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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Hassle in the Castle" from Season 5, which aired on May 12, 2005.
Script[]
[The episode begins with Turner Residence, taking place inside Cosmo and Wanda's Fishbowl.
- Timmy: (offscreen) Ha ha! Here I come! Tag! You're it!
- Wanda: Oh yeah! Tag! You're it!
- Cosmo: I'm it. Yay! I win!
- Timmy: Actually, no. The guy who's "it" doesn't win.
- Cosmo: Oh. Well, it's still nice to be wanted.
- Wanda: What fish game do you want to play now?
- Cosmo: Um, how about fish hide and go seek?
- Timmy: There's no place to hide in the bowl.
- Cosmo: Uh, we could play inside the castle, there's plenty of roo-
- Cosmo: Nothing. No place to hide. Nothin' cool in there.
- Timmy: Hey. What's going on here? Can't I go inside your house?
- Wanda: No.
- Timmy: C'mon! I let you come into my house all the time!
- Cosmo: Like when? Name one time.
- Cosmo: Oh. Good point.
- Timmy: So, I can go into the castle?
- Wanda: Well, okay...
- Timmy: So, this is your castle, huh?
- Cosmo: Yeah, sure. As far as you know.
- Cosmo, Wanda and Timmy: (as golf ball rolls towards them) Aaaaaahhh!
- Cosmo: Bogey!
- Timmy: Let's see you took me to Peelie Puttsticks, Windsor Castle, Frankenstein's Castle, Hearst Castle and Prince Charming's Castle.
- Wanda: (dreamily) He sure was charming.
- Timmy: Can I go to your castle now?
- Wanda: No.
- Timmy: Okay, if you guys won't invite me into your house, I'll just wish myself in.
- Wanda: You can't! It's...uh...
- Cosmo: ...against the rules!
- Timmy: What? Let me see the rule book!
- Wanda: I would but I don't have it with me.
- Timmy: Where is it?
- Cosmo: Inside the castle.
- Wanda: Oh well, bedtime. Gotta go. Nighty night! Love you! Kiss kiss.
- Timmy: This is so unfair! Why won't Cosmo and Wanda let me inside their castle? (in Wanda's voice) "You can't wish yourself inside..." Wow! I never realized what a great Wanda impression I do! So, how can I get inside that castle?
- Timmy: Let's see. Mini-sub. No. Universal castle map. No. Skeleton key. Uh-uh. Hey, my old shrink suit! Perfect!
- Timmy: Here goes nothin'!
- Computer Voice: Voice recognition password required.
- Timmy: Uh... Uh... (in Wanda's voice) Cosmo, you idiot!
- Computer Voice: Password accepted.
- Timmy: I always knew my shrill girly 10-year-old voice would come in handy.
- Timmy: Oh my gosh! This is place is huge! Look at all those doors! I bet they didn't want me in here because it's totally dull and boring.
- Timmy: Eenie, meenie... that one.
- Timmy: A giant TV room!
- Timmy: An arcade!
- Timmy: A Timmy's favorite food room complete with "microwish oven?" Cool! I wish I had a plate of chocolate chip cookies.
- Timmy: I wonder why Cosmo and Wanda didn't want me in here. This place is awesome!
- Wanda: (muttering in her sleep) Oh Juandissimo, you're... you're doing the dance of a thousand chocolates?
- Cosmo: (snoring, muttering in his sleep) Ah! Must win race. Phillip. Nickel.
- Cosmo: There's chocolate in the road? Lookout, Phillip!
- Timmy: "Godkid Hall of Fame?" I gotta see this! I'll bet it's all about me.
- Timmy: Artie Aaronson, Denzel Crocker, Billy Gates, Googi Sarakaya...
- Timmy: Not me. Not me. Another not me.
- Timmy: Tina Turner!?! I am not in here? But I'm great. I'm kind. I'm caring... They are so dead!
- Timmy: (frustrated) Argh! What did those kids do that I didn't to get into the Godkid hall of fame?
- Timmy: Why don't I just ask those kids?
- Computer Voice: Access code please.
- Timmy: Er... (In Wanda's voice) Cosmo you idiot? You dunce? I should have married the monkey?
- Computer Voice: Password accepted.
- Timmy: Now if I can just find that Hall of Fame again.
- Timmy: Geronimo!
- Cosmo: (bolts upright in bed) Wanda, did you hear that?
- Wanda: I'm asleep.
- Cosmo: Phillip thinks she heard a noise downstairs. Someone should go down there and look.
- Wanda: Good luck.
- Cosmo: But Phillip thinks it could be some sort of burglar.
- Wanda: Cosmo, we live in a magical castle underwater in a fishbowl in a ten-year old's room.
- Cosmo: But the golf ball found us, and Phillip thinks it could be some sort of magical nickel thief.
- Wanda: In that case, I wish you a lotta luck. Juandissimo, tell me more about nuget.
- Cosmo: FINE! But if it's the pizza guy I'm keeping it all for myself. Be brave, Phillip. Be brave for the two of us.
- Timmy: Let's see. Maybe it was through here. (opens the doors revealing the lion and roars at him) AHHH!
- Timmy: Here it is.
- Timmy: I guess any of them will do. I wish these three godkids remembered Cosmo and Wanda and were out of their frames and here with me.
[Timmy poofs godkids out of the frame]
- Pierre: I am Pierre.
- Sammy: I'm Sammy.
- Maryann: And I am Maryanne.
- Timmy: Hi guys! My name's Timmy. I'm Cosmo and Wanda's current Godchild. I was sort of wondering if you could tell me what you did to get put in the Hall here.
- Pierre: I wished that all French people would be rude to Americans, you stupid pig boy.
- Timmy: Whoa! How'd that get you in the hall of fame?
- Pierre: Sacre bleu! You ignorant toad! You are in the Hall of Infamy, which is the opposite of fame. We are not the best godkids, we are the worst!
- Timmy: Really?
- Sammy: Shore! I'm here cuz.. Uh well, you ever notice how tornadoes always hit mobile homes? I wished that! I hate them metal houses!
- Maryann: Shhh! Someone's coming.
- Cosmo: (offscreen) Hello! Phillip and I want to know if any magical nickel thieves are hiding in here. If so, please speak up.
- Maryann: (whispers) Know what I'm in here for? Sneaking into the castle and stealing a magic wand.
- Timmy: Yikes!
- Maryann: I don't want to see you end up like me. Here. Give me the wand and then if we get caught you won't get in as much trouble.
- Timmy: Gee thanks.
- Maryann: (laughing evilly) Frenchy is right! You are a stupid pig boy! Now all I need is Wanda's wand and I can get revenge on those two for deserting me!
- Pierre: You know what might work better, mon cheri?
- Maryann: What?
- Pierre: (taking the wand from Maryann) Voila! Which is French for "Ha Ha!" Silly girl, I fooled you!
- Pierre: Little girl, you are as slow-witted as Monsieur Bigtooth! I will be the one who takes a horrible, painful revenge on Cosmo and Wanda! (French laugh) Which is French for "ha ha!"
- Timmy: Not if I have anything to say about it! (runs up to Pierre with his painting and slaps him with it, causing him to become part of it again) Whoa! Cool! I guess since I wished them out of these magical paintings, I can put 'em back in.
[Maryann and Sammy fight for the wand as Timmy grabs Sammy's frame and shoves him back to the frame. Timmy grabs Maryann's frame and chases her through each door in the hall.]
- Timmy: (falls through the ceiling door) Ahhh! Ahh!
- Cosmo: (spots Timmy) Uh-huh! Well, this is embarrassing, wearing the same- Hey! Phillip! What's he doing here?
- Timmy: Cosmo, we don't have much time. I did a bad thing and -
- Cosmo: I'll say. Those grapes don't go with your eyes.
- Maryann: (gasp)
- Cosmo: Hey Maryanne! Long time no see! Nice wand! I have one just like it.
- Timmy: That is your wand. And if she gets a hold of Wanda's wand, too, we won't be able to stop her!
- Cosmo: OK, but before we go, since we're dressed like this -
- Timmy: We gotta do something before she gets to the lobby.
- Cosmo: Huh? What's that Phillip? She went what way? Lead us, girl.
- Timmy: We beat her here. Quick, get the Wand!
- Timmy: Cosmo look ou-QUACK!
[The wand turns Timmy into a duck.]
- Cosmo: Timmy!
[The wand also turned Cosmo into a duck.]
- Cosmo: Quack!
- Maryann: Nothing can stop me now!
- Wanda: You've been very bad, Maryanne.
- Maryann: You two deserted me.
- Wanda: Oh sweetie, we didn't desert you. You abused our magic, took out Archduke Ferdinand and plunged the world into World War I!
- Maryann: Yeah? Well, now I'm gonna take you out. What do you say about that?
- Wanda: I say, "Cosmo, you dunderhead!"
- Computer Voice: Password accepted.
[The boxing glove punches Maryann to the wall, then the wands clatter to the ground as she felt dizzy. Timmy and Cosmo, still in duck form, slams Maryann back to the frame.] SFX: <<The wands clatter to the ground.>>
- Cosmo and Timmy: AHHH!
- Timmy: I'm sorry for sneaking into your house, guys. I was just so curious.
- Wanda: Well, you know what they say, "Curiosity killed the cat."
- Cosmo: And Archduke Ferdinand. Not to mention our dog and three of our pet turtles. But not you Phillip. You're safe!
- Timmy: So, I guess this means I end up in the Hall of Infamy, too.
- Wanda: Oh, heavens no! In fact, that's why we didn't want you in here yet. We didn't want you to see the castle until it was finished.
- Timmy: Until what was finished?
- Cosmo: Ta da! The Hall of Timmy!
- Mama Cosma: Shut the door!
- Cosmo: Uh, I forgot to tell you; she's staying with us. The Hall of Timmy! Gaze upon its splendor, Phillip!
- Timmy: Wow! The Hall of Timmy.
- Wanda: Each picture is another good time we had with you.
- Timmy: There sure are a lot of them.
- Cosmo: One million three-hundred thousand and seventy-two. (off their looks) Phillip's good with math.
- Timmy: I promise I'll never bother you inside your castle again.
[Two wands blast through the walls from the ceiling to the floor and many Timmy clones happily coming out of their frames.]
- Cosmo: Phillip! Roll! Roll for your life! Phillip!
[Many Timmys flooded out of the frame and piled onto Timmy, Cosmo, and Wanda. The scene iris out as the episode ends.]