Mrs. Turner: Here's your breakfast, Timmy—a nice, steaming bowl of I'm not sure.
Timmy: Yuck! I sure wish I had some bacon and eggs! [grabs the bowl, then sees nothing has changed and becomes angry] I said, I sure wish I had some bacon and eggs!
Mrs. Turner: [puts a spoonful of the food in his mouth] And I wish you'd enjoy... whatever this is! [leaves]
Mr. Turner: Ooh! Timmy, it's Thursday! That means it's time to shave my back! [reveals his hairy back]
Timmy: Oh, yeah, and I wish I didn't have to do this!
Mr. Turner: So do I, but Mother Nature can be a cruel mistress. And when you're done, you can help me spread manure on the front lawn! And this time I got the extra-fresh kind! Hit it, Bessie! [a cow shows up and moos. Cut to Timmy, surrounded by flies, opening the door to his room]
Timmy: Cosmo! Wanda! I needed wishes and you didn't show up—again! [Poof is crying]
Wanda: Sorry, sport, but the baby kept me up all night again.
Cosmo: [puts a baby bottle in Poof's mouth] We're taking our first family photo... [smells Timmy] and you smell like cow butt.
Wanda: We'll try to pay attention next time, Timmy. Sorry. We're totally there for you. You can count on us. Now hurry up. You'll miss the bus. [fade to Timmy at the bus stop]
Francis: Hey, Turner. You smell like cow butt. Therefore, I must pound you.
Timmy: Oh, yeah? Well, I wish I had huge muscles to pound you! [inhales and flexes his arms, making small biceps pop out] I mean, I wish I had fairies who were listening who could save me!
Francis: [picks up Timmy] And I'll bet you wish you weren't gonna get hurt, too. But I'll tell you right now: It ain't gonna happen. [punches him. Cut to Timmy's room]
Cosmo: Okay, how about this? [he poofs into a baby outfit and Poof cries]
Wanda: I don't think that's right for Poof.
Cosmo: Poof, shmoof! This is my outfit! [Timmy enters. His head is upside down]
Timmy: Cosmo, Wanda, notice anything different about me?
Wanda: Uh, not really, sweetie.
Timmy: Here's a clue: My head's upside down! [turning himself back to normal with Cosmo's wand] Ever since Poof showed up, you guys are never there for me when I need you anymore!
Wanda: We love you, sport, but having a new baby takes up a lot of time. [Poof burps loudly, blowing Timmy into a wall] We're new parents now and just can't be everywhere at once. We only have two hands and two wands.
Timmy: Hey! What if I could have my very own magic wand? That way I could grant my own wishes and you guys could ignore me all you want!
Wanda: Oh, no! Only highly trained fairies with incredible reflexes and high intelligence are qualified to wield the nearly infinite power contained in a magic wand.
Cosmo: [with a diaper over his eyes] Ah! I diapered my face! [flies into a wall and falls to the floor]
Wanda: Fine. You can have a wand. [poofs up a wand in Timmy's hand]
Timmy: Cool! My own wand! I can't wait to turn Francis into a urinal cake!
Wanda: Hold on a minute, Tex! That wand is only good for ten wishes and is for emergencies only. If you can't get out of trouble with ten wishes, well, you're a bigger moron than Cosmo.
Cosmo: [with his head upside down] I'm thinking of going' upside-down head for the photo. What do you think? [falls into a wastebasket]
Wanda: Okay, nobody can be a bigger moron than Cosmo, but you know what I mean.
Timmy: So, should I be getting ready for this family photo too?
Wanda: No. You should be getting ready for school. Now kindly skedaddle. I have two babies to dress. [poofs Timmy outside]
Timmy: I didn't wanna be in their dumb family photo anyway. [looks at his wand] Hey, I have my own magic wand! Aw, but it's for emergencies only. [the school bus honks and drives off] Hey, I missed the bus! Hmm, that's kind of an emergency. I wish I had a super-cool new ride to school! [he poofs up a big vehicle akin to a limousine–monster truck hybrid. Fade to him riding in the car] Ha! Looks like being totally neglected has its advantages! [laughs. Fade to the car's motorcade pulling up at Dimmsdale Elementary]
Kid #1: Wow! Great car!
Kid #2: Must belong to someone super rich, handsome, and important! [an escalator brings Timmy out of the car]
Francis: Hey, it's Turner. You guys all laugh while I beat him. [a group of kids laughs]
Timmy: Hmm, Francis's taunting is causing great harm to my self-esteem. That's an emergency. I wish I had two hairy bodyguards! [grants the wish] Moose, Rocco, explain the rules to Francis, please.
Bodyguard: Mr. Turner don't like to have his self-esteem messed with! [compresses Francis]
Timmy: Awesome! And I still have eight wishes to go! This could be the greatest day ever! [fade to his room]
Wanda: [on the phone] Oh, okay. We'll be there for our photo at 3. See ya then! [hangs up and puts a bow tie on Poof] There. Oh, Poof looks so cute! [tossing him up] Yes, you do! Yes, you do!
Cosmo: No no no no! Don't shake him! I just fed him! [Poof projectile vomits on Wanda] Hey, nice shooting', Poof! [Poof vomits on him] That's my boy! [cut to the school]
Mr. Crocker: [offscreen] Live from Dimmsdale Elementary, it's The Mr. Crocker Show! Now here's your host, Mr. Crocker! [in his classroom, he jumps into a spotlight] Thank you! Hey, what's the deal with airline food? We have a great show for you this morning! Please welcome my first guest, a pop quiz!
Timmy: A pop quiz, huh? Emergency time! I wish the quiz would pop! [with the wand, he makes a pile of tests explode in Crocker's face. Crocker screams]
Crocker: [blinks] Turner, I know you and your [spasming]fairy godparents are behind this, and I'll prove it! I'll hound you until the cows come home!'
Timmy: Sounds good to me! [poofs up cows that snort at Crocker]
Crocker: Udders? Extra-fresh manure? Unpasteurized milk? My three greatest fears! We'll be back after these messages. [he screams and zips away from the cows, who give chase]
Kids: Yay!
Timmy: This personal wand wish is the best wish yet, guys! [holds up pink and green pencils] Oh, right. You're with Poof. Well, I don't care, right? Right. Cause I've got, like, eight wishes left. [leaving the room] They can take their family photo because I can take care of myself. [notices Trixie] Ooh, and I feel a love emergency coming' on! [fade to the cafeteria. Timmy magically makes Trixie's seat launch her next to him. He holds up a milk carton] Pasteurized milk? [fade to the playground. Timmy, Trixie, and other kids are on a pirate ship amusement ride. Crocker is still running from the cows]
Crocker: [screams] I smell like cow butt! [cut to Timmy's locker, which has stairs leading to it and is being guarded by the bodyguards. Dance music is coming from inside. Timmy and Trixie Walk out of it]
Trixie: Timmy, your new locker is, like, so funky fresh! I especially like the swimming pool.
Timmy: Thanks! I'm a big fan of the helicopter rides myself. [the school bell rings]
Trixie: Oh, no! I'm late for science class. Hey, you wanna be my lab partner?
Timmy: Sure.
Trixie: Cool. All you need to do is finish our project, which is due right now.
Timmy: No problem. I've still got, like, eight wishes left.
Trixie: What?
Timmy: Nothing. [she drags him away. Cut to a science class]
Science Teacher: Who wants to be the first to demonstrate their mini robot? Miss Tang, what about you?
Timmy: Uh, we actually did one together. In fact, our robot's parked right outside. It starts as an eco-friendly, gas-guzzling, protest-inducing motor vehicle. Then it transforms into a super-cool... [with the wand, he makes his car turn into a robot. The robot tears the ceiling off, and people scream]scary robot? [kids run away screaming as the robot fires lasers at them] Don't panic, everybody. I've got it under control because I wish the robot was gone! [the wand fails] Oh, no! I can't be out of wishes! I've got, like, eight left! [kids are running out of the school. While running down a hallway, Timmy is grabbed by one of the bodyguards] Moose! Rocco! Hey, what gives?
Francis: I stole lunch money from some third graders and gave it to these guys. Now they work for me. [Timmy screams as he is knocked out of the school and into trash cans]
Timmy: You guys are so not invited on my pirate ship swing! [Crocker approaches offscreen] Mr. Crocker?
Crocker: [riding a cow] Howdy, pardner! After living amongst the cows for several hours, I've gotten over my fear of unpasteurized milk, learned to communicate with them, and have made them my personal bovine army. I'm commanding them to invade... your face! [to the cows] Moo, moo-moo, moo, moo! That means... "Destroy the boy!"[Timmy screams and starts running away. The cows give chase, as do the bodyguards and Crocker. Crocker is stepped on by the robot as it runs after Timmy]
Timmy: [hides around the corner of a building] I know this is my fault, but I choose to blame Cosmo and Wanda! [he looks at his pink and green pencils, then screams. Cut to his room]
Wanda: I can't believe it, but I've actually managed to get us all ready and still have plenty of time to get to the— [hears Timmy scream and looks out the window] Timmy running? Beefy bodyguards? A giant robot? Unpasteurized milk? Cow butt? Oh. This has "emergency wand" smell all over it. [she poofs Cosmo, Poof, and herself to Timmy]
Cosmo: Hey, Timmy, how was school today? It sounds loud and dangerous. Hey, bovine army! Hi, Moose! Hi, Rocco!
Timmy: No time! Wand outta wishes! I wish everything was back to normal!
Wanda: We told you to use the wand for emergencies only.
Timmy: And you told me you'd always be there for me! But you're not! [the robot targets him with a laser] Save me! [Cosmo and Wanda poof the bodyguards, the cows, and the robot away. Timmy stops running and pants] Phew! Thanks, guys. That was a close one. Guess I'll be getting' home now. [Cosmo and Wanda are glaring at him. He looks back and forth]
Cosmo: Timmy, when you ran out of wishes, why didn't you just call us?
Timmy: Well, you're so busy with Poof, I thought you didn't wanna be bothered with me anymore. [Cosmo and Wanda have a realization]
Wanda: We're to blame, too, sport. We've really been ignoring you lately, and we're sorry.
Cosmo: But just because we have a new baby doesn't mean that you're any less important to us.
Wanda: We're all a family and we always will be.
Timmy: Really?
Wanda: Yes. Now we have to get our photo taken and— [looks at her watch and shouts] Oh, no! We've missed our appointment!
Cosmo: Ah! And it takes ten thousand years to get another one! [crying] And I look so beautiful!
Timmy: Then allow me. I wish you were on time for the family photo! [Cosmo and Wanda grant the wish. Cut to Fairy Foto. Everyone appears]
Fairy Leibowitz: Ah, there you are, right on time. Is the whole family ready?
Wanda: We sure are. Thanks for getting us here, Timmy.
Cosmo and Wanda: Cheese! [they and Poof sit on a couch. Fairy Leibowitz prepares to photograph them]
Wanda: [to Timmy] Well?
Timmy: "Well" what?
Cosmo: Get in the photo, silly!
Timmy: Photo? In? Me? Get?
Wanda: Well, sure! This is a family photo, and you're part of the family.
Cosmo: We couldn't possibly do it without you, Timmy! We love you!
Poof: Timmy!
Timmy: You mean you wanted me in the picture the whole time? Then how come you weren't yelling at me to get dressed over and over?
Wanda: Because you were dressed, and you never barf, poop, or spit up on yourself like these two. [Cosmo and Poof smile. Timmy's lip quivers, and his eyes fill with tears]
Timmy: [sits on the couch] I love you guys.
Fairy Leibowitz: Say cow butt! [a cow appears from behind the couch]
Cosmo, Poof, Timmy, and Wanda: Cow butt! [the photo of them and the cow is taken. Iris out. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]
