I Dream of Cosmo/Transcript

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The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"I Dream of Cosmo"
Season №:	9
Episode №:	3
Airdate:	April 14, 2013
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents! episode, "I Dream of Cosmo" from Season 9, which aired on April 14, 2013.

Script

• Timmy: (picks up baseball) Hey, Sparky. Wanna play fetch?

• Sparky: If you're up for it, sure. (takes out baseball from behind his back) Fetch! (throws baseball into the opened window into an attic and breaks something) Yay! I broke something on my first try! I'm good at fetch!

• Timmy: My parents will flip.

• Sparky: (starts floating with his tail up) We gotta get it back.

(Everybody poofs to the attic)

• Timmy: Whoa, the attic is a mess. (Camera zooms out to let us see the entire attic) We'll never find the ball.

• Cosmo: Ooh, a lamp. Maybe the ball fell in here. (gets in the lamp) Ooh, dark in here. Ironic for a lamp.

• Wanda: Gee, sport. Your mom has a lot of ball gowns.

• Mr. Turner: I hear the rustle of taffeta. Who's playing with my ball gowns? (Wanda, Poof, and Sparky changes into something and Timmy closes the chest where Cosmo is) Timmy, what are you doing in my dress-up room? I mean, man cave.

• Timmy: Man cave? There's only a folding chair, an A.M. radio, and some cough drops.

• Mr. Turner: I'd have a better man cave if I didn't have so many grown-up responsibilities. (sobs) B-b-but it's okay. You and--and your mother and--and all the money you need are very important to me. (continues sobbing)

• Timmy: Okay, well, I'm just going to awkwardly head back to my room. Should anyone be LOOKING FOR ME! (Wanda, Poof, and Sparky disappear)

• Man on A.M. Radio: And now back to our program, Today's Ball Gowns.

  

  Should anyone be LOOKING FOR ME!

• Mr. Turner: This is the manly life. (Chair breaks apart) Aah! Oh, who am I kidding? How will I ever get enough money to turn this pathetic attic into a REAL man cave? (cries)

• Cosmo (still in the lamp in the chest): Does anyone have a cough drop? It's dusty in here.

(Mr. Turner opens the chest, looks and takes out the lamp, turns it upside-down, shakes it, and Cosmo comes out hitting his head on the wooden floor)

• Mr. Turner: Ooh! A genie in a lamp. Maybe he can lend me the money.

• Cosmo: I'm a genie?

• Mr. Turner: Well, the only things that fall out of lamps are genies and dead silverfish. And dead silverfish can't make your dreams come true. Ugh, learned that the hard way. So you (Cosmo) must be a genie. Grant me a wish! Grant! Grant!

• Cosmo (now Grant): So my name is "Grant" then. "One wish coming up," Grant said.

(gasps) You're a magic wenie!

• Mr. Turner: Wait a minute. (Grant float up) You have a wand? You must be part witch,

part genie. (gasps) You're a magic wenie!

(Timmy, Wanda, Poof, and Sparky run to Timmy's room)

• Timmy: Wait a minute, where's Cosmo? Oh, no! I hope my dad doesn't find him.

• Mr. Turner (not in picture): I found a magic wenie!

• Timmy: Oh, no. We're gotta get up there.

• Wanda: Oh, I don't know, Timmy. Your father and Cosmo in the same room together? It might be safer to just pack up and move to Mexico.

• Sparky: Mexico? I know a guy down there who can set us up.

• Timmy: Let's see what's going on in the attic first. (Wanda poofs them outside, looks in attic)

• Grant: So, what does a weenie do?

• Mr. Turner: You have to grant me 3 wishes. And by 3, I mean a GAZILLION. My first wish is to turn this attic into a REAL man cave. (Grant poofs up a man cave with a bear, which attacks Mr. Turner) Ahh! Lose the bear. He'll tear up my ball gowns. Just give me awesome, manly things. (Grant poofs up the manly attic) Cool! Flat screen TV! Ooh! A fancy bowl for my cough drops. Oh! And a vibrating chair that requires quarters. Everyone knows quarters are the manliest of all coins. (puts a quarter into the quarter panel, chair vibrates) (Quivery) This is the life, Grant. (Falls to the main floor, screams)

(Timmy, Wanda, Poof, and Sparky appear)

• Timmy: Cosmo, you're not supposed to be talking to my dad.

• Grant: What's a Cosmo? I'm a weenie, and my name is Grant.

• Wanda: Oh, I think he has amnesia. Cosmo, listen to me you are NOT a weenie. You're a fairy.

• Grant: If I was a fairy, I would be ruling over a bunch of Egyptians.

• Wanda: That's a PHARAOH! Oh, forget it. Let's just hit him over the head and hope he gets his memory back. (poofs up a hammer and threatened to hit Grant)

• Timmy: Can't we just take him to a shrink?

• Grant: "I'll take YOU to a shrink," Grant said cleverly. (he shrinks them to the size of bits of grass)

• Timmy: Oh, no! Cosmo shrunk us down. Wanda, you gotta poof us back to normal.

• Wanda: (tries to poof them back to normal, but poofs up flowers) Sorry, sport, but when you shink a wand, you only have enough magic to do silly parlor tricks. (Water squirts at Timmy from the flowers) Oh, a little water won't hurt you.

(Sprinklers come on, pouring water on them)

• Timmy: We're gonna drown. Sparky, help!

(Sparky appears, Timmy and friends run to his nose, Sparky giggles and runs)

• Mr. Turner: Hey, honey. Great news. I have a magic Grant, who gave me this vibrating chair and an endless supply of quarters.

• Mrs. Turner: How many of those cough drops have you had, dear? Anyway, you're gonna be late for work.

• Mr. Turner: If only I didn't have to go. (gasps) Wait a minute. The wenie (Grant), he could drive me to work! Better yet, we could stop for waffles!

• Grant: (poofs in the scene) Or I could make it so you never have to work again.

• Mr. Turner: Could we still have waffles?

• Grant: "Done," Grant said, waffle-y. (poofs up waffles) Whoops. Now you never have to work again.

• Mr. Turner: Ooh, it's my boss, Mr. Ed Leadly.

• Mr. Ed Leadly: You're fired, Turner.

• Mr. Turner: Thank you, Mr. Ed Leadly. (hangs up phone) This is the best day of my life. Great news, honey. I was fired! Don't worry, we'll just pay our bills with quarters.

• Mrs. Turner (not in picture): That's nice, dear. But you still have to take out the trash.

• Mr. Turner: Gah! I hate doing chores. Grant, can you make my wife disappear?

• Grant: Isn't that illegal?

• Mr. Turner: Not if you make the police disappear.

• Grant: "I see where you're going with this," Grant said nervously. Um, how about I just make it so you never have to take out the trash again? (poofs up the dumpy house) Ta-daaa! Now your house is the city dump, so you can leave your trash where it is.

• Mr. Turner: Yay! How could this day get any better?

• Mrs. Turner: Honey, look at all this cash! People are paying us to dump their garbage at our house. We're making more money than you ever did at your dead-end pencil job. (Truck backs up) Ooh, a dump truck filled with old toilets. We're going to be FLUSH with cash. Get it?

• Mr. Turner: Eh, I don't get it, but I love that woman. And she'll love me even more when I wish for huge biceps. (Grant poofs up the biceps, then Mr. Turner flips and stands on his hands) Be right back, Grant. I'm gonna go show Dinkleberg my buff biceps and my roll of manly quarters.

(Truck backs up again and dumps trash on Grant, Sparky rides the trash can into the house)

• Timmy: This is a nightmare. We're tiny, and my house is full of garbage.

• Wanda: Timmy, focus. This is our chance to bonk Cosmo on the head so he gets his memory back.

(Sparky gets them down)

• Timmy: Sparky, grab that frying pan.

(Sparky grabs a frying pan)

• Mr. Turner (not in picture): Oh, Grant?

• Grant: Coming, your royal slave driver. (poofs just in time for Sparky to miss him, getting trash all over Timmy, Wanda, and Poof)

• Mr. Turner: Guess what, Grant. I've gone mad with power. I have a whole list of demands. Some of them might be a little crazy because all the blood has rushed to my head. (gasps) Oh, no. Here comes my evil neighbor, Dinkleberg.

• Sheldon Dinkleberg: Hey, Turner. I got a $1-Million reward for saving a cat from a burning house. And I thought it would be neighborly to give half of it to you.

• Mr. Turner: You conniving, black-hearted monster! I wish Dinkleberg never existed.

• Grant: "Okay, but there's a small chance that could alter the fabric of space and time," He said, waffle-y.

• Mr. Turner: Just do it! (Dinkleberg disappears, creates a crushed world with mom being the 2-headed monster, Mr. Turner yelps) Change it back! Change it back! Ooh, but leave my biceps the way they are.

(Grant poofs back the current world, Dinkleberg reappears)

• Dinkleberg: Well, I have no memory of what just happened. Spend your money wisely, Turner.

• Mr. Turner: I should be careful about what I wish for. Or I might destroy the world. I know! I wish the sun was closer, so I can bronze my beefy biceps.

• Grant: (poofs the sun closer, causing global warming) Mm, nothing like the smell of hot garbage and roasting biceps on a summer day in January.

(Sparky opens the door, comes out)

• Timmy: Oh, no! What did my dad do? Wanda, how are we gonna stop the sun from incinerating the Earth?

• Wanda: Sorry, Timmy, but all I can do are these useless magic tricks. (gets out handkerchief from her ear and wraps around Poof)

• Timmy: Wait a minute, that's it! We can use this never-ending handkerchief to swing ourselves over to Cosmo. (swings into Cosmo's head through the ear) I gotta say, Cosmo's brain is a lot bigger than I thought it would be.

• Wanda: That's not his brain. That's a raisin. He keeps raisins in his head to put on his cereal.

• Grant: Boy, I could go for a big bowl of Raisin Brain cereal. (bends his head)

• Wanda: Hurry, we have to kick-start Cosmo's brain!

• Timmy: Which one's his brain?

• Wanda: Oh, just keep kicking raisins. (They kick the raisins until Poof ran into Timmy, causing them to fly to his brain)

And my name is Couscous!

• Grant: Wait a minute. It's all coming back to me. I'm not a wenie. I'm the plucky bass player in an all-girl band. (Timmy kicks his brain)

• Grant* (now Cosmo): No, I'm a-- I'm a fairy. And my name is Couscous!

• Wanda: Close enough.

• Timmy: Cosmo, you have to poof everything back to normal. (Cosmo poofs everything back to normal) Phew, that was close. Cosmo, it's good to have you back.

• Cosmo: It's good to be back. Being on tour with an all-girl band is exhausting. Staying up late, sharing makeup tips, having pillow fights in our underwear.

• Mr. Turner: (sobbing) Oh, Grant is gone. I must have made too many wishes. All I have left are these earwax-covered raisins and $1/2 Million from Dinkleberg. Like that's any consolation. Curse you, Dinkleberg! I guess I'll just go back to my pathetic man cave with my A.M radio and expired cough drops.

• Timmy: Cosmo, I want you to grant my dad one last wish.

• Mr. Turner: (enters the attic) My man cave! It's even better than before. (Cosmo appears as an actual genie, making Mr. Turner believe Grant returned) Grant, you're back!

• Grant: Yes, but now, like all wenies, I'm off to the North Pole to find me pot of gold.

• Mr. Turner: Of course. (hugs Grant)

• Grant: Yay. (disappears)

• Mr. Turner: This place is so great. Ooh! I even have a bear skin rug. (steps on it, bear roars) Stay away from my ball gowns! (Circle fades to black, Sparky comes up)

Buenos Dias. I got the passports.

• Sparky: Buenos Dias. I got the passports.

• Mr. Turner (not in picture, the end sign): Magic weenie!

THE END

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