Love Triangle/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Love Triangle" from Season 8, which aired on February 12th, 2011.

Script[]

Part 1[]

Cosmo: Okay, people. Time for rehearsal. Places, everyone!
(Wanda appears)
Wanda: Cosmo, why are you doing this? You know Poof doesn't wanna be in the school play.
Cosmo: (yells through megaphone) OF COURSE HE DOES! "Mr. Cookie's Happy Day" is the greatest nursery school play ever. Not to mention the very show in which myself rose to stardom.
Wanda: You played a table!
Cosmo: Not just any table, Wanda. The pivotal role of Table #3, which Timmy will be performing for our little rehearsal. (yells through megaphone) YOU'RE ON, TIMMY!
(Curtains go up. Timmy, wearing a table costume, walks up on stage.)
Cosmo: OK, you're a table. Make me believe it!
Timmy: There's gum under here.
Cosmo: (throws script at Timmy) Stick with the script! That was Table #2's line. Enter, Mr. Cookie.
(Poof, wearing a cookie costume, floats onto the stage)
Poof: (annoyed) Poof-poof.
Cosmo: Well, you sounded a little like a graham cracker, but otherwise, you were perfect. Let's do it again. And Timmy, this time, try it with acting. (yells through megaphone) AND SCRIPT GIRL, GIVE ME SOME COFFEE!!!
(Wanda grabs the megaphone and puts it on Cosmo's head)
Wanda: Cosmo, you seem to care about this role more than Poof does.
Cosmo: That's because Poof has talent, he could be a star. Not just any boob can be a star.
Dad: Oh, Timmy. I'm going to be a star!
(Cosmo and Wanda scream and poof themselves out of Timmy's room)
Dad: (gasp) Where are you?
Timmy: Right here, Dad.
Dad: Hmm, you sound like a graham cracker. Anyway, check me out. I'm gonna be in the annual skit at the Pencil Nexus company retreat. I landed the role of Pencil #2. I just hope my performance isn't wooden. (laughing) Get it, "wooden"?
Timmy: I get it, Dad.
Dad: (chuckles) Well, I'm off to sharpen my acting skills. Get it, "sharpen"? Ooh, I should write these down. If only I had a pencil.
(Cosmo, Wanda and Poof poof back into Timmy's room, a bus arrives)
Wanda: There's the bus, sweetie. Have a good day at school. And good luck with the auditions.
(Poof rolls his eyes)
Cosmo: There he goes, the future Mr. Cookie. He's so excited! (yells through megaphone) AND WHERE'S MY COFFEE?!
(Wanda falls to the ground, scene transitions to Spellementary School)
Mrs. Powers: Okay, children. Later today, we'll be holding auditions for this year's play.
(A black lightning bolt hits the chalkboard)
Mrs. Powers: Alright, who threw that?
Foop: (giggling evilly)
Mrs. Powers: Foop?
Foop: It's wasn't me! It was... Sammy Sweetsparkle.
(Sammy frowns and starts crying)
Foop: Although for the record, if I had thrown a lightning bolt, it would've been done in protest over being asked to participate in this candy-coated farce you call theater!
Mrs. Powers: Oh, it's not a farce, Foop. It's the touching story of a heroic cookie who rescues a princess.
Foop: Is she kidding? That's the lamest thing I've ever heard.
Poof: Poof-poof.
Foop: Well, what do you know. We actually agree on something. This could be the beginning of a new kinship between us. A bond forged through time that's stronger than steel.
Poof: Poof-poof.
Foop: Exactly, I couldn't have said it better myself, we'll be friends forever. High four!
(Poof and Foop high-five)
Mrs. Powers: Now children, I'd like you all to welcome a brand new student to Spellementary School, Goldie Goldenglow!
(Goldie Goldenglow comes into the classroom)
Goldie: Hi there, y'all.
(Poof and Foop become attracted to Goldie)
Foop: Friendship over. (Poof and Foop pull out laser guns) I saw her first!
(Poof and Foop blast each other into the wall)
Poof: Poof-poof!
Foop: Don't even think about it! Before the first school bell rings, that vision of beauty will be mine.
Sammy: Really? Cause I was gonna ask her to sit with me at snack time.
Foop: Splendid idea, Sammy. Maybe you should ask her for a snack on Jupiter!
(Foop poofs Sammy to Jupiter.)
BANISH!
(A giant eyeball comes out of the ground; Sammy screams)
(Poof and Foop are fighting over Goldie, then Foop falls into a trash bin)
Foop: You will pay!
(Poof floats to Goldie and gives her flowers)
Poof: (clears throat) Poof-poof?
Foop: Oh please, that's the oldest pickup line in the book. Watch the master at work.
(Foop disintegrates the flowers with heat vision and poofs up a gift for Goldie)
Foop: Hello, beautiful. You must be 5 CCs of potassium chloride. Because you just made my heart stop.
(Goldie opens up the gift and it has spiders, the spiders crawl all over Goldie)
Goldie: (chuckles) Oh, spiders. How uh... original?
(Foop takes one of the spiders off of Goldie and eats it)
Foop: And they're the more expensive poisonous kind.
Goldie: Thank you both so much for the... gifts.
(Goldie walks away, and Poof and Foop blush, then they look at each other and pull out laser guns and blast each other, the school bell rings, Goldie is seen carrying her books to her locker)
Foop: (appears) Goldie, may I carry your books?
Goldie: Wow, that's awfully kind of you, Floop.
Foop: Actually, it's Foop.
Poof: (appears) Poof-poof?
Foop: You can't carry her books, Poof. Your arms are already full... (a piano appears in midair) ...with that piano!
(The piano falls on Poof, Foop carries Goldie's books, Poof comes out of the piano and uses his magic to open one of the lockers, the locker door hits Foop and he gets launched into Goldie's locker along with her books and the locker door closes on his face)
Goldie: Thank you, Poof. And you too, Fluke.
Foop: It's Foop.
(Poof and Foop's left and right hands are tied up and they have a Star Wars-esque light saber battle)
Mrs. Powers: Welcome children, to the auditions of "Mr. Cookie's Happy Day!"
Foop: Not interested, Broomhilda.
(Foop uses a flamethrower and shoots fire at Poof, who is in knight armor)
Foop: No one cares about your insipid sideshow.
(Poof throws a grenade near Foop, Foop flies away from the explosion)
Mrs. Powers: Okay, let's begin. Mr. Cookie will be reading opposite Princess Sunshine, who will be portrayed by Goldie Goldenglow.
Foop: Say what now?
Poof: Poof-poof?
Foop: Wait a minute. Doesn't Mr. Cookie get a kiss from the princess at the end of the play?
Mrs. Powers: Why yes, Foop. He does. But since you're not interested, I'm sure Sammy Sweetsparkle would be happy to play the part. Has anyone seen him?
(Sammy is screaming while running away from the Jupiterian Cyclops on Jupiter)
Foop: As sure as there's a glog monster on Jupiter, that role will be mine!
Poof: Poof-poof!
Foop: Those are fighting words! Choose your weapon, swine! (growls)
Mrs. Powers: Boys, boys, there's no need to fight. We will decide who will play Mr. Cookie the old-fashioned way, with auditions!
Foop: To the death?
Mrs. Powers: No, the normal way. And no weapons.
(Mrs. Powers pulls out all of Foop's weapons)
Foop: Fine, then I'll defeat him with the most dangerous weapon in my arsenal: my talent.
Mrs. Powers: Okay, Foop, let's see what you got.
Foop: Right. I'll be going a bit off-script here. You know, improv a few scenes and make them my own. (clears throat) Hello, gumdrop children. My name is Mr. Cookie. BRINGER OF DOOM! You've drawn your last breath, Larry the Lollipop! My skeleton army shall render your candy kingdom asunder! And now, Princess Sunshine, let us delight in the agony of others from the garden patio atop our TOWER OF BONES! End... scene.
(Mrs. Powers and the students are shocked, one of the students faints)
Foop: Ha! Top that you purple poser! (laughs evilly)
(Poof walks up on stage)
Poof: (clears throat) Poof-poof.
(Everybody cheers and throws flowers at Poof)
Mrs. Powers: Well, I think we've found our Mr. Cookie. Congratulations, Poof!
Foop: This is madness! I deserve that role!
Mrs. Powers: Don't fret, Foop. We'll find a part for you. Let's see, the lords of licorice are being played by the Hex brothers.
(The Hex brothers are seen waving hello)
Mrs. Powers: Ah, here's the perfect part! (a table cloth appears under Foop) Table #3!
Foop: (growling) But I should be playing Mr. Cookie. I'm more handsome and talented than Poof. I can speak in real words. This is so unfair. Cry, cry, weeping sounds.
Mrs. Powers: Now that's good acting. How about, in addition to playing Table #3, you become Poof's understudy?
Foop: Understudy? So if I were to do something horrible to Poof- I mean... (chuckles) If something horrible were to happen to Poof, then I would get the role of Mr. Cookie and the kiss from the princess?
Mrs. Powers: Yes! But for now, just focus on acting like a table. You sounded a little like a graham cracker.
Foop: This is all too easy. Beware Poof, Table #3's coming. And you have a reservation (poofs up a table cloth) WITH DOOM! (laughs evilly; a table cloth falls on Foop) Gah, there's gum under here!
(One of the students controls a spotlight)
Mrs. Powers: Alright children, let's begin rehearsals! (flies off stage as the curtains raise)
Goldie: (as Princess Sunshine) Good morning, Mr. Cookie. It's such a gloomy day. Can you pull out these clouds so I can shine even brighter today?
Poof: (as Mr. Cookie) Poof poof.
(Poof waves his rattle and the clouds move away)
Mrs. Powers: Goldie, Poof, that was brilliant!
(Foop sneaks up on stage and throws a sack near Poof)
Mrs. Powers: Foop, please get off the stage. And take your sack of cobras with you.
(The sack opens with some cobras inside of it, then they chase after Foop)
Foop: (screams) You will all pay! Aah!
(scene transitions to Foop looking completely swollen after being attacked by the cobras)
Foop: So much for "operation sack of cobras". Luckily, Mother packed anti-venom in my lunch along with my chicken nuggets.
(Foop drinks his anti-venom and is turned back to normal)
Foop: You may still be Mr. Cookie, Poof. But it shall be I who brings down the house! (laughs)
(Foop unties the rope that holds one of the set's props, the prop falls and doesn't hit Poof, then it bounces and hits Foop, then the cobras come back and attack Foop again)
Students: ♪ We turn our frowns upside down ♪
Poof: ♪ Poof-poof! ♪
Students: ♪ When Mr. Cookie comes to town ♪
Poof: ♪ Poof-poof! ♪♪
Foop: Ugh, this song is sickening. Wait, that's it. I don't have to annihilate Poof. I just have to make him sick.
(Foop poofs up a laptop and buys something off the Internet to get Poof sick)
Delivery Guy: Package for Table #3.
Foop: Thank you, my good man. I'm a little short on cash, there will be no gratuity.
(The delivery guy is poofed away.)
STIFFED!
(Foop opens up a crate, and inside of it is an infected gnome. Mushrooms grow all over the gmone's head and starts wheezing and coughing)
Foop: An infected gnome. You really can get anything on the Internet. As they say in the theater, "the plague's the thing!"
(Foop throws the gnome, but it misses Poof, then the gnome hits a rope and is launched back to Foop and then the gnome sneezes all over him)
Foop: Gesundheit. (rubs snot off of himself) Fortunately for me, I have a very strong immune system.
(Scene transitions to a health monitor and Foop is seen in a hospital bed infected by the gnome.)
Foop: (sneezes) Well-played, Poof. (sneezes again) You may have upstaged me with a bout of gnome-monia for now. But soon, it will be curtains for you!
(Lightning strikes)
Foop: With a little re-writing, I shall turn the tables on Mr. Cookie. (sneezes) In my new version, Poof shall endure countless tortures, and the real hero of the play will be me! Poof, brace yourself for my new literary masterpiece: Mr. Cookie CRUMBLES! (laughs evilly as lightning strikes, then sneezes).

Part 2[]

(Fades in to Timmy's house. Cosmo, Wanda and Poof appear as fruit in a bowl)
Mom: Here's your breakfast, Timmy. I've gotta go sharpen your father before he leaves for the Pencil Nexus retreat.
(Timmy's fairies poof back into their regular forms)
Timmy: Poof, I think it's awesome you got the lead in the school play. I can't wait to see the show tonight.
Wanda: You'll be the cutest Mr. Cookie ever, sweetie.
Cosmo: And he couldn't have done it without all the obsessive parental pressure I put on him. (a megaphone appears; yells through megaphone) STILL WAITING FOR THAT COFFEE!!!
(Wanda falls to the ground, Wanda poofs up a coffee pitcher, which pours coffee all over Cosmo; the school bus arrives)
Wanda: There's the school bus.
(Poof kisses his parents goodbye, gives Timmy a high-five and poofs himself out of the house)
Dad: There's my bus! I'm off to the big corporate retreat. I better run my lines one more time. Fancy computers are just a fad- ugh... Forgetting my lines makes me mad!
(Timmy's dad runs to the Spellementary School bus)
Dad: Hey, great costumes, everyone. Cindy, is that you?
Cindy: I'm a troll.
Dad: I know, but you have inner beauty.
(The bus flies into the sky, scene transitions to the bus arriving to Spellementary School)
Dad: Ooh, Pencil Nexus went all out this year. First the floating bus and now this hotel in the clouds.
(Timmy's dad runs to the entrance of Spellementary School)
Dad: I better find Pete from accounting. He's playing the blue notepad to my pencil. We have to rehearse that part where I write on his face.
(An audience arrives at Spellementary School and prepare to watch the school play; a limousine appears, Timmy walks out of the limo and falls)
Cosmo: Ahh, the theater. This is the theater, right? Last time I was here, I was under a table so it's hard to tell.
Wanda: Boy, I sure hope Poof isn't nervous.
Timmy: Ah relax, Wanda. I'm sure all the kids are getting a pep talk right now.
Foop: Listen up, you morons... and Goldie. Mrs. Powers will be unable to attend tonight's performance, because she's found herself somewhat incapacitated.
(Scene transitions to the inside of a volcano; Mrs. Powers is tied up and being lowered towards the lava.)
Mrs. Powers: Well, I know someone who's got detention.
Foop: And as you can see by this note, which was written of her own free will, I am now in charge.
Student #1: That says "Help! Help!"
Foop: Congratulations, you can read. I wonder if you can read upside down.
(Foop poofs the student into the same volcano Mrs. Powers is trapped in)
Mrs. Powers: Oh, hello Leonard...
Foop: Mrs. Powers has instructed me to hand out these brand new pages of the play. It's basically the same, but with the new dialogue, different sets, pre-recorded narration and high-tech special effects.
Goldie: Wow, thank you Fooch.
Foop: It's Foop... Okay, places! (throws script at Poof) Break a leg, Poof. Or neck, or spine! (laughs evilly)
(Poof looks at the script, a puff of smoke shaped like a skull appears and laughs evilly)
Poof: Uh oh.
(A light bulb pops up over Poof's head, Poof starts coughing)
Goldie: Poof, what's wrong? Are you under the weather?
(Poof's face turns green and mushrooms grow all over Poof's body)
Poof: Poof-poof...
Goldie: What's that? You've got gnome-monia? You're too sick to play Mr. Cookie and need your understudy to take over?
(Goldie poofs Foop into the Mr. Cookie costume)
Goldie: Looks like you're my leading man, Fluke.
(Foop smiles, then Goldie pushes Foop onto the front of the stage)
Foop: Yes! I'm the star of the show now! I knew my plan would work. I'm a genius! Oh no, I'm an idiot. All the horrors I've written for Mr. Cookie shall now befall me. Stop the show! STOP!
(The curtains raise up, the audience cheers and the play start)
Student #2: Mrs. Powers and her class are proud to present Mr. Cookie's Happy Day. I mean, Mr. Cookie CRUMBLES! Thank you, enjoy the show.
(One of the students holds up a disc that says, "EVIL NARRATION", and puts the disc into a CD player)
Evil Narration: It was the end of days. Civilization had fallen, anarchy ruled.
Foop: (screams)
(Rocks fall on Foop and crush him)
Evil Narration: Out of the apocalyptic wasteland stepped one lone figure.
Foop: (screams)
(Foop gets chased by rabid, three-eyed werewolves)
Evil Narration: A stupid, round, purple thing who was really dumb. He thought he was a hero, but what he was was DOOMED!
(Foop is attacked by the rabid werewolves while hiding inside of a car, an earthquake occurs and the car falls into a crack caused by the earthquake)
Cosmo: Boy, this is really different than I remember.
Wanda: Hey, I thought Poof was playing Mr. Cookie.
Cosmo: Well, that's showbiz. One minute, you're the star. The next minute, you're married to some pink haired lady who won't give you coffee. (yells through megaphone) MY COFFEE, WOMAN!!!
Evil Narration: Mr. Cookie's quest was to free the princess. But this would not be easy, for the land was fraught with horrors. And he was a big stupid-head.
Foop: Alright Foop, just avoid all the booby traps you set when you thought Poof was playing Mr. Cookie. Shouldn't be a problem.
Evil Narration: Fire rained from above.
(Foop looks up, then fire rains all over Foop)
Foop: (screams in pain) That's a problem!
Evil Narration: Swarms of living buzz-saws swooped down from the blackened skies.
(Foop screams as he tries to run away from the buzz-saws, but he ends up getting sliced)
SLICE!
Foop: I remember liking that when I wrote it.
Evil Narration: And sharks with the bodies of horses rode in across the horizon and ate him.
(Foop screams and tries to run away from the sharks, then a giant tooth flies at Timmy)
Timmy: This is the most awesome play ever!
Foop: Blacked out there for a moment. Please tell me the play is over.
Evil Narration: And that was just the beginning...
Foop: Ugh.
Poof: (giggling and eating popcorn) Poof-poof!
Foop: What? I thought you had gnome-monia. You're a better actor that I thought. Well, why don't you try your acting skills on Jupiter?
(Foop poofs Poof to Jupiter; an octopus tentacle grabs Foop; Poof appears on Jupiter and sees that Sammy is being chased by the Jupiterian Cyclops)
Jupiterian Cyclops: (roars)
(Poof tries to use his magic to stop the cyclops, but his rattle gets swallowed by the cyclops; Poof and Sammy get chased by the cyclops)
Evil Narration: Then Mr. Cookie saw the castle of the cookie-eating monster, where in laid the object of his quest: Princess Sunshine.
Goldie: (as Princess Sunshine) Help, y'all! Help! Mr. Cookie, only you can defeat the lords of licorice.
(A giant monster appears and roars)
Goldie: I mean... the giant flaming cyclops with crab hands. Oh, dear!
Flaming Cyclops: (roars)
Foop: (screams)
(Foop tries to stop the flaming cyclops with his magic, but the cyclops takes his magic bottle and eats it, then the cyclops laughs)
Foop: Sweet home Alabama! You're on your own, princess!
(Foop floats away and bumps into Timmy's dad)
Dad: Hey, Pete! Great blue notepad costume. Get ready for me to write on your face!
Foop: Who are you and what are you doing in my show?
Flaming Cyclops: (growls)
Dad: Boy, Pencil Nexus really pulled out all the stops. That flaming cyclops is way better than last year's!
Timmy: Hey, what's my dad doing on stage?
Cosmo: Beats me! The big pencil doesn't come in until act 4.
(The flaming cyclops roars, destroys a building with heat vision and throws debris at the audience)
Dad: (gasps) Cyclops goes berserk, that's my cue! Hi, everybody! I'm here to say, fancy computers are just a fad, they'll never replace the pencil and the pad.
(Timmy's dad rubs Foop on the lead part of his pencil costume)
Dad: Nailed it! Oh, I'm probably the greatest actor ever!
(Timmy's dad bows down, which causes Foop to get knocked onto the cyclops)
Goldie: (screams)
(The cyclops grabs Goldie)
Goldie: (screams)
Audience Member: This is one weird play.
(The flaming cyclops prepares to eat Foop and Goldie)
Foop and Goldie: HELP! HELP!
(scene transitions to Poof and Sammy being chased by the Jupiterian Cyclops)
Sammy: HELP! HELP! (screams)
(The Jupiterian Cyclops grabs Sammy with its tongue and swallows him)
Poof: Poof-poof.
(Poof charges at the cyclops' stomach, causing it to spit out Sammy and his magic rattle; Poof zaps the cyclops with his rattle)
Jupiterian Cyclops: (whimpering)
(Poof poofs himself and Sammy back to Spellementary School)
Evil Narration: All seemed lost for the dimwitted Mr. Cookie...
Foop: What have I done?
Goldie: What have you done, Flop?
Foop: It's Foop, you triangular twit! One "F", two "Os", one "P". It's not that difficult!
Evil Narration: Just then, an impossibly handsome warrior rode over the horizon. Bathing the wasteland in his heroic glow. Mr. Cookie was about to be rescued by... TABLE #3!
(Poof appears under a tablecloth)
Wanda: Look, it's Poof! He's playing Table #3!
Cosmo: Wow, they really beefed up the role. I like it, just hold a flower pot on my head.
Evil Narration: Table #3 slewed the monster with his charm...
Flaming Cyclops: (screams)
Evil Narration: Slaughtered it with his handsomeness...
Flaming Cyclops: (gags)
Evil Narration: And smote it with his smile.
(The flaming cyclops disintegrates, then Foop and Goldie start falling, Poof catches Goldie while Foop falls through the floor; the audience cheers)
Goldie: (gasps) Thank you, Table #3. You're the bravest piece of dining furniture I've ever seen. For rescuing me, I will now bestow upon you the kiss of Princess Sunshine.
(Poof smiles and blushes)
Foop: No! That's supposed to be my kiss!
(Foop poofs up a black lightning bolt but is stopped by Mrs. Powers)
Mrs. Powers: You've done just about enough damage for one day, young man.
Foop: This never happened to Shakespeare!
Evil Narration: And with that, Princess Sunshine bestowed her kiss on Table #3.
(Goldie kisses Poof, Poof's face turns red and he cheers happily)
Audience: Awwww...
(Poof turns everything back to normal)
Student #2: Together, Table #3 and Princess Sunshine lived happily every after.
(Audience cheers)
Wanda: You were wonderful, sweetie. I'm so proud of you!
Cosmo: Me too, Poof. And look, the Fairy Times already gave you a rave review.
Wanda: Cosmo, that's the menu for the school cafeteria.
Cosmo: Oh, then I have even better news. You're having meatloaf on Friday.
Dad: Well, well. Look who's here! Michelle from payroll. Your beaver costume looks a lot like my son.
Goldie: Poof, thank you for saving me from Floon's horrible play.
Foop: (in background) It's FOOP!
Goldie: You're a real hero.
Poof: Poof-poof?
Goldie: Oh, I would love to get ice cream with you.
(Scene transitions to Poof and Goldie sharing an ice cream sundae, while Foop is under their table placing a bomb under them.)
Foop: (laughs evilly)
(Cobras go under the table and attack Foop)
Foop: (screams in pain) Pain!
Goldie: Sorry, Fluke!
Foop: IT'S FOOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!
(Poof and Goldie kiss each other)

THE END

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#01 Love Triangle	#02 Timmy's Secret Wish!
#03 Invasion of the Dads	#04 When Losers Attack
#05 Meet the OddParents