|The Fairly OddParents episode transcript|
|"Information Stupor Highway"|
|Airdate:||January 20, 2003|
(The episode starts in Timmy's room where Timmy is writing an e-mail to Trixie)
- Timmy: (reads aloud while typing) Dear Trixie Tang, instead of going to the big school dance with somebody handsome and popular, how about going with me? - Timmy Turner, the least popular and handsome guy you know. Think of how you would look good next to me in comparison. (Turns to Cosmo and Wanda) Well, what do you guys think?
- Cosmo and Wanda: (laughs)
- Timmy: Aww man, no matter how hard I try, I can't write a good letter!
- Cosmo: Well, forget the mushy stuff! Try a threat! (pushes Timmy away)
- Timmy: What?
- Cosmo: Watch. (Types) Dear Trixie, we have your parents. If you ever want to see them again...
- Mr. Turner: Timmy! (Is about to open the door)
- Timmy: My parents! Activate fish mode! (Cosmo and Wanda returns to the fishbowl)
- Mrs. Turner: Hi sweetie, what are you doing?
- Mr. Turner: Hey, you are writing a threatening love note. That's how I met your mom.
- Mr. Turner and Mrs. Turner: If you ever want to see your parents again... Hahaha!!
- Mr. Turner: You know, I never did get that ransom.
- Timmy: It's not a love note. I'm trying to invite a girl to a dance.
- Mrs. Turner: But you've got to let her know it in a sweet, romantic, nice way.
- Mr. Turner: That's modernly threatening.
- Mrs. Turner: If there is one thing girls love more than being told they're pretty, it's being told they're prettier than other girls.
- Mr. Turner: Well, then mention her hair, it's so much shinier than yours, honey.
- Mrs. Turner: And your hair, which is so much shinier than my mom's. (Timmy attempts to plug off)
- Mr. Turner: And her eyes, honey, tell her that her eyes resonate with a depth of intelligence that greatly surpasses yours!
- Mrs. Turner: And your eyes, shining, intelligent, deep and limpid pools of shining love light. Gooey gooey gooey lovely goo.
- Timmy: But... but...but... I wouldn't say any of that mushy gunk.
- Mr. Turner: And that's why you don't have a date.
- Mrs. Turner: Hmm, this is still missing something.
- Mr. Turner: The threatening part that'll make her say yes. (Types) Say yes and I promise the safe return of your parents.
- Mrs. Turner: Well, our work here is done. Let's leave Timmy alone so I can talk to you more about my not-so-limpid eyes and my not-so shiny hair.
- Mr. Turner: Ok... uh... I'm in trouble, aren't I?
- Mrs. Turner: (Pulls Mr. Turner's ear) Let's go.
- Wanda: Wow! That's the most beautiful, romantic, and slightly threatening e-mail I've ever read.
- Cosmo: It's threatening and romantic. It's threat-mantic!
- Timmy: And horrifyingly embarrassing.
- Wanda: But Timmy, I thought you really felt that way about Trixie.
- Timmy: Actually, my love for her burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. But I can't tell her that.
- Mr. Turner: (breaks the door with a ram) But I can! Thanks to my parental battering ram. It's the latest thing in tough love parenting. (Types) Burns with white hot intensity of a thousand suns, SEND. (Presses Enter button)
- Internet: Message sent.
- Timmy: Hey, why did you do that?!
- Mr. Turner: If I have to be miserable because of your letter, so do you.
- Mrs. Turner: (Pulls Mr. Turner's ear) Get back here!
- Mr. Turner: Still in trouble, gotta go!
- Timmy: Argh! Dad sent my threatening e-mail. I wish the e-mail was back. Make it come back!
- Cosmo and Wanda: (wish fails) We can't get it back.
- Timmy: Why not?
- Wanda: It's a love letter, and our magic can't interfere with true love.
- Timmy: If you guys can't bring it back, there's only one thing to do. I wish I was inside the Internet! (transforms into an avatar)
- Wanda: You want us to come with you?
- Timmy: And leave the computer vulnerable so my dad can send more stupid letters that you can't help me with? No way. I wish you guys would stay here and guard this computer no matter what. Got it?
- Cosmo: Got it! (waves wands)
- Timmy: Did you really need to wave your wands for that one?
- Cosmo and Wanda: Uhh... no...
- Timmy: Now attach me to an e-mail. (Pasted onto a virtual envelope) Let's get digital.
- Internet: Your message has been sent.
- Timmy: (Enters the web) Cool! I'm surfing the web, literally! (Sees another envelope) There it is, my e-mail! (Chases after the envelope) Closer... closer... gotcha! Whoa, whoa... wait!!! (Transported to A.J.'s computer)
- A.J.'s computer: You got mail!
- Timmy: Oh no you don't. All I have to do is to delete this thing. (Attempts to leap into the bin but hits his head against the bin and drops the envelope, which turned out to be for A.J., Timmy reads the letter aloud) Dear A.J., thank you for allowing us to scrape some of your brain cells for our cloning program. Stay smart! Your friend, the President. Wait a minute, this is a letter for A.J. I'm in A.J.'s room! Aww man, I must have followed the wrong letter!
- A.J.: (communicating with a man in a large screen) So doctor, if you attach the seed pod to the back of the satellite, it will plant seeds while orbiting the Earth, thus ending world hunger.
- Doctor: That's brilliant, A.J.! NASA thanks you and the world thanks you.
- A.J.: And?
- Doctor: And the money has been placed in your account.
- A.J.: (turns off screen) Well, time to check my e-mail. Hey! Something opened my letter from the President. (Spots an avatar on screen) Is that a computer virus?
- Timmy: I gotta get out of here.
- A.J.'s Mom: (knocks the door) A.J.!
(A.J. gasps, and proceed to press the Cloaking button, hiding all lab equipment. Meanwhile, Timmy escapes back into the Internet)
- A.J.'s Mom: (after knocking again) A.J.! I'm both respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your mother by coming in anyway! (smashes down door and looks around the room with A.J. sweating nervously) Honey, you really should think about redecorating.
- Timmy: Wahoo! Wow, at cyberspeed, I can use the World Wide Web to be anywhere in the world in a blink of an eye! (Transported into another computer) Wow, I'm in Australia!
- Girl in a kangaroo pouch: Crikey! Is that a computer virus? (throws a boomerang at the screen)
- Timmy: (Hops to another computer) I'm in the heart of Africa!
- Bruce: Lyel! Kevin! A computer virus!
- Kevin: Good heavens, Bruce! The humans must have discovered the location our secret society of super-intelligent gorillas!
- Lyel: Well, if it's so secret, how did they discover it?
- Bruce: You know, Lyel, he's got a point.
- Kevin: Oh, get off my back, Bruce!
- Timmy: (Hops to another computer) Chinese letters. Technology is amazing. I'm as far away from home as physically impossible, and I got here in a millisecond. (Turns out to be a Chinese restaurant near Timmy's house)
- Mr. Turner: Golly. Good thing this Chinese restaurant is only three steps away from my house.
- Cashier: That'll be $7.95. Your fortune cookie.
- Mr. Turner: (Opens fortune cookie) Confucius say, "You will use a battering ram to violate your son's privacy". Well, OK, I don't want to make Confucius a liar.
(Back in Timmy's room)
- Mr. Turner: (knocks door) Oh, Timmy!
- Cosmo: Oh no, it's Timmy's dad's eye! (Cosmo and Wanda hides in the bathroom)
- Mr. Turner: I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your father by coming in anyway! (smashes the door)
- Cosmo: (imitates Timmy's voice) Do you mind? I'm doing my homework.
- Mr. Turner: In the bathroom? But that's where I pay my bills! (fiddles the doorknob)
- Wanda: He's coming in! What do we do?
- Cosmo: Hold my wand. (Passes large amounts of gas)
- Mr. Turner: Whoa-hoa-hoa! What is your mother feeding you? I'll use the computer later. (smashes part of the wall) Let me know when you're done, I need to look for a contractor to fix this wall.
(Meanwhile in the Internet)
- Timmy: Aww man, this lightspeed searching is cool and all, but there are too many places to look. And I gotta find Trixie's computer before she opens my threat-mantic e-mail.
- Trixie's computer: You've got mail, from a desperate boy!
- Trixie Tang: I should just delete this, but that would be rude. (cracks knuckles) I like to personalize my rejections.
- Mr. Tang: Trixie! I'm both respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your father by coming in anyway! (smashes the door) Phone for you!
- Timmy: Whoa, this place is creepy. Where am I? What's with all the fairy pictures? (stands on an image of himself and reads a website) www.fairies'r'real.wand? A photo of me on a fairy website? (sees image being downloaded with himself) Cool, I'm being downloaded, I mean, oh no, I'm being downloaded!
(Timmy is transferred to Mr. Crocker's computer)
- Timmy: Huh? Wait a second. (Opens a file filled with news articles involving Mr. Crocker, reads an article) Nut job replaced at New Baltimore Community College for using funds to build a trap for fairy godparents. Crazy single Caucasian male seeks equally crazy single female to discuss belief that fairy godparents exist. Oh my gosh, I must be in the computer of my crazy fairy-believing teacher, Mr. Crocker!
- Mr. Crocker: Yes! I, Mr. Crocker, using my new website at fairies'r'real.wand, will soon gather enough evidence to prove the existence of... FAIRY GODPARENTS!
- Timmy: Ah! I better hide!
- Mr. Crocker: I must record this glorious moment for posterity! (turns on webcam and makes funny faces) I shall record this for future generations, so that all may learn...
- Dolores-Day Crocker: Denzel! Denzel Crocker! I'm both respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your mother by coming in anyway! (smashes the door) Could you stop with the crazy long enough to help mommy?
- Mr. Crocker: Mother! Stop interrupting! Can't you see I'm busy, ranting?!
- Dolores-Day Crocker: But you need to put on this rubber dress so I can have it for the big dance tonight (puts the dress on Mr. Crocker)
- Mr. Crocker: I hate modelling your dresses! Although it does make me feel pretty, oh well, at least no one I know can see this.
- Timmy: This is goal, and it's digitally recording goal. I'm saving this. (Computer lets off a 'ping' sound after saving) Oh no, I ping-ed!
- Mr. Crocker: Hey! Who ping-ed? Someone opened my files?
- Timmy: Busted! (Escapes into the internet)
- Mr. Crocker: Those people would assume it's the work of a hacker. But I know some child must have wished himself into the Internet with the help of his... FAIRY GODPARENTS! Must...trace...data...back to source! (Activates a Crocker virus, then pulled back by his mother)
- Dolores-Day Crocker: Way to bust a move, son. Go Denzel! Go Denzel! Go Denzel!
- Crocker virus: Must get digital proof of fairies. Fairies. Proof of fairies. (Arrives at Timmy's computer where it observes Cosmo and Wanda fixing Timmy's room walls)
- Wanda: Okay, the room's fixed and the computer's still safe.
- Cosmo: Now what do you want to do?
- Crocker virus: (Activates recorder) Recording proof of fairies. Recording proof of fairies.
- Wanda: I don't know. What do you want to do?
- Cosmo: I don't know. Let's have a magic fight. Just for the heck of it.
- Wanda: Oh, why not? It's not like anybody can see what we're doing in here. (Cosmo and Wanda egins poofing random objects and hurling at one another)
- Cosmo: Yeah, it'll sure stink if somebody was actually recording this... (Footage is being transferred to Mr. Crocker's computer) and had irrefutable proof that some kid had...
- Mr. Crocker: FAIRY GODPARENTS! Yes! (dress is ripped apart)
- Dolores-Day Crocker: Denzel!
- Mr. Crocker: Mother!
(Mr. Crocker begins working on the computer)
- Mr. Crocker: Excellent! Haha! I, Mr. Crocker, finally have irrefutable video proof that fairies exist! Now, all I have to do is upload this data, then using the Internet, transmit it to every computer in the world! And, with the unparalleled speed of my computer, it should take no time at all! (Clicks Download button)
- Computer: Download commencing. 1%
- Mr. Crocker: Yay!
- Computer: 0%
- Mr. Crocker: Boo! Curse this obsolete one-month-old technology! (Slams the computer)
- Computer: -1%
- Mr. Crocker: Drat!
(Back in the Internet, Timmy sees a full stash of e-mail)
- Timmy: Look at that massive stream of e-mail. Maybe my threat-mantic letter is in there. Junk mail? Junk mail? Aww man, my letter isn't anywhere in this batch. I'm doomed to be a total laughing stock. (Suddenly transported to a live chat room) What happened? Where am I? Ahhh!! (Dodges off falling letters) Trixie? (reads the chat) Trixie, How R you? - Veronica. Wow! I'm in a chat room with Trixie and Veronica!
- Trixie: Hey Veronica, I am fine, and popular. I'm just about to read all my e-mail.
- Timmy: NOO!!! (Hops onto the message box and is sent to Veronica's computer)
- Veronica: Dear Trixie. As your best friend, I wish you nothing but happiness and eternal joy for your whole life long. (Grabs a toy replica of Trixie and slams constantly onto the computer) WHY. CAN'T. I. BE. YOU?
- Veronica's Mom: Veronica! Dinner!
- Veronica: Don't call me that! (Puts on a Trixie wig) Call me Trixie. I'M TRIXIE!
- Timmy: I gotta follow Veronica's e-mail back to Trixie's computer. I'll just send a message, attach myself to it and then I'm on her screen. But I'll have to say something that she'd expect Veronica to say. (Alters the entire message) Do you think Timmy Turner is neat? (Sends message)
- Trixie: Do I think Timmy Turner is neat? Why do you?
- Veronica: Do I think Timmy Turner is neat? (slams Trixie replica) Actually, my love for him burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns but I can't let Trixie know that. No way, he's gross!
- Timmy: Aww, great. The crazy one likes me. (Transported to Trixie's computer, and finds his threat-mantic e-mail) My letter! Got it! (Goes back into the internet) Hahaha! This rocks! I've got my letter, and I'm not a laughing stock! And best of all, for the first time ever, things didn't fall apart when I made a big wish!
(Back in Timmy's computer, the Crocker virus is still recording the magic fight among Cosmo and Wanda)
- Mr. Crocker: (Appears on a live window) Finally, I have proof... PROOF, of the existence of FAIRY GODPARENTS!
- Timmy: You guys! (Hides behind Mr. Crocker's window)
- Cosmo: Shh, Mr. Crazy is talking. Say hi, Timmy!
- Wanda: (Zips Cosmo's mouth) Shh, if he doesn't know whose fairies we are, then we don't have to go away forever.
- Mr. Crocker: Once I upload this video file of you fairies and send it to every computer in the world, I'll cease being a laughing stock! Then, I will be the man who proved that fairies actually exist!
- Timmy: (Pushes the window off-screen) Cosmo! Wanda! Turn the computer off!
- Wanda: But we gotta get you out first.
- Mr. Crocker: Who did that? (Looks around)
- Timmy: No, now, before he figures out whose fairies you are!
- Cosmo: (Zaps computer off, exploding it in the process) Umm, that's off, right?
- Timmy: Cosmo? Wanda? I think they destroyed the computer. Crocker's video footage. I gotta get it before it gets back to his computer.
(Cosmo and Wanda dresses up as Timmy and walks to Mr. Turner with the broken computer)
- Wanda: Uhh, dad? The computer's busted.
- Mr. Turner: Egasped!
- Cosmo: Can you fix it?
- Mr. Turner: Sure, I'll make a new one! (Grabs an egg beater and toilet plunger)
(Meanwhile in the Internet)
- Timmy: Almost to Crocker's computer. (Transported to Mr. Crocker's computer) I must be in Crocker's hard drive. Oh no! Crocker's uploading the video clip!
- Computer: Now uploading Proof of Fairies. 1%. 2%. 3%...
- Timmy: Ahh! A firewall!
- Mr. Crocker: HA! Once this upload is complete, I've programmed it to hack into the main frame of the Internet routed to every computer and television screen in the world. Then everyone will know that fairies exist! (Timmy hides behind a file) The pink-hat computer virus! I'm ready for you this time! (Presses Kill button, activating several Crocker viruses) Destroy that pink hat!
- Timmy: Ahh!!! (Races down the internet with the viruses chasing him)
(Meanwhile In Timmy's room)
- Mr. Turner: Here's the hard drive (places an old box onto Timmy's desk), here's the monitor (places an old television screen), here's the... keyboard! (lifts a heavy typewriter and drops it onto the desk) And here's the power supply. (lays a gerbil on a hamster wheel) Run, lady, run! (Hamster starts running and the computer turns on.
- Computer: You've got mail.
- Mr. Turner: Ha! I'm a genius. Now I'm gonna make ice cream out of bird seed and gum!
- Wanda: (poofs out of their disguise) Come on, we're got to find Timmy in this thing.
(Back in the Internet)
- Timmy: I'll never get the footage with these guys bugging me. I've gotta get them to slip somehow. (Sees a sign ahead) Low Bandwidth Ahead, that's it! (Timmy races faster and stops suddenly, leaving the viruses running into a bandwidth trap) So long, fellas. Now, to find that video footage. (One virus managed to escape and continues the chase)
(Mr. Crocker's computer)
- Computer: 66%. 67%.
- Mr. Crocker: Yes, yes...
- Dolores-Day Crocker: Denzel! Will you come and sponge mommy's feet?
- Mr. Crocker: Yes, I mean NO!
- Computer: 79%.
(Timmy arrives at the main Internet server)
- Timmy: Whoa, I'm in the centre hub of the Internet. All the data from around the world goes in there, it gets copied in there, and it's get sent out to there in every computer in the world, and that's where my data is going! (Timmy was about to get to video footage when he is stopped by the escaped Crocker virus) Wah!!! (Timmy is chased around the server)
- Internet: 91%. 92%.
- Timmy: No!
- Internet: 94%. (Timmy rushes and punches through the footage, along with the Crocker virus) 92%. 91%.
- Timmy: Hey! When we went through the data stream, we erased some of it. That's it! Hey, Crock-bot.dork, hungry for some information? Well, come get some! (Timmy runs along the footage with the Crocker virus eating the footage away)
- Internet: 85%. 79%.
- Mr. Crocker: What? NO!!!
- Timmy: Come on pal. I'm right here.
- Internet: 62%. 58%.
(Back in Timmy's computer, the gerbil is exhausted and no longer able to power on the computer)
- Cosmo: I can't get it to turn on. (Cosmo and Wanda looks on the gerbil, then Wanda grins at Cosmo) Oh no, not me. There's no way I'm gonna...
- Wanda: (Turns Cosmo into a hamster and herself into a cat) Run, gerbil boy, run! (Cosmo takes over the hamster wheel)
(Back in the Internet)
- Internet: 15%. 6%. (The Crocker virus is now bloated and explodes as it ate the last of the video footage, sending Timmy drifting into Mr. Crocker's computer) Upload aborted.
- Mr. Crocker: NOO!!! Must send the data again. Where's that file? Where's that file?
- Timmy: Oh, you mean this file? (Shows Mr. Crocker the photo of his dress, then heads off to the main server)
- Internet: Upload commencing. 1%.
- Mr. Crocker: What?!
- Timmy: Woohoo! (Drops the photo into the server, which then delivers the photo to every computer in the world.)
- Gorillas' computer: You've got mail.
- Kevin: Hey, I've got mail.
- Bruce: No, I've got mail. I'm the alpha male.
- Lyel: Hey, I'm the alpha male.
- Kevin: (The gorillas see the photo) It's for you, I mean, you are the alpha male.
- Australian computer: You've got mail. (Opens up the photo)
- Girl in a kangaroo pouch: Ahh! Crikey! (Grabs the boomerang which she previously thrown) I knew you'd come home.
- News reporter: Some sightings of a pink-hat internet virus were reported today, and in a press release, authorities stated...
- Mr. Crocker: (On the news) Although it does make me feel pretty, oh well, at least no one can see this. (The entire world begins laughing)
(Back in Mr. Crocker's room)
- Mr. Crocker: Oh, the humiliation. Can this get any worse?
- A.J.: (smashes the door) There he is! This is where I traced the source of the pink-hat computer virus.
- Mr. Crocker: (Taken away by the authorities) No, no!!!
- Dolores-Day Crocker: Oh Denzel, where did I go wrong?
- Computer: You've got Timmy.
- Timmy: Guys!
- Cosmo and Wanda: Timmy!
- Mr. Turner: (enters room) Timmy. (Wanda poofs off) How's the new computer? (Sees Mr. Crocker's photo) Egad! You're not supposed to be on those kind of websites.
- Timmy: But that's my teacher.
- Mr. Turner: Well, it does make him look pretty.
(In the School's big dance)
- Cosmo: Nice party, Timmy.
- Wanda: Aren't you upset that you're here without a date?
- Timmy: Are you nuts? I got to surf the internet, become a virus, humiliate Crocker on a global scale, and most importantly, prevent Trixie from reading this mushy threat-mantic letter. (Trixie takes the letter from behind) Hey! Trixie, no! Don't!
- Trixie: Oh Timmy, that's the sweetest, most threatening thing I've ever read.
- Timmy: Uh, really?
- Trixie: Sure, and if I didn't think you only wanted to date me because I'm prettier than your mom, I'd totally go out with you.
- Timmy: What?
- Trixie: Security!
- Timmy: (Kicked out of the school) Wow, she likes me, and I creeped her out. Awesome! (Reaches for the falling letter but Veronica grabs it)
- Veronica: Uh um, I got your letter, Timmy. My passion for you burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns.
- Timmy: It wasn't for you. It was for Trixie.
- Veronica: (wears Trixie wig) I AM TRIXIE!
- Timmy: Uh, guys, little help? (A cursor appears on top of Veronica and grabs her, then throws her into a bin. It turns out the scene is taking place in Timmy's computer) Thanks, guys.
- Cosmo: Don't thank us, Timmy.
- Wanda: Thank technology.
- Computer: Goodbye.