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This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Genie Meanie Minie Mo" from Season 4, which aired on January 17, 2005.
Script[]
- Wanda: Good morning, Timmy! Gosh, what a beautiful day!
- Timmy: And all I need is a well-balanced, nutritious breakfast to give me the energy to destroy it. I mean, enjoy it. I wish I had a ham and cheese omelet.
- Wanda: Sorry! According to Da Rules, we stop serving breakfast wishes at 10:30.
- Timmy: I'm sick of all these rules! I want an omelet! And nothing will distract the laser focus of my ten-year-old mind until I get my -
- Timmy: Neat! A garage sale!
- Wanda: Oh, I've got a bad feeling about this.
- Timmy: Mr. Birkenbake? What kind of garage sale is this? There's no garage!
- Mr. Birkenbake: Of course not! I'm a teacher. I can't afford a garage! It's an "I don't have a garage!" garage sale! I don't make Crocker money!
- Timmy: Make smoof, not war? What's smoof?
- Mr. Birkenbake: Only the greatest naturally occurring material on earth, little dude!
- Timmy: Wow! How come I haven't heard of smoof before?
- Mr. Birkenbake: Because the man doesn't want you to!
- Timmy: Oh-kay. Smoof. Smoof. Smoof... Ooh, Dark Side of Smoof! Hey! Neat squishy lamp!
- Norm: Whoa! That was some party! Hey, this isn't Charo's house! And these aren't my pants.
- Timmy: Hey! You're a Genie!
- Norm: Well, I guess we can take "brains" off the wish list. Okay kid, here's the deal. I...am Norm! I'm a magical genie and I... Hey! Hey! Hey! Wait up!
- Cosmo, Wanda, and Timmy: (laughing)
- Norm: Hey, hey, hey! What's the big ten-year-old hurry? What, are you late for a wedgie? Don't you get it? For freeing me from the lamp you get three wishes, so...
(Cosmo, Wanda, and Timmy continue laughing)
- Norm: Hey, hey, smoof for brains, what part of three wishes did you not understand?
- Wanda: Timmy doesn't need you. He has Fairy Godparents.
- Cosmo: Ahhh! The swirl is dangerous!
- Norm: Fairy Godparents? Oh, yeah, yeah...they're useful! Hey, ya Fruitcup, tell you what, go pick up my dry cleaning uh.
- Cosmo: Yes sir!
- Norm: Did I mention these were rule-free wishes?
- Wanda: Timmy, you have to be careful, genies are notoriously tricky...
- Cosmo: They always grant you what you want, but it always bites you in the butt!
- Timmy: Well, your wishes always seem to bite me in the butt, and his are rule free!
- Timmy: Okay, Norm, you're on, but I'll start with something simple to be safe! Like... Even though it's after 10:30, I wish I had a ham and cheese omelet!
- Timmy: Owww! Owww! Hot! Hot!
- Norm: Ha! Guess you should have wished for an omelet on a plate. Ha ha ha ha ha. Let me guess... public school, right?
- Wanda: Timmy, see? He tricked you!
- Timmy: What are you talking about? This is delicious!
- Cosmo: (mouth full) Well, it is! And the topsoil makes it crunchy on the outside and chewy on the inside!
- Timmy: Time to get what I've always wanted: Trixie Tang's love.
- Wanda: Timmy, this is gonna end badly.
- Timmy: I'll just be more specific! I wish Trixie Tang loved Timmy Turner. Ha ha!
- Norm: Whatever you say, Jerry. Sort of.
- Trixie: I love Timmy Turner. I love Timmy Turner. I love Timmy Turner.
- Timmy: Excellent!
- Timmy: Not excellent! Who is that?
- Norm: That? That's Timmy P. Turner of Kenosha, Wisconsin. And that's Timmy K. Turner. El Segundo, California. That's-a Timothy T. Turner of Plattsburg, Georgia. Ha ha.
- Timmy T. Turner: Oh ho! You're sweet!
- Norm: You know what they all have in common? They're all smarter than you! Ha ha ha ha! Isn't this fun? I think it's fun.
- Timmy: You're going back in the lamp.
- Timmy: All right Norm, in you go.
- Norm: I can't. You, you have to make one more wish first, and then I actually get forcibly sucked back into the lamp. Huh, how great is that?
- Cosmo: Here's that list of horses you wanted, Norm.
- Norm: Thanks, pudding pop!
- Wanda: Timmy, make a very simple wish so he can't trick you. A glass of water! A cupcake!
- Cosmo: World peace!
- Norm: Oh sure! You have one last rule-free wish, why not waste it! The last thing you'd want to do is wish that your dad had a billion, jillion dollars or anything stupid like that.
- Timmy: Nice try, but even I know there's no such number as a jillion. So I'll just wish for the billion. HA! Eat that, Norm!
- Cop: (Through megaphone) Surrender, Timmy Turner's Dad! Your counterfeiting days are over, over!
- Timmy: (to self) Nice going, Turner!
- Norm: And speaking of "going" - think fast!
- Cosmo: Look! I thought fast! Finally!
- Timmy: Hey, what happened?
- Norm: What can I say? Once the third wish is made magic lamp suck up the nearest source of magic which in this case just happen to be those two floating' brain surgeons. Ha ha! This is fun.
- Norm: Ha ha! This is fun. But don't worry, they'll get out as soon as some other loser rubs the lamp.
- Crocker: Hello Birkenbake.
- Mr. Birkenbake: Hello puppet of the military-industrial complex, or should I say, the man.
- Crocker: I'm looking for a present for my uncle Albert, some form of vintage lighting that says "I got this because I had to!".
- Mr. Birkenbake: Hang tight, bro, I got just the thing.
- Crocker: Oh no... I want to see all of your vintage lighting fixtures, and then I'll buy that lamp!
- Timmy: Gah! The lamp! I can't let Crocker get the lamp. If he rubs it Cosmo and Wanda will be exposed.
- Timmy: You tricked me!
- Norm: Weird huh, how could I have ever tricked you. I mean, you're ten years old, and I'm fifty thousand, ha ha ha. And with those teeth! Look at the size of those things. Hey, there's something you could've wished for - human-sized teeth. Well, I'm off to destroy Canada. They've had it too good for too long.
- Norm: Immana-what the.
- Norm: I can't get out! Darn it! This bag is made out of smoof, isn't it. Three things I can't escape from - magic lamps, the charms of Barbara Eden, and smoof stuff.
- Timmy: Yup! And I'll only let you out for three more wishes.
- Norm: Ha... what's the word I'm looking for... oh yeah. No!
- Timmy: Oh really...
- Norm: Ow. Ow. Ow! OW!
- Timmy: Comin' out?
- Norm: What's another word I'm looking for, it's on the tip of my tongue, oh yeah. Never!
- Norm: (screams in pain) All right, all right, you win. I'll give you three more wishes.
- Norm: Ptui! (spits out tacks and bees) All right, smart guy, what are your three wishes this time? And seriously, you probably want to do the teeth thing.
- Norm: Come on now, kid. Try to outwit me! You can do it! And by that, I mean, you cannot do it!
- Timmy: He's right. I can't. Not by myself. If I'm going to get Cosmo and Wanda back and undo all of Norm's tricks, I need someone who's as dishonest and devious as a fifty-thousand-year-old magical jerk. I wish I had a lawyer!
- Mason: Yeah, yeah, five aces-uh... Huh? What? Hello, Norm.
- Norm: Oh, great. HIM.
- Mason: (to Timmy) Hi. I'm Fairy Mason, attorney-at-law. What seems to be the problem?
- Mason: Initial here, here, here and here. And your wish to turn everything back to normal is a done deal.
- Norm: I hate being outjerked.
- Trixie: And now to give the biggest, fattest, wettest kiss to Dimmsdale's own Timmy T...
- Trixie: Neat! A garage sale!
- Norm: Ahhh!
- Norm: You win this round, Turner! But mark my words: I will get you (turns to camera) and you too, Canada!
- Crocker: Ah-ha! This is perfect! Oh, by the way... F!!!
- Mr. Birkenbake: Don't you want to wipe off some of the smoof dust?
- Timmy: Oh no! Crocker's going to rub the lamp!
- Crocker: Do you have any brain cells left? That's what gives this piece its historical authenticity! I'm going to ship it as is and right away.
- Crocker: My uncle Albert will love this! I'm sure they don't have anything like this in - CANADA!
- Norm: (laughs evilly) This is my evil laugh. I've been working on it a little bit. What do you think? (continues to laugh)
- Timmy: Lesson learned! The rules don't just stop me from making bad wishes, they protect me from them too! And I'll never forget that as... (looks offscreen) Neat! A fire hydrant!
- Wanda: (groans)
- Doctor #1: Package, Uncle Albert.
- Uncle Albert: Splendid! Put it by the other ones, eh? Ah, another lamp for my collection. I can't wait to rub it... as soon as they let me out of this straitjacket! Ha ha ha ha ha.
- Doctor #1: Poor sap. He thinks genies really exist.
- Doctor #2: Looney, eh?
- Uncle Albert: Ha ha ha! GENIES!
- Norm: Ah, smoof!