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The Fairly OddParents episode transcript
"Inspection Detection"
Season №: 2
Episode №: 4
Airdate: March 8, 2002
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents episode, "Inspection Detection" from season 2, which aired on March 8, 2002.


Script

(The Turner's house; evening; Mr. and Mrs. Turner are seen eating cereal)
Mr. Turner: Honey, you've outdone yourself again. What do you call this?
Mrs. Turner: Cold cereal and milk!
Mr. Turner: It's marvelous! (with hearts floating above) I'm falling in love with you all over again.
Chet Ubetcha: (on TV) Good evening, Dimmsdale, I'm Chet Ubetcha. This just in: shoplifting rampage continues at the Wall 2 Wall Mart. Items stolen include a computer, (Timmy is seen walking past his parents with a computer) a basketball, (Timmy is seen walking past his parents and bouncing a basketball) a snowmobile and a whole scale wax replica of the Crimson Chin! (Timmy is seen driving past his parents on a snowmobile, hauling a Crimson Chin wax statue)
Mr. Turner: Honey, did you notice all of those nice things Timmy has? I don't remember getting him those nice things. Why don't I have nice things? I want some nice things!
Chet Ubetcha: (on TV) If you have any information on the shoplifter, go up to your son's room and confront him immediately!
(Mr. and Mrs. Turner look at each other; fade to Timmy's room, which is full of nice things; Timmy is seen writing down wishes on a notepad; Cosmo and Wanda pop up)
Cosmo: Thanks for getting us ready for Fairy Inspection Day, Timmy!
Wanda: All this extra wishing you've been doing, it's putting us (in muscular body) in tip-top shape to impress the fairy inspector when he (back to normal) grades us on our (hearts floating above her and Cosmo) fairyness!
Timmy: No problem, guys. And look at all these nice things I've gotten out of the deal!
(footsteps are heard; Cosmo and Wanda disguise themselves as fish while Timmy eats his wish list.)
Mr. Turner: (off-screen) Young man, (on-screen) where did you get all these nice things?
Timmy: Uh... (gulps) internet?
Mr. Turner: And where did you get the internet?
(Timmy stammers)
Mr. Turner: (gasp) He's stammering! Our son is the Wall 2 Wall Mart shoplifter! (lets out a girly shriek and falls down)
Timmy: What?! You think I stole this stuff, do you?
(Mr. Turner shrieks again)
Timmy: (aside glance) That's a yes. (to Mr. Turner) But I didn't do it!
(Mr. Turner shrieks for a third time and faints)
Mrs. Turner: That's it, young man! (grabs her husband by his feet) You know you're not supposed to make your dad scream like a girl three times in one day! When he wakes up, you're in a lot of trouble! (gets out of Timmy's room with her husband; the door to Timmy's room closes; Cosmo and Wanda poof into their normal form)
Timmy: Great, now my parents think I'm a thief! I wish you guys would get rid of all this stuff.
(Cosmo and Wanda raise their wands; TIDY! All of the nice things that Timmy wished for disappear; Timmy gets raised in the air by Cosmo and Wanda.)
Timmy: I can't have my parents thinking I'm a shoplifter. And I can't tell them you guys made me all that stuff. Look, no more wishes for a while, okay? (falls down)
Wanda: But you have to make wishes! That's what Fairy Inspection Day is about!
Timmy: Well, this stinks! When's the inspection?
Jorgen: (off-screen) It begins now!
(an explosion happens behind Timmy; Jorgen Von Strangle appears)
Timmy: Oh no, it's Jorgen Von Strangle, the toughest fairy in the universe! He's the fairy inspector?!
Jorgen: You have a problem with that? (points his wand at Timmy; which glows red)
Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda: Uhhh...
Jorgen: GOOD! There are three parts to the inspection: responsibility, number of wishes, happiness. (grabs Cosmo and Wanda) Is that the face of a happy child?!
Cosmo: Well, uh, not...(nervously chuckles) happy, but...
Jorgen: F! (puts the F grade beside "Happiness") If you get an F on two of those three tasks, I will send you back to the Fairy Academy (shows a portal; which then fades to Jorgen watching over fairy cadets) for 1000 years of re-training!
(Cut back to Timmy's room)
Timmy: Look, uh, this is a really bad day.
Jorgen: Why?
Timmy: Uh...
Mr. and Mrs. Turner: (off-screen) Timmy!
Timmy: Coming! (attempts to run away)
Wanda: But Timmy, we need you to make wishes!
Timmy: Just stall him. As soon as I sort this out, I'll come back.
Mr. and Mrs. Turner: (angrily shouting) TIMMY!!!
(Timmy runs off; fade to black; Timmy's eyes are seen in the dark; Timmy is now standing above a light; which is revealed to be from his father's flashlight)
Mr. Turner: We're going to ask you point blank, son. Are you a shoplifter?
Timmy: No! In fact, if you don't believe me, use my new lie detector. (puts on the lie detector helmet)
Mr. Turner: Hey, where'd you get this nice lie detector?
Timmy: Uh, internet?
(the lie detector buzzes negatively; a green pointing hand pops up with the word "LIE!" on it, pointing at Timmy; Timmy's parents gasp, with Mr. Turner jumping into Mrs. Turner's hands)
Mrs. Turner: Oh, Timmy, this calls for drastic measures.
(fade to black again; Timmy's eyes are seen in the dark; Timmy is now standing in the police line-up, along with Chester, A.J. and Francis)
Timmy: Chester? A.J.? Francis? Where am I?!
Chester: You're in a police line-up.
A.J.: Your mom and dad are trying to show you what kinds of bad things happen to shoplifters.
Francis: (grabs Timmy) And you're in my spot, Turner.
(a walkie talkie pops out of Francis' pocket with the tag "Not Paid For")
Timmy: Hey! (drops out of Francis' hand) Look! (holds the walkie talkie) This was stolen from the Wall 2 Wall Mart! (points at the tag) It even says it's not paid for! (points at Francis) He's the shoplifter, not me! You are my parents, you're supposed to trust me and believe me!
Mrs. Turner: But we do believe you.
Mr. Turner: (points to a policeman) But we believe him, too, and he's got a nice badge. Hey, why don't I have a nice badge?!
Timmy: Fine! If you won't believe me, I've got no choice but to prove I'm innocent. (to Chester and A.J.) Chester, A.J., evasive maneuver 12! (jumps on top of a lamp and points it at Chester; A.J. exposes Chester's braced teeth; the light reflects off Chester's braces and blows a hole in the wall; Francis runs out of the police station; with Timmy going after him)
Cop: Find that punk and get him back here, dead or alive!
Mrs. Turner: What?!
Cop: (stammers) Sorry, alive. Not dead, alive. (chuckles) Got a little carried away.
(Timmy is running from the cops in the streets of Dimmsdale and hides in a trash can)
Timmy: (on walkie talkie) Chester, A.J., come in, over!
A.J.: (on walkie talkie) Timmy? Timmy, where are you? (he and A.J. are revealed to be standing behind Timmy in a trash can) We want to help prove your innocence.
Timmy: (spots Chester and A.J. behind him) Thanks, guys. (jumps out of the trash can)
Chester: We'll always be there for you, dude.
Cop: FREEZE!!!
Chester and A.J.: (pointing at Timmy) It was him! (they run away)
Timmy: (sarcastically) Thanks, guys, you're the best. (goes away)
(Meanwhile; back at Timmy's home; Cosmo and Wanda are showing Jorgen their vacation slides; with Cosmo barfing in a bag as Wanda looks annoyed in front of pyramids)
Cosmo: And this is us on vacation in Egypt.
Wanda: Cosmo had food poisoning.
Cosmo: (next slide; which is the same, but with the Eiffel Tower in the background) And this is us in Paris!
Wanda: Food poisoning.
Cosmo: Fancy food poisoning! (next slide; which is the same, but with a Disney-styled castle in the background) And this is me getting food poisoning in Pidneyland!
Jorgen: (blasts the projection screen) Your puny slide show does not amuse me! (points his red wand at Cosmo and Wanda)
Cosmo: Well, uh, we could just sit here, cowering in fear of you.
Jorgen: (his wand turns yellow) Ooooh! I'll get my camera! (walks off)
(fade to Wall 2 Wall Mart; which is surrounded by policemen and cop cars, a police helicopter flies by; Timmy is shown hiding in a bush)
Timmy: (on walkie talkie) This is Timmy calling. Where are you?
A.J.: (on walkie talkie) We're in front of the store, Timmy.
Chester: (on walkie talkie) But the cops have got us surrounded. (pan to show Chester and A.J. surrounded by policemen and SWAT men with nightsticks) There's no place around here to sneak in.
Francis: Move it, geeks. (shoves Chester and A.J. out of the way)
Cops: (standing still) Hey, Francis!
SWAT Member: Such a good boy.
Timmy: (on walkie talkie) Listen carefully, here's what I need you to do...
(Back at Timmy's home...)
Cosmo: (showing a slide of him and Wanda cowering in fear) And this is us cowering in fear two minutes ago. (next slide; which is the same, but with Cosmo and Wanda in different positions) And this is us cowering in fear thirty seconds ago. (next slide; a close-up of Cosmo and Wanda) And this is us...
Jorgen: STOP! (destroys the projection screen again) Time is almost up. Get your godchild and prepare to be inspected. NOW!!! (blasts Cosmo and Wanda)
Wanda: Who wants some nice TV? (raises her wand; summoning a TV behind Jorgen; which tunes in to show a title card saying "The Timmy Turner Story!")
Announcer: We now return to Shoplifting Shame: the Timmy Turner Story!
Chet Ubetcha: We're live at the Wall 2 Wall Mart where shoplifting fiend Timmy Turner has been captured, returning to the scene of the crime. (the TV shows what appears to be Timmy being escorted by a policeman while covering his face with paper)
Cosmo: (gasp) Captured?!
Chet Ubetcha: Authorities say that pink-hatted scoundrel...
(Jorgen destroys the TV)
Jorgen: So, Timmy was not here at all! Your bumbling has caused the public to think he's a criminal! You failed in your responsibility as fairy godparents! (about to put the F grade beside "Responsibility")
Wanda: So what? (Jorgen pauses) It's just a stupid inspection! You want to send us back to the Fairy Academy, fine! But right now, Timmy needs our help! (poofs away; Jorgen glares at Cosmo)
Cosmo: Don't kill me! (poofs away with a picture of a green chicken and a clucking sound)
Jorgen: They stood up to me and my awesome muscles to save their godchild. Responsibility: A! (puts the A grade beside "Responsibility") But they only have (poofs up an electric clock with 15:00 written on it) 15 minutes left before the end of the inspection and I failed him. (evil laugh)
(fade to outside the Wall 2 Wall Mart)
Cop: We've captured your son, it's all over now!
(Chester and A.J. are shown as silhouettes dressed in Timmy's clothes)
Mrs. Turner: But... we only have one son.
Mr. Turner: (while grabbing the photo of his son) And neither of these two kids are him! (puts the photo down to reveal Chester and A.J. dressed at Timmy)
Cop: You two kids are in big trouble.
Chester and A.J.: (pointing at each other) It was him! (run away)
Timmy: (making his way to the entrance) Chester and A.J. did a great job of distracting those cops! (a siren goes off and a spotlight is shown)
Mrs. Turner: Timmy, please don't shoplift! Especially not twice in the same place!
Timmy: I'M NOT A SHOPLIFTER!!! And I'm gonna make you believe me!
(Timmy goes inside the Wall 2 Wall Mart and looks in amazement, at the shop is laid out like a big city, complete with cable cars, airplanes, a Space Needle lookalike and shopping cars)
Timmy: (echoing) Wow, this place is huge! (sees cops patrolling the "Police Wear" section; runs in the other direction, only to discover Francis stealing tires and whistling innocently) A-ha! See? Francis is the shoplifter! (Francis is seen whistling innocent with a white halo above him while petting a dog; the adults angrily glare at Timmy; Francis shoves the dog into his pants and continues whistling innocently) That's it, I'm outta here! (runs off somewhere else)
(Francis is in the electronics section of the store, stealing two walkie talkies)
Timmy: Alright, Francis, admit it! Admit you're the shoplifter.
Francis: Duh, of course I am. But who cares? Nobody believes you. (chuckles)
Cop: Alright, son, leave this law-abiding gray child alone!
(Francis walks away; Cosmo and Wanda disguise themselves as a camera and a "SALE" sign)
Wanda: Keep an eye on Timmy.
Cosmo: You've got it, Lamb Chop! (looks somewhere else) Oooh, look, there's a sale on lard!
(Timmy looks up and sees Cosmo and Wanda, focuses on Cosmo as a camera)
Timmy: The Cosmo-cam! (climbs up the TV sets to reach Cosmo as his parents and a policeman watch him)
Mr. Turner: Go for the DVD player, it's nice!
(Timmy reaches Cosmo and pushes a button on him, ejecting the tape, and gets the tape, only to see a police helicopter with SWAT teams repelling down)
Timmy: I wish I had a parachute!
(Wanda poofs up a parachute on Timmy, who escapes in time from the repelling SWAT team and lands near Francis, who just stole a snack machine, only for Timmy to be apprehended by the cops)
Mrs. Turner: Please, Timmy, we love you and they just want to help!
Timmy: Oh, yeah? Do you love me enough to give me a chance to show you that you're wrong?!
Mr. Turner: Well, okay, one chance. But if you're wrong, it's off to the klink. Which I hear is nice! Why don't I get to go to the nice klink?!
(Timmy walks up to Francis and digs around in his pants, pulling out a TV, a VCR and a power generator; Timmy puts the tape inside the VCR and turns on the TV to show a lard sale)
Mr. Turner: (gasp) A lard sale?!
(The tape shows Francis stealing said lard; everyone gasps)
Mrs. Turner: I can't believe it!
Mr. Turner: I know! Why don't I have lard like that?!
(Francis is surrounded by the police, who then hang him upside down and shake things off him, including a lard can, a dog, a car tire, a treasure chest full of diamonds and a whole load of nice things)
Francis: Uhh... I got this stuff off the internet?
Cop: (sarcastically, while holding handcuffs) Right.
Mr. Turner: Gosh, son, I guess just because you had nice things didn't mean you stole them. We should've trusted you more!
Mrs. Turner: (grabs Timmy) We love you, Timmy, and we're sorry. (family hug) Can you ever forgive us?
Timmy: Well... (looks at his watch; gasps) Oh my gosh, 2 minutes left! OkayIforgiveokayIloveyoubye! (runs off; Cosmo and Wanda poof away from the Wall 2 Wall Mart)
(fade to Timmy's house)
Jorgen: (looking at his stopwatch) 1 minute left, the puny fairies will never...(Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda poof up behind him; Timmy does a kung fu pose, showing a piece of paper which unrolls; Timmy begins to make wishes as Cosmo and Wanda grant them)
Timmy: I wish for a rock'n'roll laser show, a unicorn, a bear on a unicycle, a tank, a castle and a dragon, a team of superheroes, an atomic submarine, Irish dancers, cleaning products, fried chicken, a beauty pageant!
(Jorgen narrowly dodges Timmy's wishes as the above mentioned things are granted)
Timmy: And, to wrap it all off, the Chinese Olympics Gymnastics Team! (is shown sweating and panting)
Jorgen: (stern look) Happiness...revised to an A! (replaces the F grade beside "Happiness" with the A grade) Responsibility: A! And wishes: (puts the A grade beside "Number of Wishes") A!
Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda: WAHOO!
Jorgen: Your delayed antics were obviously part of your overall presentation.
Wanda: Uh...sure.
Cosmo: We'll go with that!
Jorgen: Very impressive, highly original. DON'T DO IT AGAIN!!! (POWER! Jorgen disappears, along with all of the wishes that Timmy made to satisfy him)
Wanda: We passed, we passed!
Timmy: Yeah, and my parents trust me again. I'm gonna have to be smarter about where I keep the stuff I wish for.
(the ground shakes, Timmy checks outside to see a tank that he wished for appear in his backyard, with his parents driving it)
Mr. Turner: Where did you get the nice tank, son?
Timmy: Uh...internet?
Mr. and Mrs. Turner: Works for us! (both go back inside the tank)
Mrs. Turner: (laughs) This is fun!
Mr. Turner: Hmm! (tank drives over a car)
Mrs. Turner: Oh, was that the Dinklebergs' car?
Mr. Turner: I hope so, because that's what I was aiming for!
(Cosmo and Wanda stare in confusion as Timmy's parents laugh; ending title card)

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