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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "He Poofs He Scores" from Season 7, which aired on April 6, 2010.
Transcript[]
[Fade in on the Turners' house. Wanda, a soccer goal, blows a whistle, and Cosmo guards her]
- Poof: [appears as a soccer ball] Poof!
- Timmy: Thanks for helping me practice, guys. I'm totally ready for soccer season.
[Poof giggles and disappears as Timmy tries to kick him, and Timmy lands on his back. Poof appears behind the nightstand and giggles, then disappears as Timmy runs toward him. Timmy kicks a corner of the nightstand, then shouts in pain. Poof appears by Wanda]
- Wanda: Sorry, sport. Lately, Poof just loves playing hide-and-seek.
- Cosmo: And I just love playing soccer! Check out my corner kick! [kicks a spiderweb in a corner of the room] The good news is, I killed a spider. The bad news is, it sprayed me in the eye with some kind of poison.
[Cosmo's eye swells to the size of his face. He looks around and blinks]
- Wanda: Cosmo, I love you, but you have got to be the dumbest man in the world.
- Mr. Turner: [offscreen] Oh, Timmy! Where's your room? I'm lost in the hall again!
- Wanda: I stand corrected.
[Wanda and Poof turn into pillows and Cosmo disappears]
- Mr. Turner: [opens the door to the room] I have exciting news! I'm coaching your soccer team!
- Timmy: Awesome! That means I'll actually get to play more.
- Mr. Turner: [looking out the window] And I get a chance to beat Dinkleberg! Every year, his team, the Dinkle Ducks, wins the championship. Just look at him, gloating in his trophy room. [growls]
- Timmy: Uh, Dad, he's sleeping in a hammock.
- Mr. Turner: Mm, that's what he wants you to think. He's crafty. [to Dinkleberg] Your Dinkle Ducks are Dinkle-dead! So, what's your team's manly name, son?
- Timmy: The Dimmsdale Victims.
[Mr. Turner does a take. Fade to the Dimmsdale Sports Complex. The fairies, soccer balls, watch as Mr. Turner speaks to the team]
- Mr. Turner: [to the Victims] All right, boys, our first game is against the Lecterville Cannibals.
[Lightning strikes behind a group of boys wearing Hannibal Lecter–type masks. The boys take out knives and forks and growl]
- Mr. Turner: I know we should have practiced more, but I like to sleep late on Saturdays. Anyhoo, we've got seven games to play before we crush the Dinkle Ducks in the championships. Now let's shout out the Victims' battle cry!
- Mr. Turner and Victims: Not in the face!
- Tootie: [cheerleading] Victims, Victims, fight, fight, fight! I stalk Timmy every night! I love you, Timmy! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo!
[Timmy kicks a ball, which bounces off the Cannibals' goal post, knocks him into the air, and goes in the Victims' goal, scoring a point for the Cannibals]
- Mr. Turner: [as Cosmo, Wanda, and Tootie cheer in the distance] It's okay. Everyone makes mistakes.
[Chester kicks the ball to Timmy, who runs up to the Cannibals' goal and kicks the ball. The ball bounces off the goal crossbar and goes in the Victims' goal, scoring another point for the Cannibals]
- Mr. Turner: No problem, son. Some people even make two mistakes.
[Timmy prepares to kick the ball into the Cannibals' goal and the goalkeeper lies down. Timmy angrily kicks the ball, which bounces off a post and goes in the Victims' goal]
- Mr. Turner: I guess some people even make three... [cut] four... [cut] six... [cut] 51... Gah! [takes a bite out of a clipboard] You're tearing out my soul! [he cries, then sees the Cannibals' score become 51 and cries more]
[Fade to the house. Timmy is sitting at the kitchen table]
- Timmy: I totally blew it. I wish...
- Poof: [appears behind Timmy] Poof poof! [disappears]
- Timmy: ...I could help my dad...
- Poof: [appears behind Timmy] Poof poof!
- Timmy: ...win a soccer game. [Poof disappears and appears in Timmy's cereal]
- Wanda: [as a cereal box] Aw, Timmy, we'd like to help, but that would be cheating, and that's against the rules.
- Cosmo: [as a piece of cereal] I'm sure your dad will give you a second chance.
[Timmy and the fairies hear suction cup pops and see Mr. Turner using suction cups to walk on the ceiling]
- Timmy: Dad, what are you doing on the ceiling?
- Mr. Turner: Well, I'm certainly not sneaking off to the game without you. [going out the door] No second chances!
[Mr. Turner drives away in the Victims team bus. Timmy is dejected. Cosmo and Wanda turn back to normal]
- Wanda: I'm sorry, sport. Your dad's just gone a little cuckoo cause he wants to beat Mr. Dinkleberg.
[Timmy scoops up cereal with a spoon and eats Poof, who takes an elevator to Timmy's brain]
- Wanda: Where's Poof?
- Cosmo: I bet he's playing hide-and-seek again.
- Wanda: Poof! Come out, come out, wherever you are! [poofs herself and Cosmo away]
- Timmy: [burps up pink dust] Why am I burping fairy dust?
[Poof bounces on parts of Timmy's brain, making them light up. He hits a place labeled "reflexes". Timmy gets off his chair and tips over the cereal bowl, the spoon, and a glass of milk, then quickly stacks them before they can fall to the ground]
- Poof: [giggles] Poof poof!
- Timmy: Poof, what are you doing inside my head?
[Poof bounces on the "coordination" part of his brain. He kicks a ball out the door. It flies around the house and back to him and he stops it with his foot, then he flips the ball behind him and starts bouncing it with his foot]
- Timmy: Wow! Now that I'm Poof-powered, I'm like a pro! [kicks the ball] Poof, can you help me catch the team bus?
[Poof giggles and hits the "speed" part of Timmy's brain, and he zips off. Cut to the bus]
- Mr. Turner: ♪ There was a kid who was not here and Timmy was his name-o! T-I-M-M-Y and Timmy was his name-o! ♪ [looking in the rear-view mirror] Oh, no! It's Timmy! Activating cloaking device! [pulls a switch that makes a blanket cover the bus] Dah! Curse you, cloaking device!
[The bus rolls over and lands upside down. The players inside stumble out and collapse]
- Mr. Turner: Gah! Now I don't have a team!
- Timmy: That's okay, Dad. I can play every position.
- Mr. Turner: In your dreams. Oh, we'll have to forfeit the game. [notices Dinkleberg pull up in a car with a first-place trophy in it]
- Dinkleberg: Good luck with the game, Turner! [drives off]
- Mr. Turner: On second thought, you can play!
[Cut to Timmy on a soccer pitch. A Cyborgs player goes to kick the ball but Timmy gets it first. Poof bounces on "coordination", "speed", "reflexes", and "balance". Timmy kicks the ball, which hits several Cyborgs and goes in their goal]
- Mr. Turner: Timmy scored... for us!
[The Cyborgs merge into one big robot]
- Timmy: I could use some strength, Poof.
[Poof lights up "strength". Timmy's leg becomes muscular and he kicks the ball at the robot. The ball goes through the goal several times as it flies around Earth. The Victims' score becomes 61. Dejected Cyborgs walk off with their broken body parts]
- Mr. Turner: We win! Timmy, you were amazing! [dials on a cell phone] In your face, Dinkleberg's answering machine!
[Mr. Turner cartwheels away. Cosmo and Wanda appear on donkeys]
- Wanda: We looked everywhere and still haven't found Poof. Have you seen him?
- Timmy: Me? Uh, yeah. I think he's behind that tree.
[Cosmo and Wanda float to the tree]
- Cosmo: Poof, come out! I've got a delicious onion bagel!
- Timmy: [draws Poof's face on a white and purple ball] Tootie, I need a favor.
- Tootie: Yes, Timmy! I will marry you!
- Timmy: No, not that. I need you to ride away as fast as you can with this soccer ball. And, oh, yeah, every now and then, yell "poof poof" in a really squeaky voice. [beat]
- Tootie: You got it, Timmy. [puts the ball in her bicycle's basket] Poof poof! [riding away] I love you!
- Cosmo: [holding a chainsaw] Well, it looks like he's not coming' out, Wanda.
- Tootie: [riding by] Poof poof!
- Timmy: Guys, there goes Poof! [Cosmo and Wanda zip after Tootie] That'll buy us some time, Poof. Now let's go win our way to the championship.
[Cut to a match against the Blackbelts. Timmy kicks and punches the air and kicks a ball into the ground. The ball burrows to the goal and pushes the goalkeeper in]
- Mr. Turner: Two more games to go!
[Cut to Wanda using Cosmo as a flying carpet]
- Tootie: [riding by the Taj Mahal] Poof poof! [laughs]
[Cut to a match against the Pirates. A Pirate fires a ball from a cannon and Timmy spins like a tornado and sends the ball into a pile of others, which go through the goal. The Victims score 14 points and the audience cheers]
- Mr. Turner: One more game to go!
[Cut to Tootie riding by the Great Sphinx of Giza]
- Tootie: Poof poof! [laughs]
[Wanda follows Tootie using Cosmo as a camel. Cut to a match against the Dark Knights. A ball hits a Dark Knight and crushes the goalkeeper, whose glove knocks the ball into the goal when it lands]
- Mr. Turner: We made it! We're going to the championship!
[Fireworks explode. Cut to Tootie racing in the Tour de France. Wanda follows her using Cosmo as a bike. As Tootie is given the first-place trophy, her bike falls over and the ball bounces up to Wanda]
- Wanda: This isn't Poof. I smell a rat.
- Cosmo: You sure it's not the onion bagel?
- Wanda: Timmy is hiding something, and I bet it's Poof.
[Fade to the stadium holding the soccer championship. Mr. Turner smiles as people cheer, then sees and glares at the Dinkle Ducks. A sign reading "Go Ducks!" appears in the audience, as does a sign reading "Go Mitvics"]
- Mr. Turner: Okay, Victims, this is the big one. So the plan is simple: Give Timmy the ball. Timmy, it's up to you. Go out there and make me proud.
- Timmy: You can count on me.
- Poof: Poof poof!
[Poof presses a button that makes Timmy's brain light up. Timmy signs a kid's soccer ball]
- Wanda: [as a ball] Timmy, we know you used Tootie to send us on a wild goose chase. Now, what's going on, and where's Poof?
- Cosmo: [as a ball] More importantly, who's Tootie, and where's the wild goose?
- Timmy: Okay, I'll be totally honest. [beat] I have no idea. [in Poof's voice] Poof poof!
[Wanda poofs up a machine that shows Poof bouncing around Timmy's skull]
- Timmy: All right, the truth is, I accidentally swallowed Poof, and his magic made me great at soccer. I should have told you, but I wanted my dad to be proud of me for once.
- Wanda: Oh, I feel for you, sport, but cheating is cheating. Now come out, Poof!
- Poof: Uh-uh!
- Wanda: Cosmo, we're going into Timmy's brain.
- Cosmo: What? Timmy's brain doesn't exist. [Wanda poofs herself and him to where Poof is]
- Poof: Ooh!
[Poof flies away and Cosmo and Wanda dive after him. Cut to the two teams facing off. A Victim kicks a ball and Timmy runs after it. Cosmo and Wanda bounce on "balance", turning it that part of the brain. As Timmy is about to score a goal, he falls on the ball and bounces onto the ground. The Ducks' goalkeeper kicks the ball and another Duck scores]
- Mr. Turner: That's okay. I'm sure it's all part of Timmy's plan. [tears out his hair]
[Cosmo and Wanda light up "happiness", "sadness", and "burping". As Timmy is about to kick, he laughs, then cries, then burps. A Duck kicks the ball]
- Mr. Turner: [shouts] Probably still his plan... [chuckles; tearing out his chest hair] His plan to tear out my soul!
[Timmy pirouettes as the other players follow the ball. Mr. Turner tears out the hair on his legs. Ducks watch Timmy bounce on his head, and Sanjay takes the ball]
- Two Dinkle Ducks: Huh? [Sanjay scores. Timmy is scratching his ear with his foot]
- Mr. Turner: Timmy, your complete and total breakdown on the field makes me think I've been putting too much pressure on you. I guess you can't handle stress as well as I can. [tears out an eyebrow] There's only ten seconds left in the game. [putting him on a bench] Maybe you should sit out.
[Cosmo and Wanda appear with Poof]
- Wanda: Sweetie, don't ever hide from Mommy and Daddy like that again.
- Timmy: It's my fault, Wanda. I should have told you where Poof was. I just wanted to be good at soccer.
- Cosmo: You are good, Timmy. Good at scoring goals for the other team!
- Timmy: Wait. That totally gives me an idea. Dad, you got to gimme another chance.
- Mr. Turner: Eeh, I don't know, Timmy. I'm down to one eyebrow.
- Timmy: Please?
- Mr. Turner: Well, okay, son. After all, winning isn't everything. What's important is that you have a little fun. Just try not to weep and dance like a gassy ballerina again.
[Chester kicks the ball to Timmy, who starts running in the opposite direction]
- Mr. Turner: Geh! You're going toward the wrong goal!
- Timmy: Trust me, Dad! I know what I'm doing! [kicks the ball]
[Mr. Turner tears off skin on his face. Dinkleberg watches happily. The ball hits a post on the Victims' goal and Mr. Turner reinserts the skin and becomes happy. Dinkleberg bites his fingernails as the ball goes in the Ducks' goal. Mr. Turner cheers and all his skin rips off. His skeleton jumps into a jumbotron, which then explodes. Tootie and Victims cheer]
- Mr. Turner: You did it, Timmy! I've never been less hairy and more proud of you. [hugs Timmy]
[Fade to Mr. Turner getting the small championship trophy]
- Mr. Turner: Woo-hoo! Yeah! [the fairies appear by Timmy]
- Poof: [looks around] Hide-and-seek! [disappears]
- Wanda: Aw, not again. Where is he this time?
- Mr. Turner: When this season began, I had a dream. A dream to defeat a monster named Dinkleberg. [in Poof's voice] Poof poof!
- Cosmo: Quick! Into Timmy's dad's brain!
[Cosmo and Wanda disappear. Cameras capture Mr. Turner as he cries, laughs, and howls like a dog]
- Mr. Turner: [floating] Poof poof! [pirouettes and burps up fairy dust] Ah! I'm a gassy ballerina!
[Mr. Turner laughs and cries. Iris out on his face. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]
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v - e★ Season 7 Transcripts ★ | ||
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OY!C ★ 1 ★ 2 ★ 3 ★ 4 ★ 5 ★ 6 ★ 7 ★ 8 ★ 9 ★ 10 | ||
#01 Anti-Poof | #02 Add-a-Dad | #03 Squirrely Puffs |
#04 Mice Capades | #05 Formula For Disaster | #06 Bad Heir Day |
#07 Freaks & Greeks | #08 Fly Boy | #09 Temporary Fairy |
#10 Crocker Shocker | #11 Super Zero | #12 Dadbra-Cadabra |
#13 Timmy Turnip | #14 One Man Banned | #15 Frenemy Mine |
#16 Chicken Poofs | #17 Stupid Cupid | #18 Double-Oh Schnozmo! |
#19 Planet Poof | #20 The Boss Of Me | #21 He Poofs He Scores |
#22 Playdate of Doom | #23 Teacher's Pet | #24 Manic Mom-Day |
#25 Crocker of Gold | #26 Beach Blanket Bozos | #27 Poltergeeks |
#28 Old Man and the C- | #29 Balance of Flour | #30 Food Fight |
#31 Please Don't Feed The Turners | #32 Take and Fake | #33 Cosmo Rules |
#34 Lights Out | #35 Dad Overboard | #36 Farm Pit |
#37 Crock Talk | #38 Spellementary School | #39 Operation Dinkleberg |