Food Fight/Transcript

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The Fairly OddParents! episode transcript
"Food Fight"
Season	7
Episode	116A
Airdate	July 12, 2011
Transcript List

This article is a transcript of the Fairly OddParents episode "Food Fight" from Season 7, which aired on July 12, 2011.

Transcript

[A pie is thrown at the screen, forming the title Extreme Food Fight]

Brad Wurst: [strikes a gong with a drumstick] Willkommen zu Extreme Food Fight! The most frightening TV cooking show ever! [a guillotine slices carrots] I am your host, German chef Brad Wurst. Tonight's contestants are... [a chef throws nachos] Mexican chef Hal Apeño... [another chef slices fish with samurai swords] Japanese chef Sue Shi... [a third chef makes a model of the Eiffel Tower out of sliced carrots] und French chef Crepe Suzette. I am excited as a little German girl. Mein liebchens, let the food fight... begin!

[The TV this is on turns off]

Mrs. Turner: I could be on Extreme Food Fight. I'm a great cook.

[The Turners' kitchen is dirty and the oven is on fire. Firemen spray Mrs. Turner with water and put out the fire. The pan in her hands lands on the kitchen table]

Timmy: Aw, man! My mom is a terrible cook!

Cosmo: [as a pot] Oh, I don't know. That's only the third time the firemen put out her food this week.

Wanda: [as a pot] Timmy, don't let your mom hear you say that. You'll hurt her feelings.

Mr. Turner: [through a walkie-talkie] Wolfman to Pink Bird. [the fairies disappear] Come in, Pink Bird.

Timmy: Code red, Dad. Dinner looks scary. Did you bring the takeout?

Mr. Turner: [in a potted plant] 10-4. Takeout obtained. [comes to the table with Chinese takeout] You'll live to eat another day.

Mrs. Turner: [offscreen] Good evening, hungry Turner men!

Mr. Turner: Quick, act nonchalant. [he and Timmy hide the takeout behind their backs]

Mrs. Turner: I proudly present another culinary masterpiece: squid surprise casserole.

[Mrs. Turner uncovers the pan, revealing green slop with moving tentacles in it. Mr. Turner screams]

Timmy: It's a disasterole! [the casserole jumps onto his face and he falls over]

Mrs. Turner: Oops. I forgot the salad.

Mr. Turner: Don't worry, Pink Bird. I'll get it off before it lays eggs in your brain.

[Mr. Turner pries the casserole off Timmy's face, then pulls on a ketchup bottle on a counter, briefly revealing a hole under the table, and throws the casserole in]

Mr. Turner: Now, chow down on the chow mein before she comes back, then... [dumps noodles into his mouth]

Mrs. Turner: Honey, what are you doing with that Chinese food?

Mr. Turner: [spits out noodles] Uh... what Chinese food? [he and Timmy throw the food into the hole]

Mrs. Turner: A secret hatch? [lifting up the table] What's going on here?

[Tentacles grab the Turners and take them through the hole. They scream and land in a big underground area filled with old food]

Mr. Turner: Eh... uh... whatever you're thinking, Timmy and I do not dump all your meals down a chute into this giant food storage warehouse I did not build. [beat; into a walkie-talkie] Pink Bird, I think Bad Chef bought that.

Mrs. Turner: Don't you like my cooking?

Mr. Turner: Mayday, Pink Bird! Mayday!

[Mrs. Turner starts crying. A hamburger offers her a slice of cheese, which she uses to blow her nose. She sees a wedding anniversary cake that has crawled up to her and runs away crying]

Timmy: Mom, wait! We didn't mean...

Mr. Turner: Don't make any sudden moves, Timmy. February's meat loaf is watching from the shadows.

[A pan of meat loaf growls, and Timmy and Mr. Turner run away screaming. Fade to Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof eating dinner in Timmy's room]

Timmy: [enters the room and pants] I finally escaped the meat loaf. But Dad wasn't so lucky.

Mr. Turner: [as the meat loaf drags him by] Help! It's taking me to its nest!

Timmy: I've had it! I upset my mom. And I'm really hungry! [His Belly Growls] For once, I need a meal that won't try to eat me!

Wanda: If only your mother were a really terrific cook like me. [Cosmo and Poof hide their food in a drawer]

Timmy: That's it! She can be a really terrific cook! Guys, I wish my mom was the best cook in the whole, entire world!

[Wanda grants the wish. Fade to morning. Timmy runs down the stairs]

Mr. Turner: Timmy... It took me all night, but I finally vanquished that meat loaf. [the meat loaf's eyes glow from under the couch]

Mrs. Turner: Oh, boys! Breakfast! [leaves]

Mr. Turner: [shouts] Your mother's cooking again!

Timmy: Don't worry, Dad. I have a feeling this morning's breakfast is going to taste a whole lot better.

Mr. Turner: Pink Bird, no! [he tackles Timmy, and they tumble into the kitchen] Wow!

Timmy: Whoa. Check it out. [the room is a cornucopia of food] Waffle boats on a syrup river? A leaning tower of pancakes? Fresh-picked bacon tastes... [takes a bit out of it] amazing! [syrup bottles on a syrup fountain sing]

Mr. Turner: [drinks syrup] Delicious! Your mother must have ordered takeout.

Mrs. Turner: [offscreen] No, silly. [she is on a big floating spatula] I made it myself. [a banquet table with plates of breakfast food slides up to Timmy and Mr. Turner] Welcome to Breakfastland, boys. [breaks eggs over a pan] Try my Momcakes and sausages, toast with Momalade, and my Denver Momlet.

[Mrs. Turner makes all that food land in front of Timmy and Mr. Turner. The two stare at the pancakes and their lips quiver]

Timmy and Mr. Turner: Awesome! [start gobbling the food]

Mrs. Turner: [giving them lunch boxes] I packed you lunches for school and work. But before you leave, go frolic in the sausage fields.

Timmy and Mr. Turner: Sausage fields?

[Cut to the two of them running in the fields]

Timmy and Mr. Turner: I feel so greasy!

[Fade to outside Dimmsdale Elementary. Kids run out of the school. Timmy comes out riding Cosmo as a scooter. Wanda is his backpack and Poof is his helmet. He's got a nice stuffed and full Belly now. He belches loudly, then the fairies do]

Wanda: Wow, that was the most amazing school lunch I've ever seen, sport.

Timmy: I can't wait to see what Mom's cooking for dinner. [hits a man in a long line leading to the Turners' house]; reading a sign] "International House of Mom"?

[Cut to inside the house, which looks like a restaurant]

Mrs. Turner: [flies up to a podium; to Mr. Turner] Isn't this fabulous? I always knew I was a great cook, and now everyone else knows it too. What time's your reservation, dear?

Mr. Turner: Eeh, I don't have one.

Mrs. Turner: Oh, sorry. I can't squeeze you in 'til a month from today.

Mr. Turner: Oh, oka— A month?! But I'm hungry now!

Mrs. Turner: [pulling a lever that reveals a hole under the podium] Lucky thing my delicious leftovers are still down in the cellar! [a tentacle takes Mr. Turner through the hole]

Mr. Turner: [offscreen] The meat loaf—it's mutated!

Mrs. Turner: Next?

Timmy: Aw, man! [going to the kitchen] I can't get food at my own mom's restaurant! [the fairies appear in fairy form]

Wanda: Aw, don't worry, sport. There's food everywhere. Your mom cooked everything in the house.

Cosmo: She even cooked the house. Try the doorknobs! [offering one to Timmy] They're knob-tastic!

Timmy: [eats the doorknob] Delicious! [a toilet flushes offscreen and the fairies disappear]

Brad: [pulls up his pants] If you think that's gut, you should try the toilet seat. [takes a bite out of a pink toilet seat with sprinkles] Wunderbar!

Mrs. Turner: Oh, my goodness! You're Brad Wurst!

Brad: Jawohl! And everything I hear about your food is true. Your liverwurst is the liverbest! [smells sauerkraut] Your sauerkraut isn't sour at all! Und frolicking in the sausage field makes me feel so... so... so like a little German girl.

[Cut to Brad running in the field dressed like a Bavarian girl]

Brad: I feel so greasy!

[Cut to the kitchen]

Brad: Fräulein, you must compete in mein show! I'm taking you to Food Fight Arena to battle for the title "Best Chef Evah"!

Mrs. Turner: Best... Chef... Evah? Now the whole world will see I'm a great cook!

Timmy: But, Mom, what am I supposed to eat while you're gone?

Mrs. Turner: Oh, maybe your father will share the meat loaf with you. [the table flips on its side]

Mr. Turner: [trying to crawl out of the hole] Run, Timmy! [the meat loaf drags him down]

Mrs. Turner: Wish me luck! [whistles]

[The floating spatula comes, and Mrs. Turner and Brad get on it]

Mrs. Turner and Brad: Fahrvergnügen!

[Mrs. Turner and Brad fly away from the house. Timmy and the fairies get out of the house and look at them]

Timmy: Mom can't go compete on some dumb TV show! She's supposed to be here cooking for Dad and me!

Wanda: Well, I've got even worse news for you, sport. We can't use magic to help her win a competition, so she's going to lose her cooking powers the second the contest starts!

Cosmo: Dah! Then we're never going to get to eat any of her food again! Guess I better hurry up and eat the house!

[Cosmo starts eating the house offscreen. It collapses and he screams]

Timmy: Guys, we got to get to the Food Fight Arena!

[A very fat Cosmo sits up. The fairies use their wands and rattle. Cut to Burbank Studios. Timmy and the fairies appear in the arena]

Brad: [strikes the gong] Willkommen to Extreme Food Fight! Tonight, it's the three top chefs in the world—Hal Apeño, Sue Shi, and Crepe Suzette—versus Chef Timmy's Mom!

Mrs. Turner: [riding the spatula] I'm here to show everyone I'm the best cook in the world!

Brad: Und now... let the contest begin!

[The spatula disappears. Mrs. Turner falls to the floor and her chef's hat goes limp]

Mrs. Turner: Well, that's weird. Suddenly, I feel like I can't cook at all. But that can't be true. I'm a great chef.

Brad: Tonight's challenge is... make a casserole.

Mrs. Turner: I'll make my specialty: squid surprise!

Timmy: Oh, no! The disasterole? My mom will get humiliated on national TV for sure!

Cosmo: I'm so nervous! Good thing I brought the snickerdoodle shutters! [eats a shutter]

[A 30-minute timer appears]

Brad: Ready... set... cook!

[Crepe Suzette takes a drumstick from a refrigerator. Sue Shi slices a fridge in half with a samurai sword and takes a ham and carrots from it. Mrs. Turner opens a fridge and tentacles in it grab her. She screams and the tentacles take her into the fridge. Hal Apeño slices vegetables with his hands. Mrs. Turner hits the tentacles with a rolling pin. With 15 minutes left, her opponents put casseroles in ovens, then see her carry a pot with tentacles in it to a grimy oven. Smoke comes out when she opens the oven, and firemen spray her with water. The other chefs laugh. Timmy looks at the timer, which counts down to five minutes and eleven seconds. Mrs. Turner takes out a whisk. At two minutes and sixteen seconds, she and Timmy are sweating. She whisks the pot as the timer runs out]

Brad: Time's up! Now let's taste the casseroles and pick a winner. [eats a spoonful of Crepe's casserole] Delicious. [eats some of Sue's casserole] Delectable. [eats some of Hal's] Heavenly! Und Chef Timmy's Mom? [she uncovers her casserole]

Hal Apeño: Ay, caramba.

[Hal, Sue, Crepe, Brad, the audience, and a cameraman start laughing. Mrs. Turner is on the verge of crying]

Wanda: I wish there was something we could do to help her, sport.

Timmy: Maybe you can't help her. But I can. [walks onstage] Listen up. [everyone stops laughing] I know this squid thing looks kind of weird. But my mom's food is the best in the whole world. [she smiles] And to prove it, I'm going to eat this whole thing... right now!

[Timmy scoops up a spoonful of the casserole. Hal, Sue, Crepe, and Brad react in shock. The audience gasps]

Cosmo: [crying] I'll miss him so much!

Timmy: [puts the spoonful in his mouth] Wow. This is... totally... awesome!

Hal, Sue, Crepe, and Brad: Huh?

[The chefs fall over. Brad eats some of the casserole]

Brad: This squid surprise is surprisingly... delicious! [gives Mrs. Turner a trophy] We have a winner! [the audience cheers, applauds, and takes photos]

Mrs. Turner: Oh, thanks. But the best prize—

[Fade to the kitchen]

Mrs. Turner: —is knowing that you and your father really do love my cooking. [Timmy licks his lips as he looks at squid casserole] Wait. Where is your father?

[Zip pans to the cellar]

Mr. Turner: Now I am the alpha loaf! [meat loaves cheer] Meat loaves, follow me to Dinkleberg's house. But first, let's frolic in the sausage fields!

[Cut to Mr. Turner running in the fields holding two meat loaves]

Mr. Turner: Ooh! I feel so greasy!

[Iris out on Mr. Turner's face. The end title card is shown. Fade to black]

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