Timmy: [reading a book] So the super scary boogie monster bared its fangs at the little kid and totally ate him! The end. Wasn't that a great story, Poof?
[Poof starts crying. It starts raining in Timmy's room and lightning strikes Timmy]
Timmy: Oh great! I forgot when Poof cries, bad things happen.
Cosmo: Was that thunder? Or did I pull my own finger?
Wanda: Oh, it's OK, Poof! [poofs up rain gear on Poof, Cosmo and herself] Timmy, did you read Poof a scary story and make him cry?
Timmy: I read Poof a story but there's nothing' scary about it.
Wanda: [reading the book's cover]The Super Scary Boogie Monster Who Lives Under Your Bed and Will Totally Eat You When It Gets Dark?!
Cosmo: Ah! That book is terrifying! There are words in it!
[A whale in the pool of rain shoots water from its blowhole. Timmy removes a drain plug from the floor and the rain and the whale get sucked down a drain]
Mr. Turner: [offscreen] Eeh! Honey! It's raining in the den! And there's a whale on the sofa!
Wanda: [turns the room back to normal] There. See, Poof? Everything's OK! Why don't we all get ready for bed? [poofs everyone into pajamas]
Timmy: Good idea, Wanda. Night, guys! [turns off the lamp]
[Poof screams and dashes into Wanda's arms]
Wanda: Timmy, Poof's still scared. Would you mind if we turned on his night light?
Timmy: Knock yourselves out. I can sleep through anything.
[A bright light shines through the house's windows]
Timmy: Ah! What's going' on?
Cosmo: That's Poof's night light, the Retina Melter 2000. Aah! My retinas!
Timmy: You gotta be kidding me.
[Timmy covers himself with his blanket, which burns up. He puts on a face shield and then a knight helmet, which also burn up]
Timmy: Guys, this is ridiculous! I wish the night light was out!
Wanda: Sorry about this, Poof.
Poof: Poof poof?
[Wanda turns off the light]
Poof: Eeh!
[Poof turns into a goldfish and goes into the fishbowl castle. Barbed wire appears around the castle and a security bar blocks the castle door. Signs that together read "No super scary boogie monsters who live under your bed and will totally eat you" appear]
Timmy: Ah, that's better. Now I can finally get some sleep.
[It becomes morning. Cosmo turns into a rooster, inhales deeply and hollers]
Timmy: It's morning already?!
Cosmo: Nothing like twelve seconds of sleep to make you ready to take on the day! Boy, you look terrible!
Timmy: That's be'cause I need more than twelve seconds of sleep! I wish it was totally dark for twelve hours!
Wanda: No light at all? Timmy, that's dangerous. Think of the horrible accidents that could happen!
Timmy: Oh, you're right. I wish it was dark for twelve hours but I had this flashlight to find the bathroom.
Cosmo: Good call! We don't want you using the fishbowl again!
[Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish. The sun and all other stars in the sky disappear. The lights in town turn off and the moon disappears. Only the characters' eyes shine in the blackness]
Wanda: Timmy, there's a fun fact you should know about the dark. A scary story that's really true... called "The Scary Fairies"!
Cosmo: Ah! This story's just as terrifying! It has words in it, too! [flies away and hits something that breaks] Um, Timmy? Wanda broke your TV.
Wanda: The legend says if fairies go for more than eight hours in the dark, we turn into vicious, crazy, fanged beasts who eat their godkids.
Timmy: What?! [beat] Ohhhh... I get it... You're trying' to get back at me for scaring Poof. Nice try! Going to sleep now. Totally not scared.
Wanda: OK, Mr. Fearless. But when you wake up lightly seasoned in a pot of boiling water, don't say we didn't warn you. [disappears]
Timmy: [looking at a digital alarm clock] 4 p.m.? Ah! Ten hours of sleep. Just what I needed! [sarcastically] Ooh! I wonder if Cosmo and Wanda are "scary fairies" now. [laughs] Hey, why am I in the bathtub? And what's cooking? It smells delicious! Where's the flashlight? [turns on the flashlight, revealing that he is in a cauldron with water and carrots] Uh-oh. This isn't a bathtub! But I do smell delicious.
Wanda: Hi, Timmy.
Cosmo: You're looking well roasted.
[Timmy shines the flashlight on the fairies, revealing that they have ragged hair and pointed teeth and are holding knives and forks]
Timmy: Uh, don't you mean well rested?
Cosmo and Wanda: No!
[Timmy screams and zips away and the fairies dive into the cauldron]
Timmy: [covers the cauldron] That should hold 'em! Now to get outta here.
[Timmy trips on a ball. The flashlight turns off as he bounces and falls down the stairs]
Timmy: Uhh, stairs. Then I must be in the— [screams and falls down more stairs] Living room. Man, that was a long fall.
Mr. Turner: Eeh, sorry, son! I just waxed the stairs. And added more of them!
Mrs. Turner: What happened to the light? Is it a power outage or an eclipse?
Chet Ubetcha: [offscreen] This is Chet Ubetcha saying it's not a power outage and your eyes are open!
Mr. Turner: Oh good, honey, you found a radio.
Mrs. Turner: No, I didn't.
Chet: [opens his eyes] This just in: It's dark in Dimmsdale and I'm lost! This also just in: A circus train has derailed in the dark! The crash has freed a pack of rare and hungry saber-toothed tigers with night vision! Citizens are advised to stay home and not do anything to attract the savage carnivores! [walks, then falls screaming]
Mr. Turner: Eeh, sorry, Chet! I just installed a new trap door in the living room!
Mrs. Turner: Saber-toothed tigers on the loose? Oh, looks like I picked a bad day to thaw out all our frozen beef!
Mr. Turner: And I picked a bad time to smear my naked body in cat food!
Timmy: Dad's naked?
[Tigers open their eyes, growl and lick their lips. Mr. and Mrs. Turner run away screaming and the tigers go after them. Timmy screams and runs away]
Wanda: Oh Timmy, we're back to normal.
Cosmo: And we totally don't want to eat you anymore.
[Timmy turns on the flashlight, revealing that Wanda is sprinkling salt on him and Cosmo is holding a spatula. The fairies' eyes are bloodshot]
Timmy: You don't? [screams] Scary fairies lie! [starts running away from the fairies] There's the front door. I'm outta here!
[Timmy runs outside and shuts the door, which the fairies' heads crash through. He turns off the flashlight and falls off the front step, then screams and lands]
Mr. Turner: Sorry, son. I moved our house to the top of a hill because the view is so much better. [beat] You'll see what I mean if we live to see the sun rise again.
Mrs. Turner: In the meantime, we're going to drag our lacerated bodies to the hospital, sweetie. You be careful.
[Mr. and Mrs. Turner crawl away. Mr. Turner moans]
Timmy: Is she kidding? I'm not moving from this spot until this wish is over! [a cell phone rings, and he answers the call] Hello?
Mr. Turner: [over the phone] Eh, hi, Timmy! Forgot to tell you—when I moved the house to the top of the hill, I also moved it closer to the freeway! Have fun!
[A truck honks and hits Timmy, who sees the fairies driving it. He screams and dives away from the truck. A train approaches]
Timmy: Oh no! Train!
[Timmy gets hit by the train and sees Wanda conducting it. She presses a Timmy-shaped stamp against the side of the train. He screams and zips away from the train. An airplane is heard]
Timmy: Don't tell me. Airport? [turns on the flashlight, revealing a pink plane the fairies are in]
Cosmo: Prepare for take-off!
[Timmy runs away screaming, and the landing gear snags his shirt as the plane takes off. The shirt rips and he screams and lands on a trampoline]
Timmy: [using the flashlight to read a sign] Dimmsdale Trampoline Emporium? All right! And I bet after all that, I only have a few minutes of darkness left! [looking at his watch] Ninety minutes more? [turns off the flashlight] Oh, come on!
[A helicopter shows up and a glowingFcomes down in front of Timmy. He turns on the flashlight, revealing that theFis on a paper held by a suspended Mr. Crocker]
Timmy: Mr. Crocker? What are you doing?
Mr. Crocker: I figured it was you who plunged Dimmsdale into complete darkness. So, I hopped in the Crocker Copter to find you and say: F! Thanks to the nuclear reactor I built in the basement, all my Fs now glow in the dark! Of course, so does Mother.
Mrs. Crocker: [piloting the helicopter] Ooh, get away, you stupid moths!
Crocker: But I don't! Which means you won't be able to see me sneak into your house to hunt for your... [spasming]fairies! [tigers growl] Wow, I must be really hungry.
Timmy: That wasn't your stomach growling. That was a bunch of escaped saber-toothed tigers with night vision.
Crocker: If that's true, I picked a bad day to wear my new pork chop underpants!
Timmy: You're wearing pork chop underpants?
[The tigers open their eyes]
Crocker: Gah! Take it up, Mother!
[Crocker is lifted away. The tigers attack him offscreen]
Crocker: [screams] Not the pork chops!
Timmy: Phew! Finally, I'm safe! [the phone rings and he answers the call] Hello?
Tootie: [over the phone] Hi, Timmy! It's Tootie! It's dark and scary out—just like my love for you!
Timmy: Uh, yeah. Gee, too bad I'm miles away and you'll never find me.
Tootie: Found you! Now how about a kiss, lover boy? [kisses him]
Timmy: Ah! [runs into a wall] Ah! [again] Ah! [again] Ah! Ah! [again]
[Timmy falls over]
Tootie: Watch out for the brick wall I built to surround our looove!
[Timmy faints. Cut to a heart monitor]
Timmy: [wakes up] Where am I?
Doctor: You're in the hospital, young man. You ran into a brick wall over and over and have been unconscious for an hour.
Timmy: An hour? Sweet! That means I only have half an hour to go!
Doctor: Lucky for you, this young girl has been passionately giving you mouth-to-mouth this whole time.
Tootie: I'll be waiting for you to pass out again, lover boy!
[Timmy screams. Cut to him running away]
Timmy: Thank goodness this hospital is so big! I think I lost Tootie in the operating room.
Cosmo: [offscreen] I want a Timmy-changa!
Wanda: And I want a plate of Tim-sum!
Timmy: Very clever. But you know what, guys? I've decided not to be scared of you anymore. [turns on the flashlight, revealing that the fairies look like monsters] Never mind! You guys are even scarier fairies now! [turns off the flashlight]
Crocker: Did I hear someone mention fairies?
Timmy: Mr. Crocker? What are you doing in the hospital?
Crocker: I had to get those tigers surgically removed from my underwear. I don't know which was worse: the tiger attack or the passionate mouth-to-mouth from Mother. Anywho! I'll take a fairy now, thank you!
[The fairies attack Crocker and his eyes land on the floor]
Crocker: Wow, they're more ferocious than I remember. [leaving] Mother, start the Crocker Copter while I drag my lacerated body toward you.
[The fairies drool on Timmy]
Cosmo: Beating up Mr. Crocker sure worked up an appetite.
Wanda: Yeah! I want a BLT sandwich. That's bacon, lettuce and Tim-mato!
[Timmy screams and runs into something. He turns on the flashlight, revealing Tootie in front of him]
Tootie: There you are, Timmy! I brought a canoe paddle to help you pass out again!
[Timmy screams and notices his parents moaning. They are wrapped in gauze. Tootie hits Timmy with the paddle and the flashlight turns off when he lands. He turns it on and sees the tigers around him, then turns it off and runs away screaming. The tigers, Tootie and the fairies run after him. He runs up stairs and through a door and turns on the flashlight as he skids to the edge of the hospital's roof]
Timmy: Oh no! I think I'm on the roof! That means I'm trapped!
[There is pounding on the door]
Timmy: Wait! [looking at his watch] Only thirty seconds left until the lights come on! I can do this!
[The door falls down and Tootie, the tigers, Timmy's parents and the fairies step toward him]
Timmy: Oh no! Maybe I can't!
[The flashlight flickers and briefly turns off]
Timmy: Five seconds! Four! Three! Two!
[Timmy screams as the others approach. With a flash of light, the scene changes to him screaming on the front step during the day]
Timmy: Nooooo! Stop eating me! [screams, then stops] Wait, the wish is over? The light's back on and I'm not in Cosmo's stomach?
Wanda: Yep! We're back to normal, and just in time, too. You were pretty scared, sport.
Timmy: No, I wasn't.
[Wanda makes the scene dark]
Timmy: Aaah! Yes, I was! I was scared! Turn the lights on!
[It becomes day again]
Cosmo: [laughs] Boy, we really got you, Timmy! I mean... um... [throws a potted plant] Wanda broke your flower pot.
Timmy: Wait a minute. You guys were only pretending to be scary fairies?!
Wanda: Yep! You needed to learn your lesson about scaring Poof.
Timmy: Poof, I'm really sorry I scared you and that I made such a silly wish. I don't ever want that much darkness again! And while there's still daylight, I'm going to enjoy it. [falls off the step screaming]
Mr. Turner: [offscreen] The house is still on a hill, son!
