Hard Copy/Transcript

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The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"Hard Copy"
Season №:	4
Episode №:	42A
Airdate:	November 14, 2004
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the The Fairly OddParents! episode, "Hard Copy" from Season 4, which aired on November 14, 2004.

Script

[FADE IN: EXT. THE TURNER HOUSE - DAY]

• Wanda: (offscreen) Cosmo? Where are you?

[INT. TIMMY'S ROOM WANDA floats next to TIMMY as he reads.]

• Wanda: Timmy, have you seen Cosmo?
• Timmy: Haven't seen him.But have you seen this? It's Flipsie! The Flipping Dog! (holds up a PAGE in his toy catalogue, which shows a PICTURE OF A FLUFFY WIND-UP DOG)
• Wanda: (reads) Timmy, this toy is for kids three and under.
• Timmy: What are you nuts? It flips! I've gotta have it!!!
• Wanda: Timmy, I don't have time for this... I have to find Cosmo! It's his 1000 year check up today and he's afraid of the D-O-C-T-O-R.

[Timmy looks up.]

• Cosmo: (as a ceiling lamp, sneaking) Ha! A lamp! The perfect disguise.

[ON WANDA - She poofs up some sizzling BACON STRIPS.]

• Wanda: Well, I might as well poof up some juicy, fattening artery-clogging bacon strips!

[Cosmo licks his chops. Wanda poofs up some more MEATY THINGS.]

• Wanda: And share these succulent strips of pork with my ex-boyfriend, Juandissimo!

[Juandissmo appears.]

• Juandissmo: (grabs Wanda in a tight embrace) Wanda, can it be true? It is fantasy come to life! You without Cosmo, feeding me meat. Somebody pinch me, preferably you.
• Cosmo: (freaks and poofs in next to Juandissimo) Hey! (beat) Hands off my bacon! (grabs the bacon, but doesn't stop the embrace)
• Juandissmo: I hate it when you use me as bait, yet I love it...
• Wanda: (poofs Juandissimo away) Here boy! Get the bacon. Get it!

[Wanda throws the bacon into a DOG CRATE. Cosmo chases it and Wanda shuts the cage. Cosmo rattles the door cage.]

• Cosmo: Oh no!Timmy, help! I'm trapped! (poofs outside the cage and checks it like a pilot checking his

plane. He even gives it a kick.) Look at this thing!It's foolproof! (poofs himself back in the cage and shakes the door.) I'll never get out!

• Timmy: (dashes over to Cosmo and tries to save him) Wait, Wanda! You can't take Cosmo! What if I need something? Like Flipsie!

[Tired of the game, Wanda poofs up a MAGICAL COPY MACHINE. It's basically a Xerox machine with a wand antenna.]

• Timmy: What's that?
• Wanda: (grabs the toy catalogue and slaps it on the copier) A magic copy machine! If you need something, just put the picture here, press the wish button and...

[Wanda hits the WISH-BUTTON on the copier and poof! FLIPSIE flies out the OUTPUT TRAY and Timmy catches it.]

• Timmy: Oh my gosh, it's Flipsie! Bye Cosmo, have a great time at the doctor's!
• Cosmo: NOOOO!!!!!!

[Wanda and a <<SCREAMING>> Cosmo Poof O.S. As we DISSOLVE TO: INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - LATER CLOSE ON Flipsie. It does nothing.]

• Timmy: Come on! Flip! FLIP ALREADY!

[It just sits there. Timmy looks at the catalogue.]

• Timmy: It says, "flipping fun for kids!" Now what am I supposed to do? All I have is this magic copy machine and a catalogue of cool toys I could copy and make real! (Beat) Oh! Now he gets it.

[WIPE TO: Timmy has copied the entire catalogue. It's a huge pile of RC CARS, DINOSAURS, STUFFED TOYS, etc. Smash! A PING-PONG TABLE joins the pile. ON TIMMY - He's bouncing on some TRAMPOLINE SHOES and copying stuff like a mad scientist. He <<laughs>> like one too.]

• Timmy: This is awesome! (giving a sad look at Flipsie) WHY WON'T YOU FLIP?!

[DISSOLVE TO: EXT. FAIRYWORLD - FAIRY GENERAL HOSPITAL - SAME Pan off the FAIRYWORLD SIGN to FAIRY GENERAL HOSPITAL. INT.EXAMINING ROOM- SAME Wanda reads, "FAIRYWEEK" while Cosmo, in his cage, is hooked up to ANALYSIS MACHINES with TUBES stuck everywhere and can't talk. Suddenly super handsome DOCTOR RIP STUDWELL and TWO NURSES enter the room <<LAUGHING>>.]

• Wanda: Well Dr. Studwell, how's my Cosmo?

[The laughing stops, and they all get serious.]

• Dr. Rip Studwell: Call me Dr. Rip Studwell, and I'm afraid I have some bad news.
• Wanda: What is it, Dr. Rip Studwell? (holds his ankles while he does some sit ups)
• Dr. Rip Studwell: After a series of incredibly painful tests, we believe Cosmo has a bad case of the stupid.

[The nurses react in shock. Cosmo spits out his RESPIRATOR.]

• Wanda: Really? How stupid is he?
• Dr. Rip Studwell: I'll let our specialist clarify...

[The APRIL FOOL POOFS in wearing a LAB COAT and JESTER HAT.]

• The April Fool: Cosmo is so stupid, if his brains were dynamite, he wouldn't have enough to blow his nose! He's so stupid, he tried to wake up a sleeping bag! If Cosmo spoke his mind, he'd be speechless! Good night everybody! (disappears)
• Dr. Rip Studwell: (serious) I want to run more painful tests, but I'll need your consent.
• Cosmo: No! I'm not stupid. And I can prove it if you'll let me out of here! (poofs out of the cage again and inspects) But come on! Houdini couldn't escape this!!! (poofs himself back into the cage)
• Dr. Rip Studwell: It's worse than I thought.

[CUT TO: INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - LATER Pan across a SMORGASBORD of HALF-EATEN GOURMET FOOD, PASTRIES and CAKES. Stop on Timmy as he presses the wish button, then runs in front of the copier output tray, puts on a BIB, opens wide and POW! He's gloriously hit with WEDDING CAKE.]

• Timmy: Well, that's everything! (As he wipes his eyes clean and spots the last page of the D.O.A Schmortz Catalogue and sees) ...except for the limited edition "DARK LASER" ACTION FIGURE from the SPACE WARS COLLECTION! (ON - The PHOTO of DARK LASER. It's a Darth Vader-looking action figure. Timmy reads the fine print.) Only ten inches tall? Forget that! I want it to be life size! Enlarge 500%!

[Timmy presses the ENLARGE button, slaps the catalogue on the copier and Poof! A life-size DARK LASER appears.]

• Timmy: And now I've got everything! (holds stomach) Including a stomachache. To the bathroom! (slaps a MAGAZINE on the copier, poofs up a roll of TOILET PAPER and runs into the bathroom)

[PAN TO: Dark Laser. He starts to breathe his <<HEAVY BREATH.>> He's alive and looks at the copier.]

• Dark Laser: Now to take over this new and strange world with these mighty weapons of fiery death!

[Dark Laser slaps the "SPACE WARS" POSTER on the copier. Click! IN THE CORNER OF THE ROOM appears an EVIL SPACESHIP and FOUR METALLIC BALLS that unfurl to reveal they are DESTROYER DROIDS. (i.e. those cool death-pods from Phantom Menace)]

• Dark Laser: And... this. Flip for me! I command it! (spots Flipsie. He picks it up.It flips in his hand. He <<laughs>> at Flipsie)

[CUT TO: INT. FAIRYWORLD - DR. RIP STUDWELLS OFFICE - SAME Dr. Rip Studwell is <<laughing>> a fake soap opera laugh with three pretty nurses. He's curling some BARBELLS.]

• Wanda: Uh, Doctor! What about Cosmo?

[Dr. Rip drops the barbells, <<CRASH,>> and gets very serious.]

• Dr. Rip Studwell: Here's the problem. (Backflips over to Cosmo, who's still in his cage - but in a CAT SCAN device - and flips on a monitor. We see Cosmo's BRAIN and inside is - you guessed it - A HAPPY TAP DANCER.) I'm afraid he's got... Dancer. If left unchecked, the tap tap tapping in his head could cause him to grant a stupid wish like a magic copier that could poof up something that might try to destroy the world.
• Wanda: OH MY GOSH!
• Dr. Rip Studwell: Then I have permission to operate?
• Wanda: Yes! Whatever!
• Dr. Rip Studwell: Great. We'll operate immediately...

[POOF! Wanda is gone. The Doctor poofs up GOLF BAGS and GOLF OUTFITS for himself and his nurses.]

• Dr. Rip Studwell: ...after 18 holes of golf!

[CUT TO: EXT. THE SKIES OVER DIMMSDALE - SAME Dark Laser's SPACESHIP hovers over a very cartoon-charred out ruin of the city. LASERS rain from the sky!!!]

• Dark Laser: (voiceover) Weak people of this world! Bow to me! Your new leader - Dark Laser!

[INT. DARK LASER'S SPACESHIP At the controls of the ship.]

• Dark Laser: (speaks into a MIC) Surrender or face Flipsie! The flipping Dog of Doom! (ON THE DASH Flipsie flips. Dark Laser <<chuckles.) Man, I never get tired of that...

[ON A TV - CHET UBETCHA REPORTS FROM THE STREETS OF DIMMSDALE]

• Chet Ubetcha: This is Chet Ubetcha saying, It's doomsday in Dimmsdale! Or... shall I say... Doomsdale!

[Behind Chet, Destroyer Droids blast the city from the street.]

• Chet Ubetcha: In what can be described as a ten year-old boy's wish gone awry, we are all doomed! And in an unrelated story, people are flipping over Flipsie! (In Chet's hand is a Flipsie Dog. It flips. Chet laughs) Ha-ha-ha... Man, I never get tired of that. AHHHHH!!! (runs from a LASER BLAST)

[PULL OUT OF THE TV to reveal we are in TIMMY'S ROOM.]

• Timmy: Oh, sure. Flip for the bad guy!

[Two Destroyer Droids crash into Timmy's room, unfurl and target some nasty LASER CANNONS at him.]

• Timmy: AHH!!!!

[The Destroyer Droids blast lasers at Timmy, but Poof! Wanda appears and waves her WAND like a light saber and reflects the laser blasts back at the Droids. They explode.]

• Wanda: I told you to only use the copier once!
• Timmy: I did use it once - for six hours! I wish everything was back to normal!

[Wanda aims her wand out the window. INT. DARK LASER'S SPACESHIP His ELECTRON-SCOPE locks on Timmy's house and snap-zooms into a laser image of Wanda in the window. INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS ZAP! Like a lightning bolt, Wanda is charred from the sky and her wand crumbles like a burnt matchstick.]

• Wanda: Didn't see that coming!
• Timmy: AHH! Where's Cosmo?
• Wanda: Still at the Doctor's! We're out of magic, Timmy!
• Timmy: (slams his hand on the copier) There's got to be something we can do!
• Wanda: (poofs right above the copier) Like, what?

[They both look at each other and look at the copier. CUT TO: INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - A LITTLE LATER Timmy and Wanda enjoy some dessert. Timmy grabs the "Space Wars" poster.]

• Timmy: Okay... Let's rock.

[CUT TO: INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER Timmy sits in the COCKPIT of a STAR FIGHTER, an R2-like Droid is being loaded.]

• Wanda: I'm coming with you.
• Timmy: Without your wand you're powerless. You've got to stay here and copy something if I need it! Besides this shouldn't be too hard to fly. (ANGLE ON the cockpit CONTROL PANEL. It's insanely complex.) Let's try this button - ahhh!!! (blasts out of room and into the sky)

[EXT. CITY HALL - SAME A Droid arrives in front of CITY HALL. THE MAYOR and CHOMPY put up their dukes.]

• Mayor of Dimmsdale: You won't take our town without a fight!

[Chompy <<bays>> as the Destroyer Droid draws lasers. The Mayor and Chompy surrender quickly.]

• Mayor of Dimmsdale: Then again, fighting is wrong.Here are the keys to the city, my car, my house, and Chompy's secret cheese cellar!
• Chompy: Baaaa!
• Mayor of Dimmsdale: What?! You're lactose intolerant!

[In the sky, Timmy's Star Fighter is fast approaching]

• Timmy: Get away from our Mayor and that goat! (blasts the Droid)

[Chompy <<cheers>> and the Mayor takes the KEYS back. EXT. CITY STREET - SAME Droids are chasing terrorized citizens. Timmy's Star Fighter blasts them all away. INT. STAR FIGHTER COCKPIT - SAME Timmy's DASHBOARD flashes red. "POD ROCKETS: ZERO." Timmy radios down to Wanda. She appears on a MONITOR.]

• Timmy: Wanda. I need more pod-rockets!

[INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - SAME Wanda grabs the poster - We see a MISSILE on one of the SHIPS.]

• Wanda: 100 missiles coming up! (hits "100" on the copier and presses the Wish button)

[The ROCKETS fly out of the copier and out the window. INT. STAR FIGHTER COCKPIT - SAME The pod rocket meter fills up to 100.]

• Timmy: Let's do some more damage...

[INT. DARK LASER'S SPACESHIP - SAME Flipsie flips on the dashboard. Dark Laser chuckles.]

• Dark Laser: Oh Flipsie! You and I will rule this mudball together! (sees on his monitor Timmy blasting Droids) Curses!

[INT. STAR FIGHTER COCKPIT - SAME Timmy is flicking some switches.]

• Timmy: Now to find Dark Laser... Ahhh!

[Timmy's Star Fighter is hit by Dark Laser. On the dashboard "ENGINE #1 - OUT" flashes. Timmy looks. Flames billow from his RIGHT-SIDE ENGINE.]

• Timmy: Wanda! I need a new engine - now!

[INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - SAME Wanda watches Timmy on the copier's menu screen.

• Timmy: ...and a soda. I'm parched.

[Wanda slaps down a picture of the Star Fighter and presses the wish button but the menu screen reads - "Wish Jam! Wish Jam!"]

• Wanda: The copier's jammed! Hang on sport! This can't be hard to fix. (Opens the copier. It's insanely complicated.)

[EXT. THE SKIES OVER DIMMSDALE - SAME Timmy is dodging laser blasts.]

• Timmy: Wanda!!! Do something!

[INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - SAME Wanda works on the jam.]

• Wanda: I'm moving... as fast... as I can! (struggles and pulls a WEDDING CAKE out of the copier) Ah! There's the problem! Jam's fixed,

sport! Whattya need? [On the menu screen Timmy is dodging blasts.]

• Timmy: Anything!

[The copier menu reads "warming up".]

• Wanda: You got it... as soon as this thing warms up!

[EXT. THE SKIES OVER DIMMSDALE - SAME Dark Laser's ship fires on Timmy's. Timmy weakly barrel rolls to avoid the blast. He takes another hit.]

• Timmy: Ahhhh!!!

[INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - SAME. Wanda is relaxing, eating some WEDDING CAKE. The line on the "Warming Up" meter is almost full. INT. DARK LASER'S COCKPIT - SAME Timmy's Star Fighter appears in an infrared scope. Dark Laser tries to get a lock on him.]

• Dark Laser: Almost there...

[INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - SAME The copier menu screen flashes "READY."]

• Wanda: One Star Fighter engine - and a soda coming up! (Presses the wish button. Pow! The ENGINE flies out of the copier)

[EXT. TIMMY'S STAR FIGHTER - SAME Only HALF AN ENGINE appears on the wing and only HALF A SODA appears in his hand.]

• Timmy: HEY!!! What gives?!?

[INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - SAME The menu screen flashes "Out of Toner"]

• Wanda: We're out of toner!

[INT. TIMMY'S STAR FIGHTER COCKPIT - SAME Timmy sees Dark Laser's ship right on his butt.]

• Timmy: And I'm out of life!

[INT. DARK LASER'S COCKPIT - SAME Dark Laser locks on Timmy's Star Fighter.]

• Dark Laser: I have you now...

[Pow! Dark Laser's ship takes a hit! INT. COSMO'S DOG-CAGE - SAME Cosmo is at the controls of his dog-carrier but he's customized it into a MILLENNIUM FALCON-LIKE STARSHIP.]

• Cosmo: Weeeee!

[INT. STAR FIGHTER COCKPIT - SAME Timmy, and Wanda, on the monitor, cheer.] ↵WANDA AND *Timmy: Cosmo! [INT. COSMO'S DOG CAGE FALCON - SAME]

• Cosmo: That's right! I'm back from the doctor and dancer free!
• Timmy: (appears on Cosmo's dash monitor) Quick, I wish Dark Laser was back in the catalogue!!
• Cosmo: (flicks open a switch) Copy that, good buddy!

[He hits the button. OUTSIDE THE CAGE - Cosmo's wand blasts Dimmsdale. A MAGIC WAVE sweeps over the landscape repairing all the fires and damage. The wave then catches up to Dark Laser's ship. INT. DARK LASER'S SPACE SHIP - SAME Close on Dark Laser's face.]

• Dark Laser: Noooo!!!

[MATCH CUT TO: INT. TIMMY'S ROOM - LATER. Pull out from Dark Laser's face. He's back in the Space Wars posters, but holding Flipsie. Timmy's room is back to normal. Cosmo then poofs the magic copier away.]

• Cosmo: Now, Wanda, let's you and I both agree to not grant Timmy anything really stupid or dangerous again.
• Wanda: Wow! That Dr. Studwell sure can operate. You're cured!
• Cosmo: He didn't operate! He went golfing instead!
• Timmy: Then how did you know to come save me?
• Cosmo: Hey, I may be an idiot, but I always know when my godchild's in trouble... Besides... (rolls an X-RAY SCREEN in front of his head to reveal) A little dog told me!
• Timmy and Wanda: Flipsie!

[Sure enough Cosmo now has Flipsie the flipping dog in his head. It does a flip. They all laugh. Timmy grabs it.]

• Timmy: Finally! My turn! (Flipsie just sits there) FLIP!!!

[IRIS OUT on Flipsie]

• Timmy: Why won't you flip?!!!

[The scene iris out.]