Go Young, West Man!/Transcript

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The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"Go Young, West Man!"
Season	5
Episode	61A
Airdate	May 9, 2005
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Go Young, West Man!" from Season 5, which aired on May 9, 2005.

Script

[Fade in on Adam West as Catman]

• Adam West: Looks like this is it, my pink-hatted young sidekick.
• Timmy: I never thought it would end like this!
• Adam: Farewell, old chum. [lifts up a mallet]

[Timmy and Adam tremble. A wide shot reveals that the two of them are playing croquet and Timmy also has a mallet. Adam uses his mallet, Wanda, to hit his ball, Cosmo]

• Cosmo: [rolling through a wicket and into a stake] Ah! Ow! Ooh! Ah! Dizzy! Gonna! Hurl! [vomits offscreen]
• Timmy: Good game, Adam!
• Adam: Ah, thanks, Timmy. I love it when you come over to Stately West Manor and we play croquet with your barfing lawn equipment.
• Timmy: Reminds you of your childhood, huh?
• Adam: Oh, heavens no, Timmy. I didn't get to play like this when I was a kid. You see, unlike you, I was a child star.
• Timmy: Really? You were?
• Adam: Sure!

[With a remote, Adam makes a large TV rise from where Timmy is standing and turns it on]

• Adam: First I was in Leave It to Cat Kid!

[The black-and-white program on the TV fades to a kitchen]

• Catkid Mom: Ward, [tickling Cat Kid] I'm a little worried about the Cat Kid.

[Cat Kid vomits a hairball in Ward's face. The TV switches to another program]

• Adam: Then I was on Catkid's Island!

[On the TV, Cat Kid and a skipper are making a boat. Cat Kid dips a paintbrush in a bucket of glue. He turns around, and his tail knocks the bucket off the boat and onto the skipper's head]

• Skipper: Cat Kid!

[Cat Kid vomits a hairball in the skipper's face. The program changes]

• Adam: Then there was Happy Cat Kid Days!

[On the TV, a screaming carhop skates out of control in a diner parking lot. The scene cuts to a group of teenage boys inside the diner]

• Potsie Kid: We're never gonna find dates for the prom!
• Ritchie Kid: Maybe Cat Kid can help us!

[Cat Kid, now resembling Fonzie, hits a jukebox with his tail to make it play music]

• Cat Kid: [to a girl] Heeey!

[Cat Kid vomits a hairball in the girl's face. She runs away screaming, and he gives a thumbs-up. The TV recedes into the ground]

• Adam: [vomits a hairball over Timmy] The hairball was my hook!
• Timmy: Sounds like you had a really great childhood!
• Adam: Alas, Timmy, it was a lot of hard work. Sure, I made millions of dollars, but there was the constant threat of being spayed! [his eye twitches] Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to ball up in the corner by the fireplace and quietly cry myself to sleep over the childhood that I lost. [starts crying] Meow... Meow... [runs off]
• Wanda: Aw, poor Adam! He never got a chance to act like a real child!
• Cosmo: What about me? I never got a chance to act like a real cat! [turns into a cat] Meow! [pretends to claw, licks himself, and vomits a hairball in Timmy's face] Hey, that could be my hook!
• Timmy: That gives me an idea! I could wish Adam was a kid again! Then he could have the childhood he really wanted!
• Wanda: Uh, maybe. [turns Timmy and Cosmo back to normal] Uh, but for how long?
• Timmy: I don't know. Until he wants to be an adult again, I guess.
• Wanda: But don't you think he'll notice when he suddenly turns into a child?
• Timmy: I can totally handle that!
• Adam: [offscreen] Oh, Timmy!

[Timmy turns to see Adam, and the fairies turn into birds]

• Adam: I'm back! It was just a catnap.
• Timmy: Adam, I had a crazy idea! Why not pretend to be a kid again and live out that fun childhood you never had with me? [dodges a hairball Adam vomits]
• Adam: Well, how can I do that, Timmy?
• Timmy: You can pull it off. You're the greatest actor ever!
• Adam: Hmm, that is true. And I can play young! Just gimme a minute to get into character.

[Adam jumps onto a rock on all fours and starts concentrating. Timmy winks at the fairies, who turn Adam into a kid]

• Adam: [looking in a mirror] Man, I'm good! [vomits a hairball in Timmy's face]

[Fade to the Turners' house]

• Mrs. Turner: We love your new friend, Timmy!
• Mr. Turner: Ooh, yeah! He's great! He's part kid, part pet!
• Mrs. Turner: And he loves cat food! [pours stiff cat food into a cat dish] Which is much cheaper than kid food!
• Adam: Yay! [clings to Mrs. Turner's leg]
• Mrs. Turner: And he's so affectionate!
• Timmy: Hah... yeah. [uses Cosmo to spritz Adam with water]
• Adam: Meow!

[Adam hisses, claws Mrs. Turner's leg, and jumps into a cabinet. He winks to Mrs. Turner as he takes the cat food]

• Timmy: [to his mother] Can he sleep over?
• Mr. Turner: You bet he can! He's part pet! But if he gets affectionate with my leg, it's off to the shelter!

[Fade to a school bus stopping. A group of kids runs out, followed by Timmy carrying Adam in a kennel]

• Adam: [getting out of the kennel] Timmy, what do you call this place?

[Timmy and Adam are in front of Dimmsdale Elementary School, which has the word school on its awning]

• Timmy: Uh, school. Didn't you go to one as a kid?
• Adam: School? School's for kids who can't act! I'm acting like a kid again to have fun, not learn! To the arcade!

[Batman-style transition to Timmy by himself. He blinks]

• Adam: Timmy, when I heroically say, "To the arcade", you're supposed to follow me! To the arcade!
• Timmy: But ditching school is wrong!
• Adam: Who cares?
• Timmy: Wow. Never thought of it that way.
• Timmy and Adam: To the arcade!

[Transition to Timmy and Adam being watched on a screen in the principal's office]

• Principal Waxelplax: So, Timmy Turner and this mysterious half-pet half-child think they're going to play hooky, eh? What do you think, Truant Officer Shallowgrave?
• Shallowgrave: I think they made a mistake. A big mistake. Remember, you can't spell hooky without hook! [raises his hook hand]
• Principal Waxelplax: Bring them back alive!
• Shallowgrave: Alive? [looks through hooks in his coat] I don't have a hook for "alive". That'll be extra.
• Principal Waxelplax: Really? How much extra?

[Cut to Catman fighting a luchador. Catman slices the luchador apart with his claws. This is in a game Adam and Timmy are playing at the arcade]

• Adam: Yes!

[The arcade machine is dispensing many tickets]

• Adam: Another defeat at the claws of Cat Kid!
• Timmy: Coming here on a school day is great! The arcade is empty, no lines for the games... Is this heaven or what?
• Adam: Nope! If this was heaven, there'd be streets paved with catnip! And yarn. Miles and miles of yarn!
• Timmy: [awkwardly] Okay...
• Adam: Come on! To the ticket counter!

[Wipe to Adam squeezing a toy mouse]

• Adam: Sweet! And it only cost 12,000 tickets! Come on, let's go to the ice cream parlor!
• Timmy: What about school?
• Adam: Who cares? [jumps away on all fours]
• Timmy: Not me!

[Timmy jumps away on all fours just as Shallowgrave steps into view]

• Shallowgrave: I do.

[Shallowgrave's eyepatch flips up, revealing a bionic eye that spots Timmy and Adam walking away on all fours]

• Shallowgrave: And so does this baby!

[Shallowgrave aims a ray gun hook. His phone rings and he answers the call]

• Shallowgrave: Eh... hello?
• Principal Waxelplax: [through the phone] Mr. Shallowgrave? Good news. We found some extra money in the budget, so bring them back alive!
• Shallowgrave: Okay. [hangs up] Time for Plan B! [switches out the ray gun hook for a spiked ball] Plan C! [switches out the ball for a caged growling dog] Plan D! [switches out the dog for a cobra] Maybe I'll just talk to them.

[Fade to Dimmadip Ice Cream. Timmy is licking ice cream]

• Adam: [to the woman behind the counter] I don't say this to everyone, but you'd be perfect as my girlfriend.
• Woman: Uh, kid, shouldn't you be in school? [gives him ice cream]
• Adam: "Kid"? Oh, I am good! Take that, People's Choice Awards! [starts licking his ice cream]

[Cosmo and Wanda appear as scoops in Timmy's ice cream cone]

• Cosmo: Hey, I'm pistachio! My favorite! [licks himself] Ah! I gave myself brain freeze!
• Wanda: Timmy, I know you wanna help Adam, but skipping school could get you into trouble!
• Adam: [holding a big sundae] Man, I love playing a kid! You can flirt all you want and never get slapped! [to the woman] Call me! [to Timmy] I could do this forever.
• Timmy: Adam, there's more to being a kid than skipping school, going to arcades, and eating ice cream, you know.
• Adam: You're right. To the practical jokes!

[Adam drops the sundae and jumps away on all fours. Timmy zips away before the sundae can fall on him. Shallowgrave comes in through the window using a rope hook]

• Shallowgrave: Oh, you're good, Turner. [the rope retracts] But I'm better! Hey! Ice cream! [uses a scoop hook to eat some of the sundae] Ah! Brain freeze!

[Fade to outside the Crockers' house]

• Timmy: Crocker's house?
• Adam: He is your archenemy, right? Time to get a little payback.
• Timmy: Uh, I don't know about this.
• Adam: [looking through items on his belt] Let's see—Cat-nesia Gas? No. Catarang? No. Ah! But there is this! [grabs his toilet paper roll] Let's TP his house! I don't mind wasting toilet paper because I go in a box. [starts toilet papering the house] Yahoo! Yippee! [laughs]

[Shallowgrave casts a shadow over Timmy from behind]

• Timmy: [turns around and screams] Truant Officer Shallowgrave!
• Shallowgrave: You were good, Turner. But coming here, to Crocker's, was predictable. And now, unless you've learned to act, it's time to take you in!
• Timmy: What if I told you, "Look out, a train's about to hit you"?

[Cosmo and Wanda are perched nearby as birds]

• Cosmo and Wanda: [look in Da Rules] No!
• Timmy: A bus?
• Cosmo and Wanda: [looking in Da Rules] No!
• Timmy: A car?
• Cosmo and Wanda: No!
• Timmy: A clown on a unicycle?
• Cosmo and Wanda: Yes! Uh... we mean... tweet!
• Timmy: I sure wish one of those was coming!

[The fairies raise their wands]

• Shallowgrave: Forget it, Turner! You're going—

[A clown on a unicycle pedals into Shallowgrave and he ends up on the clown's balancing pole]

• Clown: I went to clown school because I couldn't act!

[Fade to Timmy's treehouse]

• Timmy: You sure this is a safe place to hide—in my very own treehouse? Doesn't that feel very predictable?
• Adam: That's the beauty of it! It's such an obvious hiding place, no one would ever suspect it!

[Police sirens blare]

• Shallowgrave: [through a microphone] All right, Turner! It's over!

[Adam and Timmy look at Shallowgrave through the window. Behind him are Timmy's parents and multiple policemen]

• Shallowgrave: You're going to school, and your part-kid, part-pet friend is headed to the pound!
• Adam: I stand corrected. Wow, was I wrong! I can't go to the pound, Timmy! There's dogs there! [freezes, then hides under a rug]
• Wanda: Timmy, there are cops down there!
• Cosmo: Yeah, and that truant officer with a voice like a shallow grave! What was his name? Deadly Ditch? Three Feet Under?
• Wanda: Should we poof you out of here?
• Timmy: No! I can't let them throw Adam in the pound! Or make me explain how he turned into a 10-year-old. It looks like I'm gonna have to face this on my own!

[Timmy walks out of the treehouse and falls to the ground screaming]

• Adam: What a brave kid. That sounds like something Catman would have said! Hey... I am Catman!
• Wanda: [to Cosmo] Does that sound like a wish Timmy would've made?
• Cosmo and Wanda: Close enough!

[The fairies use their wands, changing the scene to Timmy with his head in the ground]

• Timmy: All right! [gets up] I'm giving myself up!
• Shallowgrave: Uh, really? Are you sure you don't wanna make a fight of it? A tussle? A minor altercation? A slap fight?
• Adam: [offscreen] Just one second!

[Adam, again an adult, is standing on a tree branch]

• Adam: Unhand that boy!

[With a grappling hook with a cat paw for a hook, Adam swings into Shallowgrave and downs him, then he jumps over to Timmy]

• Adam: Timmy wasn't playing hooky! He was with me, a responsible Hollywood adult! So I was technically acting in loco parenti.
• Cosmo: [to Wanda] Mostly loco!
• Adam: That's a little Latin legal phrase I learned [presses a button on the remote] when I did...

[A helicopter lowers a TV showing another show Adam was in]

• Adam: ...Doogie Cat Kid, Junior Lawyer! So as long as Timmy had permission to be with me, he didn't break any rules.
• Shallowgrave: [to Timmy's parents] Is that true?
• Mr. Turner: You better believe it! We love Adam West! He's part legal guardian and part pet!
• Mrs. Turner: And he's so affectionate! [she and Mr. Turner stop smiling and look at each other]
• Shallowgrave: You haven't seen the last of me, Timmy Turner!
• Adam: Go bully someone your own size! [Shallowgrave growls at him] Other than me!

[Shallowgrave uses a rocket hook to fly off]

• Timmy: Wow, something you learned as a child star saved me!
• Adam: You're right, Timmy! Maybe my childhood wasn't so bad after all! I just asked myself, "What would Catman do?" Then I realized: Hey, I am Catman! [sees a woman jog by on the sidewalk] And the last part of that is "man"! [to the woman] You know, I don't normally say this to every woman, but you'd be perfect as my girlfriend! [she hits him offscreen] Ouch! [she leaves] I liked it better when I got ice cream!
• Timmy: Well, another victory at the claws of Catman!
• Mrs. Turner: And if we ever need him again, we can call him with this. [she activates a can opener and Adam clings to her legs] Heh, he's so affectionate!
• Mr. Turner: [to Adam] That's it! You're going to the shelter!

[Adam vomits a hairball at the screen. Iris out. As the end title card is shown, a cat yowls offscreen. Fade to black]

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