Wanda: [as Timmy's helmet] Thanks for letting us come to your little league game today, Timmy!
Cosmo: Yeah! I love baseball! What's the name of your team?
Timmy: The Losers.
Cosmo: How'd you get that name? [Timmy starts hitting him against his cleats] Ow! Owie! Ow! Ooh, chunky!
Wanda: Who are you guys playing today?
Timmy: The Burlingville Overactive Thyroids. [on the baseball diamond, Overactive Thyroids players lift weights, snap bats, eat a bat, and shave their facial hair]
Wanda: Hard to believe those kids are ten. [Timmy steps up to home plate. The Thyroids' pitcher throws a ball toward him, and he bunts it]
Cosmo: Ow! [a fielder catches the ball after it bounces and eats it]
Timmy: [slides into first base] Cool! All we need to do is get hits and runs and no outs and we might have a chance!
Crowd: [offscreen] Boo!/Get off the field!
Timmy: Oh no! It's Chester! The worst player on the team! That's how he got the nickname "Chester: the worst player on the team"!
Wanda: Apparently the other team doesn't see him as much of a threat! [the Thyroids are preoccupied]
Timmy: Don't let 'em psyche you out, Chester! Knock it outta the park! [the pitcher, who is facing away from Chester and reading a magazine, sighs and tosses the ball toward him. Chester hits the ball, and it spins in the air and shreds itself to pieces with his braces]
Wanda: Wait! It bounced against his braces and split into 27 separate, yet still in play, pieces of baseball! [the Thyroids catch all the pieces]
Timmy: Let's see... [using a calculator] three outs each, times nine players... 27 outs?
Wanda: That's nine innings of outs in one swing!
Umpire: Game over! Losers lose!
Crowd: Boo!/Get off the field!/... Chester! Come on! [they throw things at Chester]
Cosmo: [as an insect] He can't run or hit, but when it comes to getting out, he's the king! [fade to night. Chester is completely covered in trash]
Timmy: Chester, it's time to go home. [pulling him out of the trash heap] Come on, dude, it's just a game.
Chester: Yeah, well... tell that to my dad! [he shows Timmy a baseball card of Bucky McBadbat]
Timmy: Bucky McBadbat is your dad? He was the worst baseball player ever!
Chester: That's why I have to become a big baseball star. To redeem my family name!
Timmy: You mean, McBadbat?
Chester: [holding Timmy's mouth closed] Shh! Don't say that name! It's not safe to be a McBadbat! My dad has to hide his face in shame! [he shows Timmy a picture of Bucky with a paper bag over his head]
Timmy: Aw, c'mon... I'm sure nobody takes the game that seriously. [after an offscreen explosion, a smouldering mailbox labeled "McBadbat" lands in front of them] Isn't that your mailbox?
Chester: Not again! [fade to the ballpark during another game. Chester is rocking in a fetal position]
Timmy: Okay. We're playing three-year-olds today, so we might have a chance. Are you ready? Are you in the zone? [Chester looks at him, then screams]
Umpire: Batter up! [Chester goes to bat]
Crowd: Sit down!/Boo!/Get off the field! [the pitcher knocks the ball off his highchair. It bounces toward Chester, who swings at it and misses]
Umpire: Strike one! [Timmy turns away from Chester, covering his eyes]
Timmy: Hey, maybe we can help Chester!
Cosmo: How? Make him take up golf? [Chester misses the second pitch]
Umpire: Strike two! [the drooling pitcher throws the ball]
Timmy: I wish my friend was the best baseball player ever! [Cosmo and Wanda zap Chester as he swings at the ball. Chester hits the ball, then notices his bat has caught fire. The flaming ball flies into space and destroys a satellite, making fireworks]
Fans: Ooh... Yay, Chester! [roses are thrown at Chester]
Timmy: Chester, you're the greatest baseball player ever! You're totally on fire! [a fireball hits Chester's hat, making it catch fire] Literally.
Chester: Wait 'til my dad sees me now! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! [fade to another game]
Timmy: [at bat] Okay. Winning run is on first. All I have to do is hit him in, and we'll win the... [Chester runs offscreen from first base]
Wanda: Chester's stolen second! [he runs past third base]
Cosmo: Third! [Chester runs past a crowd member]
Fan #1: My wallet! [Chester runs past another crowd member, taking her watch]
Fan #2: My watch! [Chester runs past another crowd member, Mr. Turner]
Mr. Turner: My pants!
Mrs. Turner: Oh, you came here without those, honey!
Mr. Turner: Right! [Chester slides into home plate]
Umpire: Safe! [the crowd cheers. The Losers now lead by one run, and they carry Chester off the field, leaving Timmy, who walks off in the opposite direction. Fade to another game. An opposing batter hits the ball]
Timmy: [running to catch the ball] I got it! Finally, it's my turn to be the star. To make the last out. There's no way Chester can— [cut to Chester sleeping on a bench. He suddenly awakes]
Chester: [mesmerizedly] Baseball senses... tingling. Fly ball! I got it! I got it! [he zips into the air, kicks away ninjas, goes through a flaming hoop, flips, and jumps forward]
Timmy: I got it! I got it! [Chester catches the ball] You got it. [the crowd cheers, and teammates carry Chester away. Cosmo and Wanda appear with Chester memorabilia]
Wanda: What's the matter, sport?
Timmy: It's just... I usually don't mind our team losing, but I like playing! But now that Chester's so good, he doesn't even need a team anymore.
Cosmo: Well, it can't get much worse, right? [a bat lands at Timmy's feet, and the fairies disappear]
Chester: Dude! Be my pack mule and carry my stuff? [runs offscreen]
Timmy: [dryly as he takes the bat] Well, at least I'll get to touch the equipment.
Chester: That's the spirit! [a load of equipment is thrown at Timmy, who strains himself lifting it] Oops! Feeding time! [he puts a feed bag on Timmy and he starts eating from it. Fade to another game. A batter hits the ball. Chester catches it, and a picture of this appears on the cover of the Dream Beat magazine. Other pictures of him appear on the covers of Kid Sports and Braces Weekly. Timmy appears on the cover of Packmule Monthly. Fade to Timmy at Happy Trails Trailer Park]
Timmy: Okay, that's it! [taking the equipment off his back] I am so sick of being Chester's lackey! And eating these oats. Even if they are low in fat. [eats some oats from the bag] It's time to go back to the way things were. Cosmo, Wanda, I un-wish...
Chester: Look, Pop! Admirers! [people are lined up in front of him]
Bucky McBadbat: [as Chester signs kids' ball and bat] Son, I don't know how you magically got good at baseball, but... [sniffles] I've never been more proud of you. [hugs him] Will you sign your old man's bag?
Chester: Sure, Pop! [he does so, and Bucky's eyes fill with tears]
Bucky: Yeehoo! I feel the shame liftin'! [Chester signs a woman's ball]
Cosmo: [to Timmy] Uh, you were saying? [fade to the Turners' house in the morning]
Mr. Turner: [reading a newspaper] Timmy, it says here that thanks to Chester, your baseball team is so unbeatable, the only possible opponents remaining are actual major league baseball players!
Mrs. Turner: [takes the newspaper and reads] And you're going to play the New York Bankees in the World Series!
Mr. Turner: [holding a spoonful of cereal] Wow! These Chester O's are a great part of any winner's complete breakfast!
Timmy: Don't you wanna try some Timmy O's? [he has a crudely made box of Timmy O's]
Mr. Turner: That loser cereal? Hoo! That's for pack mules! Son, [tosses the box away] I need to achieve! [the box lands on the fishbowl Cosmo and Wanda are in and dumps Timmy O's inside]
Cosmo: Hey! These are for pack mules! [fade to Bankee Stadium]
Chet Ubetcha: [in the announcer booth] Welcome back to what is sure to be a history-making game of America's pastime, as the Dimmsdale Losers continue to systematically destroy the best team of adults money can buy. [a Bankee is crying in the team's dugout. In the Losers' dugout, Chester's teammates are depressed]
Chester: Guys, cheer up! We're winning! Why the long faces?
Timmy: They're right, Chester. Even though you are the greatest, you've become a hog! You don't let anyone else play or have fun! Just because you're a great player doesn't mean you have to become a lousy friend!
Chester: A lousy friend? That's what you think? After I fed you, brushed your coat, and let you carry my stuff? Fine! Then I guess I'm not your friend anymore! [magic emanates from his body] Well, gotta go! My dad's out there, and I'm gonna win the World Series! [while walking, he trips on one of his shoelaces and knocks his teammates over like a chain of dominoes. Timmy moves toward Cosmo and Wanda, who are floating in the water cooler]
Timmy: Hey! What happened to him?
Wanda: Remember when you wished your friend was the best player ever?
Cosmo: [turns his head into Chester's] "I guess I'm not your friend anymore!" [turns back to normal] That means the wish was canceled!
Timmy: Ha! He's gonna stink again! [beat] Oh no! He's gonna stink again! Right in front of his dad!
Bucky: [in the audience] Attaboy, Chester! Okay, buddy! You got that McBadbat blood in you! Oh, man! [as Chester walks offscreen with tears in his eyes] You look good in that uniform! That's it!
Crowd: Chester! Chester! Ches... [Chester walks up to home plate and faces away from the pitcher]
Chet: Chester has taken the plate! Look at him standing the wrong way, pretending he has no idea what he's doing!
Chester: [turns around sheepishly] Okay... I'm gonna hit this ball right out... [three pitches fly into the catcher's glove]
Umpire: [as the crowd gasps] Three strikes! You're out!
Chester: ...there?
Chet: What in the name of vertically challenged newscasters is going on?! Mighty Chester has struck out! [Losers gasp, and Bankees cheer]
Bankee: Let's make a small boy cry. [fade to the scoreboard, which reads 84–55 in the Losers' favor. Chester anxiously pitches, and a line drive knocks his clothes off. Fade to him running to catch a ball]
Chester: I got it! I got it! [he catches the ball, but it bounces out of his glove. A Bankee laughs at him. Fade to the Bankees' pitcher, who throws the ball. It stops in front of Chester, but continues into the catcher's glove when he swings at it. Fade to Chester lying on the pitcher's mound, surrounded by balls]
Timmy: Chester, it's over. You stink again.
Chester: I can't stink again! I was just about to bring respect back to the name McBadbat... [there is an explosion offscreen, and a smouldering mailbox labeled "McBadbat" lands in front of them]
Timmy: Dude, it may be over for Chester, the greatest baseball player ever, but it's not over for Chester, the worst player on our team. And the best part of you stinking again is you're stinking with your friends! Who also stink!
Chester: You mean... together we're a giant odor?
Timmy: An odor so large, your dad can't help but be proud of you.
Chester: Yeah! [Bankees laugh]
Timmy: Stop laughing at my friend! You're still down by twenty-nine runs with one inning left! There's no way you can catch us! [ten minutes later, the Bankees are behind by one run]
Chester: I can't believe they're about to catch us.
Timmy: Hey, we got two outs.
Chester: Only because one guy laughed himself into a coma and the other guy got traded to Boston as he rounded second.
Timmy: One more out, and we win. Legally. Just pitch—I have a plan.
Chet: Bases loaded. Bottom of the ninth. One out to go. I'm extremely handsome. [Chester anxiously prepares to pitch]
Timmy: Hey, batter, batter! Hey, batter, batter! Hey, ba, hey, batter, bat, hey, batter, batter! Hey, batter, swing! [the batter swings and misses the ball]
Corky: Hey! Knock that off! It's very distracting!
Bankee Coach: Don't let him get in your head, Corky! [Chester pitches, and Corky hits the ball]
Losers: [running toward Chester] I got it! I got it! [the ball hits Chester on the head, making him dizzy, and Timmy catches it in his hat. The crowd cheers]
Chet: Losers win! Losers win! Losers win! [Bankees shout angrily from their dugout]
Chester: [slipping on bats] Whoa, whoa! [the bats go flying into the Bankees, knocking them out]
