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Lame Ducks
Season 9, Episode 27
Prod. Code: 141A
Premiered: July 30, 2014
Wish: Timmy wishes for one more house in Dimmsdale
Headgag: Toilet
Written by:
  Sindy Spackman
Storyboard by:
  Jim Mortensen
Butch Hartman
Directed by:
  Michelle Bryan
Produced by:
  Ray DeLaurentis
Randy Saba
Art Direction:
  Ernie Gilbert
Music Direction:
  Guy Moon

Full Credits:
  Lame Ducks - Credits
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« Transcript »

Lame Ducks is the 27th episode of Season 9 of The Fairly OddParents!


Mr. Turner starts a neighborhood watch program to catch a successful burglar in Dimmsdale. Dad has many difficulties catching the thief. Timmy wishes for a new house as an opportunity to catch the thief but the thief takes the magic wands. So how will dad catch the bad burglar?


The Turners drive away from the Megaplex after watching a video.

The cinema "Megaplex 32"

Timmy talks about the detective movie that the family just saw. Mom adds that she loves Sherlock Homely Movies and that he is so homely and must be smart. Cosmo is in disguise as the tall box container of Popcorn and Wanda is in disguise as a cup. Timmy says that he cannot believe that the butler committed the crime. Mr. Turner asks, "What Butler?" He says that the movie was about a giant lizard monster that destroyed Poughkeepsie. Mrs. Turner says that he wandered into the wrong theater again. Cosmo says that he wandered into the wrong theater too. He says that there was hot oil and popping sounds. Wanda says that Cosmo wandered into the popcorn machine. He says that would explain the imitation butter flavoring in his pants. He calls it, "But Butter". The Turners arrive home to find that all but the door has been taken. Timmy asks what happened to the house. Mr. Turner screams and says that they have been robbed. He says that they took everything, the furniture, the TV, even the walls. Mrs. Turner says that if they had a butler, she would blame him. Sparky walks up and Timmy asks why Sparky did not stop the burglar. He says that he did not see a burglar because he was too busy helping the mover with the ski mask on put all of their stuff in an unmarked van. Timmy says that that was the burglar. Sparky realizes his mistake and apologizes and then says that he thought they were moving somewhere better than "this dump". He says that the house doesn't even have walls. Chet Ubetcha walks in talking into a churro. He says that a burglar has been robbing houses all over Dimmsdale. The burglar has been taking everything including his microphone, which is why he is talking into a churro. He says, "This just in. It is a Mexican Donut". Mr. Dinkleberg shows up with a truck bed full of replicas of the Turners' stuff. He also brought money. Mr. Turner takes the money and tells Mr. Dinkleberg to get off the Turners' lawn.

The next day, Timmy and Sparky are in the hallway. Timmy says that he is glad that the house is back to normal and that Mr. Dinkleberg brought replicas of Timmy's stuff. As he is saying this he walks into his room. He adds that they can forget the burglary happened. Mr. Turner comes in and says that they can never forget the burglary. To stop the burglary he is starting a neighborhood watch program. He says that the burglar stole his watch and that the burglar is more cunning than he thought. Timmy corrects him by saying that Mr. Turner doesn't wear a watch. Mr. Turner complements Timmy's detective work. He says that he could use Timmy on his team. Timmy says that his dad is not a detective. Mr. Turner says he might as well be. He says that he has seen every Sherlock Homely movie ever made, except for the one Timmy and Mrs. Turner saw last night. He is calling the neighborhood watch program meeting in the living room. In the living room, there are several empty stools, a podium, and a projector screen. Timmy says that he does not think anyone wants to join the neighborhood watch. A tumbleweed tumbles by. He says that it is because the burglar stole their sense of justice. Mr. Crocker walks in and greets Mr. Turner and says that he is there to join the neighborhood watch program. Timmy asks if Mr. Crocker was robbed. Mr. Crocker says that he was not and that he is there because he wants to complain to the burglar for not stealing his mother. He adds that he left her on the porch with a note that read, "Please steal me", but it did not happen. The burglar however, did take his dice. Mr. Turner says that now that they are all here, he is going to take out his official detective case. He takes out a brief case that read, "The Protective Detective Case" and has a magnifying glass on the cover. Mr. Turner takes out a magnifying glass, a black mustache, and a pipe with bubbles that come out when blown into it. He says that because they are detectives, they will need a name that will strike fear in every criminal out there. He takes a hat that has a duck them and has "D.U.C.K.S" written on it and says that they will be called, "The Dimmsdale Uncover Crime Killer Squad". Timmy says, So, we're the D.U.C.K.S.?" Mr. Turner says that of course they are. He adds that nothing strikes more fear into the heart of thieves, than duck hats. He says that he stole them from Mr. Dinkleberg, so technically, he is their first suspect. He says that from now on, they will call him by his code name, "Major Mallard". He takes a hat, puts it on Timmy's head, and says that his code name is, "Lucy Goosey". Timmy complains about his code name. Mr. Turner takes a hat, puts it on Mr. Crocker's head, dand says that his code name is, "Mr. Quackers". Mr. Crocker asks if he can be called, "The Falcon" because it is is a cool name and might get him a date. Mr. Turner says that falcons have nothing to do with crime. He adds that everyone knows that ducks are nature's crime fighters. He adds that they go south for the winter to bust perpetrators. He says that if they are going to catch a burglar, they are going to have to set up a stake out.

A restaurant called, "The Stakeout Steakhouse", which looks like a bull with binoculars, is shown. Mr. Turner's voice can be heard saying, "I love steak outs!" The interior is shown. Mr. Turner, Timmy, and Mr. Crocker are shown at a booth table. They all have steak, creamed corn, and peas on their plates. They are all still wearing the duck hats. Mr. Turner finishes his thought by saying, "especially with creamed corn." Mr. Turner leans over to Timmy and adds that he really loves cream corn. Timmy tells his father that he does not think that a stakeout means going out and getting stake. Mr. Crocker says that he once worked at a steakhouse. He adds that he only worked there to steal forks. He says that that reminds him that he needs to put his mother outside with a note for the burglar that reads, "Great for pulling your plow". He adds that his mother has the cankles of a Clydesdale horse. The Burglar arrives at the restaurant. The D.U.C.K.S. are enjoying steak. The burglar sneaks past the D.U.C.K.S. while his face is covered and then sneaks right in front of them

the burglar steals right in front of them

carrying the cash register. He also steals a wagon of steaks. Mr. Turner finishes chewing and says that the steak is delicious and that they should look for the burglar when they are done. when he says this, the burglar walks by. He talks to the burglar, who he thinks is the waiter. The burglar is trying to steal a cow. The burglar freezes. Mr. Turner asks if he can get a doggy bag. The burglar apologizes and says that their table is not his and he steals Mr. Turner's plate of food. He laughs and takes the cow. Timmy tells his father that he thinks the "waiter" is the burglar. Mr. Turner tells them to go into the "Duck Truck", using their code names.

A van with a duck head on the top, wings taped to the sides, a tail in the back, and "D.U.C.K.S. written on it is shown. Mr. Turner is mostly out of the window of the truck and now has a duck call whistle. Mr. Turner tells "Mr. Quackers" to floor it. Mr. Crocker tells him that his code name is, "The Falcon", but Mr. Turner says that it is not. Mr. Crocker floors it and Mr. Turner starts to wabble a bit. He sees what he thinks is the burglar and uses the duck call whistle, summoning ducks. He tells the ducks to arrest the person. Timmy corrects him and says that he is just a Guy taking out his trash. The ducks fly over him and the Duck Truck stops on the guy's trash cans. Some ducks are shown on the top of the Duck Truck. Mr. Turner turns to Timmy and says that he should trust him because he has the mind of a defective. Timmy corrects him by saying that he thinks that Mr. Turner means "Detective". Mr. Turner leaps out the window. After messing with the man, he is thrown back into the Duck Truck in a trash can. Mr. Crocker says that he thinks that Mr. Turner had it right. The scene changes to show a duck picking at some trash on Mr. Turner's hat. Mr. Turner blows the whistle again. The ducks are attentive and some more fly in. He says that there is someone in Mrs. Schwimmer's House. Timmy says that the person is Mrs. Schwimmer. Mr Turner says that that is exactly what the burglar wants them to think. Mrs. Schwimmer is shown washing her dentures. The D.U.C.K.S. bust in and Mr. Turner, who still has a duck on his hat, says that the burglar is busted. Mr. Turner introduces that team. Mr. Crocker says that he is "The Falcon" and Mr. Turner says, "Shut your beak, Mr. Quackers." He adds to pat the suspect for the stolen loot. The two Turners leave to get more steak, leaving Mr. Crocker with Mrs. Schwimmer. She screams with a frying pan and chases him around. Mr. Crocker asks why he is always stuck with an old lady. He adds that he thinks that he attracts them like a free bus to Reno. Mrs. Schwimmer starts hitting Mr. Crocker with the frying pan. The chase continues. Back at the Turner House, Ducks have gathered in the house. Timmy is in the living room with Cosmo and Wanda in Duck Form. Mr. Turner and Mr. Crocker are looking at an evidence board. Mr. Turner says that after thorough investigating in his duck hat, he has concluded that the burglar is Mr. Dinkleberg. Timmy says that Mr. Dinkleberg is clean. Nothing they found leads to him. Mr. Turner says, "Oh, really? Then, how do you explain these stolen duck hats?" Timmy says that Mr. Turner stole it from Mr. Dinkleberg. Mr. Turner angrily tells him that his codename is "Major Mallard" and to stop twisting his words. He adds that he will not be a victim of the witch hunt. He storms off. Mr. Crocker follows him. Timmy tells his fairies that he is worried about his dad. Timmy says that all of his dad's crazy detective work is going to get his father in trouble. Wanda says that Timmy should not worry because no one would believe his crazy theories. Mr. Turner is shown holding a black marker. Mr. Crocker is watching Mr. Turner. The image of Mr. Dinkleberg has been edited to look like he is in a black and white striped prison uniform. Mr. Turner then adds a mask. Mr. Crocker thinks that Mr. Turner is right. Mr. Crocker heads to the door. While he does this, in the third person, Mr. Crocker, calling himself, "the Falcon", he says that he will ask Mr. Dinkleberg why did not take his mother. When he opens the door he finds an angry mob with signs that read, "Turners go home!", "Forever!", and "No takebacks!". Chet Ubetcha steps in front of the crowd and says, now with his microphone, that Mr. Turner has angered half the town and that an angry mob has formed demanding that the Turners leave Dimmsdale forever. He adds that the angry mob would have brought pitchforks and torches, but they were stolen. Mr. Crocker says that he hasn't seen a mob this angry since the school ran out of powdered donuts at Parent-Teacher Night. He says that he is leaving. He cannot leave because the burglar stole the Duck Truck. He, along with the ducks, join the mob. Mr. Turner screams and runs into the house. Mr. Turner says that now the ducks have turned against him. He sees that he has creamed corn on his shoes and corrects himself. Outside, the angry mob, is chanting, "Get Timmy's Dad". Sad, Mr. Turner tells his son that he has failed. He adds that every house in Dimmsdale was robbed and he couldn't stop it. He says that he is not fit to wear his duck hat. He takes of his hat and a duck is on his head. He tells Timmy to pack his stuff, so they can leave town. They will pick up steaks on the way out. Sparky says that he isn't hungry because he ate a duck. He says, "...let's blow this joint." Timmy says no and says that he does not want to move. He adds that he has to find a way to catch the burglar and fix his father's reputation. Wanda asks how he is going to do it. She adds that every house in Dimmsdale has been robbed. He wishes that Dimmsdale had one more house. Cosmo and Wanda Poof up a mansion that looks similar to the Buxaplenty Mansion. Mr. Turner walks in with two suitcases and says that he is being run out of town, adding, "The story of my life." Timmy tells his father that he cannot give up on the D.U.C.K.S. because there is still one more house that has not been robbed. Timmy suggests that he Mr. Turner can use this house to trap the burglar. Mr. Turner says that he does not remember that house, but what they have learned is that he does not pay attention. Mr. Turner puts on his "D.U.C.K.S." hat. He, along with Timmy, and some ducks walk up to the house on a path that has diamonds on the side of the walkway. Timmy says that when the burglar arrives, Mr. Turner will be there to stop him. Mr. Turner says that when he does, he will prove that everyone was wrong about him. Timmy is now holding a duck call whistle. They both use their whistles. Mr. Turner knocks on the door that has a label that reads, "FM". The door opens and he looks down to see Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof dressed up like fancy people. Cosmo introduces the family as "The Super Rich, Fairymans". He offers Mr. Turner a Fabergé egg. (He calls it a "fancy egg") Mr. Turner takes it and thanks him. He says that he likes "Mr. Fairyman"'s green hair. He says, when your rich, you can really get away with anything. Cosmo says that that is right and that they are super rich. He takes a wheelbarrow full of gold bricks and says that he has to let his gold dry. The burglar is near where Cosmo releases the gold from the wheelbarrow. Wanda points out that the diamonds on their diamond tree are ripe. Cosmo says that the diamonds will go great in Wanda's "Diamond-Mango Salad". The burglar pops his head out of the tree. Cosmo asks Timmy, Mr. Turner, and the Ducks to stay for dinner. Mr. Turner says sure. Mr. Turner tells Timmy that it is going to be hard for him to rob the Fairymans. They walk into the house. Mr. Turner holds the door for another duck. Wanda tells Mr. Turner not to close the door because rich people find it to be a hassle. They walk away. The Burglar steals a duck. Mr. Turner says that he will dust for finger paints. Timmy corrects him, by saying, "fingerprints". Mr. Turner accidentally throws some dust on Timmy. He finds a bust and throws dust on it, it makes the bust look like a clown. He throws dust on Cosmo, making him look like a clown. Mr. Turner continues to throw dust. Timmy asks, "Aren't you supposed to dust for fingerprints and block of the crime scene after a crime?" The scene expands to show Cosmo, Wanda, Timmy, and Mr. Turner in a room with Crime Tape all-around. Mr. Turner says that he is the defective around there. The burglar says, "You sure are." He uses a rope to tie the four up. Mr. Turner says, "Oh, no. It's the waiter." Timmy corrects him and says that it is the burglar. Wanda points out that he has Cosmo and Wanda's wands. Wanda then realizes that Mr. Turner is there and calls them their "really expensive salad tongs". He says that because of Mr. Turner's terrible watch program, stealing has been easy. He says that he is going to steal one more thing before he has some cake. He steals Mr. Turner's duck call whistle. Mr. Turner talks to the burglar seriously. He tells the burglar that he can rob his house and humiliate me in front of the whole town, but nobody steals his duck call. he stands up and the dust box falls. It leans towards the burglar and covers him with smoke. which makes him sneeze. He lands in the police tape, where he is caught. Timmy tells his dad that his detective skills payed off. He says that it is because good always triumphs over evil. He leans to a large gold bowl with flowers and diamonds in it. He takes one out and tells Timmy to do the same. Outside, the angry mob has moved to the Fairyman Mansion. Mr. Turner opens the door and drags the criminal out. The angry mob, turns into a happy mob. Mr. Turner, the thief, and the ducks ride the mosh pit. The next day or days later, a line of people with meatloaves are outside the Fairyman Mansion greeting the new neighbors. A woman give Wanda her meatloaf and Wanda thanks her. Wanda asks Cosmo what they are going to do with 800 meatloaves. Cosmo says, "You know what they say, 'When life gives you meatloaves, make lemonade.'." He drinks a glass of lemonade. He says that it is bad lemonade. The screen turns black and Mr. Crocker appears and says, "I'm the Falcon. Call Me."

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