[Fade in on the Annual Dimmsdale Slow-Moving Construction Equipment Parade]
Timmy: The Slow-Moving Construction Equipment Parade? [he is holding Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof as balloons] Who would possibly enjoy this?
Mr. Turner: Go, slow-moving construction equipment, go! Ooh! Here come the tar trucks! Go, tar trucks! Go! [Vicky is on one of the tar trucks]
Vicky: Oh, twerp! How about a little tar and feathers? [sprays tar at Timmy]
Timmy, Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof: Ah! [the tar hits Timmy before he can escape. Vicky grabs a duck out of the air and sprays its feathers onto him]
Vicky: [jumps to the ground and laughs] I love tarring the twerp! [she tries to walk but is stuck to the road]
Timmy: Ha! You tarred yourself to the street! And here comes a steamroller!
Vicky: Help!
Mrs. Turner: Is that Vicky tarred to the street? [the parade audience looks]
Man: Let's all help her!
Mr. Turner: Ooh! Here comes the giant truck that carries the space shuttle!
Crowd: Ooh! [Cosmo is watching]
Wanda: Sport, [poofing the tar and feathers on Timmy away] I think it's up to you to save Vicky.
Timmy: Yeah, lemme think about it for a minute. [he is shown pondering in different places] No.
Vicky: Help! [screams]
Wanda: Timmy!
Timmy: Okay, fine. [Wanda turns Cosmo, Poof, and herself into construction equipment. Timmy approaches a screaming Vicky] Here I come to save the day. [using Cosmo as a jackhammer, he drills around Vicky and pries the ground below her out of the street. She lands in the distance]
Vicky: Oh, no! Do you know what you've just done? [she crawls until thunderclouds gather and hooded figures surround her]
Hooded Figure #1: Hi, Vicky! [Vicky screams as the hooded figure and another veil her, blackening the screen]
[Torches are lit, revealing that Vicky is now tied up and lying in a dark room. She wakes up and screams at the sight of a skull on a gong]
Hooded Figure #2: Vicky, you have been summoned before this council because you allowed a twerp to save you, thus making us look weak and foolish.
Hooded Figure #1: You're an embarrassment to vicious, hateful babysitters everywhere and a risk to our organization. The high council will now decide your fate. [a woman opens the door to the room and turns on the lights]
Hooded Figure #1/Lauren: Mom, I told you to knock! We're, like, in the middle of a meeting of the high council!
Mrs. Ledergerber: Well, don't stay up too late. And, Lauren, what did I tell you about torches on the walls? [leaves with one of the torches]
Lauren: Alyssa, we're, like, so having the next meeting at your house.
Alyssa: Totally.
Lauren: Members of the high council, I vote we banish Vicky. And then eat these ceremonial mini bagel pizzas!
Vicky: What? You guys can't kick me out. You guys are my only... I mean, best friends.
Lauren: Face it, Vicky. You're just not B.R.A.T. material anymore. Turn in your B.R.A.T. wings! [takes a bat necklace from Vicky]
Vicky: Come on, guys! [crying] You're all I've got!
Alyssa: Ew! She's soggifying our snackage with her embarrassing tears. Send her down the loser chute! [Lauren pulls a lever, and Vicky is dropped screaming into the chute]
[Cut to Timmy waiting to cross a street]
Cosmo: I still can't believe you saved Vicky. People say I'm dumb!
Timmy: Stop reminding me. The last thing I wanna think about now is Vicky. [steps onto a crosswalk. Vicky shoots out of the manhole below him]
Vicky: [sees Timmy] You. You ruined my life! Thanks to you, [blowing him away] I have no friends! [Timmy lands on the ground]
Timmy: Hey! Don't blame me! Of course you don't have any friends. You're vicious and hateful. If you want friends, you have to be—say it with me now—friendly.
Timmy: The one who saved you from certain death by steamroller? See? [leaving] That was friendly.
Vicky: He did save me. I... don't understand. Strange feeling... in my chest! [her shriveled heart grows to normal size. She wobbles and slowly makes a Grinch-like smile with hearts in her eyes]
Timmy: [wakes up] Ahh... [sees Vicky smiling at him and screams]
Vicky: Good morning, N.F.T.! That's "New Friend Timmy"! I hope you slept well. I had this weird feeling in my chest where I think my heart is, so I made you breakfast! [she is holding up a plate with fried eggs and bacon that form a face like hers] Now hurry up and eat! I planned a huge day for us! I'm so happy! [leaves]
Cosmo: Dibs on the scary breakfast clown!
Timmy: What's going on? When I told Vicky she should be a good friend, I didn't mean to me.
Wanda: Aw, give her a chance, Timmy. Who knows? Having Vicky as a friend might be better than having her as an enemy. [Vicky appears outside the window]
Vicky: New friend time! [grabs Timmy]
Timmy: Gah! [Vicky takes him outside]
[Fade to Timmy sitting in a chair in the living room. He has separators between his fingers and toes. Vicky takes out a grinder]
Timmy: Ah! Don't hurt me!
Vicky: What are you talking about? This is for your manicure. Having an N.F.T. is awesome! After we're done painting our nails, we can totally text each other about boys!
Timmy: Why would I wanna do that?
Vicky: Because we're friends, silly! Ooh! Let's get some food! [on the phone] Hello, grocery store? This is Vicky. Bring me a dozen mini bagel pizzas, or you're dead! [breathes heavily. The doorbell rings] Ha-ha! [she opens the door, revealing a trembling delivery man who gives her the bagel pizzas] What took you so long?! I'll just get us some torches to hang on the walls while we eat, N.B.F.T.! That's "New Best Friend Timmy"! I can't wait to pierce your ears! [leaves. The fairies appear]
Timmy: New best friend?
Wanda: Look on the bright side, Timmy.
Cosmo: Your nails have never looked better.
[Fade to Vicky walking outside]
Vicky: Ooh, I love the makeover I gave you, N.S.D.B.F.T.! That's "New Sharply Dressed Best Friend Timmy"! [Timmy looks like Vicky]
Timmy: [sarcastically] Yeah! I'm certainly not wishing for everyone in Dimmsdale to disappear while I'm dressed like this!
Cosmo: [as Timmy's backpack] Well, as long as you're not wishing for it, we won't make it happen!
Vicky: [pushes Timmy aside and picks up his friends]My Timmy! [Chester and A.J. scream as she throws them into a garbage truck that takes them away. She breathes heavily] We're gonna have so much fun! We're gonna be best friends forever and ever and ever.
[Cut to Timmy at school. He opens a locker, revealing Vicky inside]
Vicky: And ever...
[Cut to Timmy getting milk from his refrigerator at night. Vicky pops out of a drawer]
Vicky: ...and ever...
[Cut to Timmy using his computer. Vicky appears on the screen]
Vicky: ...and ever!
[Cut to Timmy opening a shower curtain. Vicky surprises him by rising from the toilet]
Vicky: And ever!
[Timmy appears running against a background of concentric hearts and screaming]
Vicky: And ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever... and ever!
[Fade to Cosmo and Timmy, with several piercings on their heads, running into Timmy's room and shutting the door. They pant]
Cosmo: Ah! I think we lost her back at the piercing parlor! [they board up the door and block it with a dresser. Cosmo sits on the dresser as a hippopotamus]
Wanda: Hang in there, sport. In her own demented way, Vicky's actually trying to be sweet. [a chainsaw cuts through the wall. Timmy screams. The chainsaw cuts around the door, making the rest of the wall fall over]
Vicky: Oh, N.S.D.B.F.F.T.![the fairies poof into their fishbowl and it appears in Timmy's hands] Who were you talking to?
Timmy: Uh, my fish? Hey, fishy, fishy.
Vicky: [takes the bowl] That's dumb. In fact, fish are dumb. [goes offscreen. A toilet is heard flushing]
Cosmo and Wanda: [offscreen] Ah!
Vicky: I'm gonna go get the hair crimper! [tosses the now-empty bowl to Timmy] Ha-ha-ha! [leaves. The fairies appear soaked in water]
Wanda: She's a raving lunatic!
Cosmo: And I think there's something wrong with your hot tub.
Timmy: Vicky's my new B.F.F.F.F.F. or whatever because I was nice to her. [beat] Guys, I've got an idea.
[Fade to sunrise]
Vicky: [opens the door to Timmy's room] Hey, N.S.D.M.B.F.T.—that's "New Sharply Dressed Mega Best Friend Timmy"—look what I have! [unfurls a poster of Chip Skylark] Chip Skylark is my favorite singer ever. Not only did he sign this poster, but he even dripped sweat on it during his last concert. Since I'm always gonna be hanging out in your room, I thought I'd put it on your wall!
Timmy: That's cool! Check it out: I've been practicing with your chainsaw so I can be more like you, B.F.F.F.F.F.![destroys the poster with the chainsaw] Oh, no. I'm sorry, Vicky. That was an accident.
Vicky: I'll... destroy you! [fire appears behind her. She calms down, and the fire disappears] I mean... that's okay. What's a signed, sweaty, one-of-a-kind poster compared to an awesome friend like you?
Timmy: Right. And you know what goes good with friendship? Food. [uses a golf club to hit a pie into Vicky's face] Sorry, Vicky. I was just practicing my pie golf. [Vicky growls furiously, and her face turns red]
Vicky: No problem, Timmy! [turning blue] Glad I could help you... [turning green] perfect your... [turning red] swing! [her eye twitches and her face turns back to normal]
Timmy: Boy, hitting you with a pie made me thirsty. Can you squeeze us some friendly lemonade? [Vicky opens the door, and her eye twitches. She leaves]
[Cut to Vicky using a ladder to climb up a lemon tree]
Vicky: Picking lemons for my bestest friend! [her eye twitches; picking lemons from the tree] Lemon, lemon...
Timmy: [giving her a beehive] Beehive.
Vicky: Beehive. [falls screaming to the ground. Bees sting her face]
Timmy: Sorry, Vicky.
Vicky: No problem, Timmy. Insects are our friends too. [chuckles. The beehive falls around her head, and she screams]
[Fade to Timmy sneaking into his closet. A flashlight is turned on]
Timmy: Vicky's close to snapping, guys. I can feel it.
Cosmo: [holding his hand in front of the flashlight] Pterodactyl, tarantula, King Kong, Bay of Pigs... Ah, if only I could do a hand.
Wanda: Sorry, Timmy. It's my fault you saved Vicky at the slow-moving construction parade.
Timmy: The parade. That's it! I'm sure I can get Vicky to break if we go back to the scene of the crime.
[Fade to the parade]
Mr. Turner: Geh... This parade takes an awfully long time. [Timmy is leading Vicky somewhere. Vicky sees the girls ofB.R.A.T.laughing and riding on kids' backs]
Vicky: My old friends. [chuckles] Who needs them when I have you, Timmy?
Timmy: That's right. And our friendship is so strong, it can withstand anything. Like, I could take this hose and spray you with tar, and you wouldn't even get mad at me.
Vicky: That's right, N.S.D.— [Timmy sprays her with tar] I'm gonna wring your puny— I mean... wow, black sure is slimming.
Timmy: And I could pull this lever on this garbage truck, and you would just wanna hug me more, [pulls the lever] right? [garbage from the truck pours on Vicky]
Timmy: And if I hit you with a wrecking ball... [uses a crane to do so. Vicky's heart shrivels, then grows to resemble a flaming angry skull with barbed wire. The ball knocks her into a wall. She drops down in front of Timmy and growls maniacally, then releases the tar on her onto him. She pours garbage on him, then laughs maniacally as she hits him with the wrecking ball. She hits him with a pie and a golf club and chases him with a chainsaw while he has a beehive on his head]
B.R.A.T. Girls: Awesome!
Lauren: That was amazing, Vicky. Maybe you're B.R.A.T. material after all.
Vicky: Yeah? Well, from now on, I'm in charge! No one eats a mini bagel pizza 'til I say so, or you all go down the loser chute! Now... [holding up bridles] put these on!
Alyssa: [takes a bridle] She's so totally, like, my hero. [Vicky cracks a whip. Alyssa and Lauren put bridles in their mouths. Using the bridles, Vicky rides the otherB.R.A.T.girls like a horse. The fairies appear behind Timmy]
Wanda: Uh, looks like your plan was, uh, successful.
Timmy: Yep. Believe it or not, having Vicky as an enemy is easier to handle.
Cosmo: Ah! Look! Vicky and the B.R.A.T.'s are stuck! [a truck is approaching them]
Wanda: They'll be crushed!
Timmy: Looks like there's only one thing to do! [with a "Poof!", Timmy and company are relaxing on lawn chairs and watching Vicky crack the whip at the truck] Mini bagel pizza, anyone?
