Homewrecker/Transcript

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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Homewrecker" from Season 4, which aired on June 18, 2004.

Script[]

[The episode begins with Mr. Turner and Mrs. Turner, wearing kilts, are about to head out to the door. Vicky stands beside Timmy, feeling nervous. Cosmo and Wanda are in their fishbowl on a nearby table.]

Vicky: Have fun at the Scottish Festival, Mr. and Mrs. McMoneybags! I mean- MacTurner!
Mr. Turner: And you two have a fun non-housewrecking night. Me and my man skirt are off!

[Mr. and Mrs. Turner exit through the door. Seconds later, they open the door.]

Mr. Turner: Alright, alright... I'll put underwear on.

[They noticed the messy kitchen where foods are splattered everywhere, a jackhammer hops around, and a half-eaten popsicle floats in the fishbowl as Cosmo and Wanda shivers. Vicky holds a still churning electric mixer and slips into Timmy's hands.]

Mr. Turner: Holy haggis!
Vicky: (holding eggbeater spraying everywhere, hides it behind back) I begged him to stop. (Jumps off screen and back on, bandaged and in a wheelchair) He was too strong!
Mrs. Turner: (to Timmy) To your room, bad seed!
Timmy: (to Vicky) You're lucky my parents are nitwits, but they won't fall for that again!

[The same day, Mr. and Mrs. Turner, still wearing kilts, are dressed for golf.]

Vicky: (waves) Have fun golfing and I'll try to control this time!
Timmy: (tied up in heavy restraints) NO! DON'T GO! SHE'S JUST GOING TO MESS UP THE HOUSE AND BLAME ME AGAIN!

Mr. Turner: WHAT DOES HE THINK WE ARE, NITWITS?

[Mr. and Mrs. Turner laugh as they exit the house.]

Mrs. Turner: Oh my gosh! We are nitwits! We forgot to tell Timmy we love him! (opens the door)

''[Mr. and Mrs. Turner gasped as they see their house was completely trashed again. The car crashed through the wall and the fishbowl was shattered as Cosmo and Wanda as fish, flops. Vicky sprays red paint on the wall with the text, "Timmy was here!" Vicky holds the spray can, but she swiftly tosses it to Timmy as he remained tied to restraints.]

Mr. Turner: He's worse than a Bad Seed. He's an entire evil plant!
Timmy: But I didn't... Oh, what's the point?
Mrs. Turner: What are we going to do with him?
Vicky: Funny you should mention that! (whips out a fold-out brochure) Introducing my new Off-site Bad Seed Babysitting Service! It's a 24/7 babysitting plan for troublemaking children, in the comfort of my home!
Mrs. Turner: A seven day-a-week babysitting service?
Vicky: Yup! And if it works on you, I can franchise it nationwide! Look! I've already got potential investors!

[On the window, several businessmen in suits holds money in sacks, suitcase, and a check. Then, back on Mom, Dad, Timmy and Vicky.]

Mr. Turner: Maybe it's the man-skirt making me emotional, but I love it! (hands Vicky a sack of cash) Here you go.

↵ [Meanwhile in Timmy's room, Timmy paces. Cosmo and Wanda float as a fairy, while Cosmo wears a kilt.]

Cosmo: Hey, your dad's right! This man-skirt is comfortable!
Wanda: Would you please put on some underwear?
Cosmo: Never!!! (poof) Freedom! (Wanda poofs him back to normal)
Timmy: Man, I can't believe I have to spend the whole day at Vicky's house tomorrow.
Cosmo: That is a bad break. It's not like while you were there you could wreck her house, get her in trouble with her parents, and give her a taste of her own medicine or anything.
Wanda: Cosmo, what are you implying?
Cosmo: Nothing! I can't be implying anything. I don't even know what imply means. (slyly) Or do I?
Timmy: "A taste of her own medicine!" I like it! Time for Dr. Turner to make a house call!
Wanda: Timmy, doctors don't make house calls anymore.
Cosmo: Or do they?
Wanda: Do they?
Cosmo: I don't know!

[Timmy, holding a Cosmo lunchbox and Wanda backpack, arrives to a house with a stormy cloud and rain.]

Timmy: Yep, this is Vicky's house alright.

[Timmy rings the doorbell, a funeral jingle plays, and Vicky answers the door with Doidle.]

Vicky: Glad you made it, nasal strip.
Doidle: (growls at Timmy)
Vicky: Aww, Doidle remembers you! (places fire hydrant cap on Timmy's head, yanks Timmy inside, and unfurls a maid dress to Timmy)
Timmy: (wearing a dress) Wow, Cosmo and Dad are right! This is comfortable!
Vicky: (shoves long list in his hands) Get busy, missy. My parents are out for dinner tonight, and I promised them that when they get home, this place will look 100% different.
Timmy: Oh, it will.
Cosmo: Or will it?

[Cosmo and Wanda poof into Fairy Form.]

Timmy: When I'm done, every room will be a "wreck" room.

[Doidle coughs up the head of the Timmy doll and growls at Timmy in the doorway.]

Timmy: Wanda!! Help! Distract him!
Wanda: (poofs up a new Timmy doll) Here Doidle! Here's a new Timmy doll! And this one talks! (throws it to Doidle)

[Doidle chomps the new Timmy doll]

Timmy doll: My parents are nitwits! Nitwits!

[Doidle wags his tail happily and runs off with Timmy doll]

Timmy: (whips out the drawing of Vicky's house map) Time for Operation Totally Destroy Vicky's House and Get Her in Trouble with Her Parents When They Get Home from Dinner!
Cosmo: (to Wanda) You like the title? I came up with that! (slyly) Or did I?
Timmy: Step 1: One tornado please! [A room-sized tornado quickly whips around the room leaving destruction in its wake, then poofs away.] Step Two...

[Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda stand in the center of the living room.]

Timmy: Mud! And lots of it! [Cosmo poofs up a pan with pigs and mud.] Amazing spider powers please!

[Wanda waves her wand and Timmy's dress sparkle. He runs through the mud pan across the room and climbs up a wall and across the ceiling over and over, leaving a messy hand and footprints. and splashes back to the mud pan. Moments later, Timmy, Cosmo and Wanda stand by a bathroom at the top of the staircase.]

Timmy: Wow, that's a clean toilet, we should fix that.
Cosmo: Okily dokily. (poofs up huge Mexican burrito)
Timmy: We don't have that kind of time! Slime volcano please!

''[Wanda raises her wand and poofs "ERUPTION!" slime spurts out of the toilet in the bathroom. Doidle comes running at Timmy but hits the slime as it floods through the floor and onto the staircase].

Timmy: Only one room left... the place where hate sleeps... Ground Zero...

[Timmy opens the door, and they enter a typical teenage girl's room, spotless, frilly, plastered with Chip Skylark, Skip Sparkypants, and Genghis Khan posters.]

Timmy: ...Vicky's room! (cracks knuckles) Make-up mess!

[Cosmo and Wanda poof make-up all over the room as magical, inanimate lipsticks are drawn on the wall.]

Timmy: Perfume typhoon! [points at Wanda, who poofs at the perfume bottles. They all pop their caps and start spraying everywhere.] Poster toaster! [points back to Cosmo who poofs the posters into ashes.] Over-stuffed animals! [gestures to Wanda, who poofs at Vicky's stuffed animals and its heads pop off all her stuffed animals collection.] And finally - frat boy party!!

[Timmy raised his arms as both Cosmo and Wanda poof up a group of frat boys, who hustle through scene and, like the tornado, leave destruction in their wake.]

Frat boys: Toga!
Old Man: Finally, I'm saved.
Wanda: Uh, sport? When Vicky sees this, she's going to kill you!
Timmy: Hah! Not as long as I have you guys to protect me. What could possibly go wrong?
Tootie: (offscreen) Timmy! Did I hear your voice?
Timmy: (gasps) Tootie! (to Cosmo and Wanda) Quick! Hide!

[Cosmo and Wanda duck down under the bed. Tootie appears in the doorway, holding a tracking device.]

Tootie: (enters Vicky's room) You're here? In my house? (shakes a radar device) Hmph, my Timmy tracker must be malfunctioning. (notices the destruction Timmy caused and gasps) You trashed Vicky's room!!
Timmy: Wait! I can explain!
Tootie: You've done what I've always dreamt of and never had the courage to do! You're my hero! Even if you are in a dress!

[Tootie grabs Timmy and starts to smooch him, Cosmo and Wanda giggle when they see this.]

Tootie: (bending over) What's that under the bed? Did you bring me a present? (reaches at Cosmo and Wanda under the bed)
Cosmo: Ah! I'll save us, kitten! (transforms himself and Wanda into cats) Now we're perfectly safe, everyone loves cats!

[They notice Doidle, who spits out the remains of the Timmy doll.]

Timmy doll: I'm low fat, and boylicious!
Cosmo and Wanda: Ahhhhhhh! (drops their wands, and run away as Doidle gives chase)
Timmy: (to himself) Easy. Don't panic. As long as Doidle doesn't eat them and they still have their wands, everything will be just fine.
Tootie: (collects wands from under the bed) Timmy! Toy wands! How did you know I collect toy wands!?
Timmy: (stares at her gripping the magic wands and screams) YAHHHHHH!!!!
Vicky: (polishes the sword, while she hears Timmy scream offscreen) Hey! The Twerp's screaming! And I'm not there to cause it! (pops out the basement door onto the kitchen and sees the wreckage of her house) What's going on up... YAAAA!!!! My parents will be home any minute! I'm so dead! But Timmy's gonna be dead first!

[Moments later in Vicky's bedroom, Timmy staring at the wands in Tootie's grasp.]

Vicky: (offscreen) TWERP!!!!!
Timmy: (running toward Tootie) Give those back! I need those!
Tootie: If you want them, you have to smooch them from me!!! (runs out the door giggling maniacally as Timmy follows her)

[As they hit the staircase, Timmy and Tootie see Vicky slipping and sliding as she tries to climb the slimy stairs.]

Vicky: When I get up there, you are going DOWN!

[Timmy looks at the toilets as the slime spurts out of the toilet in the bathroom, splats in the wall, and it was about to hit Timmy.]

Timmy: YAAAA!!!! (dodges the slime)
Vicky: AHHHH!!! (gets hit by the slime, tumbles down the steps and lands at the bottom)

[Doidle continues to chase the Cosmo and Wanda cats across her stomach.]

Cosmo: I'm terrified! (sly) Or am I? (beat; then) Yes! Yes I am!!!
Timmy: (quietly) I gotta get those wands. (louder) Tootie! Don't you want to play fairy princess with me?
Tootie: (eyes lighting up) Only every day of my life! (leads Timmy into her room)

[Tootie and Timmy run into Tootie's room and Timmy slams the door shut and Tootie barricades it with her dollhouse that resembles Turner Residence.]

Timmy: Tootie, give me the wands... So, we can play!
Tootie: (coy) You want these wands?
Timmy: Yes!
Tootie: Are you going to leave as soon as you get them?
Timmy: Duh.
Tootie: THEN GOOD LUCK FINDING THEM! Ha HA! (throws wands into a toy chest full of identical wands)
Timmy: Of course.

[The sound of hacking and cracking on the door is heard as an axe swing through the door, slicing into the dollhouse and part of the door flies off.]

Timmy: AHHHH!!! (gets hit by the part of the door) It's Vicky, we're doomed!
Tootie: Don't worry, your parents will be here to pick you up any minute.
Timmy: How do you know that?
Tootie: I didn't tap your phone!
Vicky: (pops out of hole in Tootie's bedroom door) Heeeeeeeere's Vicky!

[Vicky's face is knocked away from the hole as Cosmo and Wanda Cats leap through it, scrambling up the bed posts to the top of the canopy bed. Doidle's face pokes through the hole, stuck.]

Timmy: AHHH! Tootie, I'll never come over to play with you again if we can't play... um... (shoves her into closet and boards it shut) Fairy Princess hides in the enchanted closet!
Tootie: (offscreen) Oh, Timmy! You're so creative!

[Timmy runs to the toy chest and starts digging through wands. Vicky's hand and face reaches through the hole of the door and starts to jam the doorknob. Timmy flings two wands at Cosmo and Wanda, who catch them in their paws. They raise the wands, and nothing happens. Vicky kicks the door open with an axe in hand. Timmy frantically flings two more wands on top of the canopy to Cosmo and Wanda who are out of sight, and nothing happens.]

Vicky: You may have "redecorated" my parent's house, but I'm coming to redecorate your face, Twerp!

[Timmy grabs a hand full of wands and climbs up on to the top of the canopy bed. Vicky tries to chop it down with the ax. A doorbell was heard and Vicky stops.]

Vicky: That's my parents... (gets it) and yours. I can blame you for all this! (runs out of the room)

[Mr. and Mrs. Turner stand near the front door to Vicky's house.]

Mrs. Turner: (rings the doorbell) You're right. It is a beautiful doorbell!

[Timmy looks out the window as Cosmo and Wanda raise wand after wand as nothing happens with each wand, until they found the real magical wand. POOF! They're now in Fairy Form.

Wanda: Timmy, quick! Make a wish!
Timmy: I wish this house was spotless!

[Magic rushes through the house and reverses the damage Timmy caused, while Vicky is letting Mr. and Mrs. Turner inside.]

Vicky: Come in everyone and see what Timmy did! (notices her house is clean) DUH?

[The house was clean and gleams. Timmy slides down the banister, wiping it away.]

Mr. Turner: (weakly) Timmy did this?
Mrs. Turner: Wow, you've cured Timmy's bad seediness! I guess we won't need your 24/7 off site babysitting service after all! (takes Vicky's sack of money off the table) Which means you won't be needing this!
Vicky: What!? NO! My money! (Vicky looks out window and notices her investors driving off) My other money! COME BACK! (chases them down the street)

[The Turners walk out to the street together.]

Mr. Turner: Your bad seed phase may be over, son.
Timmy: I told you because I am innocent.
Mr. Turner: But you're still in trouble!
Timmy: I am?
Mr. Turner: Yes! Only a nitwit would wear those shoes with that dress!

[Cosmo and Wanda poof in as birds, flying behind them.]

Wanda: Wow, that was close!
Cosmo: Yeah, but I have the feeling we forgot something. (sly) Or did we?
Wanda: Did we?

[Back inside Tootie's room, Tootie is still inside the boarded-up closet.]

Tootie: (offscreen) Timmmmy, I gotta go potty!

[The scene iris out to black with the end title screen]

Tootie: (offscreen) Oops... No, I don't!