her Timmy's voice] Gee, mom, you seem upset. What's wrong? Anything I can help with?
Mrs. Turner: Ugh, I haven't sold a house in months. I've lost my magic sales touch I guess. And not even this giggling bottle of fizzy juice could cheer me up. [holds up the transformed Cosmo fizzy juice]
Cosmo: Aww, but I'm so sweet and rather unhealthy!
Wanda: [in Timmy's voice] Hey! Maybe I, your loving son Timmy, could do something to get your magic sales touch back and make you happy.
Mrs. Turner: Oh, I wish.
[Timmy motions to Cosmo and Wanda to grant the wish, and they promptly raise their wands to do so. All of a sudden, Mrs. Turner rises from her depression.]
Mrs. Turner: Why am I moping? If I get back out there, I bet I could sell anything. [runs off with her signs]
Timmy: [burps at the salt and pepper shakers, making them magically come to life and dance] I am such a giver. [salt and pepper shakers fall off the table]
Cosmo: Ah! Pippy! Sully! [to Wanda] What? Are you too good to talk to the condiments?
[Cut to Mrs. Turner at a new house, placing a "For Sale" sign in front of it.]
Mrs. Turner: And now to put my new-found confidence to the test. Sir? [taps a nearby farmer]
Farmer: I'll buy it!
[Cut to montage of Mrs. Turner selling a mansion, the Taj Mahal, the White House, and many other houses. Cut back to the living room of the Turners' house. Mr. Turner is sitting on the couch reading a newspaper, and Timmy is sitting next to him, still drinking bottles of fizzy juice. Mrs. Turner then enters through the front door.]
Mrs. Turner: I got my magic sales touch back!
[Mr. Turner pays no attention to her, so Wanda poofs her face into Mr. Turner's face, giving her his voice.]
Wanda: [in Mr. Turner's voice] Gee, honey, how was your day?
Mrs. Turner: I sold thirty-seven houses today, including ours!
[Out of shock, Timmy spits out the soda he was drinking.]
Mr. Turner: You sold our house?! You can't do that! I just planted a new marbleberry tree--and it's in bloom!
[Cut to outside in front of the Turners' residence. The berries on the marbleberry tree form the words "I Hate Dinkleberg." All of a sudden, Dinkleberg appears.]
Dinkleberg: Say, nice marbleberry tree, Turner!
[Cut back inside the Turners' house.]
Mr. Turner: Where will we live, woman? WHERE?!?
Mrs. Turner: I did so well, we can now afford to live here! [holds up a flyer for Dimmadome Acres]
Mr. Turner: On a piece of paper? Are you mad, woman?!
Mrs. Turner: No, here! In beautiful, new, exclusive Dimmadome Acres! [holds up flyer that says "Dimmadome Acre$: Where everyone is just like you!"]
Mr. Turner: Let me see that. Ooh! They have a golf course! Let's get outta this dump! [drives off with his family towards Dimmadome Acres]
[Cut to the Turner family reaching Dimmadome Acres.]
Mrs. Turner: This is it. Beautiful Dimmadome Acres! Where everyone is just like you.
[The Turners drive around the roads of Dimmadome Acres, looking at the sights.]
Mr. Turner: Ooh, tennis! Ooh, swimming!
Mr. Turner, Mrs. Turner, and Timmy: Oooh!
Mr. Turner: Ooh, golf! Ooh, waving people! [Timmy waves back at the people] Ooh, creepy smiles!
Mrs. Turner: Here we are: our new home! I think. [Zooms out to reveal that every home is exactly the same and is lined up in perfect rows] It's so hard to tell when every house looks the same.
Mr. Turner: And the best part--no Dinkleberg!
Darlington: [from offscreen] Hello there, new neighbor.
Mr. Turner: AAAAH! [high pitched scream as he sees a Dinkleberg look-a-like]
Darlington: The name's Darlington. [holds up bottle of milk] Care for some of Dimmadome Farms delicious bottled milk?
Mr. Turner: Delicious... milk? Curse you, Darlington! You found my weakness! [snatches milk from Darlington and chugs it down]
Timmy: Chester, A.J.! You live here too?
Chester: Doy! Everybody's buying houses in Dimmadome Acres.
A.J.: We were just going for a ride on our free Dimmadome Acres motorized scooters. Join us, Timmy. [moves over to reveal a motor-scooter with a bottle of milk on it]
Chester: Yo, it comes with a helmet and free bottle of Dimmadome Farms miillk... [farts]
Chester and A.J.: IF IT'S NOT FROM DIMMADOME FARMS, IT'S JUST MILK... [chugs down milk like animals]
Wanda: [in balloon form] Uh, I don't know, Timmy, something seems very wrong.
Cosmo: [in balloon form] Yeah! How'd Chester get in here?
Timmy: You're right, Wanda. Chester and A.J. are acting totally weird. But on the other hand, I got a free scooter! [lets go of Cosmo and Wanda balloons, causing them to float away]
[Timmy epically starts up the motor-scooter and takes a swig of his fizzy drink, holding onto the milk for later. Timmy then burps at the empty soda bottle, magically turning it into a miniature rocket and making it blast off. Timmy then starts the scooter, only to go extremely slow.]
Timmy: Hey, what gives?
A.J.: All scooters go the same pre-approved speed: a very safe two miles per hour.
Timmy: Why two miles per hour?
Chester and A.J.: YOU'LL SPILL YOUR MILK.
[A snail is passing by when Timmy accidentally spills some milk on it. All of a sudden, it undergoes a change in energy and whizzes away.]
Chester and A.J.: Aah! [licks the spilled milk off the concrete like crazed animals]
[Cut to Mrs. Turner outside the new house planting a marbleberry tree.]
Mrs. Turner: Ah. Nothing says home sweet home like a new marbleberry tree.
Mr. Turner: Honey, you should not have. [raises an axe above his head]
Mrs. Turner: Oh, it was nothing, I--AAAH! [Mr. Turner chops the tree in half and destroys it]
Mr. Turner: And I mean that literally! [the tree said "Why?" and Mr. Turner burns tree with flamethrower] This orange tree was making our house unlike all the other house! MIIIILK? [offers his wife a bottle of Dimmadome Farms Milk]
Mrs. Turner: Well, my scream for terror did leave me parched.
[Cut to Mr. Turner depositing the burned remains of the tree in the trash]
Timmy: Dad, what happened to your tree?
Mr. Turner: I had to get rid of it. It did not fit in. Like your hat.... or your teeth.... you're. DIFFERENT.
Timmy: I don't like where this is going.
Chester, A.J., and Mr. Turner: Drink the milk, Timmy. DON'T BE DIFFERENT. DRINK YOUR MILK! [Timmy bats the milk away]
Mr. Turner: Milk! After him! [Mr. Turner, Chester, and A.J. ride their scooters at 2 mph towards Timmy, who runs into his house]
[Cut to inside Timmy's new Dimmadome Acres house]
Timmy: Cosmo! Wanda! Something about this place is making everybody zombies! I wish we were--
[Timmy opens the door to his room to see that his goldfish godparents' bowl is filled with the milk.]
Cosmo: Your mom taught me to be happier if we were swimming in cool, refreshing Dimmadome Farms milk, Timmy...
Wanda: Wouldn't you like some cool, refreshing Dimmadome Farms Milk? [poofs up many bottles of milk in Timmy's room before Mrs. Turner enters the room]
Mrs. Turner: Timmy, I brought you some MILK!
Timmy: I gotta get outta here! [grabs a bottle of the fizzy juice, takes a drink, and burps at his mom]
[Cut to outside Timmy's house, where Mr. Turner, Chester, and A.J. finally reached the doorstep on their slow scooters.]
Mr. Turner: Well, we made it to the door!
[Timmy runs out the door and they follow slowly behind.]
[Cut to Timmy making a dash for the exit, only for the gates to close and spikes to appear.]
Timmy: Oh no!!
Various voices: [from offscreen] Timmy!!
Timmy: [runs to the tennis courts] Oh no, I'm trapped! Cosmo and Wanda are mindless zombies! Unless something very convenient appears, I'M DOOMED! AAH! [tennis court flips over, revealing a secret room] AAH! I mean, hurray! [looks down to see a room full of cows and zombified people milking the cows] Huh? A secret underground dairy factory? Mom, Dad, everyone! You've all been turned into cow-yanking zombies!
[All of a sudden, Doug Dimmadome emerges from the darkness]
Timmy: Gasp! Doug Dimmadome?!
Doug: That's right! I'm Doug Dimmadome! Owner of Dimmsdale's Dimmadome and developer of Dimmadome Acres!
Timmy: What have you done, Doug Dimmadome, developer of Dimmadome Acres?!?
Doug: Well, I've done the impossible!
Wanda: [transformed into a cow] Do these horns make me look fat?
Cosmo: [transformed into a cow] Yes!
Doug: Well more milk means more mind control, and more mind control means more MONEY!
Timmy: More money??
Doug: More money! Plus, with this last batch, I've got enough milk to keep everybody happy here forever!
Timmy: Forever?!? But I'll miss the Burp-Off!
Doug: Now son, take a bottle and drink up!
Crowd of people: Do it. Do it.
Cosmo and Wanda: [transformed into cows] Moo it. Moo it.
Crocker: Fairies. Fairies.
Timmy: I'm sunk! I don't have Cosmo or Wanda's magic to get me out of this one! Or do I? I'LL NEVER DRINK YOUR MILK, DOUG DIMMADOME!
Doug: What a baby, I mean aw-shucks, it's enough to bring a tear to your eye. Well, your eye or my eye. Everyone else is a mindless zombie of course!
[A fly buzzes on Mr. Turner's face}
Doug: Alrighty then. Prepare to be cow-yanked to oblivion!
[Timmy tosses a bottle of the mega fizzy juice into the large bucket of milk, causing it to explode and spill soda everywhere, transforming all the houses of Dimmadome Acres into an empty field of grass.]
Doug: What in tarnation? What am I doing in this field? [gets pushed away by a bulldozer driven by a moose] Aaah!
Mr. Turner: Mr. Dimmadome is right! We shouldn't be in the middle of this field. We should get home. There's cows here! [looks at the transformed Cosmo and Wanda]
Vicky: But where are we going to go?
Crocker: Why we sold our houses to Dimmadome Acres! Fairies.
Chester: We all need houses.
Mr. McBadBat: But who could sell us brand-new houses in one day?
Mrs. Turner: [cracks knuckles] Grab your checkbooks and follow me! [everyone runs off]
Timmy: Sweet! It's only a matter of time before everything's back to normal. Which means there's only one last thing to do.
[Cut to the big Burp-Off]
Mayor: And now, our final contestant for our Burp Off...
Chompy: Baah! Burp.
Mayor: Chompy, you had your chance. Timmy Turner!
Timmy: BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRPPP! [The earth shakes and the burp-o-meter shatters]
Mayor: The winner! [hands Timmy a giant trophy filled with money]
Timmy: Thank--BURRRP!--you! BURRRRRP!
Mr. and Mrs. Turner: Hurray!
Wanda: I'm so proud of him!
Cosmo: Hey, next week is a farting contest! You should start cooking!