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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Land Before Timmy" from Season 6, which aired on May 15, 2008.


Transcript[]

[Fade in on the Turners' house]
Cosmo and Wanda: [as roosters] Cock-a-doodle-doo! [Timmy is asleep at his computer]
Timmy: I like the night light. [snores] I got to boogie...
Cosmo and Wanda: [louder] Cock-a-doodle-doo!
Timmy: [wakes up] Aaah! Ben Franklin discovered electricity! [blinks] Guys, what are you doing?
Wanda: The electricity went out and your alarm clock isn't working, so we thought we'd wake you up ourselves.
Cosmo: Yeah. You could say we're your alarm cluck. [he, Poof, and Timmy laugh]
Timmy: The power's out? But I have to finish my report on Ben Franklin before school! I wish the electricity was back on! [Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish, and he starts typing on the computer]
Wanda: [reading what Timmy is typing] "Ben Franklin is considered the father of technology because he discovered electricity and invented the stove and the disco ball. The End."
Timmy: What? I'm not going' for an A.
Wanda: I'm just going to take a shot here, but did you skip your homework last night so you and Cosmo could have a disco-dancing mechanical bull–riding party again?
Timmy and Cosmo: Uh... [Cosmo is on a mechanical bull on a disco floor] no! [the bull moos]
Timmy: Relax, Wanda. My report on the dead guy who flew a kite in a storm like an idiot is done! Let's celebrate! ["Celebrate!" appears on the computer screen. A printer starts printing out the report] Isn't technology great? [before finishing, the printer breaks, causing a blackout that stops the disco music Cosmo is listening to]
Cosmo: What gives? What happened to that phat, dance-able beat, yo?
Timmy: Oh no! Technology ate my paper! Okay, don't panic, Turner. Just get Dad to drive you to school early and print the report on the library's computer. [cut to Mr. Turner driving him to school]
Mr. Turner: Don't worry, son! My satellite navigation system will get you to school quickly!
Timmy: Uh, school's back there. You just passed it.
Mr. Turner: Shh! Don't give it any hints!
GPS: [beeps] Turn right, into tree. [Mr. Turner smiles and crashes into the tree. The car's air bags pop out]
Mr. Turner: Isn't technology great? And ow!
Timmy: Oh no! School's about to start! [running into Dimmsdale Elementary] I'll just hand in my notes on old' Ben Frankie-Boy and hope for a D. [he stops in front of his locker, which has a fingerprint scanner on it]
Scanner: Fingerprint identification, please.
Timmy: What? When was this installed?
Scanner: Yesterday. Isn't technology great? [Timmy puts his hand on the scanner] Fingerprint dirty. Access denied. Initiate intruder prevention system. [alarms come out of the ceiling and beep, and metal bars and doors cover the locker. A mechanical boot comes out of the floor and kicks Timmy, who flies screaming into his seat in Mr. Crocker's classroom]
Mr. Crocker: Turner! Nice entrance! You'd get an A if I graded those. [spasming] But I don't! Now hand over your report on Ben Franklin!
Timmy: Uh, I don't have—
Crocker: I was hoping you'd say that! Time for the Reject Ejector seat! [presses a button that makes Timmy's seat lie flat] Failure in the hole! [the seat springs up, launching Timmy screaming out of the school] Isn't technology great? [Timmy lands in his room. Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof appear]
Timmy: Technology stinks!
Wanda: Timmy, technology's given you lots of important things, like television and the internet.
Cosmo: And the mechanical bull! Giddy-up! [the bull springs up, launching him screaming into the ceiling] Too much up, not enough giddy!
Timmy: Well, I'm done with all the annoying modern stuff that keeps letting me down. I wish there was no more technology! [Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish; everything in the house turns into stone or fur. Timmy looks out the window] Awesome! I'm Timmy Turnstone. We're in pre-technological times; free of all annoying technology! And underwear! [jumps out the window and slides down a dinosaur's back] Scooba dabba dee! [laughs and lands on the ground]
Cosmo: I hear you, Timmy! [sliding down the dinosaur] This place rocks! [slams into rock] Ow. Rocks.
Timmy: There are no computers to crash, cars to crash, or Reject Ejectors to make me crash. It's so peaceful. [a pterodactyl picks up a cave person and he scream]
Cosmo: Except for the loud screams of doomed cave people. Hey, he's not wearing any underwear!
Wanda: You can't stop progress, sport. Technology will continue to advance because people will always invent new things to help aid survival.
Crocker: Eureka! I've invented school!
Timmy: Aw, come on! How does that help survival? [cut to inside the school, where Crocker is addressing Timmy and other students]
Crocker: Hello, I'm Mr. Rocker. Here's how school works. You sit there, and I'll stand here and yell at you! Now for today's lesson on ancient history, or, as I like to call it, yesterday. [beat] Hmmm. Nothing's happened yet, so there's nothing to teach.
Students: Yay!
Crocker: So, I will now invent... the rock quiz! [throws stone tablets at the students]
Boy: Learning hurts! [a tyrannosaur tears the roof off and roars. Crocker screams, and the T-rex grabs him with its teeth]
Crocker: Class dismissed! Forever! [screams as the T-rex takes him away]
Students: Yay! / Woo-hoo! [fade to Cosmo, Wanda, and Timmy swinging on vines]
Timmy: This is great! No school means I can swing on vines and swim in the river all day! The no technology life is the good life! [the three of them land in the river]
Cosmo: It sure is! And, since indoor plumbing hasn't been invented yet, all the world's your bathroom! [he defecates, and the elephants behind him leave in annoyance. Fade to the Turners' house]
Timmy: I'm home! What's for dinner?
Mr. Turner: Good news, son! I'm not wearing any underwear, and I've invented grocery shopping!
Timmy: Uh, don't you mean "hunting"?
Mr. Turner: Doh, that sounds even better! [to Mrs. Turner] Good news, honey! I've invented grocery hunting! [heads outside]
Mrs. Turner: Careful with that spear, dear.
Mr. Turner: Don't worry! I know how to hold the sharp, pointy part toward my body for safety! [runs offscreen] Ow! Has anyone invented the spear remover?
Mrs. Turner: Uh, don't worry, Timmy. Knowing your dad's complete inability to provide for us, I've taken the liberty of inventing a new specialty! [pours water into a bowl of rocks] Rock soup! Don't forget your napkin! [drops a stone tablet on Timmy. A rock is thrown through the window and hits him]
Timmy: Ow! [reading the message on the rock] "Meet us in the treehouse. Signed AJ." [another rock hits him] Ow! "P.S.—I just invented instant messaging." [frowns in annoyance. Fade to him swinging into the treehouse; to Chester and AJ] Hey, best friends in loincloths! Ready to have some fun?
Chester: What's fun? No one's invented that yet.
Timmy: Then what do we do all day? [a pterodactyl perches on the window and roars]
AJ: What we do every day...
Chester and AJ: Try and stay alive! [the three of them swing away screaming. Fade to the Turners' house at night]
Mrs. Turner: Okay, sweetheart. Night-night.
Timmy: [lies on his bed of rock] This rock bed is kind of cold.
Mrs. Turner: Ooh, then let me get you a rock to keep you warm. [drops a big stone tablet on him] Hooray! I just invented the blanket! [fade to the kitchen in the morning. Timmy painfully cracks his back] Did you sleep well, honey?
Timmy: Like a log on a rock! The beds might be a little hard on the back but this technology-free life still— [Mrs. Turner sets a bowl of rocks with milk in front of him] rocks? Rock soup again?
Mrs. Turner: No, this is rock cereal. [leaves. A rock is thrown through the window and hits Timmy]
Timmy: Ow! [falls on the floor] Instant messaging hurts!
Chester: No, this is a new game I just invented called dodge rock.
Timmy: Don't you mean dodgeball?
AJ: What's a ball? [he and Chester throw rocks at Timmy]
Chester: [to Timmy] Dude, you stink at dodge rock.
AJ: [sniffs] Actually, you just stink, period.
Timmy: Well, I haven't taken my bath yet.
Chester and AJ: What's a bath? [fade to the now-brown river, which people are using as a bathroom]
Timmy: Hmm. That whole "all the world's your bathroom" thing sounded cool.
Cosmo: Cannonball! [dives into the river, splashing filthy water on Timmy, Wanda, and Poof]
Wanda: [to Timmy] Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you admit this is a lame wish and we go home, where there's technology like indoor plumbing?
Timmy: No way! Gimme one good reason, besides indoor plumbing, which is nice, to go back to modern times. [volcanoes rumble and people scream]
Wanda: How about volcanoes? [a volcano shoots out lava bombs. One of them sets a tree by Mr. and Mrs. Turner on fire, making them scream]
Mr. Turner: The volcanoes are erupting! [jumps into his wife's arms] Hey, I've invented panicking!
Mrs. Turner: If only someone had invented a fire department to save us! I bet those so-called "firemen" would be very handsome. [a rudimentary fire truck stops in front of her]
Cave Firemen: Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock.
Mrs. Turner: Oooh, [drops her husband] I was right!
Timmy: Okay, I give! Technology can be good! I wish we had it back!
Cosmo and Wanda: You got it! [they shake their wands]
Timmy: What's going on? Why didn't the toilet river and burning sky disappear?
Wanda: [looking at the bottom of her wand] Oh no! Our wands require "1.21 Wishowatts of power" to activate their wish capacitors.
Timmy: And since this is prehistoric times, there's no power! [people scream as lava flows down the volcanoes]
Cosmo: Whose brilliant idea was it to build a town at the base of four volcanoes anyway?
Timmy: C'mon! [starts running] We're going to have to create technology and power the wands ourselves! [fade to him running on a wooden wheel connected to a generator connected to the wands] The lava's almost here—good thing I had time to build this big hamster wheel! All I have to do is run really fast and generate enough energy to spark the wands. [Cosmo leans on the wheel's axle, pushing the wheel off its base, and screams. Timmy screams as he rolls off a cliff and crashes offscreen]
Cosmo: Hey, Timmy! You just invented the wheel! Now we just need someone to invent doctors. [fade to later]
Timmy: [rubbing the wands together over firewood] I'll just rub the wands together to create a spark. Then we'll use the fire to boil water, and the steam will then power the steam engine—which hasn't been invented yet. [the rubbing ignites the wood. Firemen notice the fire]
Firemen: Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. [putting out the fire with rocks] Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. [they give thumbs-ups. Timmy frowns. Fade to the lava closing in on the town]
Cave People: [walking away from lava] Agh! Help. Save us.
Wanda: That lava sure takes a while.
Cosmo: Yeah, you'd think four volcanoes erupting at once would give it a little more speed.
Wanda: Good thing the dreamy fire department is here to deal with it. [lightning strikes a tree, setting it on fire] And the lightning!
Firemen: [offscreen] Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.
Timmy: Wait! Lighting! That's it! Thanks to my report on Ben Franklin, I know that all we need to generate power to the wands is... a kite! Cosmo, how would you like to invent air travel? [fade to Cosmo holding the wands. He is tied to a flying pterodactyl being used as a kite]
Cosmo: This is a pretty turbulent flight, Timmy! I think I'm about to invent air sickness! [Timmy is flying the kite. Lava is approaching him, Wanda, and Poof. Lightning strikes]
Wanda: Oh no! Hurry, Timmy! [lightning strikes Cosmo, powering the wands. A smoldering Cosmo falls to the ground. Wanda takes her wand]
Firemen: Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. [throwing rocks at Cosmo] Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock.
Timmy: I wish we had technology again, and everything was back to normal! [Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish. Fade to Crocker's classroom, where disco music is playing and Timmy is riding a mechanical bull] So, from Ben Franklin and a simple kite to disco-dancing and bull-riding, technology can benefit us so long as we don't let it overwhelm us. The End.
Crocker: Turner! I'm impressed! Your report was actually informative and well-researched. Plus, I could dance to it. [dancing] Shake your booty!
Timmy: Then I don't get the Reject Ejector chair?
Crocker: No! You get the A-jector chair. It's like passing... with pain! Giddy-up! [pulls a lever. The bull springs up, launching Timmy screaming through the ceiling] I'm on fire!
Firemen: Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. [throwing rocks at Crocker] Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock. Rock.
Crocker: I hate dodge rock! [iris out. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]