Timmy: I didn't get what I wanted for Christmas!
Mr. Turner: Well, join the club, mister! I asked for 2,000 gallons of nog, but instead all I got was this set of golf clubs, an SUV, the Hope Diamond, a talking horse...
Talking Horse: H-h-h-hey, Timmy.
Mr. Turner: And this stupid sled! Or as I like to call it, firewood! [throws the sled into the fireplace]
Timmy: No!!
Mrs. Turner: [holds up the shovel and the rock salt] Timmy, I think your presents are wonderful and that Santa was very thoughtful...
[scene changes to Timmy standing outside his house with the shovel and rock salt]
Mrs. Turner: your dad and me!

Timmy: I wanna give every kid in Dimmsdale one day after Christmas wish.
Wanda: What are we suppose to do, poof up a magical wish coupon good for one wish?
Cosmo: Yeah, and deliver them to every kid in town like some kind of magic mailmen?
[Timmy just smirks and the scene changes to Cosmo and Wanda dressed as mailmen]
Wanda: [to Cosmo] You had to say magic mailman?

A.J.: I wish I had a ten thousand terrabyte super computer!
Computer: [in a monotone voice] Merry Wishmas, A.J.
A.J.: That's kinda creepy.

Mr. Turner: Or I could wish I was Nog-Man, the caped crusader of Nog! Yup, going with Nog-Man. Nog nog and away!

[The Elfs are destroying the Turner's House]
Mrs. Claus: Lunch is served [Puts on the table a plate full of cookies]
Mrs. Turner: So, Timmy. You won a radio contest where Santa comes to live with you?
Timmy: OK...
Elf: [Holding a newspaper] Hey, where's the can? I need to drop some presents down the chimney, if you know what I mean...

Timmy: What?! I didn't want to get rid of Christmas! I was just trying to do something nice for a change!
Jorgen: You did! You've finally got rid of that out-of-shape red and white windbag, who uses our magic every year and doesn't give us credit! Finally, fairies can rule the holiday season and get the props we deserve! Now, if you'll excuse me, I must prepare. Next Wishmas will be here before you know it!
Timmy: Wait! I don't want the world to forget about Santa!
Wanda: Don't worry Timmy, nobody could ever forget about Santa!
Cosmo: Santa who? Santa Monica? Santa Barbara? Santa Clarita?
Wanda: Wishmas is a passing fad and Santa would never leave the North Pole and give up on Christmas.

Timmy: Where'd you get that book anyway?
Cosmo: Under your tree. It's a real page-turner, I can't wait to find out who the killer is!
[then later...]
Cosmo: [reading] So on that very first Wishmas, Santa, elves and spouse said Timmy killed Christmas, and moved into his house! [sees Timmy] Ahh, you're the killer!
Timmy: I just wanted a sled!!!

Santa: I need more milk.
Nog-Man: [bursts through the wall with Nog-Dog] Why drink milk when you can enjoy thick, artery-clogging nog!

Nog-Man: Oooh, my inbox is clogged on the Nog Blog, Nog-Dog! [the screen switches to a dehydrated Santa Claus] Great Scott, a parched man who needs the rejuvenating of Nog! Quick! To the Nog-Mobile!

Timmy: What's the book say?
Cosmo: When Timmy realized Santa wasn't going away, they all sucked it up until Thanksgiving Day.
[later, on Thanksgiving Day]
Mrs. Claus: Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
Timmy: This book is incredibly accurate.
Mrs. Claus: Now, who wants milk?
Nog-Man: Milk?! Loser! Who wants nog?! [grabs two cartons of nog off his utility belt and sprays them on Mrs. Claus]
Mrs. Claus: Oh it is ON! [tackles Nog-Man; roars]

Mrs. Turner: An entire year of cookies and nog for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Ahhh!!! I'm sick of cookies! [slams the table] I'm sick of radio contests! [takes a radio and throws it, then jumps out the door and laughs crazily while grabbing a reindeer and riding off]
Timmy: Well, there goes my mom with Santa's only ride to the North Pole.

Narrator: [on TV] And what happened then? Well, in Whatville, they say. The Grump's little heart grew big Wishmas day.
Timmy: I wanna celebrate Christmas, not Wishmas!
Santa: Well, Timmy. Seems like this year you're the only one.
Timmy: Oh yeah, what about this?! [whips out a letter]
[Santa puts on some glasses as a girlish voice reads the letter: "Dear Santa, I believe in you. I can't imagine Christmas without you. You're the greatest most jolliest Christmas hero ever" Then Santa lowers the letter to reveal that it was Timmy who was reading it]

Wanda: Any last wish before Jorgen gets here?
Timmy: Yes. I wish I had a big butterfly net and a remote controlled trapdoor.
[Wanda poofs them up. Then Timmy uses the butterfly net to trap Cosmo and Wanda]
Cosmo: Wow, didn't see that coming.

Santa: Let's turn this Wishmas tears into Christmas cheers!
Elf: But Santa, it's impossible. The reindeer took off, we sold the sled to buy cookie mix and we ain't got no Fairy World magic
Santa: Nothing's impossible if you believe!
Nog-Man: I believe, Santa! You can use my Nogmobile to deliver toys.
Santa: Can it fly?
Nog-Man: Er...Not in the sky, no.
Mrs. Turner: I believe too! I have returned so that the reindeer may pull Santa's Nog-Mobile and so he can take Mrs. Claus and her cookies far away!

Timmy: This year we need to figure out what we can give!
A.J.: Right! Because Christmas isn't a coupon that comes in a mailbox.
Computer: [monotone] It's a feeling that comes in your heart.
A.J.: Still creepy.

Cosmo: And what happened then? Well, in Dimmsdale they say. That the kids gave the entire toy mountain away!

Mrs. Turner: Hmmm, you know, Nog-Man. You look a lot like my husband. Is it possible you're-
Nog-Man: Nog fog! [He sprays Nog fog on Mrs. Turner and she faints] She must never know.

Cosmo: [reading from the book] So next time you're blue on the day after Christmas.
Santa: Give something away and have your own Merry Wishmas!
Timmy: Wait a minute, you wrote the book and put it under my tree didn't you? But how could you possibly know all this was gonna happen and that I'd learn a lesson?
Santa: Dude, I'm Santa. Ho ho ho!

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